There is a loud banging clutter coming from somewhere inside the house and he swears the sheer force of that collision, whatever it was, has the wall frames shaking everywhere. The whole building must have heard that. Chanyeol growls irritably and pulls the shirt over his head a little more forcefully, hissing at the pain he inflicts on his own ears. If she broke anything in his house, so help him soft cakes he won’t kill her…Looking at his menacing reflection in the mirror, Chanyeol is sure that, if he strangles her in a snap, it will be legitimately, completely beyond his self-control. He nurses his red ears, caressing them with a hurt whimper. Why couldn’t he be stuck with a more cooperative and understanding fake fiancée?

He sighs in frustration and lets the towel he has been drying his hair with fall on his shoulders, stepping out of the bathroom with determination. The long way to the kitchen gives Chanyeol enough time to debate with himself whether he wants to know what happened, or if homicide is way too risky an option after he finds out. It’s strangely quiet in the aftermath, as he walks to the living room in his half-unlit house –hopefully, she died. But if she didn’t, Chanyeol is trying to convince himself, with every step and sigh of frustration, that it’s okay, whatever she did or broke, it’s okay, because she will be gone soon and he will be able to sleep all the bad memories to nothingness. But he has this feeling, in spite of his efforts, that he will gladly and impenitently murder her at the first sign of stupidity.

He finds her in the kitchen, sitting by the table –alive and breathing, disappointingly enough. What a pity she didn’t drop anything on her head earlier. And the charges keep piling up. Upon closer inspection, he huffs another annoyed sigh, because she is not wearing her clothes, as she should; the whole point of stopping by was to get her clothes dry and be on their way as quickly as possible, so why is she stalling and loitering around? Chanyeol even went through the trouble of drying and ironing her clothes himself, to make sure she wouldn’t find any problems or excuses to stay longer. But now she is wearing one of his white button shirts. Whahh? Where did she even find that?! He left her in a kindly provided bathrobe –fully covered to her ankles– in the guest bathroom, so when did she snuck out of there and into his room, to go through his things and drawers with the intension to steal a shirt? He suddenly feels violated. This obsessive woman is dangerous.

Chanyeol ignores the uneasy feeling in his stomach and walks confidently into her viewing field, but she doesn’t notice him at all. However, he now notices that her top buttons are open, more than it would be decent. Please…Chanyeol rolls his eyes, finding it annoying and not enticing in the least. Maybe he would have thought differently when he was a teenager, but not after having serious relationships, and most definitely not now, when he’s pretty sure he’s halfway swinging the other way when it comes to bedroomal orientation. Chanyeol is pretty sure he’s swinging towards one person in specific, at least, but not many people know that –certainly not her, so that’s why she must be trying to get his attention. And if Chanyeol didn’t know for a fact that he is physically stronger than her, he would be worried that she might make indecent advances and take advantage of him tonight. Men can be the victims in this world sometimes, too.

For now, this dangerous woman is munching on some expensive chocolates, humming to herself and swinging her legs back and forth absentmindedly. Strange…Chanyeol doesn’t recall buying chocolate from that place recently, even though their cocoa delicacies are of the best quality and he enjoys them quite a lot. She didn’t bring them with her either. He blinks in confusion but his eye twitches right after in exasperation, because she looks so audaciously comfortable in here, carefree and calm, and Chanyeol thinks he should have never let her inside the house. He should have left her to freeze outside the door.

“What are you wearing?” he demands sternly and she finally looks up, startled. Chanyeol frowns at her accusingly. “I’m taking you home soon, so where are your clothes? What are you doing in here? And what was that clashing sound just before?” the crease between his eyebrows deepens with every question; and he hates the prospect of having early wrinkles from something other than smiling, and it’s all her fault –he has this strange feeling he has started accusing her for unreasonable things besides the reasonable ones, but he doesn’t think he’s completely crazy yet. She seems to love the attention on her though, her eyes twinkling. Now she might be completely crazy.

“I’m wearing your shirt” she answers sweetly, flipping her hair over her semi-exposed shoulder and leaning to the side. Chanyeol swallows a condescending gurgle and rolls his eyes, unable to control himself. She doesn’t seem to mind. And Chanyeol would like to ask why, just why does she insist on putting the both of them through this? “I wanted to see what it feels like to wear your boyfriend’s shirt. You use such a nice softener. Oh, and the bang was just the door” she smiles at him, but that doesn’t make Chanyeol want to punch her any less. He really wants to; she has brought him past his mental sanity restraints breaking point. Good thing for her his mother raised him to be a gentleman.

“Firstly, I am not your boyfriend, so this situation creeps me out.” He hisses through his teeth, feeling his patience thinning fast and his hair rising on the back of his neck. “Secondly, what do you mean ‘it was just the door’? Did you break it or something?” Chanyeol turns around alarmed to check the front door himself. What might have happened to his poor front door? At first inspection he doesn’t find any obvious dent and that’s a small relief, but he really hopes there’s not any damage on the inside, because those are the hardest to fix.

“No, silly, I just closed it” she giggles nonchalantly, coming closer to the door and bringing her chocolates with her. She leans against a nearby doorframe, observing him checking the lock –and shamelessly checking out his backside but who cares at this point. Chanyeol sighs –she closed it like Hulk. She’s so skinny anyway, how did she manage? Why is she creating so much trouble in general? He heard the clatter of the door from the other side of the house, which is nearly impossible, for goodness sake! He ignores her provocative posture when he turns his attention to her once again, making as much of a difference to him as if she were a grey seal swirling on the floor.

“Why did you even open it?” he asks confused, closing the door gently.

“Oh, there was someone” she quips indifferently, picking up another chocolate piece and focusing on eating that in an over-exaggerated way, after her vague answer. Chanyeol chooses to be a better person and not say anything sarcastic or insulting about it, opting to simply stare expectantly. She must have something more to say for herself, or for the door, or for the person who knocked on the door...He waits for a reasonable time while being ignored before exploding.

“What do you mean there was someone?! Why are you answering the door to my house?! Who was it?!” he yells the first relevant questions that pop up in his head, his voice resonating in the house. It feels tiring to shout and his throat gets a little raw, but it feels surprisingly good to be able to physically let out some tension after so long. She takes a few steps back, looking scared for a moment, but she regains her annoying defiant attitude in no time.

“Hey, I’m your fiancée, so I believe I am allowed to answer the door!” she retorts stubbornly and Chanyeol is too infuriated to start explaining the one thousand two hundred and seventy six reasons why she shouldn’t be doing that, actually. She frowns up at him. “And it wasn’t anyone important, so calm down; I can see the veins on your forehead and that is not healthy. It was just someone, stopping by for a minute. He just brought these and left” she points at the chocolates, her demeanor calmer than before. Chanyeol doesn’t feel only irritated now, he also feels puzzled. Who would bring him chocolates in the middle of the night, after such intense rainfall? It must have been difficult to commute here, with all the traffic and the slippery roads; why go through all that trouble just to bring him chocolate? And who does she think she is, eating his chocolates? If they are poisoned, she is welcomed to keep on devouring them however.

“A stranger brought these and left?” he asks bewildered. It doesn’t make much sense. She has the nerve to roll her eyes at him and the fire of his anger flares within him again, almost making him go for her neck.

“Well, he said he was a friend, but he didn’t even know we are engaged, so some friend he is…” she clicks her tongue. Chanyeol frowns harder than ever. What is the meaning of all this? She gives him a disinterested look. “I’m telling you, it wasn’t important” she shrugs her shoulders and turns around towards the kitchen.

Suddenly, a terrifying thought crosses Chanyeol’s mind. No. Nonono. It-it couldn’t be. His breath catches in his throat and his stomach clenches uncomfortably. It couldn’t be…but why does he feel like throwing himself off a cliff all of a sudden? No, he tries to appease his accelerated heart and all the uneasy churning inside his chest, no, he wouldn’t…but, then again, would he? It couldn’t have been him, right? The blood drains from his face just at the spec of this possibility. This is just Chanyeol’s tired mind, coming up with the worst case scenario and making him literally worried sick. No, this wouldn’t happen, not now, when he’s so close, no. Chanyeol is failing in convincing himself, and his thoughts are screaming denial and fear when he asks through his clogged up throat “Did my friend say his name?”

She halts her advance to the kitchen and turns around, giving him a calculated look. She tries to look in perfect control of herself when she shakes one shoulder coldly and answers with a monotonous “Maybe”

“That is not an answer, you witch!” Chanyeol explodes, his fists clenching on his sides. His hands are cold and his heart feels like it’s boiling in anger and trembling in terror in the same time. His thoughts are rolling down horrifying paths right now and he won’t tolerate any of her games or her stupidity; and to hell with her being a lady, not when it feels like his whole life might sink like a rock in a river with just one word. She jumps back at his sudden accusatory bark, her eyes widening and her hand clasping her heart over her shirt.

“You scared me! What’s wrong with you?” she yells back at him -everyone in the building must have heard them by now- and she gives him a disapproving, frightened look. “I didn’t care much to know his name…I think his name was B-something…” And that’s the point when Chanyeol finds out. He knew it, he knew it, no no, it can’t be, please no! His heart drops to the floor. “Bakon, Bakyun…?”

“Baekhyun.” Screw my life. He breathes out through his pale lips, feeling a small part of his life being exhaled along, leaving his body cold. He can feel his heart shuttering in tender little pieces and his vision blurs at the edges. Her expression hardens.

“Yes, that could be it”

Chanyeol takes a moment to evaluate his situation, trying to overcome the tendency to faint. Don’t kill yourself. He didn’t know Baekhyun was coming, but he should have foreseen it; he has done it before, with the intention to bring some sunshine in Chanyeol’s grey life. And it just had to be today, when he is stuck with her. Don’t strangle her. Baekhyun came by and brought him chocolates; he brought him chocolates. And she opened the door. Don’t stab her. She looked half-dressed in his shirt like this, and she told Baekhyun that she is his fiancée. Baekhyun knew nothing of this circus before, Chanyeol made sure he’d keep him safely unaware of this burden. Don’t freaking kick her out the window. And what is more, she is shamelessly eating the chocolate now, after she slammed the door closed at Baekhyun and stalled Chanyeol for so long. Don’t kill her, please, don’t kill her. But Baekhyun didn’t leave too long ago; maybe Chanyeol can reach him, maybe he can explain. Run.

Chanyeol makes a one-hundred-and-eighty degrees turn so fast he sees stars and yanks the door open, throwing his towel on the floor and grabbing his coat. She calls after him in shock, asking what on earth he’s doing and demanding that he comes back, but forget her right now, he has a heart to save. He puts on his shoes hastily and runs out the door, lurching towards the elevator.

The elevator takes too long to come. Krystal keeps calling him from the door, asking questions he doesn’t care to answer, but she shuts with one wild glare from Chanyeol. He can’t handle her right now, unless this day is to end with a dead body. Chanyeol presses the button many times more than necessary until he decides to run down the stairs and catch up with the elevator halfway. He gets so engrossed on fleeing down the stairs like a mad man that he forgets about the elevator; his adrenaline will take him there faster anyway, but he regrets living on the twentieth floor with every step he takes all the same. He can’t get out fast enough no matter what he does.

He jumps out in the street like a crazy man, his eyes searching frantically for any signs of him. Cars pass by hastily, splashing in puddles and mud, and people walk by, their umbrellas floating in the air and tossing the rain aside. Nobody cares and it’s a cold night. Chanyeol is soaked with rain in no time but he couldn’t care less. He blinks the rain away like teardrops, spinning every way his feet can carry him. Is he soaked too? Did he bring an umbrella? Please, let him be safe. He runs around, left and right, searching the street and the people who pass by in a hurry with their umbrellas. He needs to find him, he needs to explain. Everyone walks away from him, avoiding him, and Chanyeol is starting to grow desperate. If his guy walked away too because of that stupid misunderstanding, because of that stupid woman, because of his stupid secrets, because of his stupid luck…The head of a brunet catches his eye across the street.

“Baekhyun!” he yells on the top of his lungs. There is nothing to guarantee that the person across the street is him, but Chanyeol is grasping at straws. “Baekhyun, please wait!” The person who could be him walks away steadily, not responding in the least to his calls. Chanyeol claws at his face and he tries to cross the street, but there are too many cars. He makes a couple of efforts more, but it will do him no good if someone runs him over. He curses under his breath and growls at every car, but they just keep coming. Why? No. No no please no. He keeps calling his name like a prayer and he glances once again across the street.

But there is nothing. This time there is nothing. He lost him. He lost his chance. He lost his guy. And now, it feels like he has lost a lot more than that. Baekhyun walked away from him, from his messed up life, from his future, and now it feels like all is lost, like there is no reason for anything anymore, like Chanyeol is hollow. Chanyeol leans on a lamppost, accepting the rain beating down on him and sighing heavily, trying to find a way to breathe. So this day does indeed end with a death; Chanyeol is dead inside.

--

“Soo, I need to tell you something” Kai begins, throwing more vegetables into Kyungsoo’s pan. Did he just discreetly rearrange the knife further away from Kyungsoo on the counter? Kyungsoo frowns; nah, why would he do that, it’s probably just his imagination. He keeps stirring with a simple hum of approval. Kai presses his lips thoughtfully, for no apparent reason, other than the wheels turning in his head. Uh-oh. “But I need to ask you a few things first, if you don’t mind…” he raises his round puppy eyes to stare at Kyungsoo as if his life is hanging from the shorter’s lips. Kyungsoo sighs and takes his time to think through his options of an answer, turning the vegetables over to scorch every side.

