He’s ten minutes late. That translates to fifteen minutes since Luhan has been standing here, watching people walking up and down the busy street and looking like the odd one out, because he’s the only one who is not carrying shopping bags or a poodle or another human on his arm. He has received a couple of weird looks about this; Luhan can’t wait till his human finally brings his pretty rear over here, so that he can blend in with the crowd. He doesn’t like attention, it makes him feel like an odd animal at the zoo. Also, his brain usually entertains itself by imagining the worse possible criticisms from the onlookers, coming up with sarcastic comebacks right after -but the blows to his confidence have already been delivered by then. Oh, ‘tis such the price to pay for being sarcastic. Was that sarcasm just now too? Jeez, brain, stop! Just stop. Luhan shakes his head to rid of the thoughts and tries really hard to stop thinking. It works for about three milliseconds.

A few more cynic minutes pass, tick-tocking away Luhan’s precious free time after weeks spent inside the purgatory known as Park Chanyeol’s office, and wasting his precious life in general. He can feel himself aging with every teenage couple that strolls around under his nose and Luhan doesn’t want to feel old today –and he means today in particular, because he’s been feeling awfully self-conscious about his appearance since the morning. It can happen even to the most baby-faced people. Half of our appearance is what it is and the other half is what we believe it to be. Let’s just say Luhan has not been feeling very comfortable in his body since this morning, so, the few hours he is going to invest in a date with his boyfriend are supposed to be his daily dose of happiness; he wants to have fun with Sehun and forget his worries. It’s supposed to be as simple as that. Sehun has a way of making everything else in Luhan’s life -except for Luhan himself- seem unimportant. But where is he?

Luhan looks around, and he finds many women wearing lipstick strolling by, but Sehun is nowhere to be found. He starts fiddling with his fingers like a child. Saying he is antsy would be an understatement. Luhan is so on edge, so desperate to escape the attention of the crowd, that he is confident his radar would pick up Sehun’s redeeming presence within a mile radius. When you’re stressed and feeling forgotten, that’s usually when the paranoid ideation begins.

He will show up, won’t he? Luhan’s brain decides to play with his nerves some more. Is it because he’d been rejecting Sehun’s dates during the past month? Maybe Sehun grew tired of waiting and asking for attention; he is a human with dignity, after all. Or maybe he finally realized their , seeing Luhan so busy with responsibilities -like saving a huge company from ruin and a man from an awful wedding, piece of cake- and he decided he’d be better off with someone who has similar concerns and interests as him. Maybe he realized that, to put it simply, Luhan is an old fellow now, more of a party pooper than the personification of fun he used to be when he was Sehun’s age. Luhan stares back at the small spaniel a man is guiding by its leash and he’s having three mental breakdowns internally, remembering he saw a wrinkle near his eyes in the mirror this morning. A wrinkle. Holy sunflowers. He is old with evidence to support the statement. And what if Sehun…doesn’t show up after all?! Holy sunflowers twice, because Luhan hasn’t been stood up on a date in years -it’s not like he has been leading the most exciting dating life you’ve ever seen to begin with- and he doesn’t even remember what he is supposed to do if that happens!

But wait. Sehun wouldn’t have asked Luhan out just to stand him up and possibly dump him after. He couldn’t possibly do it like this! Luhan doesn’t remember much of the dating rituals, as it has been four years or so since he tried the sport last, but he is sure this was not included. Maybe Sehun walked Baekhyun home after all, like he initially said he would do, but then he said he wouldn’t, through his texts to Luhan earlier. Maybe there’s traffic, or maybe he stopped somewhere on the way to pet an adorable little dog, like the one that’s wagging its tail at its owner a few meters away from Luhan. A puppy is probably more interesting than Luhan at this point, without dark circles and wrinkles, with fluffy fur and sparkly eyes, and with a more noteworthy social life than Luhan’s life as a whole has been lately. Shouldn’t Sehun be here by now though? Maybe he can’t find Luhan in the crowd. Maybe it’s because my shirt is blue?

“Luhan!” Sehun’s voice finally sounds from somewhere close, making Luhan flinch and perk like a dog called by its owner. A small part of his heart sighs in relief. His eyes search the crowd furiously and not half a second after that, Sehun comes into view, and Luhan’s metaphorical tail is wagging frantically in excitement. But then Luhan wants to slap himself.

Because COME ON! Is this really the way the universe is trying to take revenge on him? Universe, stop hating on me, seriously. Or is it that Sehun is actually the devil’s child and Luhan has been lied to about his father all this time? There can only be one of us. Be that as it may, Luhan’s predicament wouldn’t be described as auspicious in any case right now, all because of a certain Oh Sehun. Why couldn’t my boyfriend be someone plain and average and predictable and normal?

Sehun walks with a slightly quicker pace after he has spotted Luhan, who’s currently trying to blend in with the wall behind him, now more than ever, reminiscing those blissful moments of ignorance before Sehun appeared. Because that appearance is…well, it certainly is…Sehun is wearing tight black pants, a grey knit blouse and a fashionable black and white blazer. Now, except for the obvious bedazzlement that follows, because this outfit is far more fashionable than Luhan thought his young and easygoing boyfriend was capable of, Luhan also feels, um…intrigued, upon seeing Sehun. Those clothes hug Sehun’s tall and lean body perfectly, showing off all the right edges and curves, and Luhan can’t help but think of things he shouldn’t be thinking, when taking in Sehun’s proud shoulders and his thin waist and the way his hips move as he walks. Luhan is in the middle of a busy street too, with innocent mind-reading puppies walking by, so he should really not be thinking of such things...But he does. Every other person on the street seems to give Sehun a second glance too, as the tall blond boy walks casually, with the attitude of a supermodel on the runway, and with the brightest and most alluring smile this earth has ever seen from him. Sweet blueberry muffins in heaven.

And he is heading straight to Luhan, confident attitude, perfect smile and all. Luhan suddenly regrets choosing this place to meet up with him, because there are too many people around and all Luhan wants to do is pin Sehun against a wall and kiss him for all he’s worth and- oh my god, stop brain, this is not the time and place, and how bedroomaly frustrated are you exactly? They chose to meet here because it was within a convenient distance from both their former locations –Luhan, however, now thinks it’s too public for his likes and he is sure puppies have mind-reading superpowers, because one nearly growled at him just now. But Luhan is somewhat justified for his unfortunate choice, because how could he have known that Sehun would show up looking like this on a casual date night? It’s not even a Saturday night! Had Luhan known, he would have picked another, less public, place and he would have most definitely dressed himself better.

He thought they were just going to go out to the movies, which is traditionally a dark place, and they’d meet up in the evening, which means casual attire, and he would have to change clothes in his office, that’s a major factor as well, so he wore a light blue polo shirt and jeans. Judge as much as you will; all Luhan’s knows is that they were comfortable, simple and light to carry around. And if you must know, he doesn’t look bad, not at all. Blue is a nice color on him, but…Okay, please, take a moment to compare his humble appearance to Sehun-turned-supermodel. See the point? Yeah.

“Hey, boyfriend” Sehun says softly when he is close enough and Luhan swears the look that random girl just gave him is nowhere near good-natured. He snarls internally. ‘Boyfriend’ is a word too teenage for Luhan’s taste and yet it is more unsettling than any other world to him. It gives him the impression that he’s living moments of someone else’s life. This whatever-it-is between them still doesn’t feel real. He feels like Sehun might not show up one day. He might even break up with Luhan through a text message. To Luhan, even that would make sense. Because the whatever-it-is between them doesn’t make much sense to him. He doesn’t think he deserves Sehun.

During Luhan’s moments of pondering, Sehun completes crossing the distance between them and then he casually throws his arm around Luhan’s shoulders, but the latter shakes him away. Sehun does that a lot, being the taller and more casual of the two, and, at first, Luhan didn’t like it, because it made him feel small –and let’s not forget that he is supposed to be the elder in this relationship. But he got used to it gradually; maybe he even feels like he is missing something when Sehun doesn’t do that, just maybe. It’s protective and possessive and affectionate, and it makes the butterflies swirl in all the right ways in his stomach. However, right now, he feels a bit conscious of the people staring at them –well, mostly staring at Sehun and more like glaring by default at Luhan– so he thinks he can do without the public displays of affection. He had been hoping to escape public scrutiny after Sehun’s appearance, but Sehun draws more attention to them, ironically enough.

“Hi, Sehun” Luhan says in a low, guarded voice, his eyes staying focused on the ground with a tinge of guilt, for rejecting Sehun’s warmhearted gesture. He can’t resist glancing worriedly at the people around them. He doesn’t like too much attention, he is used to living quietly; he is spy-material after all…His eyes catch a glimpse of a troubled Sehun before they return to the ground.

“You seem worried. Are you okay?” Sehun asks concerned, in a voice that Luhan knows is accompanied by crooked eyebrows. Luhan knows he should be apologizing, he really knows, but somehow he gets rebellious and he lifts his eyes defiantly. The boy doesn’t deserve it, but Luhan glares at him aggressively nonetheless, pausing his thoughts about the people on the street for a moment.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” he hisses, his eyebrows angrily drawing together on his forehead. A small part of his brain commends Luhan for looking somewhat intimidating, but it also reminds him that his fingers are still twitching nervously, giving away his real feelings. Luhan clutches the hem of his shirt to stop them. Sehun simply shrugs his shoulders, seeming unaware and innocent enough, and grins. Gosh he’s gorgeous.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“What’s up with the outfit?” Luhan drops the hint in a whispering voice, motioning frantically towards the whole of Sehun’s presence. “This was supposed to be a casual date! Unfussy, carefree. We’re going to the movies. It’s like, the safest date destination known in the history of dating! It’s just us, just me; why did you dress up all of a sudden?” Sehun is always the first to go for a pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt, and now this…He didn’t even dress this nice when they went clubbing with the rest a few days ago! Luhan could have never guessed that his boyfriend would wake up one Friday and decide to have a ‘devil wears Prada’ transformation! You really can’t blame Luhan on this one.

“Don’t you like it?” Sehun smirks proudly, ignoring Luhan’s accusing tone of voice earlier, and he glances at his own clothes –and if he was the type to spin around for show, he would have done it; thank god he’s more subtle than that, or everyone who’s not already staring would be.

Luhan rolls his eyes at Sehun’s question. Like it? Like it?! Luhan loves this outfit, no need to ask about it! Why else would his heart thump like a teenager’s right now? Why else would other parts of him get excited right now? No, brain, I told you to stop it with those ideas! Luhan decides his brain is fairly bedroomaly frustrated. Not that he will admit that to Sehun. Nor will he make any flattering remarks on the younger’s appearance. Luhan is not the type to give compliments easily. Sehun is missing the point though, obviously, because this is not about a pile of harmless clothes, and Luhan wants to punch him; and he would, if Sehun was dressed like he is usually dressed, and he was not all fragile, beautiful, model-like.

“You make me look homely” Luhan whimpers, covering his face in embarrassment. He is not used to being considered as a pretty person or as an ugly one in particular –most of the time he gets away with just his innocent face–, but in comparison to current Sehun, the odds are not in his favor; he must look like a dumb kid, like Sehun’s younger brother or something. His hair is too tussled and his black circles can hardly be ignored, his wrinkles have started showing his age and he wants to disappear already. When did the kid grow so mature and charismatic anyway? Is there a cure for it? Do I even want to cure it, because this is pretty damn pleasing to the eye…Not the point, brain! Luhan needs to re-evaluate his boyfriend and act accordingly. If Sehun is capable and willing to pull off such outfits, then Luhan needs to start looking more polished and manly; yes, manly will be his concept from now on.

“You never look homely” Sehun reassures him, sliding a few tufts of hair behind Luhan’s ear with his fingers –and well, so much for the manly concept…Luhan mumbles in displeasure for the girly treatment, but he drops his hands, reluctantly showing his face.

And suddenly, Luhan wants to kiss Sehun. He gets that urge a lot lately, but he never acts up on it. He bites and wets his lips, he muffles whimpers in his throat, he claws at his jeans, he looks away, he does anything to distract himself, but he never dares reach out. The urge is just there, every time Sehun does something sweet or cute or unintentionally se*y. Right now, Sehun is a combination of all of the above; and that’s how the universe is torturing Luhan. He really wants to kiss Sehun but, except for the obvious reason that they are in the middle of a street full of people right now, he can’t kiss the kid, because it still feels wrong. It feels like Sehun’s kisses are meant for someone else maybe, and Luhan just maybe is stealing them. It’s not the same when Sehun kisses Luhan though; it’s sparkles and excitement and gratitude and affection then. Let’s just say it’s complicated.

“Yes I do” Luhan shakes the thoughts away from his head and waves at Sehun in resignation. “You could have told me you were planning on dressing up…” he mumbles through his teeth, puffing out his cheeks in annoyance. It’s not like he can do anything to save the way he looks now.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise then” Sehun defends with a smirk and shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. Luhan purses his lips and fumes quietly, deliberating what to do next.

Should he go on with this date and feel everyone glaring at him, knowing they think he is Mr. gorgeous’ kid brother? He doesn’t look so young though, there’s the wrinkle. Should he go home and change clothes, and probably miss half the movie in the process? Would they even let him in the movie theatre? Should he just go home and arrange another date with Sehun on another day, even though free time is a scarce commodity these days? What is he going to do back home, sleep? He can afford to sleep more, but he needs a bit of human interaction too, to feel alive. Pfft, nothing in this world seems a satisfying option. Sehun suddenly breaks into a smile.

“Don’t pout like that” he says in a voice that makes Luhan feel like he is a stubborn kid –if you ask him, he will admit only to being stubborn; he is definitely not a kid– “Look! I even brought you something!” Sehun cheerfully hands over a small shopping bag, to distract Luhan from his mood. It’s not working; Luhan feels like he is receiving kid’s treatment, but he is not a child, and that irks him even more.

Luhan doesn’t feel in the mood for gifts right now. He wishes he could rewind a couple of hours and magically find himself at the office again, choosing better clothes to wear. Had he known Sehun would look like this, he would have picked something more elegant and refined for himself, something that would make him look taller and slimmer and serious and charismatic. But he didn’t know and so here he is, looking like a youngster who has stayed out later than curfew. A youngster with dark circles and wrinkles. He has issues with his appearance, okay? Like, a lot of issues. And there is good reason for that. But that’s beside the point.

Eventually, he sighs and accepts the bag halfheartedly. He cannot completely reject it when Sehun is holding it right in his face. And, if he is honest with himself, it would not be fair to reject a thoughtful gift. Luhan feels like there are already a lot of things in this relationship that are not fair to Sehun, and he doesn’t want to add to them. Alright, he’s a little curious, too. He opens the bag cautiously and sees something red inside. With his curiosity suddenly triggered upon seeing his favorite color –and that is not a childish trait, okay?–, he pulls out the fabric, which turns out to be a red scarf of soft and expensive material. He blinks in awe. He hasn’t held something so pretty in his hands in a long time.

“So, do you like it?” Sehun asks excitedly, nearly bouncing on his feet. Luhan glances at him and gasps.

“Sehun! What is this?” he asks, exploring the soft material with his fingertips.

“It’s a gift” Sehun reminds him in an obvious, unimpressed tone.

