Created: 1/03/'13

 

 

 

So Min

 

“And they lived happily ever after….” I closed the storybook as I finished reading up to the last page.

 

I stared at my 6-year old son who is now sleeping oh-so-peacefully. Oh, how I would miss holding this little boy in my arms. I caressed his slightly curly hair, down to his tiny cheeks. He really is a living replica of his father. The father of my son. My husband.

 

 

 

Husband?

 

 

 

Yeah right!

 

 

 

 

The husband I’m living with for almost 7 years. The husband that has been enslaving my heart with the unconditional yet unrequited love I have for him. Was it wrong for me to do it? To have stayed in this nonsensical marriage for several years even though what I’ve been receiving are those cold stares, no response, and you-don’t-exist-in-my-eyes treatments?

Well, can you blame me when I have a son whom I love so much as much as I love his father? But now that he’s turning 7, I know I’ve been through enough. I’ve had enough burdens and I just couldn’t take any more of those maltreatments.

 

On the good side, at least he doesn’t beat me, right? But you know what? Sometimes, I wish he just does. That way, at least I’d know that he recognizes my presence, unlike this. I think I can bare physical pain more than this emotional weight that has been excruciating me in the most tormenting way. That incident 6 years ago is still fresh in my mind. I remember the very reason why my life turned out like this.

 

*

*

*

 

It was the end of February. A couple of weeks before my 18th birthday. We were celebrating a batch mate’s birthday. He was rich, that’s why the whole batch was invited. My friends, being the ever-so-goody type, forced me to drink. I thought one shot was enough. For me it was. But for them, definitely not.

They asked me to gulp a few more shots, using truth or dare as a threat. Dare would always be the drinking because they knew I’d give up soon. But there was no way I’d let them ask me questions for that truth thingy, that’s why I tried to endure it. I tried my best to drink though I have a really poor alcohol tolerance.

 

After a few more shots, I was already tipsy as the others were already knocked out. There were only 4 of us in our table who still have our eyes open, while the other dudes from the other classes were at different tables singing, drinking and chitchatting. My vision was slowly getting blurry as I scattered my gaze around.

 

“Erhm— excuse me—!” I heard someone say.

 

I turned my head to the right where I heard the voice. Although I couldn’t see him clearly, I knew he was the birthday dude – Kim Hyun Woo.

 

“You’re So Min from Class A, right? He asked.

 

Even though he was being polite, the effects of alcohol couldn’t be hidden as he was trying his best to maintain his balance.

 

“Uh—yeah,” I responded lazily.

 

“I was wondering if you could assist my cousin to his room.”

 

Having it mentioned, that was the only time when I realized he was holding an unconscious man in his left arm. I stared at him puzzlingly. What was that thing he was asking me to do again?

 

“Err—I guess you’re the only person who can help me with this,” he said again, pertaining to the severely drunk person he was holding. “Since you’re the most conscious and oriented person I see around.”

 

I scanned the huge room again only to be greeted by the same atmosphere I saw a while ago. I pondered for a bit as I was still hesitating over his request.

 

“He’s my cousin and he’s from Class C. Do you happen to know him?”

 

I shifted my imprecise vision to the guy beside him.

 

Great!

 

Now, that’s the famous bassist known for being so rude and boastful.

 

“Please consider it as a birthday gift I’m asking from you,” Hyun Woo said groggily as the alcohol started kicking additional effects.

 

 

I attempted to stand properly, finally giving him his wish. I held on the edge of the table for support as Hyun Woo handed me his cousin. His HEAVY cousin, making me almost fall on the ground.

 

“Second room on the right,: he instructed as he balanced himself by holding against the chair I just stood from.

 

I smiled at him and concentrated on leading the great KIM HYUN JOONG to his room. I held him on the waist as his left arm was draped around my shoulders. Fortunately, the room wasn’t located on the second floor ‘cause we’d both be lying on the ground now if it were.

 

We miraculously reached inside and I literally threw him on the bed. The impact of me falling above his body sent another shot of dizziness in my head.

 

“Ugh!!” I groaned painfully, pulling my body off him and off the bed.

 

“Hmm…” Hyun Joong purred whilst launching his body forward, making me locked under his weight.

 

I wasn’t really aware of how the next hours were spent as I felt my whole world spinning and my sensibility slowly fading.

*

*

*

We woke up on the same bed having everything normal except the fact that our clothes have gone out of our bodies and were left scattered on the floor. Me, having an unexplainable pain on my lower region and the white satin sheets having blood stains.

 

 

 

SH*T!

 

 

 

We were supposed to forget what happened since neither of us could remember the exact chronological sequence anyway. How harsh can alcohol be?