“Are we going to have one of those ‘conversations’ that come to you as a godsend idea and to me like a slap in the face?” he ends up asking, looking up at Kai through his eyelashes, shamelessly pleading with a pitiful expression. He can’t possibly imagine what Kai is keeping in store for him this time, but he has had his fare share of bizarrely uncomfortable conversations for today. With no other than his mother. You can’t even imagine how many times that woman managed to mention wives, children, dating, fiancées and marriage in the ninety-seven minutes it took them to have a proper mother-and-son coffee date. Kai doesn’t know that, of course –maybe Kyungsoo will tell him later, make a nonchalant mention on the subject, if Kai behaves and if Kyungsoo feels confident and safe enough to venture into that conversation– but in any case Kyungsoo thinks Kai is an understanding man, who will show compassion and mercy to his poor, tired soul. Kai gives him an honest look, frowning strictly.

“I’d never slap you” he mumbles and then pouts, completely sidetracked from whatever topic of discussion he had in mind earlier. Kyungsoo feels a little relieved in the prospect of buying some time to prepare before the imminent conversation, and he finds it endearing that Kai would defend his love for him, even when it’s clear that Kyungsoo had only been joking. He stops stirring for a moment and cracks a small smile. He knows Kai would never hurt him.

“I know” he whispers and stands on the tips of his toes to peck that inviting pout. It has become a bit more comfortable for him to show affection lately, maybe because he has been spending so much time playing house with Kai. He is entertained when he feels Kai chasing after his lips as he pulls away, and his smile spreads on his lips openly. Kai blinks, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Where did that come from?” he mumbles dazedly, but then he shakes his head vigorously, frowning stubbornly and pouting again “No wait; Do Kyungsoo, stop trying to distract me!” he exclaims childishly, stomping his foot. Kyungsoo holds back a chuckle.

“Ah, I got caught” he muses lifelessly, which cracks Kai up. Kyungsoo sneaks in a smile of his own somewhere in there. Kai wordlessly thanks him for creating another precious moment between them by wrapping his arms around his midsection and peppering kisses on the side of his neck and face. Stirring suddenly goes on autopilot, until Kai pulls back to chop the next vegetable and leaves Kyungsoo to add seasoning as he hums –it’s a habit his mother has passed down to him, among many other not-so-praiseworthy qualities. “So, what did you want to ask about?” he asks when he remembers their earlier conversation. Kai’s knife halts momentarily over the mushroom, but the movement is very small and Kyungsoo wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t so alert -because it’s wiser to approach Kai’s brilliant ideas with caution in general.

“Mmm, what do you think of the best friend code?” his voice is nonchalant and light, but his words sound careful to Kyungsoo for some reason. Kyungsoo tries not to show his suspicion over the other’s fishy behavior, lest he discourages him from saying what he has been planning to say. But seriously. Best friend code? What is this, high school musical? Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow.

“You’re not really helping me in finding a non-sarcastic answer”

“Well” Kai chuckles heartily and throws the vegetables in the pan. Kyungsoo’s expression smoothes out, secretly liking the way they’re cooking together; it eases his nerves. Kai maneuvers his body behind Kyungsoo and weaves his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, resting his chin on the shorter’s shoulder. Kyungsoo isn’t fooled, he sees right through the gesture; he’s hiding his face from him now, huh? This is highly suspicious. “You know…let’s say, maybe, secrets among best friends? What do you, hypothetically, think of that?” Kai asks, and his voice is the same mixture of lighthearted and careful, just like before. Soft lips rest on the nape of Kyungsoo’s neck and Kyungsoo bites his lips when he frowns in confusion. Something is amiss, he just can’t guess what it might be, and it confuses him.

“You’re not making much sense tonight you know” he tries to chuckle naturally -not sounding all that natural in the end-, pulling the pan off the heat and setting it aside for now. He spins around in Kai’s arms unexpectedly, looking up at the worried expression Kai had been hiding, which only confirms that something is troubling him, as Kyungsoo suspected. Kyungsoo cups his hands on Kai’s cheeks, leaving him no choice but to look into his eyes. “What is it?” he asks calmly, watching Kai’s upper lip twitching. He gives Kai time to organize his answer, counting to ten inside his head. This feels like the right time to try this honest communication thing -Baekhyun says it’s important. And it seems to be working.

“I’m a bit anxious to say this” Kai admits, glancing down once before he looks timidly in Kyungsoo’s eyes again, and he looks so uncertain that Kyungsoo wants to hug him closer and pat his hair. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain-” cue Kyungsoo’s phone ringing obnoxiously on the counter. Kai exhales, deflating, and he motions at Kyungsoo to pick it up. Kyungsoo blindly reaches for his phone with one hand, holding up a finger with the other.

“Hold that thought” he mumbles, checking the caller identification with the intension to ignore it, because he wants to prioritize Kai in this moment and hear whatever the taller had been trying to say. But he changes his mind with a bewildered frown. Kyungsoo is more than puzzled to receive a phone call this late at night from him. “Chen?” he asks uncertainly after he picks up. He disentangles himself from Kai’s arms and takes a step away.

“What does he want?” Kai articulates soundlessly, quirking his eyebrows seemingly just as confused, and leaving the pot alone on the stove to walk closer. Kyungsoo holds up one finger again while he listens to Chen with an unsettling feeling in his stomach. Chen usually doesn’t need to call him this late at night. This can’t be good.

“Soo, I’m so sorry to call you this late, but I didn’t know who else to call” Chen sounds a bit worried, albeit not particularly remorseful for the intrusion. Kyungsoo leans on a kitchen stool, his brows creasing on his forehead.

“What happened?” he asks right away, feeling worry creeping up his spine and nestling in his stomach. Kai leans beside him, observing him closely for any news.

“It’s Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo flinches and grips the phone harder. Oh no, not their neglected, depressed little puppy! Kyungsoo doesn’t even dare make assumptions on what has happened, because he’d end up causing himself a mental breakdown in a couple of minutes.

“What happened to him?! Speak, for the love of god!” he demands, his eyes opening wider than humanly possible.

“He’s mostly fine, he has just locked himself in his bedroom. He called me earlier and he was sobbing, so I couldn’t understand him very well. I rushed here as fast as I could but he was already in his fortress. I can hear him crying, but he won’t let me in. Please, come over; it has been fifteen minutes and I’m freaking out”

“Chen, calm down. I’ll be there as soon as I can” Kyungsoo hops off the stool quickly and heads for Kai’s living room where he left his coat and his umbrella when he came in earlier. Kai follows him curiously and slightly alarmed as well, but Kyungsoo ignores him in favor of planning other things in his mind. He has to reach Baekhyun’s house as soon as he can, avoiding roads that turn dangerous after so much rain, and he has to be there as soon as he can, did he mention that? He turns the coat around in his hands. What’s wrong, Baek? “It doesn’t sound like him to do this; is he hurt?” he asks quickly.

“Physically? I don’t think so…But I think I understood enough earlier to say he is hurt”

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo nearly growls on his phone, not appreciating the uncertainty.

“Are you sitting down?” Kyungsoo takes the advice, because all sorts of horrible scenarios run in his mind right now, much as he tried to keep them away, and he doesn’t know how to handle them. So he sits on the couch bewildered, with only one arm through his coat on his shoulders.

“I am now”

“Good. Listen: Park Chanyeol is getting married.” Kyungsoo chokes but swallows it to listen “Don’t ask me how I know, it’s a long story; I just know. And I think Baekhyun now knows as well. I don’t think Chanyeol told him; he would have handled it better than to have this outcome. I don’t know how he found out, but it must have been very sudden. And painful. So please, come over; he needs us”

“I’m…I’m coming” Kyungsoo mumbles through his stunned lips, rapidly getting out of his sudden stupor and finding his former haste. “Hang in there okay?” Kyungsoo ends the call and stares at his phone in his lap for a while, focusing on his breath. What the hell just happened?

“Soo, is everything okay? You look pale” Kai asks anxiously after a few moments of deafening silence, carefully sitting down beside him. Kyungsoo flinches away from him automatically and throws him a murderous glare. Traitor. How could you do this? How could you have known and not said a thing? How could you let Baekhyun get hurt like this?

“Chanyeol is getting married?” he asks through gritted teeth, glaring a hole through Kai’s skull. He feels his body weighing a ton, as if his limbs are made of lead. Kai is initially confused by the hostility, but his expression dissipates in an instant and his eyes widen in shock, his face growing paler.

“H-How did you find out?” he stutters in a quiet voice, his shoulders hunching guiltily and his eyes searching Kyungsoo’s expression for signs of anger which he damn well does to fear.

“You knew about this?!” Kyungsoo explodes and Kai winces as if Kyungsoo has slapped him with the accusation. Of course he knew, he’s the closest thing Chanyeol has to a brother. He must have known. And it’s infuriating how he does nothing to deny it, to defend himself, nothing to prove that Kyungsoo is wrong and he is not a bad person. He keeps his guilty eyes glued on the ground. Kyungsoo clenches his fists. “Of course you did! Oh my god, Kai, how could you know about this and not tell me? Since when did you…How could you betray Baekhyun like that?” Kai flinches at the mention of the name and he glances up at him, showing faint signs of an intension to fight back. Come on, prove me wrong, come on.

“Chanyeol begged me not to tell-”

“And so you didn’t?!” Kyungsoo contradicts himself, wishing that Kai would defend himself but keeping him from speaking a proper sentence. He’s still so confused and impatient, and he’s worried about Baekhyun and he doesn’t understand Chanyeol, and he wants to slap Kai and cling on him for dear life in the same time. He jumps to his feet, stomping a few steps away before turning around in frustration and hissing harshly. “I know Chanyeol is your friend, but I thought you liked Baekhyun too!”

“I do! I do like him!” Kai shouts over Kyungsoo’s hysteric yells, springing off the couch and giving him a pleading look, almost kneeling to the floor, wordlessly asking for forgiveness “And I’m so sorry, but Chanyeol thought it would be better if he could deal with this quietly and-”

“Save it; I don’t need to hear you making lousy excuses for your friend” Kyungsoo says venomously and puts on his coat properly, starting for the door. Whatever explanation there is to hear, he will deal with Kai later.

“No! Kyungsoo, I swear, I am not making excuses!” Kai’s voice echoes as he runs after him.

“Oh is this how stupid you think I am? As if the lack of trust was not enough…” Kyungsoo feels offended and hurt when he opens the door to leave, but Kai closes it again, blocking his way with one arm. Kyungsoo gives him an irate glare.

“I trust you, Kyungsoo.” Kai says firmly, looking at him straight in the eyes. Hypocrite. He is, isn’t he? How can he say that after what he’s done? If he really trusted him, they wouldn’t have come to this. How can he stand to look him in the eyes? “I trust you with my life. But Chanyeol is my friend since we were babies and he begged me not to tell you, or Baekhyun. Chanyeol never begs, he’s never been this broken. He has never asked me something so seriously in his life, so no matter how much I wanted to tell you, I couldn’t do this to him” his brows draw together and his eyes look watery, like a beaten up dog. Kyungsoo feels his heart fluttering in sympathy but on the outside he scoffs defiantly.

“You mean you couldn’t betray him like you betrayed Baekhyun, me?!” he shoves a finger against Kai’s chest and he supposes it hurts, but Kai holds his ground unwaveringly.

“I was not afraid of Chanyeol” he says slowly, shaking his head “I was afraid of me. What sort of person would I be if I betrayed my friend like that? How could I convince myself that I am a good person? Someone who can’t even respect his friend’s wish…Do you know how many sleepless nights I have spent, thinking about this? About how I should tell you, how I wanted to tell you, and I couldn’t? I wanted to protect everyone but that wasn’t an option. And I decided to tell you, because you matter more; I wanted to discuss this with you tonight and figure it out together!”

“We are not dealing with you right now, or with us, and you’re a little late for this” Kyungsoo growls and tries to open the door once again, shaking the handle frantically. “Move away Kai! My friend is heartbroken and he needs me!” Kai closes the door and leans against it, eradicating any chance of him getting out for now. There is no way Kyungsoo will open the door by himself, no matter the adrenaline in his system. He glares at Kai but Kai doesn’t move away. Kai stares back, but his eyes are softer.

“I’m guessing Baekhyun found out”

“You bet your head he found out-”

“But!” Kai interrupts his snarky retort, raising his voice and giving him a warning look “He most likely found out only half the truth, because no one could have possibly explained everything to him, unless it was Chanyeol and I doubt it was him. So let me explain to you. This misunderstanding and all this hiding has lasted long enough. Let’s not make it worse”

“Kai, if you don’t move away, I will kill you. I will literally go in the kitchen, grab a knife and stab you” Kyungsoo growls, very aware of every second that ticks by and he is away from his friend who needs him.

“You can kill me, but I will say this first before I die. I need to tell you, I owe you, and Baekhyun” Kai answers very seriously. He sure is insisting a lot. It makes Kyungsoo think. Maybe there is an explanation. Maybe it is about time Kyungsoo found out about what on earth is going on with all this. Maybe he can help Baekhyun better if he knows, explain on Chanyeol’s behalf and make him hurt a little less. Kyungsoo presses his lips and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“You have two minutes”

“Thank you!” Kai sighs in relief, his hands leaving the door to rest on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “Chanyeol’s company has been having a bit of financial trouble. His father decided that it would be best if Chanyeol got married to some bimbo who has a ton of money. I cannot begin to explain how much power Chanyeol’s father has over him and how much Chanyeol fears him and hates him for good reasons, but the thing is: Chanyeol is only playing along. None of this is real.