“It’s too expensive!” Luhan retorts. He might be considerably better paid than Sehun, and he still doesn’t buy such expensive stuff for himself -mostly because he is buying suits and ties for the office, or four pairs of pajamas every time, since, you know, he kind of likes the indoors. But Sehun is working two jobs and paying tuition with that money alongside living expenses, so how could Luhan accept such a gift from him? It would be inconsiderate and imprudent. This scarf probably cost a three-digit amount.

“I wanted to buy you something nice” Sehun explains simply. “You’ve been working a lot lately, so I thought this might cheer you up. Something pretty, something red…So, are you feeling any better? How is it?” he gives a hopeful look with smiling eyes. Somehow, Luhan finds it in him to raise an eyebrow strictly.

“Why would I even need a gift?” he realizes “My birthday has passed and it’s obviously not Christmas, so you don’t have to buy me anything” It’s not an anniversary either. This is a gesture of affection, very different from what Luhan is used to. Suddenly, he feels stressed and, as it naturally happens in his case, his brain starts racing out his mouth. “Especially something so expensive; I mean I don’t even know where to wear this! It’s too nice for the office and I don’t go out that much! Besides, it’s so bold and fashionable; I would need twenty minutes of mental preparation in front of the mirror before going out with it around my neck! And I don’t want to leave it in the closet; it’s pretty, so that would be a pity. It’s just so nice, too nice for someone like me! There are many more affordable nice things out there, closer to my range, like…buy me ice cream! Yeah, ice cream is definitely my favorite ‘nice thing’! Buy me a ton of ice cream, I would love that! I would be a happy person, I mean it! Ice cream to me is like chocolate to Baekhyun! Ice cream is divine, it’s like the reason this world-”

“Luhan, calm down” Sehun interrupts his delirium with an amused expression –thank god he stopped him, because when Luhan starts babbling about ice cream, things get ugly. Luhan purses his lips. He is not doing a good job at convincing Sehun, is he? “I wanted to buy you this, so I bought it. And you said it’s pretty, so I’m glad you like it. There is no need to fret any further. It’s a gift; say thank you, receive your kiss and that’s the end of the whole story”

“W-what?!” Luhan doesn’t know what he is more flustered about: the fact that Sehun is so cool with this extravagant and unexpected gift, that he considers this the end of story with that smart smirk on his lips, or that he would kiss Luhan had he said thank you, right here in front of so many people. Sehun acts exasperated and sighs, rubbing his temple.

“You are so slow sometimes…” he mumbles. Slow?! Luhan feels the blood starting to boil in his veins. Slow? How is he slow? What is it exactly that Luhan is missing here? He has a pretty good idea about everything. If anything, this is all a bit too much!

“Who do you think you are calling slow, you little mutt?!” he explodes, no longer caring about the people who turn their heads; it’s none of their business and it’s not like Luhan is being extravagant enough to be creating a scene. He pokes Sehun’s shoulder aggressively enough to probably leave a small bruise on it, and he bares his teeth threateningly. He is not exactly known for his patience when he is stressed. It’s like a spark inside him that bursts to flames too easily and then burns down everything in its path until he’s not feeling under pressure anymore. Wait; why am I stressed again?

Sehun laughs lightly and places his arm on Luhan’s shoulders after all, irking the shorter even more. Because he definitely doesn’t want to feel small when he needs to pretend being angry and dangerous! Failing to escape the proximity this time, Luhan tries to jab Sehun in the ribs with his elbow instead, but the taller is flexible and he avoids the hit; Luhan ends up repeating a strange movement pattern which is not exactly threatening to Sehun’s physical wellbeing, and Sehun laughs even louder. But this is not a laughing matter! It’s Luhan’s pride we’re talking about! Luhan tries to break free with the intention to stomp away, but Sehun is stubbornly holding onto him and Luhan cannot shake his arm off or get a good angle to elbow Sehun.

“Come on” Sehun says calmly after Luhan has exhausted most of his agitation in fruitless attacks, not the least bit affected by Luhan’s little rebellion under his arms, and Luhan is getting tired because he’s too much of a couch potato. Damn the kid for being so mature and patient enough to exhaust him at times; Luhan wants to bicker with him! He wants to feel the flare of excitement in his blood when Sehun will talk back and let out some steam after all the days he has spent accumulating worries. Is it too much to ask? But no, Oh Sehun is perfect. Which is not a bad thing generally speaking, but right now, Luhan is thinking a bit wistfully, so try to keep up. “Let’s go to your house”

“M-my house?!” Luhan exclaims flustered and suddenly freezes in place, forgetting all his former agitation. His house? Like, the house where he lives? And eats and sleeps and wakes up? The house where they’ve been, ahem, intimate a few times in the past? Well, sometimes dates between a couple end up in…houses, Luhan is aware of that, but wasn’t this a bit too fast? I mean, they didn’t even do anything yet! Weren’t they supposed to watch a movie, have some dinner and then a goodnight kiss in front of his door and then, okay, they could do the house stuff. Maybe Luhan is old-fashioned, but still. Not to mention his house is a mess these days thanks to a certain Park Chanyeol who has left a ton of classified paperwork in Luhan’s living room…Luhan pales and clears his throat, his eyes roaming over everything and anything around him except for Sehun. “W-Why?”

“Well, we have to go somewhere, right? We can’t stand here for the rest of the evening. And since you said you don’t want to go around with me when I’m dressed like this…” Oh. Oh. Luhan totally misunderstood there. Sehun means that they should go to his house and hang out, spend some time together. Luhan is not proud to admit it but, for a moment there, he thought there was an indecent proposal on the table…He doesn’t know if he feels relieved, embarrassed or disappointed the most. He sighs; at least he didn’t make a complete fool of himself. Sehun suddenly appears in his line of sight, filling Luhan’s vision with a pout, and Luhan instantly loses his track of thought. Wow, have his eyes always been so gorgeous? And his lips so pink and soft-looking? “And here I thought you would actually enjoy showing me around…”

“Oh.” Luhan blinks dazedly, feeling drunk with Sehun’s irresistible charm. He breathes in but the air gets lost on the way and he wheezes a little. Sehun blinks up at him adorably and Luhan feels this close to pulling him close by the neck and attaching his lips on his, even if they’re in public. “I would. I would enjoy that. I-I-um, I…” he stutters brilliantly and Sehun smirks. Luhan has a feeling he doesn’t need to finish his sentence.

“Luhan, my naïve little boyfriend…” a knowing smirk slowly appears on Sehun’s lips; oh, no. Luhan can see that even if he tried to refute anything now, he would accomplish very little, because the genius boyfriend of his has caught up with his former thoughts. “Had I wanted to sleep with you, I wouldn’t have asked like that…” Sehun bites his lips and smiles entertained.

“Keep your voice down!” Luhan snarls, glancing around nervously, trying to hide his face with his hands and growing five shades pinker. Let’s ignore the fact that Sehun hadn’t been speaking very loud in the first place, because Luhan is so flustered right now that he’d say anything that came to mind first.

Luhan is not comfortable with the sleeping subject. He has had only one boyfriend in his life before Sehun and that was many years ago, and he was practically living with the guy too, so sleeping was more…easy, natural, unplanned. But now he is dating a guy four years younger, and he doesn’t know how those things work these days. It feels odd that they have to arrange a meeting in order to spend time in private, because you don’t just arrange those things! But there is really no other chance of those –otherwise mind-blowing– nights happening, since their paths don’t cross all that often by accident. Luhan spends his days at the office and Sehun spends his days at work. For the record, they haven’t slept together since a few weeks ago. Well, how could they? There is not enough time, but even if there was, Luhan can’t possibly bring himself to ask…such things. Oh my, Luhan is such a failure.

“But you do owe me a kiss” Sehun continues casually, looking down on Luhan with a seductive smirk that makes Luhan’s heart send more blood to his cheeks. Why did Sehun have to be so perfect? Sehun presses a finger against Luhan’s forehead, and normally Luhan would protest against the endearing, condescending gesture, but this time he simply sways in place, still trapped in his stupor. “…Mr. slow…” Sehun finishes with a softer expression and then he starts walking down the street, together with Luhan under his arm.

Wait. Ohhh. Luhan has a sudden enlightenment. So that’s what Sehun meant earlier! When he gave that gift to Luhan, he expected a thank you. When he didn’t receive it as expected, he practically instructed Luhan what to do, and yet Luhan didn’t do it. Sehun was planning to kiss him all along, after Luhan would say thank you. Luhan wants to bang his head on a wall. Not only did he miss a kiss, he missed all the hints as well! Maybe he is slow after all. He pouts at the thought. He has never thought he might be slow before. Or maybe Sehun is too fast. Can Luhan get that kiss at some point though?

“I hate you” he mumbles halfheartedly as they continue their way, and finally Luhan is blending in with a human on his arm. People are still staring, mainly at Sehun, and Luhan curls around himself inwardly, trying to become invisible and escape attention. Sehun only smiles, carefree.

“That’s okay”

--

Luhan keeps fiddling with his fingers in the dark. It’s tickling Sehun’s consciousness in weird ways. In a way, it’s creating this shuffling noise of skin in the quiet of the movie theatre, and it’s not annoying or inappropriately loud, but it makes Sehun feel uncomfortable, because there are certain places where the quiet is not supposed to be disrupted and it gives you a strange feeling when that happens, even if it doesn’t have any consequences. In another way, it’s concerning, because Luhan’s nervousness must mean something; anxiousness, boredom, irritation, anticipation, anything. Sehun is uneasy and curious, because he wants to know what is troubling Luhan, but he can’t ask openly right now and the curiosity is itching inside his chest. In an additional way, the darkness surrounding them and Luhan’s fair fingers glowing faintly in the lights of the movie, refer Sehun to other similar circumstances, which have taken place in the past in similar conditions only somewhere much more private…Sehun makes a halfhearted attempt to watch five more minutes of plot until he’s had enough.

“Luhan, stop” he whispers quietly, his hand reaching over to clasp Luhan’s hands and secure them in place. Luhan’s fidgeting stops and Sehun takes the moment to weave their fingers. He doesn’t meet any resistance, so he guesses Luhan doesn’t have anything against him and his mind is simply over-thinking things.

“Sorry” Luhan whispers apologetically, giving Sehun a tight-lipped grin before his eyes drop to their hands on his lap. He stares at them in thoughtful silence. The light from the screen casts shadows under his lashes and his eyes look childish downcast, his lips pouting ever so prettily. Sehun quirks his lips; he can’t wait till the movie is over to ask, especially since Luhan is being so cute about whatever is bothering him.

“Is something wrong?” he ends up asking, disturbing the silence but not caring anymore. Sehun is part curious but mostly genuinely concerned. Luhan has been working a lot lately and maybe he is not feeling well, despite agreeing to be dragged around by Sehun for a date. If so, they should get going and maybe Sehun can make him some dinner at home and then stay for a while until the elder falls asleep. Luhan should rest properly before he gets sick, and that would be much more troublesome for both. Luhan takes a short breath to answer after a few silent moments but he decides against it right after a shriek from the speakers, which Sehun cannot place in the story plot at all, since he has not been paying attention. Eventually, Luhan shakes his head no. As if Sehun would let him be so easily. “Talk to me” he encourages, nudging Luhan’s thigh with their intertwined fingers. Luhan glances uncertainly at Sehun’s determined face briefly and then he opens and closes his mouth a few times, silently.

“Do you think I’m old?” he ends up whispering, a frown appearing between his eyebrows. Sehun takes a moment to be shocked. What? “I saw…a wrinkle this morning. And don’t you dare laugh it off” Luhan loses his timid demeanor for a moment and jabs a threatening finger at Sehun. The latter keeps his lips sealed, not quite knowing how to handle this situation, because how did they even come to this point? Luhan leans back in his chair and sighs, staring at the screen blankly, hundreds of thoughts running in his eyes, completely unrelated to the movie. His fingers start rubbing on the side of his eye where the alleged wrinkle was probably last seen. “Sehun, I’m old –well, older than you anyway. What will you do when my wrinkles are more than one? Will you like me when they’ll be all over my face? When we’ll be old? Or no, wait, that sounded like something else, I didn’t mean like, when we’re old together or, you know, I mean, while this lasts between us…I’m not getting younger. Do you feel uncomfortable with that? Do you want me to do something about those fine lines? I’m sure I could get used to an anti-wrinkle cream or two-”

“You’re my perfectly imperfect little boyfriend, Luhan” Sehun reassures him, stopping Luhan’s rant about his age. In all honesty, Luhan could be ten years older than him and Sehun couldn’t care less. They’re not together for their age; Luhan means a lot more than that to him. And Luhan might not understand it and feel self-conscious about his age, but Sehun will keep reminding him all the right and wrong reasons they are together, he will keep showing him how many more things he is and can be, until Luhan believes it too. He leans over the distance and kisses the supposed wrinkle near Luhan’s eye away –Sehun is pretty sure it popped up due to fatigue rather than age anyway. But he means it. He’s okay with Luhan being who he is and that’s all he asks for.

--

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Kim” Chanyeol says politely, shaking the hand of the young man across from him with a satisfied smile. Three down, one to go.

“It’s an unexpected pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Park” the man smiles smartly. He is a bit older than Chanyeol and slightly more experienced since he took over the management of this company, but he seems to have taken a liking to Chanyeol. Liking Chanyeol is part of the plan in order to trust him in his business proposal; that’s why he goes the extra mile to dress to the nines and style his hair for every meeting, putting his charming smile and his serious thinking skills into work. Thankfully, it’s working. Well, Chanyeol won’t complain if he can secure auspicious conditions for further collaborations with Mr. Kim’s or any of the others’ companies in the future. It’s a miracle his brain, which has been proved faulty in numerous occasions, has some sort of super powers when it comes to business.

But, right now, he is more than happy to have secured the contract. All the hard work is paying off. One more contract and he is free of all the engagement rubbish.

Chanyeol bows politely to the man with a smile, bidding him goodbye, and starts for the door. He finds them interesting. All the young CEO’s he has visited for a private presentation in their offices –and for signing the contracts right after– are nothing like those old men his father has introduced him to. They are fresh, alternative, they take risks wisely and play smartly. You have to play with your words, put your wits to the test, think fast and plan cleverly; they are an interesting challenge, competitive just enough to offer chances for improvement and great friendships.

Chanyeol has to admit that maybe he is a bit tired of his job, after all the hours of hard work during the last month, and maybe he had forgotten how it can be somewhat fun at times. But, meeting those people who are young like him, who dress like him, who speak like him, who think like him, who have dreams like him, it brings back the excitement which he had been missing. And, seeing how these people like him in their own way each, it makes Chanyeol think that maybe he is made for this; maybe he is actually good at this.

“Mr. Park!” Mr. Kim calls after him and Chanyeol turns around with his hand already on the doorknob. “I don’t know why your father came to me with that prehistoric contract, and I don’t know why he is keeping you hidden from the other fish in the big pond. But…” the man pauses and Chanyeol’s thoughts are trying to decipher all the possible meanings of his words until the man smiles again “I’m looking forward to the day you will officially take over the company” Chanyeol smiles too, feeling relief inside his chest.