 

It would be better if we were able to leave it like that. But a few weeks after my birthday, I found out I was pregnant. Worse was that my father found the positive pregnancy test result in my bathroom. Hyun Joong’s parents extended their deepest apologies when my parents talked to them about it. And to save both families from humiliation, they immediately arranged our wedding. I thought everything was alright as Hyun Joong was acting like a normal soon-to-be-father in front of everyone. But that was just IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Everyone except me.

 

The scenarios would change right away when there’s only the two of us left. He never failed to show me how he thinks that I slept with him INTENTIONALLY just so he would marry me. God knows that isn’t true. I agreed to the marriage for the sake of my unborn child. I didn’t want it to enter earth without a father. I was thinking it would be unfair as I grew up with both my parents. I didn’t want my child to have only one. But the difference now was that I grew up filled with LOVE.

 

I withstood it because I thought all would be fine after the wedding. But destiny proved me wrong.

 

‘Ignorance,’ I told myself. ‘Ignorance is the worst treatment a person could receive.’

 

I stayed for a bit, hoping his feelings would eventually change.

 

One year? Two? Three?

 

Our son was growing fast and so was the affection I was developing for him. I tried to stop. I attempted to run from it. To hide my poor heart from the ache of loving and at the same time, hating the man who seemed to be one of the reasons of my daily living. But those tries and attempts were never enough as the cruelty of truth showed me the realization of how my weak heart slowly accepted its fate of being a prisoner of his own.

 

Yet the man showed nothing in return aside from the fact the ignorance is my new best friend. Gratefully, I have my son to keep me going. I was going to give up after 2 years. But I saw how Hyun Joong loves his child. Our child.

He was so caring, so tender towards him and I know the moment I file for divorce, Min Hyuk’s custody rights will automatically be mine. That’s the law when the child is under 7 years old.

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

And now that he’s turning 7, he’s free to choose to which parent he will live with. I know this is such a ridiculous and painful decision as I love my son so much. But I love myself too. I love him and myself that’s why I’ve made up my mind to do what’s best for us.

 

Yes, I believe this would be the best for him because if I continue to stay, that would mean Hyun Joong and I need to go on with our act of being lovey-dovey whenever we’re both in front of Min Hyuk. And what if the child found out the truth? That his parents aren’t really how he sees them to be?

 

He would be hurt for sure and that’s what I don’t want to happen. It’s better to do it now while he’s still a kid. I know he might get angry at me though I’m hoping that won’t happen. But he would be angrier if he would find out on a later date, when he’s more mature. Better cut the lies early before it creates a chain of web that would hurt every single soul close to us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My eyes never stopped their racing game using my tears as the main objects as I looked down at the handsome face on the bed. I brushed the strand of hair that has been covering his eyes.

“Min Hyuk~~ah,” I called out. “Forgive me. Please forgive mommy, okay?”

 

I kissed his forehead one last time as I strode to the door with my heaviest steps, hoping this would be the last time I’m shedding these precious body fluids for him.

I swiftly ran down the stairs where my luggage was waiting for me. As I reached outside the house, I never looked back ‘cause I might change my mind if I did.

 

Bye married life.

 

Ignorance, wherever you are, I hope you don’t mind me leaving you, too. And please, stop stalking me.

 

 

 

**********************************************************

 

 

Hyun Joong

 

“Dad!! Dad!! Wake up!!” Min Hyuk’s voice startled me.

 

Good thing he did because I was having this strange nightmare these past days. It has been really bothering me.

 

When I glanced at the wall clock, I grunted. It was only 7 in the morning.

 

 

“Daaaaaaaaaaad!!”

 

I instantly sat up as I accepted that I wouldn’t be able to sleep again with this loud creature here.

 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked while rubbing my eyes.

 

“It’s my 7th birthday!! We’re going to the beach! Mom said you will teach me how to swim when I turn seven.”

 

Aish! This cute thing really knows how to convince me.

 

“Where’s mommy?” he blurted.

 

“In the kitchen, probably preparing your breakfast,” I plainly replied.

 

“I was there before I went here. She isn’t there.”

 

“What? Didn’t she sleep in your room? She always does.”

 

He strongly shook his head no. “She wasn’t there when I woke up, but I found a letter on my table.”

 

“Letter. What letter?”

 

“But it says not to let you read it!!”

 

Huh? A letter for Min Hyuk only? From his mom?

 

“Yeah. It says not to let me read but you already spilled the beans. Why not spill the rest that’s left on the container so daddy would not be hungry, hmm?”

 

My little duplicate reluctantly handed me the folded paper. As he looked up to me, I noticed there’s something in his eyes. Loneliness? Anger? I seriously don’t know.

 

I opened the so-called letter and began reading