“Believe me, Soo, if it weren’t for Baekhyun, Chanyeol would have accepted a life of misery with that girl who everybody hates, because his father dictated so. But now, he is risking everything he has, working secretly from his father to bring back the investors. If he fixes the money problem, he will send all this marriage garbage to hell and be free of them instantly. He has been working to exhaustion, hiding and tolerating all the marriage nonsense. I am surprised he is still alive after all he’s been going through for so long.

“He’s almost there now; I don’t know how such a thing could happen! He needs one more week, ten days the most, to meet with the investors and secure new contracts, and then he is free. He’ll be completely free to go back to Baekhyun! He didn’t want you to worry until then, so he begged me and Luhan and Lay not to tell anyone. He lives for Baekhyun, and he cannot even see him because of this mess! He doesn’t want to see him sad or worried. He thinks he is doing the right thing, and we trust him, because he would NEVER hurt Baekhyun. Please, Kyungsoo, believe me, trust me”

Kyungsoo stays silent for a while. Kai is looking at him with pleading eyes, almost crying. Kyungsoo has been on the short end of too many secrets in his life and he hates it every time it happens. He hates liars. And Kai kept secrets from him; but he is not a liar. Kyungsoo believes him. Call him stupid, but he does. Kai looks sincere; you cannot fake so much hurt and anxiousness and regret. Kyungsoo feels his heart soften slightly, feeling a little guilty for accusing Kai so soon, but there is no way he could have known. He sighs and lets his hands drop to his sides limply. The anger dissipates from his body and only worries for his friend’s current state remain.

“I understand” he says calmly, almost whispering. The widest smile breaks across Kai’s face and the taller crushes him in a hug. Kyungsoo can feel Kai’s heart beating loudly against his chest and he pats his back comfortingly. “I don’t necessarily approve of what you did, but I understand. I’m glad you told me; maybe, someday, it will help Baekhyun feel better. But right now, Baekhyun doesn’t need any of this. He is heartbroken. He needs safety” he pulls back and looks Kai in the eye. “You need to go to Chanyeol, tell him everything that happened, and keep him company; he will feel terrible if he finds out about this” Kai perks up and gives Kyungsoo a complaining look.

“But I want to see Baekhyun, he must be really…” Kai seems at a loss for words, blinking many times. Kyungsoo understands. How do you describe a sun which has burned all its light away?

“Yes, he is” Kyungsoo agrees, helping him out of his gloomy thoughts “but Chanyeol needs you. Besides, I doubt Baekhyun will want to see anyone -especially Chanyeol or anyone who reminds him of him. Even Chen is having trouble with him right now. So, go to your friend, comfort him, and I will try to do the same” he straightens Kai’s shirt attentively and the taller nods somberly in understanding. “I will call you, okay?” Kyungsoo pecks Kai on the cheek and leaves the house.

--

Baekhyun lies on his back on the bed, his aching limbs sprawled all over the mattress. He feels heavy. He closes his eyes; they sting because they’re sore from too much crying. They are red and swollen as well. It was a hideous sight in the bathroom mirror. He almost didn’t recognize himself, looking so pale and sick. Maybe it is better that Chen and Kyungsoo were still sleeping in the living room when he snuck out, or they would have been very worried when he got out of his room to take a quiet bath, trying to find a way to calm his nerves. He feels bad for leaving them fretting outside his door all night, but his heart is making him act in strange ways. They wouldn’t have been able to do much for him anyway; he was crying and throwing up and hitting himself all night. He feels so tired.

Baekhyun is trying to make sense of things. He has spent a lot of hours thinking about things in this bed, so maybe this time he will be as lucky. He hopes he can put some order in his thoughts. Because all he knows for now is that it hurts.

It hurts because Chanyeol lied. Chanyeol said that friends share anything with each other. And yet, Baekhyun didn’t know anything about this girl or their engagement. If there was someone so important in his life, someone he liked or loved, someone they were planning to spend their lives together, why didn’t he tell Baekhyun? He had every chance in the world. Even if it was very sudden, love at first sight, soul mates and such, a phone call would have been enough to share the big news, however sketchily. Baekhyun doesn’t even know her name. Doesn’t Chanyeol trust Baekhyun? They have shared so many thoughts and secrets with each other, things they’ve never told anyone else; Baekhyun thought they were close. Apparently, Chanyeol thought differently.

It hurts because Chanyeol is drifting away. Baekhyun has not seen him in so long and he didn’t see him last night either. Does he remember the color of his eyes correctly? It’s so disappointing; they used to have such a good time when they were with each other. The world was a brighter place. Whether Chanyeol was pulling away purposely during these past few weeks or not, Baekhyun can’t be sure. But it doesn’t matter either. If he is engaged, he should start spending more time with the girl, taking her out to dates, staying with her in their home, investing time to become a family. Naturally, there is not as much time for friends. And if they are not even close friends to begin with…Baekhyun also doubts their paths will cross again by chance in the future. His world is further away from Chanyeol’s, and it’s grey now.

It hurts because Baekhyun is alone. He doesn’t like being alone. He feels cold and trapped inside himself. He used to be alone before, save for his close friends, but it was okay back then, because that’s how his life had been all along. He is an only child, so he is used to taking care of himself, cheering himself up, encouraging and consoling himself, making things alright in his life by himself. But then Chanyeol came. And he was there, his guardian angel, to make him smile and laugh, to take care of him and make him feel safe, to smile at him and make the world a bright place again in his eyes. Chanyeol was there and Baekhyun was safe from his fears. Now Chanyeol is gone, all that is gone, and Baekhyun feels like he has to learn how to depend on himself all over again, because he forgot without noticing.

Baekhyun suddenly feels hollow and he gathers his limbs on the bed, curling closer to himself, like a baby.

He doesn’t blame Chanyeol. No, Chanyeol has done nothing to deserve blame. It is his own stupid self he blames. He didn’t see that Chanyeol doesn’t feel the same about their friendship. He didn’t see that he lost his last chance to see Chanyeol back at his house last night when he ran away. He didn’t see that he was starting to depend on someone else more than he is used to. Baekhyun feels disappointed, sad, scared, tired, but none of it goes to Chanyeol. He is angry at himself.

Because he allowed himself to get closer to Chanyeol. He hardly noticed, but it happened with his permission. Chanyeol is a whole new world that Baekhyun cannot understand; his job, his life, his goals, his habits, his way of thinking. Baekhyun reached out, but not to this faraway world; he reached out to Chanyeol. He hoped…he thought he could be there for Chanyeol, a safe place to rest when his world gets too tiring; but he was wrong. Chanyeol will always have to return to his faraway world, and Baekhyun will always be left behind, because he is too small to keep Chanyeol safe. He was so naïve.

Because he hoped for something more. It’s really the stupidest thing Baekhyun’s heart has ever come up with. He didn’t realize it earlier, and maybe he wouldn’t have, if it wasn’t for that girl. Maybe he didn’t want to see it. Maybe his blindness was the last defense, the last reminder that he shouldn’t depend on others, that he should do as he has been doing all his life. But it is very clear now. It’s all very clear. He was so happy near Chanyeol, he was glowing. He never knew someone could feel this sunny and then feel like he is the moon, bound to orbit around someone else if his light is to have any meaning. He felt like he had a meaning when he was next to Chanyeol. But if the moon leaves its orbit and starts wandering in space, there is nothing close to give light to the moon and no one to see it; it is invisible, it is a nothing. That is what is happening to Baekhyun; he is leaving his orbit. He has to. That girl is next to Chanyeol now and there are so many reasons to keep Baekhyun away. He is so frustrated and disappointed.

Because he didn’t hear his heart in time, and he didn’t even see Chanyeol one last time, and the time when he would be able to tell Chanyeol about everything beautiful Baekhyun has inside him for the tall giant will never come. Chanyeol will never know. The small flower that was beginning to bloom inside Baekhyun’s heart is now covered in snow and it’s bound to wilt away, with no one to save it.

--

“How is he?” Kyungsoo asks in a whispering voice, leaving the grocery bags he has been carrying on Baekhyun’s kitchen table. He doubts there could be much difference since half an hour ago, when he left to acquire the necessary food supplies, but there’s always hope. Chen shakes his head glumly, confirming Kyungsoo’s assumptions and erasing the slivers of hope he had, that he’d get back to see Baekhyun sitting in the kitchen, eating lunch with Chen and pouting awkwardly.

“He barely ate anything” Chen answers quietly, leaving the half-used dishes in the sink. “It’s his favorite food; I don’t understand why he hardly managed to look at it. It took you all morning to prepare it, too…I’m sorry, I did my best” he sighs dejectedly, pressing his lips in a thoughtful line. Kyungsoo waves at him that it’s fine, as far as he is concerned; he wouldn’t mind cooking Julia Child’s Pâté de Canard en Croûte if Baekhyun would eat it –which he wouldn’t, but, so to speak. It’s really worrisome that Baekhyun doesn’t seem to be appropriately responding to the concept of food in general. Chen and Kyungsoo exchange a meaningful look, and then stay silent for a while.

Baekhyun is not well. He has not left his room in two days –fifty two hours and twelve minutes, to be exact. He doesn’t want to open the windows for fresh air or sunshine, he doesn’t care about music or tv, no matter how much they have tried to seduce him with his favorite movies and by singing outside his room, he hardly eats his meals, even though Kyungsoo is doing his best in cooking his favorites, and the only reason to leave his bed is when he takes a bath every morning. Except for the two hours he spends sunk in the bathtub –during which, Kyungsoo suspects, he’s crying his heart out in secret–, he doesn’t do anything else; he stays in bed, covered up to his nose with the blankets, sleeping or awake, and nonresponsive in any case. This is not Baekhyun anymore. He always looks tired and sad.

Kyungsoo and Chen decided to move in. Baekhyun is not expecting any other visitors, so the two of them have camped in the living room. It is easier to take care of him if they are under the same roof; they can monitor his meals, keep him constant company and keep an eye on him, in case he needs anything. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to work, since Baekhyun is not working either, and Chen has brought papers and sketchbooks to work on a design at home. Kyungsoo knows what sort of dress Chen is forced by his company to work on –because they didn’t allow him to decline the job offer– but, even though the designs are sprawled on the coffee table in the living room throughout the day, Kyungsoo doesn’t even glance at them; he wants nothing to do with that hateful dress.

Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind them hovering around. They take care of him as if they were his parents and maybe they get a bit pushy sometimes, especially when it comes to Baekhyun eating his food, but even then, Baekhyun doesn’t mind. He doesn’t get angry at them, or push them away, irritated, or seek for their help, or for their shoulder to cry on; he only smiles weakly and apologetically sometimes. It’s not what Kyungsoo wants to see. He doesn’t need an apology; he wants his friend back. Chen is stronger than Kyungsoo; he can carry on his one-sided conversations with Baekhyun in his room for hours. So Kyungsoo mainly looks after the house or reads a book to Baekhyun, reminding himself every time he turns the page not to cry for his friend. The situation doesn’t exactly justify his bad emotional state, but Kyungsoo is a sentimental guy, it can’t be helped.

Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes in his pocket and it is so scary quiet in the house that even the vibrations of the device are audible. He pulls it out of his pocket.

“Is it Chanyeol again?” Chen guesses calmly, drying the dishes. It wouldn’t be the first time Chanyeol called, but it’s not him this time. Kyungsoo shakes his head, reading the message.

“It’s Luhan. He wants to come by and see Baekhyun”

“Well, he is welcomed to come by anytime, but I doubt there is much to see…” Chen shrugs his shoulders and glances towards Baekhyun’s bedroom. Kyungsoo hums in agreement and answers Luhan’s message with a vague ‘maybe later’. Baekhyun is -quite literally- not going anywhere. Besides, he’s been unresponsive to human contact for two days, and it’s his best friends he’s been denying to talk to, not just anyone. It’s unlikely he’ll open up to anyone else sometime soon.

But everyone is very worried. Sehun has been having trouble keeping Luhan appease. Kyungsoo made sure to stop by the café earlier and tell Sehun some news about Baekhyun’s condition so that they will not worry as much, but Luhan has always been overprotective of his ‘cutie pie B’, so naturally he wants to see him. Kai wanted to stop by as well, but Kyungsoo thought it would be better if he didn’t; if anyone, Kai will remind Baekhyun of Chanyeol the most, and we don’t know how that might go down. Kai calls four times a day and checks in with Kyungsoo about Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s doings. Chanyeol is worried too. Very much so. He calls at least eleven times a day at Baekhyun’s phone –even though he must have realized by now that the effort is in vain; Baekhyun doesn’t even glance at his phone– and he calls Kyungsoo twice every day to ask about Baekhyun, not to mention how many times he bothers Kai. It pains Kyungsoo to answer Chanyeol’s phone calls; he sounds so distressed, so tired from work, so dejected and remorseful, broken. It takes sympathy to a whole new level.

“You know what day it is the day after tomorrow, right?” Chen asks suddenly, after a thoughtful pause. Kyungsoo blinks, coming back to reality.