“Well, I wouldn’t be a good son if I said the same thing, but I appreciate your trust in me” Chanyeol answers smartly and Mr. Kim laughs quietly behind his desk as Chanyeol takes his leave. He walks down the silently busy hall, restraining his sudden urge to skip every step. Luhan is the first to send him a message, asking him how it went, while Chanyeol is still in the elevator. Chanyeol answers him in a simple, short text that all went well, and Luhan answers with an incomprehensible message, full of jumbled, cheering exclamations, which brings a smile on Chanyeol’s lips. He sighs, feeling relieved and safe, slightly more assured than before.

Today was one step.

One step closer to seeing their hard work materialize; because Chanyeol has not missed how he should be proud of the things he has offered to his company with all his hard work. It is not just the contracts and the money; when the plans will be executed, his company will receive much more. Not to mention all the favorable views from the new CEOs he has been meeting and how they would expand their collaborations.

One step closer to freedom; because he could never forget the ultimate use of all his work. So many weeks of tolerating an awful engagement and a pestering fiancée; so many weeks of sleepless nights and endless thinking; so many weeks of hiding, working in secret, double times, exhaustion, meetings upon meetings; they are leading to the moment when he will march into his father’s office and claim his freedom, with the blessings of his mother and his friends.

One step closer to Baekhyun; because Chanyeol has not failed to notice how it has been thirty seven days since he last saw him and eleven days since he hurt him deeply. It’s been thirty seven days of tiring deprivation and eleven days of tormenting guilt. Chanyeol suffers and he should be suffering for what he did; but Baekhyun doesn’t deserve to suffer. After all this is over, and if Chanyeol gets a second chance, he will be damned if he makes another mistake with Baekhyun.

--

“Kai?” Kyungsoo breaks the silence in the car. His fingers tap rhythmically against his thigh and it’s distracting Kai’s attention from driving. No, don’t let go of the steering wheel. He has confidence in his driving abilities and he would more than like to join Kyungsoo’s fingers with his own, but Kyungsoo will kill him if he tries anything like that. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mmm?” Kai responds vaguely, keeping his eyes on the road dutifully.

“It’s about Chanyeol…” Kyungsoo says softly. Kai stops at a red light and turns to glance at Kyungsoo. He is now playing idly with the small stuffed animal Kai won for him at the amusement park and he looks a bit tired –well, he must be, because they did pretty much everything at that amusement park. They laughed a lot and it was nice; Kai likes it when he can make Kyungsoo smile. But right now, said male is frowning in thought, looking at the toy in his hands. Kai starts talking immediately.

“Ah, what about Chanyeol?” he offers openly. He has decided that he won’t hide anything from Kyungsoo from now on, he has promised himself; because he almost lost his trust and possibly Kyungsoo too when the latter found out that Kai had been keeping Chanyeol’s engagement a secret. It made Kai realize that Kyungsoo’s trust is very fragile and he needs to protect it better. He also realized that he wants to trust Kyungsoo more, even though he thought he trusted him completely.

“Well, firstly, how are things at work?” Kyungsoo lifts his large eyes and gazes at the road ahead of them as Kai starts driving again. The lights reflect in his eyes.

“They are good, really good” Kai cannot hide the excitement in his voice as he speaks “He has one final meeting tomorrow, and then he is going straight to his father. He’s so close, Soo! I’m so proud of him! He has worked so hard and he deserves success! Honestly, I can’t wait until he kicks out that Krystal person; I hate her!” Kai makes a face and Kyungsoo huffs entertained.

It’s true, Kai hates the woman. She’s evil; possibly more than Luhan even! Honestly, Luhan is not really evil though, so she is definitely the most evil person Kai knows; and he knows a lot of people...She puts up a smile and everyone loves her and thinks she is cute and kind and nice, but she is all but that in reality! It makes Kai wonder if the entire world has gone blind lately. She is torturing Chanyeol, being so clingy and persistent, and making him undergo things for which he doesn’t have time to spare when he is already working so hard, and she is always siding with his father and extorting Chanyeol into pretending they are a happy couple…Kai feels bad for his friend and, even though Chanyeol is taking it all silently and patiently, Kai feels annoyed enough for both of them; he would strangle her, if he wouldn’t have to go to prison and miss Kyungsoo afterwards. For all the suffering she has inflicted on Chanyeol –and let’s not forget Baekhyun too– she should die; Luhan and karma agree with Kai on this one.

“Really? Wow, that’s great news! How is Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo perks up in his seat and Kai smiles at how cute he looks; he hardly ever looks cute like this, innocently cute. Most of the time, he is stubbornly cute, not that Kai minds that; their bickering is a way to express affection, Baekhyun has confirmed that in his psychology books.

“Chanyeol is…” Kai presses his lips, thinking what would be the right way to put it. “He’s almost dead”

“What?!” Kyungsoo’s eyes open wide in shock and he jumps in his seat. Kai panics too, realizing what he just said –so much for thinking about it beforehand…

“Not like really dead, only physically dead I mean! No wait, that is really dead. What I mean is that he is drained of all energy these days and he looks really pale and he has lost some weight. He is not exactly alive and healthy; he’s more like a zombie, you know, walking, talking but in truth he is –oh god, all those sound so wrong. Okay, Kyungsoo, listen to me: Chanyeol is not dying! Absolutely not dying!”

“Why did you say that then?! You scared me for a moment, you idiot!” Kyungsoo explodes and lets out a long sigh of relief, melting in his seat once again. Kai sighs in relief too and focuses fully on the road for a moment, just to check that he is on the right side and he didn’t accidentally cross over to the other side while he was panicking.

“I’m sorry, I’m an idiot” Kai admits and receives a soft punch on the shoulder by Kyungsoo. “Okay, so let me explain this correctly: Chanyeol is healthy and very much alive. He has lost a bit of weight and he is constantly tired and lacking energy, but who wouldn’t be, if they had to work so hard and pretend to be cheerfully engaged and suffer such an annoying girl every other day? But he is surviving. He even smiled at me yesterday! Not a forced smile, a real one! He is getting more optimistic with every new contract; and I hope he will be confident enough to face his father when the time comes” Kai pauses in thought for a moment.

Chanyeol is doing so great, better than expected, and Kai wishes that his success will prove to him how strong he is; Chanyeol has always been strong, but he doesn’t know it, because he never had the chance or the need to prove it to himself. Kai knows him all his life and he could always see how Chanyeol is born to be a leader, but it wouldn’t be the same if he told Chanyeol as Chanyeol proving it and realizing it by himself. Chanyeol needs to be confident when he will announce that he is breaking the engagement to his father, or else all this effort will go to waste. Kai hopes for the best; but, as Chanyeol’s best friend, he has to prepare for the worst as well, because if this won’t work out, Chanyeol will need someone to support him and console him.

“Is his father that terrible a person?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Maybe you are being a bit overdramatic again?”

“I wish I was being overdramatic about this, Soo” Kai says shaking his head “Chanyeol’s father is a very successful and very respectable, very honorable man. He is also very smart and stubborn, like Chanyeol. But, unlike Chanyeol, his father is ruthless. I don’t know if he has been like that all his life or perhaps he became like this because of his work and his choices, but he is almost completely unfeeling. He doesn’t care about the feelings of others, their dreams, their opinion; he just does what he wants and doesn’t take no for an answer.

“He is very dedicated to the company too –I mean, to the point he would shamelessly marry his only son to a hateful woman, sacrificing his happiness just to save the company– and he was never there for Chanyeol, or for his mother. He cheated on Mrs. Park and didn’t even care to hide it from her. When Chanyeol found out about it and confronted him, he didn’t even flinch. All he cares about is himself and the precious company. He’s good at what he does at the company, sure, but he doesn’t have interests or a life outside that.

“I’m pretty sure he hardly knew who Chanyeol was when he was a child. He only cared about his education and his grades. Imagine that Chanyeol had to introduce me to him when I came to work for his company, and I’m his son’s best life-long friend; I’ve been running around in his house ever since I was three years old and he had not even noticed me once, for crying out loud! No wonder Chanyeol was acting like a self-centered brat to get his attention and approval...

“He started noticing Chanyeol when he became eighteen and he started introducing him to the business world. But even now, all he cares about is business! The man is unbelievable! Chanyeol got hurt so many times that he doesn’t even care about his father anymore, he hates the man; he is only being nice because his mother has asked him to. His father doesn’t like Chanyeol all that much either, if you ask me. He sees him as a threat to his powerful position in the company; that’s why he is keeping Chanyeol on limited power, he is afraid that he will lose his chair. Think about it, Soo; Chanyeol is a perfectly capable leader, he has the education, the experience and the appropriate age to take over, and yet he hasn’t.

“Now, my father is strict, but he is not that horrible! Envious of his own son, interested only in his business and neglecting his family, unfaithful to his wife, absent for his son, treating his only child as a commodity to be sold off to the highest bidder, not caring about his son’s happiness, his dreams, his future, taking away his freedom…”

Kai realizes he has been speaking for too long. Well, he has been feeling suffocated with the situation between Chanyeol and his father for years now and he could never say anything, so now he is letting it all out. Kai empathizes a lot with the people he loves and he feels their happiness and sorrow to his bones, as if it were his own. It’s not the most convenient virtue for him, but he has it naturally. So, every year of absence, every disappointment, every tearful night Chanyeol has spent in his life because of his father, Kai has not only seen it but felt it as well. He has suffered and he has supported Chanyeol in all those times, so he came to the same inevitable end as Chanyeol, to hate Chanyeol’s father. But, even if he hates the man, he is still the father of his best friend, so Kai cannot say bad things about him to Chanyeol, and he is still a powerful businessman who could ruin his own father, so he cannot say anything about his hatred generally.

“He really sounds like a horrible person” Kyungsoo makes a disdainful face “It’s a miracle Chanyeol is nothing like him” Well, you can thank Mrs. Park for that, Kai thinks. That woman is amazing and Kai has been saying that ever since she was playing with him, Chanyeol and leggos on the carpet. Kyungsoo hums thoughtfully. “Chanyeol must be really scared about this confrontation…”

“He is. But he is very determined about it, too. He really wants to put an end to this engagement farce and go back to Baekhyun” Kai smirks faintly, switching lanes. Baekhyun has been Chanyeol’s greatest motivation in this fight, which will ultimately show Chanyeol how much he is worth. Even without being there, Baekhyun is still helping Chanyeol become better, become more, become what he can really be. That’s why Chanyeol has been more optimistic during these last few days, because he is getting closer to seeing Baekhyun again. Nobody has mentioned it out loud, but everyone near Chanyeol knows it well.

“He really loves him, doesn’t he?” Kyungsoo says with a soft smile on his lips. Kai smiles too, thinking the mood in the car has been depressive for long enough.

“Just as much as I love you!” he says cheerfully, to tease Kyungsoo, who develops a small blush on his surprised face.

“Don’t just sputter those things you idiot! How do you always manage to bring everything around to yourself?”

“I’m bringing everything around to us, Soo”

“If you weren’t driving, I would so punch you right now…”

“It’s the truth” Kai shrugs nonchalantly with a huge smile on his lips.

“Idiot” Kyungsoo chuckles, surely with a smile on his lips too, even though Kai cannot see it, because his eyes are on the road. This is their sort of happiness, their sort of affection. Kai wouldn’t have it any other way. “Hey, when is the big day for Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asks then with interest. Kai blinks in mild confusion.

“Like, the day he tells his father? Probably the day after tomorrow. Why?”

“So, he will be free –of work and engagement– in two days from now?” Kyungsoo feels the need to verify eagerly and Kai can hear an idea lurking in Kyungsoo’s words.

“Yeah, why?” he glances at him momentarily and recognizes a smart smile, dimly lit by the lights on the dashboard. His boyfriend is so devilishly, scarily cute when he’s plotting.

“How about we have barbeque at your house in two days from now?” Kyungsoo proposes. Kai flinches. What? Why are they suddenly discussing about dinner? Did they pass some convenience store and Kyungsoo had a sudden flash? Is he hungry? Some people get cravings sometimes. Okay, is this as random as it sounds? Or is Kai missing something?

“Uh…are we still on the same page?” he dares ask.

“Yeah”

“Well, I don’t think so”

“Such a little idiot…” Kyungsoo murmurs, shaking his head with a smile. Kai pouts until Kyungsoo continues to explain. “Okay, listen mastermind: I was thinking of a plan to bring Baekhyun and Chanyeol back together. And we’d better move fast, before anything terrible happens again. So, if Chanyeol is a man free as a bird in two days from now, and if I can lure Baekhyun out of his house with a barbeque night, boom! They meet again and make up” he smiles triumphantly.

Kai thinks about it for a moment; well, it could work. It’s not like there are many other ways of Baekhyun and Chanyeol meeting each other again, if not through common friends. And Kyungsoo is right, they’d better not waste any time. Actually, they could make this a proper party, inviting Luhan and Sehun, Lay and Suho –if he is in the country–, Chen, and even Xiumin, to complete their little happy company, like when they were on vacation. It would be nice to have people in the house after so long too; he has not had a party there in a while. And this time, Kyungsoo will be officially his co-host, and they will be taking care of their friends together! Like a real couple! This suddenly seems like such a great idea…

A sudden thought flashes in Kai’s head out of the blue.

“Um, Soo?” he calls reluctantly.

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo is still planning happily in his thoughts. Kai bites his lips for a moment; hates to ruin the fun but…

“What if they don’t make up?” He thinks this a very legitimate question. Kyungsoo stops bouncing in his seat. “I mean, we don’t know how they might react when they see each other again, after all that has happened. Baekhyun was hurt; Chanyeol was hurt; everyone else will be watching intently, because we love them and we want to know how this will turn out. That’s a lot of pressure. They both look like they’re getting better emotionally these days, but what if the ‘boom’ ends up with Baekhyun crying, or broken vases on Chanyeol’s head, or Chanyeol fainting in shock, or both of them leaving, or-”

“I don’t think we have to worry about that” Kyungsoo reassures him with a knowing smile, gradually picking up his bouncing again. Kai quirks his eyebrow in question.

“We don’t?” Chanyeol is pretty unpredictable when he is surprised though…And Baekhyun tends to hide inside himself when he’s hurting…And who are we kidding, the rest won’t rest unless they witness every detail of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s exchange -it’s indiscrete but it’s what best friends do- and those might not be ideal circumstances for their reunion…

“I’m sure they will make up” Kyungsoo says confidently “You’ve seen them before; they click naturally. They both want this so much –they both like each other so much– and they…I don’t know…they fit together so well, that I don’t see any other outcome, to be honest. We just have to put them under the same roof, and they will make everything alright by themselves at their own pace. Don’t they always? Their sorts of weird are perfectly compatible!” Kyungsoo frowns in thought for a moment “You are right about the audience, though. We have to find a way to keep our reactions and staring under control. Chen will probably bring popcorn to snack on as we watch them” Kai nods affirmatively. It is always done with the best of intentions, but they do have a group-stalking history on Chanyeol and Baekhyun; like that time when they were in Suho’s kitchen, watching the two and talking about them…Well, it’s not their fault Chanyeol and Baekhyun are cute together! It’s the joke of the century that those two have not realized it yet for themselves!

“Did you just miss the turn?” Kyungsoo asks troubled all of a sudden, pointing to his right. Kai tunes back to the real world, all previous thoughts about his friends forgotten, and he checks the road. Has that sign always been there? Oops…

“Erm…” he mumbles hesitantly.

“You did!” Kyungsoo accuses him abruptly with a glare, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Kai offers an innocent smile, hoping it will help his situation and soften Kyungsoo’s temper. Kai was the one who insisted to drive them back home, so, mishaps in the execution of his proposal are charged double. And you know what they say: thou shall fear almighty Kyungsoo…

“It’s okay!” he reassures him quickly, trying to sound cheerful and optimistic –and probably exaggerating it to an epic failure “We just have to drive to the next exit and then through the side roads and then we will turn left and we will find it! Easy peasy!” Kai is smiling with many teeth, but his eyes are focused on the road ahead and opened wide, ready to pop out of his head.

Oh my god, Kai is so dead! He has no idea how to get to the right place and he cannot navigate through side roads in any part of this city for dear life; he should have bought that GPS…He has never been to this part of the city either, so they are bound to get lost. Kyungsoo doesn’t like being lost. It’s already late and he will whine about missing his bed after their long day, and about having to go to work tomorrow with dark circles, and about who is going to be driving tomorrow when they go shopping for the barbeque party –obviously Kyungsoo will insist that he will, but we all know Kai is the slave chauffeur in this relationship. Kai glances at the starry sky and the full moon. Kyungsoo will kill him tonight.

“Unbelievable” Kyungsoo murmurs, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes; it doesn’t take a fortuneteller to visualize Kai’s painful death in a dark alley.

--

Baekhyun favors the floor, staring at it rather than the movie playing in the background. The lights flash in the room, the music builds up to the emotions in a thrilling way, echoing slightly in the solace of his apartment, but Baekhyun can only stare down at his bunny slippers and the wooden flooring. The ice cream is melting untouched in his cradle and he feels so dazed that he doesn’t even idly swirl his spoon in it. Chen is very quiet company today; throughout their years of friendship, Chen seems to have always known when Baekhyun needs silence, teasing, chocolate, emotion ventilation or a shot of fun. Baekhyun appreciates it. Baekhyun sits wrapped up in his blanket on the other side of the couch and Chen lets him peacefully build his own little world inside his cocoon and lose himself in it for a while.

Baekhyun stares at the floor in the darkness and he thinks he can see mirages of moving pictures on different parts of the surface. It’s the memories he has of Chanyeol, scattered all around the floor. It’s Chanyeol’s booming, contagious laughter and the quiet one, which goes with a sweet expression. It’s his pouts and his frowns, his serious expression when he works and the line of his pursed lips when he’s thoughtful. It’s the moments he blinks in surprise, the moments he smiles instantly when he catches Baekhyun’s eye on him, and the moments his whole body softens and he seems so vulnerable just before a hug. Baekhyun remembers his touch in his hair, on his face, in his hands, and his voice reverberating in so many ways, mumbles and whispers. He wishes he could reach out and curl against Chanyeol to bask in his comforting scent until the hurt is gone and he can look him in the eyes again.

But all this is useless daydreaming to torture himself, because that’s what hearts do. He can’t get away from the memories, so he just stares at them fondly.

How could he miss it? It’s so obvious to him now. It was a picture perfect story. They had everything they needed and all the opportunities in the world. It could have been; that has to be one of the saddest stories Baekhyun can think of. And there are moments when Baekhyun asks himself: what if it was only him? Maybe Chanyeol never felt any of the attraction, body and soul, the connection that ran deeper than communication, the satisfaction of orbiting around someone else and the joy of having their attention even for a blink; maybe Baekhyun had been feeling them towards Chanyeol without any response. But then why would Chanyeol accept Baekhyun’s touches, his secrets, his presence, why would he always light up and shine from within like the happiest person on earth when they were together? Baekhyun knows there was something between them, maybe ‘friendship’ or ‘relationship’ are not the right words for it, maybe there is no word for it, but he knows they were both responding to it and they were building it together. What he doesn’t know is what went wrong and how they lost it so suddenly.

He doesn’t understand it at all. Chanyeol’s engagement still seems to him greatly unexpected and confusing, but he doesn’t dare ask on it. His friends don’t talk about it either, as if the man and everything concerning him are non-existent. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but honestly, he’s not ready to face that truth, especially in the aftermath of realizing his profound feelings towards the man. Some days he wakes up thinking that it was all a bad dream, and he can call Chanyeol to take him out for brunch or something, to prove to himself that everything is fine. There’s not a day so far that has brought such reassurance to him; reality catches up with him fast. Baekhyun toys with his phone in his hands a lot these past few days, but he never actually does anything with it. And so there is no news, no communication, as if Chanyeol really is non-existent.

Chanyeol must have heard by now, however, that Baekhyun found out about his engagement. His fiancée must have told him, their friends might have told him –although they probably haven’t mentioned how hurt Baekhyun was afterwards. But he hasn’t tried to reach out to Baekhyun and explain all those things about him, and her, and them, which all seem to Baekhyun like a giant mess, red cherry on top. So, maybe Chanyeol is still busy. Or, maybe, he doesn’t care. The promise Chanyeol once made that in the future, things would be beautiful between them again, as they used to be, has been forgotten by Baekhyun, who found all calls and messages erased on his phone when he emerged from his mini-depressive fit. But he still thinks he heard Kyungsoo and Chen on the phone with Chanyeol during those days. He thought -well, he hoped, really- that Chanyeol would–

“You haven’t watched a blink here, have you?” Chen’s strict voice cuts into Baekhyun’s thoughts and the latter flinches, nearly spilling the ice cream on his lap. He gives Chen a sheepish look and a nervous smile, receiving his accusing, knowing glare. He deserves it; he was the one who asked to watch a movie and he can’t even remember the name of the main character –or his face, now that he thinks about it. Chen rolls his eyes and sighs in surrender, and Baekhyun now notices he has paused the movie. “I know you’re a little koala and you need space to wallow in your misery until you come to terms with it, but I’d like to know what’s going on in that cute head of yours. And I am perfectly entitled to all that too, because I’ve been your best friend since you couldn’t spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious correctly” he squints his eyes at Baekhyun and Baekhyun chuckles, until it fades and he is left thoughtful, trying to put words to his thoughts.

“Chen, do you think it’s strange if I don’t want to fall in love?” he asks in the end, biting his lip hesitantly. He’s not sure he’s saying this correctly. He doesn’t know whether those feelings for Chanyeol were love or simply ‘intense like’; maybe it was something platonic or a crush, maybe it was nothing sort of like Baekhyun’s first love and stuff like that. It’s not like, after everything that has happened, he has forfeited the idea of loving relationships as a whole, it’s just that…he doesn’t think the feeling will be the same, that his feelings will be the same. He doesn’t think he can feel the things he felt –and still feels– for Chanyeol towards someone else, anyone. And certainly, thinking ahead in his life, Baekhyun can imagine himself with a fitting companion, who will not be Chanyeol, but he doesn’t like to think the possibility of feeling the same towards them. He wants to keep that swarm or overwhelming, beautiful feelings with Chanyeol. Those feelings are Chanyeol’s. And maybe, in the future, perhaps, one day, if Chanyeol ever wants to try falling in love, and only him, then just maybe Baekhyun can- oh, for the love of caramel cakes, this really isn’t easy to put in words. Chen chokes in shock.

“I should probably call Kyungsoo” he mutters in between coughs, reaching for his phone immediately. Baekhyun’s eyes widen.

“No, don’t, I’m fine” Baekhyun reassures him quickly; there’s no need to worry Kyungsoo this late. Chen gives him an uncertain look, finger hovering over the call button. Baekhyun does his best to look trustworthy and emotionally stable under Chen’s calculating gaze. “I’m fine.” He enunciates clearly, looking steadily in Chen’s eyes, until the latter is convinced and gingerly puts his phone away. Baekhyun sighs inwardly; he shouldn’t have shut his friends out before, because now all they do is worry he’ll go down the depressive slide again and their anxiety ticks off at the smallest, most insignificant of signs. He relaxes back in his seat and shrugs his shoulders a little. “I was just…wondering” he mumbles with a frown.

“So you don’t want to fall in love? That’s new” Chen pouts thoughtfully, his eyes glinting with interest. He laces his arms expectantly, looking at Baekhyun, who shifts his gaze away, because he doesn’t know what Chen might see in his eyes. He feels a little strange, talking about this. He is not used to sharing such things, but if there ever will be a person to bring them out of him -besides Chanyeol- it would be Chen. His fingers start playing nervously under the blanket and his voice becomes small and quiet.

“No, I mean, yes, well.” He knows the quote ‘’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ and he thinks, as far as he is concerned, yes, he has loved and he has lost, and he’d do it all over again for this person, but he simply doesn’t want to do it again with someone else. It’s not like his life won’t go on perfectly fine. He doesn’t want to be that disconsolate person in his books who loses love and life and happiness together. He knows better than to become a ghost of his love and this is not the eighteenth century, he has supportive friends and exciting things to expect in his life. He trusts himself that he knows better, and if you ask him in a year, he might have changed his mind, but right now and for his immediate future, it feels right to keep these feelings with Chanyeol and move on with the rest of his life.

“Baekhyun, I’m in agony here” Chen says decisively, and Baekhyun gives him an alarmed look. Agony, why? Baekhyun didn’t mean to upset his best friend. “We both know it’s the first time you’re going through something like this Baek, and you don’t have to do it alone; I want to comfort you, feed you ice cream, bring you tissues, introduce you to the world again, and eventually help you get over him. I’ll do all that, as many times as you want me to, and I’ll be happy to do it for a lifetime! I want to be a supportive friend and promise you that life goes on, and that it’s okay if you forget him, but I can’t crush your hopes like this, I can’t shut the door to him for you, because there might still be hope! He’s still...you don’t have to give up on him completely; maybe…I can’t tell you to wait for him either though! Ugh, this, it’s so complicated! I need Kyungsoo” it’s a rare occasion for Chen to lose his words and it gets even stranger when he starts pulling at his hair in frustration, but the strangest is his persistence on calling Kyungsoo over; do they know something Baekhyun doesn’t, are they keeping something from him? Baekhyun puts his ice cream-turned-soup aside and prevents the phone call to Kyungsoo for the second time tonight by holding Chen’s wrist.

“What do you mean?” he asks seriously, his forehead creasing in suspicion. Chen blinks at him and stares at him for a long moment. They stay like that for a while, trying to read each other’s thoughts. Baekhyun can easily imagine Chen’s internal debate and his own feelings are going back and forth; it’d be nice to have an explanation, but does he really want to know? What if something bad and hurtful makes him even sadder? Can he listen to this right now? Yes, yes I do. I want to know as soon as possible. I promise, I’ll make myself handle it somehow, whatever it is. I want to know if I can help, if I can hope. “Please, tell me” he whispers quietly and Chen sighs.

“We need to talk” he says calmly and Baekhyun braces himself to hear anything. He secretly bites his lips and nods, expecting an explanation. He didn’t expect to find himself shedding a few silent tears a while later into Chen’s narration, or making a short trip to the kitchen for a second tub of consolation ice cream –thank god he stocked– but he’s inwardly more than happy to finally understand. Everything makes sense now; it’s a story full of Chanyeol’s mistakes and stubbornness, it’s all the secrets that led to Baekhyun’s heartache being revealed, but he doesn’t feel as sad as he’d expect after hearing out the whole story in vigorously intoned narrative from Chen. Shutting me out of his life and keeping me away, is Chanyeol’s way of coping. He doesn’t hate Baekhyun, he didn’t lie. And Baekhyun feels a small hope rekindling in his heart. And now he remembers; ‘you’re my dear friend and I am neglecting you, and I’m horrible, and I’m sorry. But I have no choice I’m trying very hard to make things better. And when it is over, I promise it will be like before, like the way we were’. It’s Chanyeol’s words, his messages; it’s the words of a man who is tired and stubbornly secretive and slightly desperate. But they are not words of a man who wants to leave; those are the words of a man who wants to stay.

--

Chanyeol walks through the doors of the company like he owns the world, with the confidence of the owner he will be one day and the determination to bring the universe around if he will have to. People stare at him very noticeably as he crosses the lobby, but none of them dare to approach him on this day, not when he has the superior attitude, a stride to kill and the aura of a lion on a mission. He reaches the reception desk and every other person who might have been standing there walks away, intimidated by his height and his attitude.

“Hello, is my father upstairs?” he asks the receptionist politely, his deep voice echoing strangely in the area. Everyone in the lobby has gone quiet –which is creepy– but Chanyeol can’t care about them right now. Today is the big day. He won’t walk out of those doors the same man as he came in.

“M-Mr. Park! W-what are you doing here?! I mean, you always come through the back doors, but now you came in through the front!” the woman behind the desk stutters, fumbling furiously with her makeup kit to make herself look more presentable in front of him. Chanyeol sighs and takes off his glasses; females and their unreasonable vanity at times…He couldn’t care less about her today.

Sure, it is not a regular occurrence for Chanyeol to come in through the front doors, but why is she and everyone else so surprised, they are still doors, right? Besides, the reason he comes in through the back is to avoid the lobby, because there are always people who want something waiting there, and they hold him back. He is not the sort of employee who has time to spare, and more often than not he’s not awake enough to deal with other people’s problems first thing in the morning. Fortunately, today there is no one idiotic enough to walk up to him and stall him, but alas, that’s why the universe made secretaries.

“Is my father upstairs?” he asks again, trying to preserve his patience; he will need it for later as well, and it wouldn’t be helpful to lose his temper right here right now. The secretary keeps mumbling pointlessly.

“Oh my god, today of all days, that I have been sick and you are here, and I look so horrible, oh, my eyeliner is smudged, I’m so sorry, Mr. Park, this is all my fault” the woman keeps on panicking behind the reception desk. He doesn’t see anything wrong with her and he doesn’t see any other fault except for keeping him here for longer than necessary. When she pulls out a small mirror from her handbag and starts with her lip-gloss, Chanyeol has had enough.

“Stop fumbling with that!” he orders strictly and the woman drops the makeup object from her hands in shock. “Now, look at me. Are you focusing on me?” Chanyeol asks calmly and the woman offers a stunned nod. Well, if you ask Chanyeol, she looked like she was x-raying through his clothes for a moment, but if she is says she is focused enough, then it will have to do. “Good. Now answer me: is my father upstairs?” he enunciates clearly, looking in the woman’s eyes seriously.

“Yes, he is…” she mumbles dazedly. Chanyeol sighs in relief.

“Good. See? It was easy” he says, even though he thinks the world has suddenly gone stupid for some reason; maybe because his brain is working on 190% capacity, to make sure he can do what he is about to do.

“Would you like me to notify your father, Mr. Park?” the woman asks on autopilot, but Chanyeol refuses.

“No need; he is expecting me” he says and turns around to walk away towards the elevator; but, then again, average intelligence in the lobby has decreased significantly during the last few minutes, so…Chanyeol pivots on his heel and glares at the receptionist, who already has the phone in her hand and she is about to press a button. “Put the phone down” he orders seriously, jabbing a finger at the stunned receptionist’s direction. She freezes and looks at him with wide eyes. “Don’t call my father; I mean it, woman”

“O-okay” she stutters, putting the phone back down. Chanyeol nods approvingly and walks to the elevator. If only all confrontations were to be as easy on this day…He is not going to decide now, because it’s not the time and he is not in the mood to do it, but he will have to re-evaluate this receptionist.