“Yeah, I know” he answers with a sad sigh. It’s May already. In two days it’s…It’s Baekhyun’s birthday. It’s his day, the day every single one of his friends looks forward to, because they get to spoil him, and organize an event for him, and hug him as much as they want, and see him smile. It’s the day Sehun marks with purple sparkly gel pen in his calendar and the day Kyungsoo hunts down the fanciest, largest bouquet of pretty liliums for Baekhyun. But it doesn’t look like Baekhyun will be coming back around to celebrate his birthday in time this year. It’s the first year Chen will have to cancel the order for the triple chocolate birthday cake.

--

“What have you done to these poor souls?” Chen mourns in a heartbreaking way, his voice almost echoing inside the silent apartment. Kyungsoo lifts his eyes from where he’s sitting on the floor to see Chen cradling a couple of towels in his arms as if they are made of fragile porcelain, and giving them a pitiful look. It’s like he is nourishing a kicked puppy, and seriously, it’s just a piece of fluffy fabric. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the drama.

“Laundry doesn’t have a soul and what do you mea-oh my god.” Kyungsoo halts his words and stares at the towels in absolute horrification when Chen decides to wave them in front of his face. He covers his lips with his hand and his eyes widen impossibly before he exclaims “How did that happen?!”

“Exactly!” Chen agrees, shaking the evidence, all fragile treatment forgotten. Kyungsoo gets off the floor on wobbly legs because he had been sitting down for too long. “Why do my eyes see these towels as…” Chen gives the towels a strange look, as if trying to make the right assessment “pink-ish…red-ish…Not white as they should be in any case?!” he decides in the end and starts shaking them again. Kyungsoo takes a defensive step back, knocking over the neat pile of shirts he made earlier, and he winces at his destroyed work.

“I don’t know! Something went wrong maybe?” he makes a failed attempt at an excuse, holding up his hands in defense.

“Obviously.” Chen deadpans in an amusingly soulless way. It’s funny that he can pull off that look so effortlessly. “Something like a red scarf? Oh look!” he holds up a long scarf like incriminating evidence, letting it hang from his pinched fingers to the floor as he raises a challenging eyebrow “How did that fellow get tangled in there? It must have loved Baekhyun’s fluffy towels, and he just wouldn’t give up on them” Kyungsoo scoffs, appalled at the inadvertent accusation and crosses his arms over his chest.

“I couldn’t have possibly put that in there-”

“Unless you were on the phone with Kai…” Chen interrupts him with a telltale sarcastic chirp. Kyungsoo takes in a breath to retort and stand up for himself, but nothing comes out because maybe, just possibly, he’s guilty of spacing out sometimes when Kai is involved, like that time he added salt to Chen’s coffee. It’s not his fault his boyfriend demands so much attention. Chen growls and starts yelling again. “Look at these babies now, Soo! They were a snowy heaven of softness…” he coos despondently at the material in his hands and then he huffs, frowning at Kyungsoo accusingly. “They were designer, limited home edition” He looks devastated.

“Wow, you were weirdly attached to them or what?” Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow and gives the other a weird look. Chen rolls his eyes sassily, letting his arms fall on his sides while still holding the scarf and the towels.

“Says the person who freaked out over a scratch on a pan!” he defends, tossing the scarf aside and holding just the towels, caressing them carefully, as if to prove a point “And if you must know, I gave them to him as a gift”

“Scratch?!” Kyungsoo doesn’t pay attention to the latter part of Chen’s answer, he focuses on the outrageous preposterousness that is Chen’s earlier statement “You nearly clawed out the stainless stee-aw!” Kyungsoo doesn’t have the chance to finish his defense for his beloved cooking pans, because a balled up piece of paper hits his head. He turns around and glares at the offensive item on the floor and then at Chen, who casually motions at him to pick it up. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes; is he a servant or something? But he does it anyway, picking it in his hands and unfolding it to read Baekhyun’s pretty letters.

“Don’t fight” he has written, and when Kyungsoo unfolds it a little more “Please :(” Kyungsoo inwardly squeals. Such a cutie pie. Chen reads the note over his shoulder quickly, and then he starts soundlessly screaming in excitement, motioning at Kyungsoo frantically. His eyes are wide and his mouth is smiling, but the motions don’t make much sense to Kyungsoo, so he can’t really tell what he’s trying to get at.

“Phase two, start!” he mouths soundlessly in the end, giving pointed glares towards the kitchen. So, oh, that’s what he meant…Kyungsoo grins, feeling useful by finally being in the same wavelength, and he nods profusely, making a run for the kitchen on Chen’s tail. Chen gets a spoon and Kyungsoo digs inside the freezer to find what he needs –and now he knows that frozen pumpkin shreds feel like a brick when they accidentally fall on your head, but he’ll be alright.

Oh, and don’t worry, of course Chen and Kyungsoo weren’t fighting earlier, at least not truthfully. They just made it sound like they were. Besides, if the need ever arose, Kyungsoo would have resolved to more efficient methods, like murder, and Chen is way too cool to engage in a fight. Also, no towels and pans suffered in real life, rest assured all houseware lovers. It was all a scheme they came up with last night, when they were lying on their makeshift beds on the floor of Baekhyun’s living room –there must have been something particularly inspiring about the ceiling in that moment, because they had been staring at it for hours. They thought that Baekhyun would do something -anything other than blankly stare at the great beyond- if his two best friends started fighting. And it worked! You see, Baekhyun is the sort of person who leaves the door closed but not locked, and he relies on your guilt to keep you out. He accepts everything, but he doesn’t ask for anything. It was driving Kyungsoo crazy! And since phase one has been successful, phase two is to give Baekhyun a reward for reaching out on his own and starting some sort of communication with them. Which basically means ice cream. Chocolate cookies ice cream. It’s a legitimate reward. Kyungsoo and Chen kneel carefully in front of the door to Baekhyun’s bedroom, knocking slightly on the wooden surface. Kyungsoo notices that the door is ajar, probably since Baekhyun had to open it slightly to throw the paper at him earlier.

“Baek, we’re sorry” Kyungsoo says softly. He doesn’t need to speak too loud, certain that Baekhyun hasn’t moved from behind the door, because he crawls way too slow and lazily lately. He’s probably kneeling on the other side. Chen nods at Kyungsoo approvingly and recites his own lines. Yes, they made a script; better safe than sorry.

“Peace offering?” he says in a small voice, cracking the door open more widely and pushing the ice cream through, but not completely inside the room. It takes a few agonizing seconds of their hearts pounding behind their ears, but Baekhyun eventually pulls the ice cream inside, his small hand snatching the tub of ice cream and disappearing with it in the shadows. The small movement makes both Kyungsoo and Chen sigh in relief and rejoice like the luckiest people in the world. “There’s our good boy!” Chen exclaims, his less visible hand shaking Kyungsoo on their side of the door in overflowing excitement. Kyungsoo disengages himself, clears his throat and goes out of script a little.

“Can we leave this open?” he suggests anxiously touching the door. “I’m freaking out when you’re all quiet and hiding…” he bites his lips, waiting for some sort of reaction. Chen bites his lips as well but gives him a look of approval. There is a good amount of shuffling and scratching noises on the other side, before a second note slips through the door. Kyungsoo unravels it quickly.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you.” Chen sniggers, muttering an ‘oops’ and Kyungsoo shakes his head; they should have known they don’t actually stand a chance against Baekhyun’s wits. He’s like a puppy, he can sniff out anything –even in his current state. Kyungsoo is surprised to see he has written more. “Thank you for the chocolate…And for being amazing best friends”

“I think I’m going to cry” Chen whispers dramatically, sniffling and wiping invisible tears from his eyes. Kyungsoo feels his own heart squeezing and he smiles, patting Chen on the arm comfortingly.

“I feel you Chennie…” he sighs and looks at him, tucking the note neatly “Now let’s go cry while we do some ironing” because he really did do the laundry and there won’t be enough space for them to sleep if they don’t take proper care of it.

--

There is a light knock on the door and Chanyeol blinks away his double vision, putting down the paper he had been reading. He’d say that this is a good sign that he should leave his living room and move to his bedroom sometime soon. “Who is it?” he calls from his place, unwilling to get up and answer the door properly unless the world is burning down. There is the sound of his spare keys turning in the lock.

“Yeollie?” his mother’s voice calls timidly, echoing in his apartment and soon after her head appears behind the door. Chanyeol doesn’t have a very clear view of the entryway but he’s sure it’s her.

“Hey, mom! I’m in the living room” Chanyeol greets her and her eyes turn towards his voice immediately. She smiles happily and he makes an effort to smile for her. He feels really tired though, and maybe his smile is not very successful, but her smile doesn’t falter. Chanyeol appreciates that smile, which he hadn’t seen in weeks. She comes inside, leaving her high heels behind –and she is so tiny without them. When Chanyeol was small, he always found it easy to play with his mother, because she has always been small and thin and much like a child in looks and demeanor. But, as he grew older, he grew bigger, and because his mother is still like a child, he cannot look at her without a sense of endearment ever since. She fixes her pencil skirt on the way and she stops a few steps away from where he is lying on the floor. She glances at the papers scattered around him –all of them contracts, agreements, reports and lawyers’ assessments– and then she examines him strictly.

“Is this really my son?” she asks, nudging his seemingly lifeless limbs on the floor with her foot. The sad part is that the answer to her question is yes. Chanyeol smiles bitterly.

“It’s what’s left of him” he mumbles, turning his eyes to the ground momentarily.

“Park Chanyeol, why are you not sleeping in your bed this late at night?” she asks, putting her hands on her waist firmly and frowning, towering over Chanyeol, only because he is lying on the floor. In Chanyeol’s eyes, she has never managed to look intimidating by any means; she only looks cute when she tries to do that. She is a small and sweet woman, too kindhearted and giving to those she loves, so she could never really get mad at them or scare them. But there have been moments in his life when Chanyeol has seen her looking stern and scary beyond belief, because his mother can be like that when the situation demands it; it just never involved Chanyeol –but more often than not, it involved his father.

“Ten p.m. is hardly late for me, mom, especially these days of crazy work; I’m not a little kid anymore” he reminds her, giving her a look, but she just shakes her head and doesn’t pay hid to that argument; she never has.

“You are my little kid, and look at what you have done to yourself!” she exclaims, raising her nicely shaped eyebrows. Chanyeol sighs. It’s not a choice; he ended up like this because of the sad circumstances in his life: working all the time, barely sleeping and eating, too much time in front of a computer screen, too many nerves withheld towards a certain fiancée…He misses his life and his friends and his happiness…and his Baekhyun. “Scoot over” she orders, after a long pause, and Chanyeol complies with a smile, gathering the papers on the side with him. He doesn’t really have a choice here, but he doesn’t want to send her away anyway. She sits down without a moment’s worrying about wrinkling her beautiful clothes, and presses her small self against his side. She’s so short that her shoulder reaches his ribs. “Ah~ it’s warm, you’re still alive” she muses softly, leaning her head against his shoulder. Chanyeol chuckles and snakes an arm behind her, hugging her a little.

“You’re so pretty mom” he says quietly, with a realer smile this time. He has always thought his mother is pretty, no matter what his classmates at school used to say. She is mixed Korean European, and you can see it on her easily; her slim figure is an hourglass in the way you don’t see on Asian women, her hair is naturally light brown like Chanyeol’s which is also unusual, her facial features are somewhat Asian but not quite there –even though that only makes her look so much more like an exotic supermodel; well, except for the height– and her eyes are almond-shaped but clearly not Asian. The children at school used to say that, since his mother is half and half, he was three quarters and a quarter, and that’s why he and his mother were so weird. He didn’t like it when others spoke ill of his mother, because no matter what she was, she was always so beautiful and kind and loving –so, as soon as he realized how his name had power over people, he put an end to those remarks, and all that the world knew henceforth is what they can see for themselves: that his mother is beautiful.

“That trick doesn’t work on me anymore mister” his mother says, pointing an accusatory finger at him and then poking his ribs playfully. Chanyeol lets out a loud laugh at his mother’s childish antics, remembering the times when he would get away with a compliment to his mother. Well, he has grown since then, and she chides him about different things than for staying out later than curfew. “That’s my boy” she says approvingly, her voice barely audible over his laughter, and suddenly she cups his face with her small hands, moving his face in this and that angle. His mother is so amusing today for his sake. “You know, I was starting to wonder if all those teeth were still in there, or if they had decided to move out”

“Why would my teeth move out?” Chanyeol asks distressed, playing along, and puts a hand over his lips protectively. He feels lighter, better already; his mother can always do that, in the magical way that only mothers know to cheer up their children.

“You never show them anymore; they deserve better” she explains, nodding her head in verification of her perfectly reasonable theory. Chanyeol laughs at first, but then his mother’s words resonate differently in his head. They deserve better, huh…

“There are a lot of things in my life that deserve better, mom” he says dejectedly and hangs his head, pointlessly trying to hide his depressed expression. For instance, his mother deserves better. She has shown him all the support, understanding and kindness in the world, helping him as she can best with the engagement situation and cheering him on with his work, taking care of him when he forgets about it and smiling for him to brighten his day. Chanyeol feels he is returning very little of that love, no matter what he does. Kai too. He has been making sure to nudge him about his meals, help him with paperwork, tell him about the news of the outside world and book appointments for him with Lay nonstop. Lay and Luhan deserve better as well. They work and work all day, and often times all night too, and Chanyeol is so thankful for their help, but this is ultimately his battle and he hates to see them suffering as well; except for the dark circles and neck condition, they don’t have free time anymore to relax and have fun or see their boyfriends –and it is Chanyeol’s fault. And there is one more thing that is Chanyeol’s fault, his biggest, something he ruined, and it definitely deserved better: Baekhyun.

“Honey, you are doing your best; no one can blame you” she says reassuringly, caressing his unkempt hair. Nobody really cares if his fringe sticks out stubbornly from the rest of his head, but his mother makes a valiant effort to put it back into place. It’s a mother thing.

“There are many people to blame me!” Chanyeol retorts, feeling frustrated and disappointed with his situation, to the point where he might physically explode and dissolve in a black cloud in the air soon. Oh yes, there are many people. His mother sits back and listens to him patiently. “Lay, Luhan, Kai, you, Baekhyun-”

“Who’s Baekhyun?” Sunflowers. His mother gives him a good look, watching carefully for any signs of an indicative reaction. Chanyeol really hopes his eye didn’t twitch too obviously just now. All his frustration has vanished all of a sudden and it’s been replaced by that awkward feeling you get when you get caught by your own stupidity and it’s not likely to get away with it. Chanyeol hopes his brain won’t start short-circuiting, affecting his intelligence. Holy plankton shrimp gods, please don’t fail me now, I must stay smart and not give myself away.

“What?” Chanyeol plays innocent, but he wouldn’t say his performance is Oscar material. His body just won’t cooperate with him today. The name just slipped out of his mouth accidentally -and he won’t deny that saying it out loud after so long felt like he was singing his favorite song on a sunny morning-, but of course his mother would pick up on the only name on the list of names he mentioned which she doesn’t recognize. The only name Chanyeol doesn’t want to talk about because it makes him sad the most. But Chanyeol has always had poor control of his mouth, and his mother knows all too well how to use that against him after years of studying his bizarre human existence. And right now, his mother doesn’t seem to bite it; she stares at Chanyeol steadily in the eyes and Chanyeol swears there was a dangerous glint in them just now.

“Who is Baekhyun?” she enunciates slowly and clearly, composed to an eerie degree. She didn’t even miss a consonant, did she. Chanyeol wishes there was a wall, one of those red brick, solid walls; his head would love to get better acquainted with it.

“Someone…?” his nonchalant tone gets ruined halfway through the word and a strange, uncertain question comes out. He’s a terrible liar, let’s face it. Currently, Chanyeol is facing the wall across the room, trying to keep a straight face and ignore the fact that he doesn’t stand a chance against his mom’s wits and he’s practically doomed. His mother decides to corner him physically as well as metaphorically, and she leans forward, turning her head to block anything else in his view other than her wide eyes.

“Someone I don’t know? That’s suspicious” she jabs an accusing finger in the middle of his chest and he flinches. “Won’t you tell me? Yeollie?” she smiles at him in a way that’s both cute and threatening, and Chanyeol feels cold sweat running down his spine. He glues his lips and shakes his head frantically. I shan’t speak! Nothing he can say would help his case anyway, because his mouth would probably turn it against him. His mother taps her finger on her chin, planning her vicious scheme to get the truth out of him right in front of his face; he can almost read her thoughts in her eyes. And that is terrifying enough for him to make amends, because his mother has a great history of victories against him, and Chanyeol doesn’t think he will be able to achieve a more favorable outcome this time.

“It’s…it’s just a friend…” he says quietly, avoiding her all-knowing eyes as he tries to shake her off and return to his complaints “But the most important thing here is that I-” a hand is pressed against his lips all of a sudden, preventing him from making excuses, and Chanyeol’s eyes widen. His mother’s eyes, on the other hand, narrow in suspicion and stare him intently, until he whimpers in submission. Chanyeol abandons all efforts to save himself; he can’t fight back anymore, his mother’s superpowers are undeniable. Certain that she will hear what she wants to hear this time, she slowly removes her hand. And Chanyeol’s mouth kicks into gear. “Okay, not just a friend. It’s someone important...to me. Ah, this is really embarrassing, mom; we haven’t talked like this in a while. It’s someone I…I…someone I feel…” Chanyeol loses his words. This is not easy to say, not even to his mother who knows everything about him. He struggles internally a little longer and then ruffles his hair in exasperation. “Emotions can be confusing”

“Confusing is interesting” his mother chirps encouragingly and then she rests her head in her hands, looking up at him expectantly “Tell me more”

“Mom, I really don’t want to talk about it” he admits in a low voice. His mother has compassion in her and she won’t force him to speak of something that makes him so sad when he is already this tired. “Things…bad things happened…and it was my fault. It makes me sad to think of it” he keeps his eyes on the floor miserably. Things happened…he scoffs inwardly, throwing himself a degrading look.

The end of his world happened; and it was his entire fault. He hurt his little Baekhyun and it tears him apart to think of it. Baekhyun won’t even read his messages or hear his voice anymore; he wants nothing to do with him, and Chanyeol can’t cope very well. I was the one who was wrong. It feels like it’s all my fault. His heart has grown cold and yet it still bleeds. All those secrets and that distance between them, all the choices Chanyeol made were a mistake. It wasn’t a protective bubble he had been building for Baekhyun, it was a cage. Why can I only remember the bad things I did to you? And he didn’t even get to look at him one last time, hold him once more, see his brilliant smile; he just made him cry.

“But you lit up when you mentioned that name just one moment ago” his mother interrupts his thoughts, and Chanyeol gapes at her, surprised, his cheeks blooming in embarrassment. “And then you seemed even sadder, if that is possible” she rolls her eyes dramatically and he closes his mouth in a pout, looking at his lap bashfully. How does she see all that? ““What? I’m your mother, you thought I wouldn’t notice?” she pats his cheek comfortingly with a motherly smile. “Things happen in our lives all the time, honey. Bad things, sad things, tiring things…but you have to rise above them. Sometimes, it looks like a dead-end, but it isn’t; you just have to make one decision. You have to decide that you won’t be stuck anymore, and then you will work hard to change it, and then you will be free”

“I am working hard” Chanyeol points at the papers, raising his eyebrows in complaint. If this is not hard work, then Chanyeol doesn’t know what else he could do. All this work is not just the means to get his freedom back anymore; it is also the only way to have a second chance with Baekhyun. He needs to explain a few things. He is willing to die right after, but he will explain everything to Baekhyun, even if it is the last thing he will do. And the only way to see him again is only after breaking this stupid engagement, or else he will end up hurting him even more. How will he ever convince Baekhyun to listen to him or even stand the sight of him for longer than a blink after everything he’s done is beyond Chanyeol for now, but he’s working on it –whenever he’s not crying over it. His mother gives him a gentle, knowing smile.

“This must worth a lot” she says softly, as if she can see the thoughts chasing one after another in his head. Chanyeol gives her a pitiful pout. You have no idea, mom…His mother smiles at him, her eyes creasing prettily. And then suddenly, he’s saying it.

“I think I like him, mom. Maybe more than like, actually” he says in a quiet voice, lowering his eyes with a sad smile, completed with a lip-bite. His heart decides to make its presence known in the conversation, and it starts beating loudly in his chest, increasing its pace a little. It’s not the first time Chanyeol has had this though, that maybe he more-than-likes Baekhyun, but it’s one of the very few times he has said it out loud for someone else to hear. If he weren’t so sad and broken, he would be twittering like a happy lovebird.

It takes a considerable while of heart-pounding thoughts until Chanyeol realizes that his mother has been awfully silent. He looks up to see her staring at him in the eyes already.

“Baekhyun is a he?” she asks in a serious voice, her face showing a bit of surprise. Wait. Did Chanyeol just reveal to his mother than he might more-than-like someone in this lifetime and dropped one more bomb on her while he was at it, that this someone is another male of the human species? Chanyeol panics, his eyes growing wide and his stomach lurching. Not that he was planning on keeping it a secret but…She wasn’t supposed to find out this way! “You want to spend your life with…you like another man?” she’s looking straight into his eyes, reading all the way down to his soul, and Chanyeol feels small.

“Would you be mad…if I did?” his voice is timid, his fingers lacing and clutching his hands painfully on his lap in nervousness. This is one of the ‘big moments’. His mother’s eyes open wide and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to expect.

“What? No, Chanyeollie, I wouldn’t be mad! How could I?” she shakes his head profusely, the look in her eyes turning innocent, but still looking a little stunned. Chanyeol’s heart un-squeezes and he breathes a little in relief; he hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath “I can’t dictate when and how you’ll find your happiness! I support you no matter what you choose. Because I love you, you giant dumbo. You are my darling son” she chuckles lightheartedly, her eyes twinkling, and presses her hands on his ears, making him crack a small smile. The main reason why Chanyeol managed to cope with his big, protruding ears while growing up was because his mother liked them. “I’m best mommy ever; you told me that in fifth grade, don’t you remember?” she gives him a big smile, ruffling his hair and snuggling next to him again.

“You still are the best mommy ever” he mumbles under his breath, as she leans her head back on his shoulder, getting comfortable. She plays with her fingers idly, humming a little to herself.

“I was just…surprised for a moment. It’s not what I’m used to…” she says simply and Chanyeol nods in agreement, even though she can’t see him. She is right to be surprised. Chanyeol has never even thought or mentioned of liking another man; on the contrary, he has had three somewhat stable relationships with girls, so that had kind of set the norm for his friends and family. Besides, like every mother, she had had expectations, dreams to see him married with children –which still can be a plan, but that’s a different story.

“Are you…disappointed?” his lips ask without him realizing. She turns around faster than lightning and gives him an unyielding, meaningful look.

“Never. I’ll love you forever and no matter what Chanyeol” her expression softens and her eyebrow quirks a little thoughtfully. “Now, if you ask if I’m worried about how your father will handle this, well yeah, a little bit” she bobs her head from side to side but then she smiles brightly, all her worries seemingly forgotten “But I’m proud of you. I’m proud of who you are, because you have a beautiful heart. And I’m happy for you, if you are happy-” Chanyeol doesn’t know if she had been planning to say more about how unconditionally she loves him –and oh, he knows– and he doesn’t get to hear it, because he crushes her in a loving hug. She laughs lightly over his shoulder, hugging him back; Chanyeol basks in her warmth and they stay like that for a while. How long has it been since the last time he hugged his mother like that? “So when can I meet him? What is he like?” she chirps after a while, full of energy and undying interest. Oh boy. Chanyeol knows when an interrogation is coming at him.

“Oh no, you can’t!” he yelps and pulls back a little to look her in the eyes seriously. He shakes his head in denial, his eyes frantic. For one thing, the situation is most unfitting for what she’s asking, since Baekhyun doesn’t want to hear of his existence, and for another, with what excuse is he supposed to introduce her to Baekhyun? His mother laughs at his utterly distraught expression and Chanyeol thinks, oh well, at least she’s entertained…

“Should I ask Kai? He knows, doesn’t he?” she hums, pretending to be thoughtful, a teasing glint in her eyes. She’s enjoying herself a little too much, if you ask Chanyeol, whose head is spinning from side to side restlessly. “Oh, how about your secretary? Has that man come by your work? Wait; how about that nice evil man you work with, Luhan?” Chanyeol stops shaking his head, seeing as it has no effect on stopping her plans, and he whines miserably, trying to gain her sympathy. Somehow, that gets the opposite reaction from his mother, who tackles him to the ground; he groans in discomfort with her weight added on top of him. “Oh my god, Park Chanyeol, don’t tell me all of them have seen your sweetheart and your mother hadn’t even heard of him!” her voice is cute but it’s complaining right in his ear and he flinches. “What color is his hair? What’s his sign? Is he older than you?”

“Mom!” Chanyeol sighs in defeat.

--

The others are scattered right and left in the hallway, but Kyungsoo is at the furthest end and in the middle, so he has a very clear view of Baekhyun from the moment he opens his bedroom door. It already seems a miracle to him that Baekhyun is out of bed. It feels like a life dream coming true, seeing those downcast puppy eyes emerging willingly out of that dark castle of isolation that Baekhyun calls his room. The shuffling of his bunny slippers that bring him out of the darkness sounds like music to Kyungsoo’s ears.

A loud ‘Happy birthday!’ in cheerful, mismatched chorus echoes in the house immediately, bouncing happily off the walls in the hallway. Baekhyun looks up in surprise instantly, his puppy eyes growing round, and he flinches a little, ready to sprint back to the safety of his bed. But then he realizes what all this is about, and the fright is replaced by stunned appreciation on his small and pale features. He stands like a frozen statue, his eyes swiftly scanning everyone again and again. At least, he is not unresponsive anymore, Kyungsoo notes, and he didn’t shut the door in their face to hide back in his room again after he saw them.

“Oh my…” he breathes, sweeping his hair out of his eyes and blinking several times, as if he can’t believe everyone around him is real and not an illusion. “Thank you!” Baekhyun says softly, barely audible, covering his mouth with his hand in shock. He’s almost trembling.

If Kyungsoo’s hands were free right now, he would be flailing them around, jumping up and down, yelping incomprehensively in jubilation and excitement, because finally Baekhyun spoke! He spoke! It has been five terrible days for Baekhyun, and for everyone else who couldn’t get a word out of him, and his condition had been a source of great distress to Kyungsoo –and to everyone else, to be honest–, so he is more than excited to see his friend alive again. Like, fully alive. He wants nothing more than to run to his side and crush Baekhyun in a hug, but that’s technically impossible right now.