When the doors close and Chanyeol finds himself alone in the elevator, he stares at his reflection seriously and sighs, only to take in a more determined breath right after. Look at yourself, Park Chanyeol. He stares into his own eyes in the mirror, searching for everything he knows he has inside him. He grips the bag in his hand, in which he is carrying the contracts. You can do this. This is his ticket to freedom. After twenty something and a half years of existence, he is saying no to his father for the first time. He has to do it. He is ready for it. The numbers in display increase, bringing him closer to his destination. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breath, calming and bracing himself for what is about to follow. When the bell dings, announcing his arrival at the top floor, he opens his eyes.

“Baekhyun” he reminds to himself like a small prayer, before walking decisively out of the elevator.

--

“Yeol!” Kai exclaims and bursts through the door comfortably –it’s not like this is the first time he comes into Chanyeol’s room, after all. Chanyeol has undergone many embarrassing moments due to Kai’s habit of intruding unannounced inside his room. But they’re best friends, so everything is okay in the end. Chanyeol’s family house is like a second house to Kai, it’s where they grew up together; playing videogames on the huge flat screen in the playroom after they’d been given permission by the maids who used to inspect their homework, running down the stairs to get to the dinner table first because they wanted the best, largest stake, sleeping over during summer, sprawled half on the bed and half on the floor because their sleeping habits combine strangely like that. Chanyeol smiles loosely in greeting and Kai immediately launches himself on him, knocking him over and clumsily falling with him on the bed.

“Oh my god, Yeol! You’re still alive!” Kai exclaims much closer to Chanyeol’s ear than the latter would have liked, and he closes his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, making him choke, as if the added weight of Kai’s body on him was not enough to keep the air out of his lungs.

“Ooof, Kai, ‘m…dying” Chanyeol struggles to say. It was okay when they were young, but Kai is not a skinny ten-year-old anymore, he’s a fully grown and significantly toned man, but Chanyeol’s stomach hasn’t gotten any steel enhancements since! Kai ignores him and only pulls back to look at his face, which is gradually turning purple. Chanyeol tries to breathe in instantly, but his reflexes are hindered from the weight of the body sprawled on his chest. He gets minimum air inside his lungs but at least he is not chocking anymore.

“I can’t believe it! I thought I would never see you again!” Kai has the dumbest grin on his face, which no, Chanyeol definitely doesn’t find endearing. Pfft, the drama…Chanyeol rolls his eyes. But seriously, even Chanyeol doubted he would come alive out of that building for a second during the meeting with his father…“Are you injured? Are you whole? Oh my god, he didn’t cut anything off, did he?!” Kai looks horrified and starts fumbling with the button of Chanyeol’s pants before the owner has time to even blink. Chanyeol squawks and flails, pushing Kai off of him, and Kai rolls to the side, lying next to Chanyeol on the bed and laughing maniacally, thoroughly amused with Chanyeol’s embarrassment. Chanyeol pouts, fixing his belt for good measure. Okay, that’s enough stupidity for a day.

“I’m fine, you shameless idiot! You almost suffocated me to death, but I’m fine” Chanyeol reassures him, coughing slightly until his lungs come around to proper function.

“How did it go?” Kai asks impatiently, opening his eyes wide and swinging his legs in the air like stretching ballet exercises. It reminds Chanyeol of the time they were kids. Chanyeol chuckles.

“He almost had an aneurism, but we are both still alive and healthy” Chanyeol was seriously worried about his father’s health for a moment, when his father’s face became blue and all the veins were showing on his neck and forehead, but he survived it alright; his mother had warned Chanyeol that his father won’t die easily and she was right –thank god, because Chanyeol wouldn’t want that on his conscience.

Suddenly, Kai cups both sides of Chanyeol’s face with his hands, squishing his cheeks aggressively and glaring in his eyes like a mad man. Chanyeol flinches in shock but it’s not enough to free himself from the other’s grip.

“Whack eh hwell?!” Chanyeol manages to demand, glaring back at his friend right in the eyes, trying to estimate. Has he gone completely insane? It wouldn’t be impossible. And it’s true that Chanyeol has not been around much lately to monitor his condition…Who knows in what faulty ways his friend’s mind had been turning while he was busy with work?

“Are you free?” Kai enunciates, slowly and seriously. Ah, we’re good, he’s still sane. Chanyeol thinks of his answer and a three million kilowatt triumphant smile starts creeping its way to Chanyeol’s lips –but he is not sure what his expression looks like with his cheeks squashed like that. Kai’s eyes open wide and round in surprise, understanding the implications of the wordless, distorted answer. “Seriously?! Like, really?!” he exclaims, letting Chanyeol’s face go –his ears start ringing though, with all this yelling in one day…Kai gets off the bed and starts pacing around dazedly with a huge smile on his lips, gripping his hair every now and then, flailing his hands in the air and trying to take everything in. Chanyeol smiles but he’s simultaneously massaging his aching cheeks, and he sits up on the bed, finding his friend and his reactions amusing.

“Oh. My. God! Oh my freaking god! Good riddance! Mrs. Park knows, right?! I bet she knows! She must be very happy for you! Oh, where’s my phone? Do you see it anywhere? I need to text Soo! Ah, Luhan too! And Chen! They will fly through the roof in glee for sure! Oh my god, I can’t believe this! You are free! It actually worked! I knew you had it in you! Oh my god, oh my god! I mean, you’re free, like no engagement anymore! I feel so proud of you! You can’t believe how happy I am that you are single! I can’t believe how happy I am that you are single! Congratulations on being single! But, don’t be too single, because…you know, Baekhyun. Okay, I think everyone got my text by now. Holly mother of all cupcakes, tell me everything!” Kai settles back on the bed, looking at Chanyeol like a child expecting to hear an exciting bedtime story.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol’s cheekbones and his gut are starting to hurt because of uncontrollable laughter and inhuman spasms. The whole house must have heard him by now, his deep voice reverberating in every corner. Kai never fails to entertain him; it’s partly why he is Chanyeol’s best friend, and has been throughout all these years. Not to mention that he understands him so perfectly, to the point that he just managed to explain Chanyeol’s exact jumbled feelings to this situation with his little delirium earlier.

“Okay,” Chanyeol says after his laughter has died down “What do you want to know first?”

“How did you do it?” Kai grips a pillow in his arms, squishing it anxiously.

“I walked in and my father was only slightly surprised to see me at first. I told him we needed to talk but he said he was busy. So, I slammed the contracts on the desk to get his attention. When he asked what they were, I told him for a fact, I was not engaged anymore and the company would do just fine with those” Chanyeol mentally pats himself on the back for the nth time today for showing such courage. He was so cool and charismatic back there. He has never felt more bursts of adrenaline rushing in his system and he has never had to contain so many emotions, from anger to triumph to pride, in the same moment.

“And he just said okay?” Kai quirks an eyebrow and then yelps when Chanyeol sneaks a playful pinch or two on his ribs.

“Like he would” Chanyeol gives Kai a sarcastic look “Actually, he kept asking ‘what is this?’ in disbelief more times than humanly possible throughout our interaction, oh, and my name became something like his favorite cuss word. I seriously lost count. He didn’t believe it at first, he even called it a joke –even though this wouldn’t be funny under any circumstances– and then he got mad, because I was stalling him with ‘some stupid gimmick of my mind’ as he put it. But I insisted and I explained everything calmly and realistically to him, so, eventually he realized I wasn’t joking. I had to explain everything from scratch. Now, that’s when he got really mad…” Chanyeol remembers how his father even got up from his chair in an intimidating gesture. Chanyeol was ready to get hit and bruised –because his father is as big as Chanyeol, so he is one of the few people who can physically hurt him– but, okay, he was not right in that one. Apparently, even his father recognizes that Chanyeol has reached an age where it’s not civilized, respectable and decent to receive physical punishment from his parents.

“What did he do? Did he try to hurt you?” Kai bites his lips, feeling the suspense in the air killing him slowly, creeping under his skin and numbing his limbs.

“No, sorry, there wasn’t any violence of that sort. He only threw around a few things, he broke a couple of them, the office was a mess, and even my papers were scattered everywhere –but I have kept the originals, so there’s no need to worry. He was mostly fighting with himself, like a crazy person, but he sure yelled a lot at me. It was like a rollercoaster! One moment he was shouting how irresponsible I am in anger, the next he was laughing about the improbability he though he saw in cancelling the engagement, and then he was scornful while telling me what an unworthy and disgraceful son I am, and then he threatened me with everything he had” he recalls in a factly tone of voice. It’s not like any of all that got to him. He had prepared for as much and he doesn’t regret what he did.

He is not one to be easily scared anymore. He is Park Chanyeol, he is himself, and that is all. No more double personality; everything he was when he was The Park Chanyeol and everything he was when he was just Chanyeol, all of it, is now one complete person.

He will admit that, naturally, it was a bit hard to control his emotions at times when his father got really aggressive, but he kept reminding himself who he is, what he has accomplished and why he was there, and he knew victory would be his if he kept his determination and defended his point with all he had, while managing to keep the upper hand. Because when you get angry, your judgment gets clouded, you lose control and that’s when the opponent takes over and crushes you. Chanyeol didn’t crush his father, of course, because, well, he’s still his father, but he proved his point and that’s all he had wanted to do anyway. Chanyeol kept chanting Baekhyun’s name in his head too, every now and then.

“Did he accept it in the end?” Kai asks with interest –even though Chanyeol thinks his question is partly unnecessary, because he did mention he is a free man earlier, didn’t he?

“Well, I didn’t give him much choice. I didn’t stay for longer than necessary either. I just told him and, after all the yelling and madness, I left. I don’t know what he did after that, although I think I heard him pleading after me…Well, anyway, I came back here to tell mom and to make sure that she won’t take the heat for me when he comes back home. He called to say he’ll be spending the night at a hotel after a while, but I’m staying the night; she wants me to. So, I guess we are just waiting to see where he is standing…” he shrugs his shoulders casually and Kai attacks him again before he knows it, shoving him flat on the bed and trying some playful hits and grips, and Chanyeol reciprocates fervently. In less than three seconds, they’re both laughing and wrestling, celebrating by –very maturely– fooling around. Chanyeol quirks his eyebrow in the midst of everything, wondering idly about what his father might do next; probably nothing. It would cost him the company and quite possibly a son too, if he tried anything. Chanyeol is not afraid of what might happen anyway, so he throws away that thought and tries to nuzzle Kai’s neck making him screech and twirl, elbowing Chanyeol in the gut as a result.

“Young master Park” a maid calls timidly, appearing by the door and half hiding behind it. She probably knocked on it, but Chanyeol wouldn’t know with all the noise he and Kai were making. She looks a little spooked or maybe scandalized, seeing the two men brawl and shout and sitting tangled and technically on top of each other on the bed. Chanyeol doesn’t even want to think what she is assuming about them and what they had been doing before she interrupted; the elders of the house stuff know of his lifelong relationship with Kai and they don’t misunderstand the admittedly queer situations the two best friends have found themselves in throughout the years, but the younger members of the stuff are not accustomed to the boys’ antiques. The young maid clears awkwardly under the expectant gaze of the two men, who have made no attempt to put any distance between their bodies because they honestly don’t care. “Mrs. Jung and Miss Krystal are here to see you”

“Oh, right, thank you” Chanyeol says while trying to kick his leg free, kneeling Kai in the stomach in the process. He stops moving, his friend letting out a deceivingly deep groan of pain, and he waits until Kai rolls over. Somewhere on the way Chanyeol gets pulled along by some limb and he ends up straddling Kai –maybe it’s for the best he has his back turned to the girl now, because he can imagine the mortified expression she must be sporting with all the compromising positions she’s witnessing today. On the bright side, Chanyeol can hop off freely now. “Please tell my mom I’ll be right there” he calls over his shoulder, getting off the bed and fixing his clothes. Kai waves goodbye at the brightly blushing girl as she leaves and then he glares at Chanyeol.

“What?” Kai asks angrily with a frown between his eyes “Why have they not disappeared yet?”

“They are about to” he assures Kai, helping him stand on his feet “that’s why my mother invited them. We are announcing the ‘engagement annulment’ officially; because you cannot miss that shocked face when they hear about it. ‘I have the utmost respect for you and your daughter, Mrs. Jung, and that is why I cannot bring myself to deceive you; I have no intention of marrying your daughter’ Like, ever. I have already called Mr. Jung to explain –he wasn’t very happy about it, but hey, I’m a grown man and this is a free country, so I can make my own decisions…All what’s left is to drop the bomb on the witch duo. Do you want to come with me downstairs for the show?” Chanyeol offers, with a sly glint in his eyes and a smirk. Kai hates Krystal, so he might as well enjoy her oh-so-formal and oh-so-polite-and-civilized rejection.

“Are you kidding me?” Kai gives Chanyeol a devil smile, reminding him the seven-year-old boy with whom Chanyeol used to plan and execute all of his mischievous plans “You don’t even need to ask”

--

“YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” a loud exclamation and a clutter reach Sehun’s ears. He flinches at the sound.

“Are you still alive?” he calls warily, drying his hands with the kitchen towel.

Surprisingly, when Luhan is inside his house, he turns into a kid; he is prancing around, he is watching cartoons, wearing pajamas of all colors and designs, laughing at silly things, talking nonstop absentmindedly, pouting imperatively, whining when he doesn’t get what he wants and getting excited over the smallest of details. And all that he does as if he is having a sugar-overdose crisis. Sehun is obviously the grownup in those moments, and he feels like he is babysitting Luhan sometimes –not that he minds, duly noted. So, after having spent the evening at Luhan’s house seven times, Sehun has found out it’s not unusual to hear sounds, like any sort of sounds, when Luhan is out of sight. Sehun used to get worried at first, but then he got used to it. It’s not like he can keep Luhan around in the kitchen for all the while he is cooking; that would be annoying for him and potentially dangerous for a hyperactive Luhan…

Sehun sighs, his knife stopping midway to the next chop against the board. Is he turning into some weird version of a soccer mom?

“Sehun, you won’t believe this!” Luhan calls excitedly after a while of silence –he must be in the bedroom, from the sound of it. Okay, he’s still alive, is all the information Sehun needs for now, so he nods to himself and ignores his overly vigorous boyfriend for the time being, because he needs to cook dinner, or they won’t eat anything tonight. Luhan is not very fond of cooking. In Sehun’s experience, cooking is not very fond of Luhan either. He chops away on the board, listening to Luhan’s voice getting closer and closer through the hallway.

“Oh my god, I’m so excited! I can’t believe this! He did it…He really did it!” at this point, Luhan comes chirping in delight and running through the kitchen door, and Sehun leaves the knife at a safety distance from the edge of the counter, and he turns around, curious to see what all this sudden excitement is about. Luhan doesn’t stop to catch a breath in his enthusiastic rant. “He did it! He’s free, he’s free, he’s free, he’s free, he’s free, hell yeah, he’s free!!!”

Blinded in glee, Luhan makes a beeline for Sehun, and for a moment Sehun doesn’t know which way to turn to save himself from the impending collision. But Luhan is freaking bullet fast when he wants to be –in spite of living an otherwise snail-speed life. The moment he is close enough, he grabs Sehun by the collar with both hands and hoists himself up, pecking the taller twice on the lips in quick succession. To support his weight, he lifts his feet off the floor and hooks them around Sehun’s waist and, next thing Sehun knows, his lips are busy and Luhan is draped over half of his body.