Baekhyun examines the faces of his friends in the hallway for a moment longer, his eyes gaining an interested twinkle when he catches a glimpse of the baby blue decorations Kyungsoo brought; it’s nothing fancy, just something to brighten up the house. Kyungsoo feels greatly accomplished though, because they caught Baekhyun’s eye, and that is success! Baekhyun turns to Chen, bewildered, pulling the hem of his bunny-patterned sleep shirt a bit lower, self-consciously. Chen is standing the closest to him, and he was the brave one to knock on the door earlier. It was a fifty-fifty chance if Baekhyun would come out, and thank god he did. Chen smiles as brightly as his lips can take.

“Happy birthday, childhood friend!” Chen exclaims and hugs Baekhyun tightly before the latter has a chance to react, resulting in him flailing his arms a bit. “Welcome back to the world of the living!” Kyungsoo can hear in Chen’s cheerful voice the same relief he is feeling in his chest. Baekhyun hugs Chen back.

“I…I” Baekhyun is still trying to regain his orientation, looking around in awe, trying to take everything in; if Kyungsoo hadn’t seen him so sad during the last few days, he would find him cute. “Did you do all this?” he asks, pulling back. Chen unwillingly lets him go and nods profusely in verification. Baekhyun gasps and gives him a look. “You could have warned me, you know” he gives Chen a strict glare, pointing at his attire. But honestly, nobody really cares if Baekhyun is wearing his blue, bunny pjs, the ones that have a pompom for every fluffy bunny tail, to celebrate his birthday; Kyungsoo is sure that they are all equally exultant to see Baekhyun again, alive, walking and talking. If anything, he looks even more hug-able like this.

“Nah, that wouldn’t be fun” Chen dismisses him playfully and pushes him forward. Kyungsoo sighs in relief, seeing Baekhyun stumbling away from the door of his bedroom. It had become a nightmarish sight, seeing his friend being glumly swallowed in that door every morning. And Kyungsoo means he had actual nightmares about it. You really don’t want to know, it was horrible.

“Hyung, happy birthday!” Sehun exclaims with a wide, gleeful smile that doesn’t look like the usual carefree smile, it looks really happy; everyone smiles differently when Baekhyun is concerned. Baekhyun smiles a little up at him and Sehun bounces on his toes a little, clearly excited to see his favorite hyung again. The moment Baekhyun is within grasping range, he picks Baekhyun off the ground, crushing him into a hug.

“Hey, what are you doing, you idiot?!” Luhan reacts instantly, greatly alarmed, hitting Sehun’s arm repeatedly, trying to get him to let go “You’re asphyxiating my cutie pie B! Put him down!” Sehun leaves Baekhyun on the ground gently and Luhan rushes to embrace him motherly, not allowing a moment’s breathing space for Baekhyun. “Are you okay? Did that idiot scare you?” Luhan coos, patting Baekhyun’s hair.

“I’m fine, Luhan” Baekhyun reassures him with a somewhat entertained smile –halleluiah! Kyungsoo instantly gives mental credit to those two for making Baekhyun smile a little. They’re being silly but whatever, it works!

“Promise you are fine” Luhan pulls back from their hug and looks at him in the eyes seriously. Kyungsoo would like to know what Luhan can see there, but they’re too far away for him to see. A silent pause ensues and the room is filled with anxious tension from nine bodies. Baekhyun can probably tell that Luhan is referring to more than the previous incident, so he hesitates a bit, biting his lip. Kyungsoo feels the blood freezing slowly in his veins; did they push too much? Will Baekhyun make a run for his bedroom slash hiding place any moment now?

“I, ah…okay, I promise” he says in the end with a weak smile, and Luhan hugs him again in unadulterated glee. Kyungsoo and everyone else sigh quietly in relief. Kyungsoo knows that Baekhyun doesn’t mean it completely yet, but this is a good first step. It’s progress.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous!” Kai is the next to exclaim, pulling Baekhyun closer by the hand. He was so eager to see Baekhyun, he wouldn’t keep still for a moment on the way while Kyungsoo drove the car to Baekhyun’s apartment. It was annoying. But endearing. Kyungsoo would have survived the commute just fine even without the overly-excited, off-tune singing though. Not so endearing…

“This hardly classifies as gorgeous, Kai” Baekhyun retorts shyly, as Kai hugs him briefly. If Baekhyun wasn’t his friend, Kyungsoo would be envious of this ample enthusiasm, but he is not afraid to say that, even with his humble sleep clothes that have become a second skin to Baekhyun during the last few days, and even if he has dark circles under his eyes from bad sleeping habits, exhaustion and crying, Baekhyun looks cute beyond belief. “But thank you”

“You are gorgeous, always. Now give me that smile of yours” Kai encourages him playfully and Baekhyun smiles the most real smile Kyungsoo has seen in the last few days –or maybe weeks. Sehun and Luhan fanboy behind Baekhyun and Chen pats their shoulders comfortingly. Maybe bringing Kai here today was not such a bad idea after all…Kai smiles and gives Kyungsoo a proud thumbs up as Baekhyun moves to the next person down the hallway. Kyungsoo nods at Kai with a smile and a wink in approval; admittedly, Kyungsoo had been very anxious of this moment, as to how Baekhyun would react when he’d see Kai –because surely he would remind him of Chanyeol–, but the idiot did a good job. Admit it, Kyungsoo, he always does a good job when you are concerned…Well yes, plus, Kyungsoo threatened him a couple thousand times that he’d end up dead in various different ways if he dared mess up, so.

“Xiumin!” Baekhyun seems surprised to see him here –to be fair, Kyungsoo would have been surprised as well. But Chen said they should invite him and, much as Kyungsoo would have liked to accuse him of being biased because he is his boyfriend, Chen said that it would do Baekhyun some good to see the people he shared good times with a while back in spring. He added some behaviorism stuff that only Baekhyun would understand to the argument –they grew up together after all. Damn Chen and his wits is all Kyungsoo has to say on the matter.

“Hello, Baekhyun! Happy birthday” Xiumin wishes politely and then rests his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder with a kind smile. The exchange is not as comfortable as it was with the rest, but then again, Baekhyun doesn’t know him all that well yet.

“Thank you, and thank you for coming” Baekhyun pats his hand in appreciation before moving to the next couple. “Lay! And Suho!” he looks even more surprised to see those two here. Kyungsoo totally understands that as well.

“Happy birthday!” Lay gives Baekhyun a hug while Suho shakes his hand in the same time. Baekhyun is already multitasking, this is great progress, Kyungsoo is moved to tears.

“Thank you! I didn’t expect to see you here! Oh god, this is the first time you visit my house and I look like this…” he covers his cheeks in embarrassment. And may Kyungsoo note that Baekhyun is returning more and more to himself with every person he greets, much to everyone’s silent delight. Human interaction can work miracles, Chen was right; again.

“You look perfect, don’t be silly! It was a surprise, after all” Lay dismisses his worries with a nonchalant wave. Baekhyun clenches his teeth in an adorable grimace. “Besides, we wouldn’t miss it! I took a much needed day off and Suho cancelled his trip to the US to be here. We really wanted to wish you happy birthday”

“You did?” Baekhyun turns to Suho with an obliged look and then to Lay, who nods.

“It wasn’t anything important. Honestly, being here is much more fun than being there. We’re both happier now” Suho reassures him, speaking smoothly. Baekhyun returns a sheepish smile, blushing slightly, and then turns to Kyungsoo, who is the last one down the aisle.

“Soo!”

“Welcome back, Byun! Happy birthday!” he exclaims as joyfully as he can, holding the birthday cake higher and closer to Baekhyun. He stayed up all night to make it, with chocolate, strawberries and cream, just how Baekhyun likes it. It’s not the most impressive cake they’ve ever seen, but it’s made with love and it’s delicious, that’s what counts. Baekhyun looks at the lighted candles and then his eyes turn to Kyungsoo with a strange gleam of affection.

They start singing the birthday song then, gathering closer to the cake, and Baekhyun looks like he is trying really hard to hold back his tears, while smiling widely in the gentle glow of the candles and looking at the people around him with appreciation in his eyes every now and then. He is happy and touched by their gesture. He might be an event planner but he hardly ever enjoys events for himself. Kyungsoo and Chen wanted to do something for him, even if this is nothing great or spectacular. There was a good chance all their hard work would go down the drain, but, as it turns out, it was a good decision; it brought Baekhyun out to the world again.

But Kyungsoo can see more. He watches Baekhyun carefully as the song proceeds, with everyone singing in chorus, Kai slightly off-tune and Luhan slightly too loud. Baekhyun’s eyes are like an open book; and he is looking for something that is missing. Someone. He knows he won’t find it though, he must know as much. They couldn’t risk that much, it’s all for Baekhyun today. When the song ends on a loud, long note, Baekhyun closes his eyes, making a silent wish which Kyungsoo couldn’t guess. But when his eyes open again, his smile is too small to be visible under the tears that overflow from his eyes. Those tears are not joy anymore. They could be, but everyone knows they are not. Baekhyun blows out the candles.

“Thank you” he mumbles brokenly and then he wipes away his tears on his sleeves quickly, putting a brave smile on his lips and sniffling. For a moment there, Kyungsoo could see his wounded heart; but Baekhyun never wants to inconvenience and worry others, so he always hides too fast. “Now let’s go to the kitchen! I’m hungry!” he says cheerfully and leaves first. Kyungsoo guesses he would be hungry too, if he had spent the past few days eating as little as Baekhyun. Lay and Suho follow him quickly to the kitchen, not leaving him alone for a moment, and Xiumin follows quietly, taking the cake with him. Sehun exchanges a look with Luhan and follows behind the others at his own pace. The remaining exchange a long and meaningful look.

“He was looking for…” Kai starts in a low voice.

“Yes” Kyungsoo answers, cutting him quickly. It is obvious. He was looking for Chanyeol. Why wouldn’t he? It’s the person he loves. He has every right to hope to see him on his birthday. But he already knew this is a futile hope. Kyungsoo wishes for his friend that none of this had ever happened.

“Maybe we should have told him” Luhan whispers, pressing his lips thoughtfully in a thin line.

“No” Chen shakes his head “If he was here, it would hurt much more” he says with resolve. Kyungsoo cannot know that, he has no way of imagining what this birthday would be like if Chanyeol was present. But he trusts Chen because, more often than not, he is right. Again, Kyungsoo wishes for his friend that Chen was, more often than not, wrong.

“But, Chen, this is…” Kai motions to the kitchen with a pained expression and they all turn sadly in the direction of Baekhyun’s voice, which is striving to find its former cheer as he talks with the others, thanking them for all the beautiful flowers. Kyungsoo can feel it too, he knows what Kai would say; this is heartbreaking. He wonders whether they should tell him that the largest, most beautiful bouquet of liliums is from Chanyeol this year. He chose them himself.

--

“I can’t believe I missed our first Baekhyun’s birthday!” Chanyeol growls for the hundredth time today.

“There was no other way; he would have never come out of his room if you had been there” Chen answers casually –after all the times he has had to answer this frustrated complaint in one night– and he shifts his glass elegantly in his hand before putting it down on the bar. “It is all your fault anyway”

“I know” Chanyeol mumbles, slouching in his seat. He gazes at his drink shifting in the glass, feeling like the whole world is weighing him down. He knows this is all his fault; he regrets it thoroughly during every breathing moment of his life. If only this had happened a month later or if it had not happened at all…

Ever since his birthday, Chanyeol had been looking forward to the day he would return the wish to Baekhyun, the day when, ideally, they would be a couple and Chanyeol would kiss him good morning and be the first one to wish him happy birthday, and prepare breakfast in bed for him, and give him an amazing gift, and throw a surprise party for him with a huge cake. But just look at them now. The irony is tragically obvious. All Chanyeol managed to give Baekhyun was heartache and a bouquet of what he remembered to be his favorite flowers. Baekhyun will probably never know it was from him.

“At least he had fun. It’s a pity you missed it” Chen continues, checking out the people in the bar naturally. His eyes seem trained to focus on the details, but Chanyeol’s troubles are anything but that small. Chanyeol groans; yeah, it’s a pity, you bet it is, you have no idea. He lets his head fall on the counter with exasperation, not caring if he is making a fool of himself. Nothing really matters much these days. Chen beside him looks cool enough for both of them anyway.

“You’re not helping” he whimpers pathetically.

“Oh, I am not here to help” Chen dismisses him easily. Chanyeol lifts his head to give him a curious look.

“What?”

“I’m not here to help” Chen repeats shamelessly and shrugs his shoulders. Chanyeol is…confused. Should he be insulted too? Probably not. But, if Chen is not here to help, then why is he here? Chanyeol called him to go out for a drink for the very reason to find some consolation and hear news of Baekhyun.

“Then why are you here?” he finally asks. Chen sighs, his finger tracing the rim of his glass one last time.

“Look, Chanyeol” he says seriously, shifting in his seat to face Chanyeol “I feel sorry for you and your situation, don’t get me wrong. So, maybe my feelings towards this situation are purposely left ambiguous, but don’t kid yourself; at the end of the day, I am Baekhyun’s best friend and, ultimately, I want to see you suffer for what you’ve done” Chen offers an innocent smile at the end –which clashes strangely with whatever he just said, and which Chanyeol didn’t understand fully. Chanyeol thinks it didn’t sound very favorable to him, but then why is Chen smiling, so maybe he is wrong. He feels confused, more than before.

“Huh?”

“It’s okay” Chen waves his hand to forget about it, relaxing in his seat “You are not in a mental state to understand me. So, how’s work?” he changes topic easily.

“It’s progressing within schedule” Chanyeol answers flatly; he really doesn’t want to think about it. He spends enough time giving himself headaches every other day, so he would rather forget about it for a little while. Or forever. An alternate reality with no work and lots of Baekhyun instead sounds like a pretty good option right now. Chen chuckles softly.

“Well, you’d better be in schedule, Park Chanyeol, because I will murder your fiancée if I’ll have to tolerate her for one day longer” he gives him a glare. Oh, right, Chen got hired by Krystal last week, something for a dress and stuff like that; he wasn’t paying attention to her while she was talking.

“Join the club” Chanyeol murmurs bitterly with a sarcastic smirk. He wants to murder her too. Luhan wants to murder her, his mother wants the same thing, Kai, Lay, and possibly half the universe. She was pretty annoying before but, as the days go by and this ridiculous engagement party –which is so not happening if Chanyeol can help it– is coming closer, she is becoming even more annoying, if that is possible! She is testing Chanyeol’s patience limits, taking it to whole new levels every time they meet. Chanyeol doesn’t know for himself how much patience there is left in him.

“How have you been?” Chen asks with sincere concern this time, which Chanyeol appreciates.

“I have been working nonstop” he says with a sigh, thinking back to all the appointments he has had in the last week –he won’t even try to think of those waiting for him in the next week, or he will kill himself on the spot to avoid them. “I’m this close to finishing everything. I’m also this close to dying…” he grumbles under his breath, scowling at his glass.

“I can see that, you look horrible” Chen confirms. Chanyeol doesn’t even have the strength to glare at him or flinch. Chen is honest, brutally so, but it’s not like Chanyeol didn’t know that before. He needed someone who wouldn’t sugarcoat things to spend this night with; because he is tired of working until he blacks out, and of people telling him he is doing a great job and have a little more patience because he is almost there. He needs a slap in the face to wake him up. This is how far this situation has gone wrong.

“How is…Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asks timidly, biting his lip. He is not sure he has the right to ask about him when he is the one who is at fault, but god knows how much he worries sick about him and how desperately he wants to know that he is okay. Chen sips on his drink once.

“He’s functioning” he answers nonchalantly. Functioning? Chanyeol stares at Chen. It’s not what Chanyeol would have liked to hear, but it’s better than nothing and maybe that is all he deserves. He cannot tell much from it, except for the sad fact that ‘functioning’ implies a state of ‘not-functioning’ which doesn’t sound good and for which Chanyeol is undoubtedly responsible. Chen sighs.

“He’s okay” he continues halfheartedly, probably taking pity on Chanyeol. Chanyeol knows he is pitiful, but he feels like he should be much worse than that, so he does nothing to change it and prefers to suffer in his misery. “He is almost normal again, after his birthday party. He takes care of himself and he even returned to work. Kyungsoo is constantly with him, of course, because he might look fine, but it’s not like anyone would know if he wasn’t fine; he is the oyster sort of person when it comes to his heart and thoughts. We make sure to keep him company, taking turns”

“Who is ‘we’?” Chanyeol asks quietly. He can suspect who they are, more or less; he just wants to hear more about the faces Baekhyun sees every day. It doesn’t make Chanyeol hurt any less though, because he is not included in ‘we’.

“Well, you know, Kyungsoo, who works with him, so he spends all day with him. Me, when I am not working with your hysterical fiancée. Luhan, who is pretty good company for Baekhyun but he hardly ever makes it because of work, as you know. Sehun, who managed to cheer him up by playing video games with him –unconventional approach, admittedly, but it worked. Lay brought over some food a couple of times. Kai spends a few afternoons there with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, but, you know Kai, he is sensitive to misery and melancholy, so he ends up more blue than Baekhyun when the day is over. Xiumin brought a movie once. And that’s it”

Chanyeol sighs heavily. A few people around them, mostly females, stare at him because he is pouting miserably and he probably looks cute to them, but he can’t care because he feels miserable so, yeah. Let them stare. This is what tormented, lovesick people look like. ‘That’s it’. That’s it? How can that be all? Where is Chanyeol? He should be there. He should really be there. He should be there, holding Baekhyun and kissing his tears away, hugging him to sleep and feeding him his favorite foods, humming tunes to cheer him up, and be the first person he sees in the morning, telling him ‘I love you’ over and over, until Baekhyun would smile in surrender and shut him up with a kiss.

But he can’t. And he brought it on himself.

--

Baekhyun doesn’t really want to be here. He’d rather he was home, perched inside his toasty warm bed, listening to lullabies for babies because it helps him sleep, and hugging his pillows to suffocation. Kyungsoo calls it an unhealthy attachment to his royal chambers –Baekhyun calls it wanting to sleep, but who listens to him lately?– so he ganged up with Kai, Chen, Luhan, Xiumin and even Sehun to get him out of the house tonight. Kai provided the destination and sweet-talk, Chen provided the clothes, Xiumin the drinks, Luhan and Sehun the company and Kyungsoo the threats to keep Baekhyun dedicated to their plans. And although Baekhyun wasn’t opposed to leaving the house, he doesn’t see why they had to doll him up, serve him alcohol and bring him to a club, of all places.

Apparently, there’s a handbook for best friends -that he personally doesn’t know about but Kyungsoo told him it exists- and it includes a list of steps and suggestions on how to handle your best friend’s post-breakup situations. For the record, Baekhyun never broke up with Chanyeol because they were never together like that, but again, who listens to him lately?

And this is how Baekhyun has found himself sitting on a barstool next to an untouched glass of something red, colorful lights swirling overhead, confusing his eyes, and cranked up ventilation biting on his skin, making him shiver every now and then. This is not his scene. People strolling around the bar in fancy clubware is amusing enough to keep him in his seat though. Women in sparkly clothes, red lips and heels pass by with giggles and swaying hips, and men lurk around, posing like supermodels in flimsy or fashionable attire and befitting smirks. Baekhyun would make constructive criticism on the swarm of people with Luhan and Kyungsoo, but they’ve vanished to the dancing crowd with Sehun and Kai respectively, and no one should ever have serious hopes of locating his friends in a crowd of jumping, dancing, swaying bodies in the midst of booming upbeat music. Xiumin stayed with him for a while, until a pretty girl asked him to dance, and who is Baekhyun to keep him from having fun? Baekhyun offered to keep it a secret from Chen -he wouldn’t really, but all is in good fun tonight- adding a mischievous smirk, but Xiumin laughed and assured him that they don’t keep such secrets from each other.

It stung Baekhyun a little, reminding him of his former situation of secrets that has resulted in this great state of being he has been experiencing lately.

Never mind that now, because he’s here to have fun –or at least, so they told him. They told him other things too. Like how he is supposed to ‘roll his sinful hips’, ‘shake his pretty rear’, and other totally non-embarrassing things like that, that come down to flirting and seducing people. They only meant to cheer him up, but he simply felt benevolently objectified, confused with his own emotions on the topic of meeting new people, and somewhat terrified with the prospect of stepping into the foreign flirting territory. Kai told him it’s a natural response, like an instinct, and that people wouldn’t even mind if he were awkward, because he has that killer smile and se*y figure that would sweep anyone off their feet. Baekhyun has doubts on the matter and well, he doesn’t want to sweep anyone off their feet –but, you know it, no one listens to him these days. It gets confusing and slightly upsetting at times.

He’s like a fish out of the water. At least it’s not as uncomfortable to be wearing leather pants this time around; but they’re still a bit too clingy to his skin to appreciate them, so he tries to hide his legs as much as he can with his hands, folding them on his lap. But everyone else in the gang seemed to absolutely love them –Luhan even went on teasing Chen for solid five minutes about how he can enjoy Baekhyun in them all night while Chen won’t, because he had some other plans and couldn’t club the night away with them. Chen had Baekhyun pose for a picture after that, and the only reason Baekhyun played along was because he would never hear the end of it otherwise, for wearing leather pants to a club for the second time in the absence of his best friend. His designer side took seriously the challenge of dressing him this time, adding black biker boots and a grey, silver-ish top, with long sleeves and loose fit –looser than comfortable, to be honest, because his neck and collarbones are exposed to the world and, if he moves the slightest bit, the damn material slides all ways around and down his shoulders. He was tortured with an eyeliner pencil to make his eyes positively smoky, and his hair was ruffled and disheveled, but he had given up on objecting and standing by his basic human rights by then.

And it’s strange that all these people keep giving him looks; he doesn’t think he is that remarkable, but people seem to think otherwise. Some of them smirk at him, some nod, some smile sweetly, others even bite their lips, and ninety percent of people passing by check him out –the ones who have boyfriends or girlfriends have the decency to do it subtly at least. He feels waayyy too suggestive to be left alone in a crowd that probably finds him alluring and inviting, so he’s wondering what his friends have in their heads, dressing him up like this and bringing him here. Baekhyun huffs; he doesn’t really like this sort of attention, but it’s not like he can hide somewhere.

“Hi there” a voice calls from the stool next to his and Baekhyun curiously turns, only half expecting the greeting to be directed at him, but the pretty woman with strawberry blond hair seems to be talking to him indeed. She smiles a cherry red smile at him.

“Hello” he chirps, giving a charming smile out of reflex. He scans his mental list of people he knows through his work, just in case she came by just to say hi. The odds are not in his favor. Kai’s words are haunting him and he mentally panics, because how is he supposed to handle a confident and gorgeous woman flirting with him? He doesn’t even have something to cover his exposed skin with and everything feels pretty out there, you know! When Kai said it should be an instinct, Baekhyun doubts he meant fight-or-flight responses, but it’s all his system is providing right now.

“I’m Laura” the woman extends a slender hand, adorned with tasteful jewelry, and he awkwardly misses a beat but he takes it eventually, and they shake hands. Baekhyun just looks at her under the swirling club lights. He doesn’t really know how to go from there. Thankfully the woman speaks again, leaning closer to him to be heard over the music and Baekhyun can smell her rich perfume; it’s a bit uncomfortable. “What’s your name?” Oh right, that’s how it goes from there.

“Um, Baekhyun, nice to meet you” he offers, the response coming out naturally with a smile. Could it really be instinct? A strange gleam appears in the woman’s eyes then, and her smile turns more charming, an appreciative hum leaving . Baekhyun can ignore the scared chill that runs down his spine at first but he can’t ignore his stomach lurching when her eyes rake suggestively over any skin his shirt doesn’t cover. If you’re feeling like prey in a bad sense, it’s not the right instinct, is it?

“Nice to meet you, too” she muses with a small giggle, biting her lip a little. Baekhyun swallows down his nerves; it’s just his imagination, he should calm down. Eyeing people suggestively is not entirely illegal, at least not in such a place. “Can I buy you another drink?” she offers, nodding to his full glass. Baekhyun glances at it hesitantly. Contrary to popular opinions that want heartbroken people to be heavily drinking people, Baekhyun doesn’t think his status has changed his repulsion to alcohol.

“Uhhh I don’t really drink, but thank you for the offer” he ends up saying politely, adding a nice smile to avoid upsetting her –it is bad enough that he stutters unappealingly before every answer. Why is she even still trying with his case? She seems amused.

“Handsome and cute, nice…” she mumbles, her eyes checking him out from head to toe without any shame. The look is so intense that he blushes –he’s a guy and he has the right to blush, what. Then she suddenly jumps off her stool, taking his hand with her. Baekhyun blinks at her, swiftly covering his recently overly-exposed clavicle. “So, if you don’t drink, do you at least dance, hotstuff?” she winks at him and Baekhyun gapes a little. She sure is straightforward, not that he blames her.

And dance? He hasn’t done that in a while. He hasn’t danced to club beats ever since he did with…Chanyeol. Wow that’s a long time, he hadn’t even noticed. It’s not like he goes to clubs often in the first place. Wouldn’t it be a little strange if he danced now? Not exactly like cheating but…that kind of feeling, yeah. But that’s why they came here, to dance and have fun, right? He can handle it. He thinks. The woman checks him out again and he gets the same feeling of hunted prey. He can handle dancing, but can he handle dancing with her? Well, he’s a grown man; he’ll just have to make sure her hands stay on acceptable places at all times. He’s still a little unsure when he gives a nervous glance to the dance floor, but Kyungsoo suddenly appears in the faces of the crowd, catching his eye. He seems to be making a very accurate assessment of the situation in a fascinatingly short time, and he promptly starts making frantic signals at Baekhyun to go with her. Baekhyun gulps; there’s no other option now, Kyungsoo will kill him if he rejects her.

“Hmm, sure” he allows in the end, giving her a small smile. She seems pleased with his reluctant answer, biting her smiling lips, and she leads him to the dance floor, lacing her arms around his neck with purpose in no time. With a reassuring smile on his part and a light laugh from her red lips, the night starts.

Baekhyun dances song after song till he has lost count, and the smiles give and take throughout the night. At first, he dances with her for an appropriate while before he extracts himself from her touchy claws, reuniting with his friends by the bar. Kyungsoo gives him a disapproving look then, but Baekhyun’s defense holds, because her hands were starting to touch too much skin and it made him uncomfortable; Luhan supports him, saying that they’re here to have fun, but that doesn’t mean he should do anything he doesn’t like. Besides, it’s not long after another girl asks for his attention and Kai all but pushes him to the dance floor again. Baekhyun dances with her and with other girls after her, a few men too here and there. The familiar faces of his friends pop up in the crowd of strangers at times, giving him reassuring smiles and encouraging gestures. Baekhyun giggles and tries to hide his face in second-hand embarrassment.