Strike one: how on earth did this happen?! One moment Sehun is cooking peacefully and the next Luhan is kissing him! Admittedly, he has every right to be surprised and bewildered. Because where did that come from? If it’s because of something concerning Park Chanyeol, please, let’s hear news from the man more often!

Luhan starts slipping down Sehun’s body and the younger catches him just in time, grabbing his legs to keep him in place and holding Luhan’s knees on either side against his hipbones.

Strike two: is Luhan really kissing him? Luhan only kisses back, he has never kissed Sehun on his own initiative before. Sehun suspects it is because Luhan still has some reservations the rest of the time –because Sehun has seen the look (you know, the I-want-to-kiss-you-unconscious-right-now look). So now it seems Luhan’s excitement is overriding his brain and he is acting without thinking.

Luhan yelps and breaks the kiss just for a moment to catch his breath before returning his lips on Sehun’s, demanding and sweet and excited, and tasting of peppermint toothpaste.

Strike three: since when does Luhan kiss like that? His soft lips are working magic on Sehun and his head is starting to spin. His heart has picked up the pace and his insides are starting to boil. If it helps you get a small whiff of the situation, Sehun has to grip the counter to steady himself and keep on his feet; and he is not one to exaggerate.

They stop their kiss when they are both breathless again. Luhan pulls back and glances at Sehun with a wide smile for a moment, pink lips thoroughly ravished and content; but then reality sinks in. As soon as he realizes what he just did, he wrenches himself away from Sehun, landing on his feet by some miracle, and stumbles a few steps backwards.

“Oh god, Sehun, I’m so sorry…” he mumbles hastily, cupping his rosy cheeks with his hands. His round eyes stare in disbelief at everything but Sehun in the kitchen.

“It’s okay” Sehun chuckles, detaching himself from the counter while watching Luhan in amusement, as the shorter grows even more red “We’re boyfriends after all” Sehun throws a wink at him and Luhan’s eyes open very wide.

“Yes, but you were cooking and I…what the hell did I just do?! Where’s my brain?” he whines to himself, knocking on his head with his fist. Sehun only watches him silently with a smile. Who knew babysitting could be this sort of fun? “Okay, um…” Luhan composes himself and straightens his clothes, trying to look serious and in control. Friendly advice: don’t wear rainbow patterned pjs if you hope that will work. “So, yeah, sorry for…all that, but…um…I think I’m gonna pick up something I dropped earlier” he nods to his own words, making vague gestures, and he risks a glance at Sehun’s poker face before he starts backtracking towards the door.

But Sehun has other plans now.

He starts walking towards Luhan steadily, almost like a prowl. Luhan notices after two steps and turns around to fully face him. He eyes Sehun warily, appraising him from head to toe, and for every step that Sehun makes Luhan retaliates with a step back. Sehun smirks. It feels like a cat playing with a mouse –he doesn’t mind being a cat right now and Luhan is the cutest flustered mouse.

“S-Sehun? What are y-you doing?” Luhan asks alarmed, holding up his hands in defense. Sehun doesn’t answer and in the next step, Luhan’s back hits the wall. Luhan pales a little. Sehun traps him there easily with a quick move. “Sehun! What do you think you’re-”

“You started it” Sehun says briefly before leaning down to kiss Luhan, who is completely flabbergasted. He drinks Luhan’s protests through his lips until other sounds replace them, encouraging Sehun. Luhan gets confused and surprised like that sometimes when Sehun kisses him, but he recovers faster every time, responding eagerly. And that is a good thing.

--

Kai steps outside, even though it’s a little cold after the sun has set, to answer Kyungsoo’s latest messages. He was somewhat busy to check them before, while they were going through the ‘ceremonious bitter tea of rejection’. They’re not completely through with it yet, they just took a break to ‘contemplate their overwhelming emotions’. All these are obviously not his words; women can be so fancy with their wording. He wouldn’t say the confrontation went particularly well or bad; Krystal shouted a little, Chanyeol withheld a sigh of relief, Kai swallowed a snicker or two, Krystal’s mother gaped like a fish and Chanyeol’s mother looked like the most patient saint known to man. It was a strange mixture of concealed reactions, after which, Mrs. Jung excused herself to make a call to her husband, Krystal stormed out of the room and Mrs. Park asked for a second round of tea and sweets.

Kai took the chance to step out and check his messages, especially those from Kyungsoo. The twilight hour paints everything purple and gold, the air is chilly on his skin, but he prefers the privacy of the back veranda because his silly smile gives everything away and he doesn’t need Mrs. Park’s perceptive gaze on him, or he would find himself making a full confession of his involvement with Kyungsoo before midnight. She is scarily good at snooping out his and Chanyeol’s secrets; Kai has always found it a little unfair, because not even his own mother can manipulate him like that.

He hums to himself happily, skimming through Kyungsoo’s texts first and then reading them thoroughly. The first ones are excited, full of exclamation marks, and then he says he’s calling Baekhyun to tell him, and then he gives a review about how Baekhyun sounded breathless in a good way and Kyungsoo could practically hear his face-splitting smile. After a while, he informs Kai he’s going out with Baekhyun and Chen tonight, for celebratory cocktails at a jazz bar, even though no one will admit it’s for celebrating this particular occasion. And then he reassures Kai he won’t be late to come home, because he knows they have shopping and cooking to do to prepare for the barbeque party. Kai smiles sweetly at that bit. He types in a text to have fun and take care and give Baekhyun lots of kisses, and he’s about to return inside the house, his nose red and a little runny, when he hears the sniffle.

He spins around instantly and he is surprised to find that he has not been the only person frequenting the veranda. He has no idea for how long she has been standing there, but it looks like it might have been a while and he didn’t really bother to check if he was alone here when he first came out, assuming no one would be interested in suffering the cold evening for no obvious reason. He’s a bit self-conscious at first, trying to estimate how weird his smile must have been while he was on his phone, but the feeling turns to guilt with a tinge of awkwardness soon. Because she must have sought refuge in the quiet out here before he invaded her privacy; but it’s not like he could have known she was standing in that shady corner, with her back turned to the house and overlooking the garden.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there” he apologizes civilly, stuffing his phone in his pocket. She probably hadn’t noticed him until now, but he’s not apologizing to be heard either. It just felt like the right thing to do. Krystal turns her head the slightest bit in his direction, catching a glimpse of him with the very corner of her eye. She doesn’t even bother showing her face, keeping her back turned to him. The sun reflects golden highlights in her hair and the white fur of the poor animal that rests on her coat bristles in the breeze.

“Hn” she snorts condescendingly, shrugging her shoulders indifferently. It irks Kai, the way she is acting like the queen of the world, like everyone is beneath her and unworthy of her attention, whereas she demands everyone to pay her attention and think of her before themselves. He frowns in annoyance, the lines of his face tightening.

“I’m sorry for my presence, your highness, I guess?” he bites sarcastically, but that is a part real question. He doesn’t know what to make of her scornful attitude, which goes beyond snobbish upbringing. But then she turns around, and it makes sense. Her eyes are red and puffy, her makeup is running in streaks all over her cheeks and neck, her nose is bright red and swollen and small ribbons of baby hair stick to her temples. She’s a crying mess. It doesn’t make her previous reaction acceptable, but it was probably defensive.

“What the heck do you want, Kai? Are you here to gloat?” she growls through her teeth, her pink lips curling threateningly. Kai blinks at her, surprised.

“Ow hey, you’re crying. Like, mascara all over the place” Kai makes a vague gesture and he sounds as genuinely shocked that this is happening as he feels. She is crying? Out here? Why? He thought every emotion she allows on her face has some purpose, some manipulative end. But no one is here to see her –or at least, no one was supposed to see her. And it doesn’t make sense that she would be crying instead of throwing a hysteric tantrum with yells and shouts. Kai feels a little misplaced to be watching her expressing private emotions in the first place. He doesn’t even like her. And Kai had thought he wanted to see this, her being sad and defeated; he doesn’t.

“No sunflowers, Sherlock” she retorts halfheartedly, but the sting of sarcasm flies over his head –maybe he’s used to ignoring the milder forms of it after spending so much time with Kyungsoo. For some reason, a human side of him feels uncomfortable, seeing her crying almost helplessly, and he scrambles around in his brain for a way to help. It doesn’t make sense, because he hates her guts, but he can’t bring himself to ignore her or jade her this time; you don’t kick a man down, he’s better than his hatred. Kai is not a bad person.

“I’ll get you a tissue” he decides in the end “–or a dozen” he corrects under his breath, estimating the amount of damage her makeup has undergone, smearing all across her features. She rolls her eyes and turns her back on him again, favoring the garden.

“Like I care…” she mumbles bitterly but Kai knows that she must care. She is out here, all alone, she is very hurt and very vulnerable, but she can’t even ask her mother for support. She can’t even get herself some tissues, because she’s too proud to walk inside the house looking like a wreck. By some sick twist of luck, Kai, who normally gets blisters at the sight of her and the feeling is mutual, is the only person she can lean on. He hurries inside and out of the house with the ease of a person who has lived here half his life and knows where the smallest thing is placed inside the house. He finds her right where he left her –he had been half-expecting that she would have fled to avoid any embarrassment.

“Here” he leans on the railing next to her, keeping a good distance between them –because he cannot not feel repelled by her to some degree– and he offers the pack of tissues. She takes them silently and starts dabbing her face, but that doesn’t help in the least, so she starts wiping away all the paint and tears. Tissue after tissue, they fall damp and crumbled and smudged, until she looks mostly human again. He clears his throat. “What happened to you?” he asks calmly. She gives up trying to hide her bare face and glares at him with a soulless look, as if accusing him that he was there, he knows pretty well what happened. Kai rolls his eyes. “I mean…besides, that” he amends. Krystal looks away, a pained expression overtaking her face.

“I won’t marry him” she whines loudly and Kai panics a little with the new tears that fall from her eyes, so he starts shoving more tissues towards her. He didn’t expect such an emotional reaction to his simple question. After she has wailed and cried her sorrows a little more, he tries to speak again.

“I can see that it upsets you, so I was trying to avoid saying that so bluntly, but yeah, besides that” he keeps his voice calm and unobtrusive, but his questions seem to gauge the most fervent reactions out of her –probably because she really needs to talk and he is the only one who actually asked.

“Everything besides that!” she exclaims, throwing her arms in the air. Kai takes a small step backwards as she starts counting her explanation on her fingers. “I won’t marry him! He’s rich, handsome, polite, family oriented, no past engagements, or marriages, or children, he has excellent academic record and he’ll inherit everything fully in a couple of years and just sunflowers, ugh!” she buries her exasperated face in her hands. Kai is mildly terrified by the sudden explosion of frustration and all the commercial value information about his friend included. Chanyeol is much more than that.

“He’s not the only available rich bachelor out there, you know” he ends up offering dryly after listening to her quiet groans for a while. He can’t help the defensive tinge of hostility in his voice, getting bothered over her simplistic description of his friend. And what is more, where are Chanyeol’s feelings in all those facts she has listed about him? He is not an object, nor a checklist, he’s not an impassive impressive possession; he has free will and emotions and ups and downs like we all do.

“Yes, but he was nice. I could have been happy” she whimpers a little, her lips curling downwards in a disappointed and somewhat passive-aggressive frown. “Now god knows where I’ll end up. My mother always says she’ll find me a nice house. But what about a nice husband? So be it if I have a house with seven bedrooms and a tennis court, but what will I do if the nice house is a prison?” she points out and Kai nods in understanding. As much cliché as the phrase ‘golden cage’ might sound, it’s a sad truth for rich heirs in their society, primarily girls. Kai is lucky his parents don’t seem very interested in the topic of his marriage –at least not yet– also because he is second-row business novelty –unlike Chanyeol, who is in the front row and spotlighted, therefore pressured to marry under public scrutiny– and also because he’s a man, which means it’s deemed ethically acceptable for him to rebel against his parents’ wishes, if necessary, and leave to make something of himself by himself. Kai knows this is an unfair world.

“Not that I think it would have made any difference, but why weren’t you nicer to him, if you had wanted him to keep you?” Kai asks, quirking an eyebrow. Chanyeol would have never kept her as a fiancée, not ever since Byun Baekhyun happened in his life at least, but it would have been reasonable if she had made an effort to be likeable. She did everything but that. Kai frowns, realizing that in all her worries, she hasn’t mentioned her own feelings either, as if they don’t exist or they don’t matter enough. “You were all sorts of unpleasant and rude and unkind. I might not be an expert, but even I can tell that this is not exactly the way to someone’s heart…” he clicks his tongue condescendingly and she rolls her eyes. They might be in a temporary truce, tolerating each other’s company, but the tension of dislike is leaking around their restrain; it’s not enough to break the bridge of basic, genuine human interaction they’re having though.

“I was testing him” she explains, less animatedly than before “I don’t have much choice here, you know. I have to fight my way to my rights in a household, otherwise I’ll always be the trophy wife, no matter who I marry. I don’t love Chanyeol…but I like him; he respected me and he was always patient with me. Sure, he’s a bit of a workaholic, but if that and a couple of yelling bursts is the worst he can do when he’s pushed beyond his limits, then I’ll take him damn it!” she throws her hands in front of her, indicating that she’s stating something very obvious, and Kai will agree with her that Chanyeol is by far not the worst person you can get stuck with in life. “I could have treated him better, I know, and he would have been much greater then, I’m sure, but now I am losing him; because he can’t marry me? He doesn’t want to? Why?” her face contorts strangely around the questions, as if she finds them completely surreal “Am I ugly, or worthless, or repulsive? And if he finds me so, what if my next husband does too? And what if this husband beats the leaving daylights out of me because he doesn’t like me and doesn’t care? I have friends, Kai, unfortunate friends, and I know how I might end up, but I don’t want to be like the girls I pity” she gives him a good look and he presses his lips in a stern line. He keeps his gaze locked with hers, appreciating her discomfort; she even called him by name without spitting it out like a curse. He understands her insecurities, because it wouldn’t be the first or last failed marriage, but she is wrong about the reason Chanyeol turned her down. She couldn’t know of an angel named Baekhyun in Chanyeol’s life, but that doesn’t mean she is ‘ugly’ or ‘worthless’ or ‘repulsive’. Even without her makeup, she is not ugly at all; she looks more innocent and young without it. Even not counting her riches, she is not worthless; every person has worth inside their hearts. Even when acting awfully snobbish and painfully rude, she is not repulsive; she’s just spoilt and she can get better with a little guidance.

“You have a choice you know.” He frowns thoughtfully, looking at the garden, which is mostly dark purple by now. It’s pretty and calming, but it’s a bit chilly and his arms are covered in goose bumps. “If all goes wrong, drop everything and go live by yourself somewhere you like. Get a job, get a pet, make actual friends, and decide for yourself. Millions of people live like that you know, all those ordinary people you pass by every day, and they are happy. You’re afraid to fall from your grace, but I think you can rise if you do, so don’t be” his lips quirk involuntarily to a twitching hint of a smile. Jeez, this is getting eerily sentimental. Kai can hear the paranormal warning bells chiming in his head.

“You think I can?” she asks in a small voice, like a hopeful child. Kai looks at her, just to make sure she’s not playing some prank on him, or any other wicked scheme like her usual. But this might be the first time he sees her sincerely innocent, her eyes wide and pleading, her lips pouting in an almost cute way. Kai narrows his eyes at her.

“I won’t compliment you” he makes that much clear, and she looks an imperceptive bit disappointed, but she will survive; let’s not forget who we’re dealing with. “Because of you a friend of mine went through emotional hell” he accuses openly. She looks perplexed but doesn’t ask on it any further. His eyes soften then. “But yeah, I think you can”

A breeze ruffles her hair across her face, her Miu Miu perfume scenting the air, and the lights inside the house light up behind them. Kai looks ahead silently and so does she. They gaze at the garden, slowly returning to their spirits. It’s as if they never reached a bit deeper in communication, as if the last few minutes together didn’t happen. He even shuffles a few steps further away. She plays with her fingers against the railing thoughtfully, but it looks suspiciously calculative.

“You’re not looking for a wife perhaps, are you?” she throws at him then, her voice level and natural, and way too unfitting for her suggestion! Kai chokes and flinches away, physically recoiling from the possibility.

“Ew no!” he grimaces in distaste and forgets to add a ‘no offence’. The idea of being married to her makes him nauseous and he wants to run away and hide behind Chanyeol all of a sudden. Like when they were kids, and he was sick, and they were making him swallow that abhorrent medicine, and only hiding behind his best friend could make him feel safe from the nasty claws of the maids. Then he remembers he’s not a kid anymore, so he composes himself and straightens his body, taking on a serious look. “Besides, I’m very much taken” by a secretly very murderously possessive Do Kyungsoo, who is too adorable when he’s mad, so Kai can never resist him or stop him from killing her. It would be quite the spectacular sight. “And probably so is Chanyeol, for your information” Not exactly taken, because Baekhyun has not agreed to take him back yet, but he’s definitely given; he probably won’t know what to do with himself if Baekhyun rejects him…Kai thinks they’ll go back inside soon and it’s better for her dignity if she doesn’t make any ridiculous attempts to reestablish the engagement, but he makes sure to preserve the right amount of speculation in his statement, because they don’t need Chanyeol’s father probing around to find out about his son’s love life. She gapes unintelligently after his last words, and Kai wonders for a moment if he made a huge mistake by saying what he said, but a part of his brain is also counting her exposed teeth for some reason. He guesses it’s the temptation of seeing them all so clearly with open wide like that. Is it really that surprising, that Chanyeol might be in a relationship or be romantically interested in someone?

“Jeez you guys are in your early twenties, when did they even find you?!” she exclaims in the end, pulling at her hair in frustration and Kai bursts in loud laughter. It’s such a strange day, he thinks. She cried in his presence and he laughed in her presence; the universe might be turning around today.

--

DeMonSoo: Are you very very sure you’ll be okay? I mean perfectly okay, birds-singing-joyously-in-the-trees-and-life-is-beautiful sort of okay. I won’t mind if you want to skip, no one will misunderstand or take offence or anything. Don’t think of being nice to me, or anything else, just answer honestly.

Me: You’ve been asking that every hour we’ve been apart. For the last three days. Seriously, Soo >.< My answer is the same: yes, I’ll be very much, unicorns-flying-happily-over-the-clouds, okay.

DeMonSoo: I just want to be sure! You’re my best friend and I understand it has been a difficult month for you; we all understand. You don’t have to push yourself, you have nothing to prove. It’s not like we can’t find another time to gather and have fun…

Me: Soo, I’m pretty sure you’ve orchestrated this whole ‘gathering’ thing partly to get me and Chanyeol in the same place at the same time. And I’m pretty sure you said it was your idea, so why are you contradicting yourself so much?? I’m worried for you…

Soo: Don’t try to stir this conversation away from you mister! And I’ll be reminding you that you can opt out of tomorrow’s event and your impending meeting with Chanyeol until the very last moment. I know it was my idea and I want it to happen, but I don’t want to see you sad again. I want you to be ready more than anything else.

DemoDae: Hi Baek! So, I’m going to get straight to the point here: I know you think that tomorrow will be a great opportunity to see Chanyeol again, which we totally didn’t plan for you or anything, but, you know, you can say no for tomorrow’s thing. I’m thinking, what if what you’re thinking is not the same thing he is thinking and all we thought turns out to be not such a great idea after all? Have you thought of that?

Me: Owmygerd, why are you and Kyungsoo bombarding me with doubts that are not even my own?!?! Yes, I’ve thought of that and I’m mentally prepared to the best of my ability. You and Kyungsoo need to stop thinking so much of it.

DemoDae: Kyungsoo’s on your case too?? That’s only because we’re your best friends, we’re trying to look after you and do what’s best for you! Wait, I’m starting a group chat.

Conversation with DemoDae, DeMonSoo

Dae: Ahh~ it’s good to be on the same page! I hope you’re all well and blah, blah. That being said; Baek, we could say you’re sick or something if you want to skip tomorrow’s dinner at Kai’s…

Soo: He TOLD yOu HE waNts To Skip?! I have been asking so nicely all week and he’s been answering no consistently! Byun Baek, why have you been saying no to me?!

Dae: Don’t take it personally, he didn’t admit it to me either. He’s obviously in denial…

Me: Wait, guys, I don’t want to skip! And I’m not in denial!

Dae: I say you are. Kyungsoo says you are, too.

Soo: I do?

Dae: Whose side are you on?! Of course you do!

Me: No, he doesn’t!

Soo: Okay I do.

Me: I need better friends, remind me sometime.

Dae: We’re as good as they come though…

Soo: So………um…..you’re coming???

Me: YEASHHHH

Me: For the fifty-seventh time!!! >.<

Dae: I can hear your frustration all the way from my apartment. Calm down, puppy. How many times did you even ask him, Kyungsoo?

Soo: Maybe forty seven, in variations, for today? I stopped counting after the thirtieth. And we’re only concerned about you, Baek…

Soo: Oh, and Kai says hi.

Me: Say hi to Kai too!^^

Dae: He’s with you right now??

Soo: Yes, we’re shopping for tomorrow. This idiot can’t pick a cabbage; we’ve been staring at them for solid five minutes. I don’t know if his standards are too high or if his brain is performing another notoriously ingenious twirl…

Me: Shouldn’t you be helping him? Instead of pestering me?! Just saying…

Soo: He’ll manage, he can use some training. Besides, this is the only time we can set this straight before tomorrow night; I’ve been trying all week but you’re always so easily distracted during work :/

Dae: If you’re not sure you want to do this though, we’d happily torture Park Chanyeol with his guilt for you kkkk

Soo: I like you Chen, god I do kkkk

Me: YOU SHALL NOT DO ANY SUCH HEARTLESS MEAN THING TO OUR POOR CHANYEOL! Do you hear me?!!

Dae: As I was saying…

Soo: As you were saying…

Me: You are horrible friends who ignore my wishes.

Dae: No, we’re just overriding them a bit XD Anyway, we could make an obvious excuse, indirectly indicating that Baek is avoiding him. We can always torture him with guilt a little more mwuahaha We don’t even have to try all that much!

Soo: I can make chocolate desert! It will remind him of Baek! Plus, it will be like Baekhyun can’t stand his presence, even with the lure of chocolate. Cheers for the extra pangs of guilt!

Dae: You’re stepping up to the challenge like a real man, Soo! And we can tell him that Baek is not ready to see him yet, but you know, make it sound like judgment ;-) I can raise an eyebrow.

Soo: Ohoho we can add the best-friend-glare! I’m good at glares! We will obliterate him!

Soo: Kai is having so much fun with this plan (I don’t think we’ll ever find a cabbage)

Me: NO! STOP! You lot. I’m appalled, for all it’s worth. I don’t want to associate myself with you as of now. harrumph.

Dae: C’mon Baek, why not? He deserves to suffer! You are our best friend and you deserve to be avenged somehow, to some degree! We won’t mind getting a bit of blood on our hands for you!

Soo: I’m saying no to blood. Blood spatter will be a pain to clean.

Soo: And, I might be a fanboy, but I agree. Park Chanyeol is smart, but he’s a stubborn idiot too, and he hurt Baekhyun with his secrets. He was a rude person.

Dae: I have a feeling you amended your original characterization of him.

Soo: I’m trying to keep a decent, civil level of conversation. Back to Baek now. We will just say something happened, it will be harmless! We just want to see him suffer; not too much, just a little.

Dae: We can make a decent excuse, trust us!

Dae: You’ve been quiet for a while here. Are you ignoring us?! or did you leave to make some hot chocolate for yourself?

Me: It was chocolate. With vanilla and cookies on the side, but I’m not sharing. And for the last time: I’ll be fine.

Me: I WANT TO GO. I WANT TO SEE CHANYEOL. I AM SURE. I WANT IT VERY VERY MUCH. I WANT TO. I DO. PLEASE, I DO.

Me: Spare meeeeeee *watery puppy eyes*

Dae: Damn, he’s good. I think I’m sold. Sorry Soo.

Soo: The rainbow puppy rays have blinded me.

--

Chanyeol knocks on Kai’s door, hoping it’s loud enough to be heard from someone inside. It’s awkward when you have to knock over three times. He can hear people talking inside the apartment, soft hums and peals of laughter buzzing in the empty hallway. His ears search the sound, trying to make out the separate voices and one in particular, but it’s never clear enough. His heart is about to shoot through the roof in anxiety as he waits for someone to answer the door, and he bites his lips. He hops on his heels twice, fixing his immaculate clothes nervously. He has to look good.

Today is the day. He’s going to see Baekhyun again.

It sounds surreal. After a certainly eventful month or so, he is going to see him again. Chanyeol never thought he could feel so impatient, excited and frightened about one thing. Then again, he has been working, living and breathing for this moment throughout this month, so…His determination and confidence in his feelings are the only things that keep him in place in front of that door instead of making a run for the hills. He doesn’t just want this, he needs this. He needs to see Baekhyun and hear his voice and touch his hand to make sure he is real. He needs to feel his heart skipping beats and thundering in his chest to make sure he’s still alive after all these horrible days without Baekhyun.

He couldn’t believe his luck when Kai told him he had scheduled a barbeque with Kyungsoo for this weekend, and that Baekhyun would be attending as well. He definitely didn’t let out a devastatingly unmanly squeal in the middle of a restaurant at the sound of the news. Those are just rumors, haha. It was in a coffee shop. He felt about to pass out, sheer glee cascading down on him from the cupcake heavens above. He was unsure he would be welcomed to the small gathering if his wounded little guy would be there, but Kai said it’s not the same situation as it was on Baekhyun’s birthday, and that they would have to meet eventually, so they might as well do it now. Chanyeol is not completely dense, he said yes; tentatively, but yes. Chanyeol changed seven shirts and was restless all day today. He feels lightheaded whenever he’s thinking about it.

“Oh, Chanyeol! Welcome!” Chen answers the door with a huge smile and Chanyeol flinches slightly, feeling abnormally stiff. He smiles back, trying to loosen up; if Chen is smiling comfortably like that, then maybe things are not as bad as they could be, according to the worst case scenario in Chanyeol’s head. Which is a really ugly scenario, Chanyeol was crying when he was thinking about it. Chanyeol walks in and takes off his coat, performing his routine comfortably after all the times he has been in here. He glances inside the house discretely, trying to search for people and a person in particular.

“What happened to the living room?” he ends up asking, noticing that the regular furniture has disappeared and has been replaced by a really long dining table, covered in white tablecloth and decorated subtly with colorful flowers and short candles with small, glittering flames. It’s very pretty.

“There are too many of us, so we turned it into a dining room!” Chen explains, making wiggling jazz hands towards the space of interest and grinning widely. Chanyeol nods in approval. “Come on in, you’re the last one. Work?” Chen guesses, still smiling as he makes his way to the living-room-turned-dining-room and motioning Chanyeol to follow him inside. He’s much more friendly and comfortable than Chanyeol had expected. Maybe his worries were extravagant. Maybe things are not as bad. Maybe everything will be fine. Chanyeol appreciates Chen’s easygoing vibe; it makes him relax and gives him hope.

“Yeah” Chanyeol nods, his lips curling loosely into a small smile. He had to wrap up a few papers about the overtimes everyone worked for him during the last month, and then he had to go home and shower and change clothes, so it took slightly longer than expected to get here. Judging by how unimpressed Chen looks to see him arriving late, Luhan must have informed them of the state he left Chanyeol at the office earlier; he was filing papers like crazy, signing them and filling in small blanks. It’s a boring task that had to be done, and he completed it as fast as he could. He nearly ended up scribbling Baekhyun’s name all over his papers, his mind spinning in anticipation.

“Well, most of us are grilling on the veranda outside” Chen nods towards the glass doors that lead outside before turning his eyes on Chanyeol “but I have a feeling you want to stop by the bar first” Chen winks momentarily with a mischievous smile, and then he leaves Chanyeol, skipping his merry way outside.

Chanyeol is not stupid. He knows what Chen meant. So, this is it. He takes a deep breath in preparation, his knees wobbling, but he steels his nerves and turns towards the small bar in the corner of the large room. He doesn’t know if he spun too fast or excruciatingly slow, but he feels a little dizzy, especially with the breath trapped in his chest. He sees two people sitting at the bar, one is Luhan and the other is…Baekhyun. Chanyeol’s heart almost stops at the realization, throbbing painfully in his chest and he gasps. He examines Baekhyun from afar for a moment, practicing his breathing and giving himself a few moments to come to terms with the fact that Baekhyun is right there. He looks healthy, fine. He looks beautiful. He is wearing dark skinny jeans and a light blue blouse with blue rhomboid patterns at the front. He looks a bit skinnier than Chanyeol remembers. His chestnut hair is falling simply and gracefully across his forehead in a fringe and his puppy eyes glint calmly in the light as he watches Luhan speak with great concentration. His skin is paler than usual, but it has a beautiful glow nonetheless. Chanyeol’s heart picks up the pace, seeing his rosy little lips forming a vague smile at something Luhan just told him.

Chanyeol gulps and makes a few steps forward, feeling his heart rumbling loudly in his chest. It feels harder to breathe with every step he takes and his thoughts get tangled more and more after every blink of his eyes. He’s in a Hitchcock moment, only with a rosy, glowy ambience. Luhan is the first to notice him, as the latter is crawling his disbelieving limbs towards the bar. Chanyeol’s body shoots up straight, trying to cope with the attention of the blond.

“Oh, hey, Chanyeol!” he greets cheerfully, as if he weren’t sick of his face just a few hours ago at the office. Chanyeol appreciates everyone’s effort to create a cheerful scene; he finds it encouraging. It makes him feel welcomed, optimistic and a bit brighter himself, but he is too nervous to notice it right now, when his heart feels like it will burst to confetti pieces because it beats so frantically. “I was just about to go outside. You should come outside too; Chen brought some finger food to die for! Make sure you don’t miss it!” Luhan almost runs out the door to the veranda, in a not-so-subtle way, leaving Chanyeol alone with Baekhyun. It couldn’t get more obvious that their friends had planned this moment. Chanyeol stares after him, trying to remember what it feels like to breathe. He knows Baekhyun is looking at him, he can feel it on the side of his face, as if his gaze in a gentle caress that reminds Chanyeol what is about to happen. His nerves tangle in his stomach and he gulps. You’ve been waiting for this, you can do it.

“Hi” at the sound of Baekhyun’s timid voice, Chanyeol spins around immediately. Chanyeol had imagined he’d be the first to speak and he would start with a very grand apology. Now the chance to start the conversation is lost –because he still feels dazed and overwhelmed– but it’s a small loss; the most important thing is that they are standing here together, across from each other. The space between them for once seems to be getting smaller than before. Baekhyun is still sitting on a stool by the house bar, offering Chanyeol a small, shy smile. Chanyeol loses whatever thought he had in his head previously at the sight of two satin, rose petal lips resting against each other and curling at the corners. So beautiful…Chanyeol’s brain swoons and giggles, rolling in candy clouds.

“It’s nice to see you after so long” Baekhyun continues, his voice ringing like music in Chanyeol’s ears; he has missed that voice, so much. During the past month, he could recall what Baekhyun looked like more or less, but his voice had become a distant and hazy memory in Chanyeol’s thoughts. He is not angry at me? Or sad or disgusted? Baekhyun is sitting straight, his shoulders back and his pale neck relaxed. His expression seems sincere and calm. Chanyeol can’t believe he deserves to see him so sweet and gentle towards him, after everything that has happened, but he feels immense relief rolling down his spine and tickling his lips until they crack a smile. It’s wonderful to see you again, Baek. You have no idea how much I missed you. I feel so happy, that my heart physically hurts right now. Chanyeol notices the awkward silence between them, as he keeps staring at Baekhyun and Baekhyun keeps waiting for an answer. Realizing he should probably say something, Chanyeol opens his mouth to speak; but there is no sound coming out.

Oh no, not now! He tries again, but his words are stuck in his heart and they won’t come out. He tries again and again, a couple of times more, resulting in a few moments of his lips gapping like a fish in a silly way. Chanyeol feels like he is chocking on the words. And he wants to cry. He has prepared so much for this moment! He has practiced in front of the mirror, he even wrote down on a paper the highlights of his speech! He has wanted to apologize to Baekhyun more than anything else in the world, and now his body suddenly decided not to cooperate and Chanyeol feels frustrated! He closes his mouth sadly. I can’t believe this is happening…And there is also that shimmer of expectation in Baekhyun’s beautiful cocoa eyes that stabs right at Chanyeol’s heart.

“Well, won’t you say anything?” Baekhyun chuckles lightly but his smile falters in disappointment. Chanyeol pouts miserably at the sight. Believe me, Baek, there are so many things I want to tell you right now but I, I just, I can’t…“It’s okay…We have a lot of time ahead, maybe you’ll feel better after a while. It must have been a long day for you. Should we go outside then?” Baekhyun suggests, trying to sound cheerful. He makes a small gesture towards the veranda and presses his lips in an expression that resembles –but clearly isn’t– a smile, and Chanyeol bites his lips. Chanyeol hates that. He hates that he is hurting Baekhyun even more right now, with this stupid knot in his throat, and he hates that Baekhyun has to hide his disappointment with a cheerful front. He needs to stop hiding behind Baekhyun’s protective, stoic understanding.

“No, wait…” by something like a miracle, Chanyeol finally manages to make his tongue move. Maybe his deep voice sounds slightly drowsy and slow, like he is just learning how to speak, but at least that’s better than nothing! Baekhyun freezes in his spot upon hearing Chanyeol’s voice and the latter is not sure if that’s a good sign. He thinks he saw him shiver, as if he’s been spooked. Baekhyun blinks a couple of times, stunned, and then he sits back on the stool obediently. This is very awkward and very intense for both of them. Chanyeol takes a deep breath. “Baekhyun, I…need to explain a few things” he says, remembering how to speak more clearly with every new word, and trying frantically to remember the words he had planned to say. They keep escaping the last moment but Chanyeol doesn’t give up and keeps chasing after them stubbornly. Baekhyun glances down at his hands for a moment and then turns his kind eyes to Chanyeol again; Chanyeol’s heart melts at the quiet gentleness in his eyes.

“There is nothing to explain” he says softly and seriously. Chanyeol’s eyebrows knit in confusion. Of course there is! There are a ton of things he needs to explain and apologize for. “Look, Chanyeol…” Baekhyun continues before Chanyeol has time to protest and he keeps quiet, because Baekhyun seems to be having a difficult time with words as well and Chanyeol respects that. Chanyeol’s heart flips at the sound of his name coming out of Baekhyun’s lips. “I know everything. They told me everything” They? Their friends have told him everything already? A huge gap appears in Chanyeol’s list of things he’d like to say, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. “A-and…” Baekhyun lowers his eyes to his twiddling fingers and bites his lips a little, and something inside Chanyeol’s brain is dying as they speak “I understand, I think. I’m not so confused anymore and…maybe we can talk about this when we’ll both be ready for it” he says sincerely and innocently. Chanyeol frowns; he doesn’t mind that their friends have explained everything to Baekhyun already, because he understands that maybe Baekhyun needed to know after he got hurt. And he doesn’t mind if Baekhyun is not ready to talk about this, he’s willing to wait patiently for as long as he has to. But still, Chanyeol was hoping he would get a chance to let everything off his chest, to explain and apologize for every single one of his mistakes to Baekhyun…

“If you already know everything, can I just…” Chanyeol takes in a short breath, averting his eyes to the floor for a long moment, trying to compose himself, before he looks up again with wide, hopeful eyes. “Would it be possible for you to consider…to forgive me, if I asked?” Chanyeol asks timidly. His heart is beating really loud in his chest, almost making his teeth chatter in anticipation. He looks at Baekhyun in the eyes, the shorter looking back with round, surprised eyes. There are many thoughts inside his eyes and Chanyeol can’t read them at all, as if he’s peering inside a depthless pool to glimpse at a pebble. If he says no…Chanyeol will die. Or at least faint right then and there. Baekhyun opens his mouth with a breath and then purses his lips again without uttering a word. It feels like a slap on the face for Chanyeol. He turns his eyes to the ground in defeat, his heart sinking down his body leaving torn pieces on the way, the corners of his vision blurring fast.

“I don’t think I feel comfortable to discuss this with you right now” Baekhyun says then, composed and timid, and he glances at the veranda knowingly before bringing his attention back to Chanyeol “We have an audience” he whispers like a mischievous child.

Chanyeol, as the ever discrete and brilliant person that he is, turns his head abruptly and catches a glimpse of all the men outside rearranging themselves and scattering away from the doors, Kai tripping on his feet and crushing on Sehun’s back. They start bickering. Chanyeol turns his attention back to Baekhyun, pressing his lips in a thin line, and they exchange a nod in understanding. It’s okay. Maybe they can talk about it later. Chanyeol doesn’t know when later is. But, at least Baekhyun didn’t say ‘no’. Maybe, when Chanyeol asks the same question next time, Baekhyun’s answer will be a merciful ‘maybe’. That’s all Chanyeol is asking for and praying for to the universe.

They stay there a little too long, staring at each other silently, but neither wants to look away. The silence is fulfilling in a comforting way.

“I think we should go outside now” Baekhyun chuckles, eventually, and offers a small smile, which reminds Chanyeol of happier times and sunshine. He cannot be sure if he is going to live such happy times again in the future, but a small, hopeful smile appears on his own lips automatically. Maybe it looks a bit sad too, but Baekhyun doesn’t comment on it, even though he surely notices. The smaller hops off the stool and walks away first. Chanyeol takes a moment to recollect himself.

It wasn’t a ‘no’. That should be enough for now. They have to take this at Baekhyun’s pace, not Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol was at fault and that’s how they came to this, but he is not going to make the same mistake; he is going to talk to Baekhyun and listen to him and consider his wishes, expectations and advice. He takes in a breath, trying to comfort himself and offer some reassurance to his restless heart. Okay, this is a party! He reminds himself that he needs to be cheerful. He needs to be good company like he used to be –and maybe, just maybe, he can make Baekhyun smile this way. If he hears Baekhyun’s laughter, then he won’t ask for anything else on this night.

“Aren’t you coming?” Baekhyun’s voice brings Chanyeol back to reality. He looks up in surprise and sees Baekhyun already standing in the doorway, the upper half of his body turned backwards to look at Chanyeol. His hips are leaning to the side in a mesmerizing curve below his waist and Chanyeol’s breath hitches slightly. This is an image so deeply engraved in his head, ever since he first saw Baekhyun…Chanyeol’s brain kicks back into gear when his eyes reach Baekhyun’s pretty eyes, looking back at him expectantly, and he walks swiftly to the door, following Baekhyun outside like a lost duckling.

Once there, the happy atmosphere and the friendly laughter slowly soften Chanyeol’s nervousness and his misery. Everyone looks so happy, smiling and joking and laughing carefree, just like they were on that perfect vacation before the world started to spin the wrong way. It has been an eventful and strenuous month for everyone, and this small party is like a breath of fresh air. They unwind in the midst of the city sunset and May flowers in cute arrangements, with prettily decorated soft drinks in their hands and smiles on their lips.

Chanyeol watches his friends. Unexpectedly, even the ever-busy Suho is here, grilling carefully and methodically, wearing a bright pink frilly apron and with a fatherly smile on his lips –thank god he is cooking, or they would have to starve on this wonderful evening. Lay is staying close around him, to keep him company and feed him appetizers every now and then, while conversing with Kyungsoo, about the flowers and the colors of the sunset from the looks of it. Kyungsoo is smiling a lot and he looks comfortable, as if he’s at home; Chanyeol proudly notes that Kai must have done something right in his life with this man. Kai is grilling the meat as well, but he is less talented at it, Chanyeol knows from experience. He walks around to chat with the others and gets distracted like a child, leaving the meat to fend for its own above the fire. Whenever he gets too carried away by a cheerful conversation, Kyungsoo chides him and sends him back before he carbons all the food, and Kai complies with a pout. Those two are cute. Baekhyun and Chen are sitting by the veranda table, drinking ice tea and discussing comfortably with each other, with frequent interruptions by Luhan, who is sitting across from them. Sehun is sitting next to him and he is talking with Xiumin, about cocktails, if Xiumin’s gestures are indicative as a bartender. Chanyeol hovers here and there, answering everyone’s benevolent questions about his adventures with work and family during the last month; but no one asks when Baekhyun is around.

For the last ten minutes, Chanyeol has been standing by the doorway, silently sipping his tea by himself. Everyone must have noticed by now –thought no one mentions it– that Chanyeol keeps staring at Baekhyun longingly whenever the latter is not looking, so they let him be. It seems that everyone but Baekhyun himself has noticed what Chanyeol has been doing, and have slipped him a knowing smile or a wink or a thumbs-up. Chanyeol’s cheeks turn crimson in those moments but Baekhyun never notices him; why would he? It’s not like he’s been examining him from a distance, memorizing the color of his hair in the sunlight, and the way his eyes flutter open and closed, and the way his lips stretch in a smile or pout in concentration or open wide in the midst of an animated narration. Chanyeol bites his lip to hide a smile when Baekhyun giggles, the sound wrapping around him like a pair of warm, comforting arms.

“Look, Soo, I’ve finished the first one! It is ready!” Kai exclaims suddenly over the murmur of combined voices and he brings a plate close to Kyungsoo. Everyone peers curiously, momentarily putting their conversations on hold. Kai is rather good at attracting attention. The smaller gives it a strict, judging look.

“That’s black” he deadpans, obviously unimpressed, and everyone laughs entertained, except for Kai, who starts whining about how he is making a decent effort. Kyungsoo calls him a stubborn idiot, but the insult sounds strangely affectionate. The rest start gathering closer to take a look at Kai’s…um, achievement. Chanyeol cannot hide a big smile on his face as he walks closer too, listening to Luhan’s flourishing laughter and remarks, and Lay trying to save the day and Kai’s pride. Chanyeol had been working alone for so long; it feels nice to be around people he loves again. He feels comfortable and warm with these people; they are like family. Chanyeol pauses that thought and takes a step back to take another glance to his right in bewilderment. Because did he just see Xiumin pulling Chen closer by the waist? When did they happen, are they an established couple? Why didn’t anyone tell Chanyeol and how much has he missed in this plot?

Taking advantage of the moment of his confusion, a small body shuffles from somewhere on his side towards his front, mingling with the gathered crowd and settling right in the middle of his personal space. Chanyeol’s heart shakes a little when he realizes it’s Baekhyun who has come closer to watch with the rest, and so it happens that he’s standing right in front of Chanyeol and almost leaning against him. He gulps awkwardly, not sure whether he should take a step back or move over, or maybe tilt to the side. He doesn’t know if Baekhyun is oblivious or if he would be uncomfortable with their proximity. Just then, Chen’s arm shoves Baekhyun back a little and the smaller presses against Chanyeol’s chest lightly. Chanyeol’s heart picks up the pace but Baekhyun doesn’t even flinch –which should mean that he doesn’t mind their closeness, right? We’re in a pile of limbs with the rest, I don’t think he even notices…

Chanyeol bites his lips, the scent of Baekhyun’s shampoo wafting to his nose when Baekhyun tiptoes to get a better view. Everything inside Chanyeol itches to reach out and hug Baekhyun and squeeze him in his chest, but it’s an absurd urge, so he bites his cheeks and suffers through it. Baekhyun sways on his feet dangerously then, and Chanyeol reflexively lifts his hand against Baekhyun’s back for support, moving without thinking. But when he realizes a moment later where his hand is, his face flushes brightly; he stares at his hand against Baekhyun’s blue shirt and his fingers twitch, basking in the warmth and softness. Baekhyun leans even more on him for support, acting ever so comfortably, and Chanyeol feels like he is going to cry from the bundle of sunbeams that sneak inside and nest in his heart.

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a/n: Hello cupcakes! I tried to include many enjoyable moments for you in this chapter, so I hope you cracked a smile at least while reading this, or maybe squealed a little, hehe^^

It was so nice to write about a hunhan date and their domestic moments, because I feel like I haven’t been paying them enough attention as a couple during the past chapters *sowieee* And kaisoo are co-hosting a party, now isn’t that cute?! *-* I like it when they act like a couple~ They’re a pair of attentive friends who managed to, finally…*drum roll please* make baekyeol meet!! Hip hip hurray, we’re out of the angst boat! The engagement is over, Krystal explained herself –I hadn’t unexpected she would open up to Kai, but I think it came out nice–, and we’ve had the first fragments of interaction for baekyeol! It’s a reunion bathed in sunset colors and adorable awkwardness; and the night is not over yet! We’ll see more of these sweethearts on the next chapter!

oh, about the texting bit, it's from baek's pov, and the nicknames are french-inspired for some unknown reason. For Chen, demoDae, as in démodé (which means out of fashion) and for Soo, DeMonSoo, as in de mon Soo (from my Soo) but it also reads 'demon Soo'. I don't know why this humorous wordplay came to me in french while I was on the train...

I feel like such a better person now that I’m not hurting you with heartbreaking developments <3 I can’t wait to share more fluffiness with you! Until next time, smile a lot cupcakes, okay? I love you!!! kitty