He dances with his friends too, of course. Luhan is clingy in an entertaining way and they laugh a lot, Kai is admittedly too good for Baekhyun to match his dancing skills but he somewhat manages, and Sehun is the only one to get a slow dance, with Baekhyun leading him despite their height difference. Kyungsoo and Xiumin talk to him more while they dance, asking about his bygone dance partners, but Baekhyun doesn’t have much to say about them; they were strangers who danced with him, smiled at him, and left as strangers. It doesn’t really matter to him to make them anything other than strangers. He stays on the dance floor for the most part of the night, and his friends find excuses to send him back whenever he tries to stop and rest by the bar. He’s getting tired as the night goes on, but he forgets his worries for while it lasts, drowning them in the deafening beats and the energetic moves of his body.

Baekhyun finds the rhythm in him and sways to the beat mercilessly. He plays it up a bit when he feels like it, bending his knees a bit more, shaking his hips a bit more sensually. He arches his back and rolls his half-exposed shoulders, he ruffles his hair away from his face, he closes his eyes and deliberately touches a bit more skin when he’s fixing his top, he bites his lips, he smiles, he frowns. The music slowly coaxes him out of his shell and he’s letting go. Baekhyun wasn’t born when an innocent flower sneezed; he has been through a socializing teenage and university phase you know. He knows how to dance with people, when to smile, when to giggle, when to bite his lips. He knows how to hold a girl comfortably for both, and how to maneuver uncomfortable touches off of his body; like when he fixes his hand on a girl’s waist whenever she moves it to her hip and he holds her hand whenever she touches too much of his skin, almost dragging his shirt down. He puts some distance between him and his dancing partners whenever they get too close to his liking, and he has to do that one too many times.

There comes a moment when he’s dancing with another man, who is tall and handsome and definitely interested. Baekhyun doesn’t particularly favor him, but he stays for a second dance. He catches himself unconsciously remembering the time he danced with Chanyeol, and how the latter wouldn’t so much as touch him if Baekhyun seemed uncomfortable, or he wouldn’t get too close if Baekhyun didn’t get closer first. This man is not the same; he’s bolder in the way he holds Baekhyun by the waist possessively and Baekhyun thinks he appreciates Chanyeol’s thoughtfulness more, but even this is okay for just one dance. He tries to forget himself and sway to the beat more, closing his eyes and leaning his head back a little. His dancing partner sees that as an invitation and Baekhyun doesn’t really mind. He doesn’t mind the foreign thigh that slips between his own and he doesn’t shy away when lips get close to latching onto his neck, or hands wander around to touch closer to inappropriate places. He breathes, biting his lip and frowning, trying to forget everything else and go with the flow, just let go, please let go, and he thinks maybe; maybe he can pretend he’s not pretending it were someone else dancing with him.

Baekhyun turns around on the spot and coldly leaves his dance partner and the dance floor for good, because, flower it, he can’t forget Chanyeol, no matter what.

--

The night is cold and the humidity is gliding on the street, soaking the asphalt pebbles like it does after the rain. The chill in the air is not an entirely comfortable one but it’s not raining at least, as they walk the short way to Baekhyun’s apartment. It’s a short distance from the place they spent the better part of the night and, in spite of Baekhyun’s protests that he can take himself home, they all agreed it’d be better if someone went with him. So here Sehun is, walking beside his hyung in comfortable silence with the purpose of taking him home and spending his night over. It was a direct order from Luhan.

Their footsteps echo in the empty streets and it’s a bit eerie, but the silence is only because the neighborhood is family friendly and it gets quiet so late at night. Sehun glances down at Baekhyun. The shorter male is walking by his side, hyperactive steps showing he isn’t drained of energy yet but he has shimmered down since their dancing escapades. Sehun makes sure to shorten his steps so that his hyung can keep up. His hair is perfectly tussled and his puppy eyes are heavily smudged with black; it looks oddly handsome, coupled with his flushed cheeks from the cold and his fitting tailored black coat. He looks like a vampire. In a good sense, not the bloodthirsty one. If anything, he looks a little relieved tonight, like the emotional burden of the last few days has lifted slightly; Sehun would like to keep it that way. His hyung is sweeter when he’s happy; he deserves it.

“Did you have fun today hyung?” he asks after they turn another corner. Baekhyun blinks up at him in surprise once before he stuffs his hands in his pockets. It looks like Sehun interrupted some thought but he doesn’t regret it, because whatever Baekhyun had been thinking was making him pout.

“Sure, Sehunnie” he answers with a small smile “Aww, I can’t believe you’re old enough to join us clubbing now” he muses then, bumping his shoulder against Sehun’s side playfully. Sehun chuckles, watching the elder smiling and finding himself amused with his coaled eyesmiles and pretty little teeth that flash in the street lights.

“It’s the first time I saw you dancing like that, you know” he counters just as playfully. But seriously, since when does the cute Baekhyun who has a keen eye for detail and an undying love for chocolate have the ability to change into this alluring creature of the night, of inviting softness and beautifully curved lines? Sehun was very surprised to see him dancing like that, but Luhan was probably the biggest fanboy of the night; he was practically squealing with every move Baekhyun made. It was hard for Sehun to keep him by his side, because all Luhan wanted was to watch Baekhyun with googly eyes, and looking like normal people in the crowd became a tough job in Sehun’s jurisdiction.

“Ah is that so?” Baekhyun sniffles from the cold and touches his nose briefly. Sehun would guess there’s a blush hidden too. Baekhyun’s eyes take on a thoughtful look. “Sometimes it feels like I’ve known you since forever” he mumbles seriously and it’s Sehun’s turn to blush from Baekhyun’s words.

“That’s a great compliment to me hyung…” he says, finding a short-lived bashful interest in his shoes. Baekhyun chuckles quietly, so maybe he noticed, but he doesn’t comment on it. Baekhyun is always kind like that. “So, did you meet anyone interesting?” Sehun moves on to the next topic. Kyungsoo and Luhan coached him intensely to ask these questions, because, according to them, Baekhyun will open up easier to him than to them. He was planning on asking him tomorrow morning over breakfast, but since they’re talking anyway… “Many people showed interest in you; did you exchange numbers?” And okay, maybe Sehun is a little curious too, because there were some seriously gorgeous people circling Baekhyun tonight. He mostly seemed to be playing along and having fun, until that moment when he walked to the bar out of the blue, for some unknown reason, and he adamantly refused to step near the dance floor again, so he spent the rest of the night on a stool. Nobody asked about it, for fear they would ruin his mood completely.

“I-I, no!” Baekhyun stutters, adorably flustered. Sehun lifts an eyebrow and Baekhyun catches it with the corner of his eye, so he gives up with a sigh. “Some of them were…okay, I guess” he allows softly.

Pause.

Long pause.

Was that it? Luhan and Kyungsoo will kill him if his report is this short! Oh boy, now Sehun knows what his hyungs mean when they say Baekhyun in an oyster. He knows right off the bat that he won’t say anything he doesn’t want to, no matter how hard Sehun might try, and there is no way Sehun can keep trying if Baekhyun attempts to cute his way out of the difficult position. Baekhyun hums a little.

“They gave me their numbers, but I didn’t make any promises” And it doesn’t look like he intends to make any promises in the future either.

“Why not?” he challenges his luck. Any phrase he can add to his report is an advantage for him against the curiosity beasts inside Luhan and Kyungsoo who will rip his head off if he doesn’t make a proper essay on Baekhyun’s impressions and experiences. The shorter presses his lips in thought for some time, a frown appearing between his eyebrows, and then he looks up at the cloudy sky, heaving a sigh.

“Because I don’t-” he halts and rephrases “It doesn’t feel right. It feels…too soon?” he asks, sounding uncertain. Sehun is certain though. He knows Baekhyun has taken his separation from Chanyeol to heart and he is aching more than he lets on. He looks like he has started healing during the last few days but Sehun doubts that’s entirely true. He’s just found a way to cope, which is good enough to fool the rest into thinking that what Baekhyun had with Chanyeol was something easy to let go. It’s not. Baekhyun looks up at Sehun suddenly, and the latter wipes away his concerned expression. “Do I sound strange?” Baekhyun laughs humorlessly at himself. Sehun shakes his head.

“It makes perfect sense to me, hyung” he says, hooking an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder and drawing him closer. He doesn’t ask any further questions after that.

--

“There you go hyung; I made it extra choco-special for you” Sehun says cheerfully with a smile and leaves the drink on the table. Baekhyun returns a small smile in gratitude; smiling is really difficult. He can manage to fake every other expression, but smiles are the hardest.

“Thank you, Sehun” he says, watching as the boy takes a seat across from him. Today it’s Sehun’s day off, but he offered to make Baekhyun his drink anyway. They met here by chance. Baekhyun thought it would be nice to spend his free evening at the quiet café while Sehun waits at the café for Luhan to finish from work and meet up with him. But the boy immediately ran to Baekhyun when he saw him; he is such a kind kid when he wants to be. “Your speech has improved a lot” Baekhyun notices. He has noticed it for a while now, but he didn’t have the chance to say it to Sehun. Anything other than himself and how he’s feeling seems like a worthy topic of conversation these days.

“It’s because of Luhan; he helps me a lot” Sehun says with a sheepish smile which Baekhyun hardly ever sees on the boy. So that’s how it is…Baekhyun doesn’t understand perfectly what Sehun and Luhan have –because one of them says they’re dating, the other one says they are not– but it’s a relationship for sure.

“You have a date with him today, don’t you?” Baekhyun guesses with a small smile. Sehun jolts back and blinks in surprise. Ah, Baekhyun loves surprising people like that.

“Hyung! How did you know?” he asks, the tips of his ears growing intensely pink.

“Well” Baekhyun chuckles, fixing the sleeves of his red knit jacket. People don’t just wait around for other people, so… “You are wearing matching clothes…” He says instead and glances at the boy’s clothes, the grey knit blouse and the black blazer with white lapels, which look so nice on him; they bring out his deep brown eyes and they make him look sophisticated, in combination with his light blond hair. Baekhyun wonders why Sehun doesn’t dress up more often; he would be quite a heartbreaker for sure, if he did. Sehun looks down at his clothes as well.

“Ah…” he rubs the back of his neck nervously. Baekhyun smiles –only a little tiredly– at the sight; people in love are so cute. “Baekhyun hyung, can I ask you something? You are always well dressed and stuff so…Do I look any good?” Sehun asks and looks up with a soft blush on his cheeks. This is another thing Baekhyun doesn’t get to see often; so cute and so in love…

“You look great, Sehun” he assures him. Baekhyun likes the combination of Luhan and Sehun; Sehun might be having a hard time in this relationship sometimes because of Luhan’s imperfections, which Baekhyun suspects, but they complete each other in the most unexpected ways. They seem like they have a chance at happiness together.

“Thanks, hyung” Sehun flashes a wide smile.

“You know, Sehun,” Baekhyun says, leaving the chocolate drink on the table –his friends always bring him chocolate these days, for some reason. No, Byun Baekhyun, you know the reason…He kills that thought in its tracks and continues. “I might not be the perfect person for the job but, if you need anything, now that you are dating Luhan I mean, you can always talk to me” Sure, Baekhyun’s love life is sadder than ever before, but he is still capable of helping others, of being a good friend. And he knows that Sehun doesn’t have any reliable members in his family, so maybe having Baekhyun to talk to about his troubles is one step above nothing.

“Thank you, you are the best, hyung!” Sehun smiles and, with the way he is leaning back in his seat and because of his clothes, his smile, which has grown much more stunning and sincere ever since he met Luhan, catches the eye of a few female customers, who giggle and stare. Baekhyun feels oddly proud of the kid, as if he really were his hyung. “But…hyung, you can talk to me, too” Sehun’s serious voice brings back Baekhyun’s attention. He gives the boy a bewildered look; it’s the same voice Sehun used when he said he understood Baekhyun’s feelings the other night. It’s a rare sort of voice. Sehun swallows seriously once, organizing and choosing his words. “Luhan has told me about the situation between you and Chanyeol hyung. It must be making you very sad. So, if you need to talk to someone and you think I might be a good enough listener, just…talk. Talk to someone, hyung. We are very worried about you”

Sehun’s pleading voice gradually brings out all the sorrow in Baekhyun. He feels like he wants to melt. Physics say that if you heat up the molecules of an object, they lose the structuring bonds and they start moving more freely, so the object melts. Baekhyun feels like he has been burning ever since that night at Chanyeol’s door; everything inside him is being slowly consumed by endless black fire which always finds more fuel in his sorrow. He also feels like he is losing his bonds with the world; first it was Chanyeol and then everyone else follows, slowly drifting away no matter how much they strive to stay close to Baekhyun, because Baekhyun doesn’t feel he has the power to hold them close anymore. So, basically, he is melting.

“Thank you, Sehun. I never meant to make you worry” he replies in a sad voice and sighs, picking up his chocolate. He honestly appreciates the helping hands everyone extends but he cannot share his pain with any one of them; he doesn’t know how. All he has always known is how to suffer alone and that is what works for him, so that is what he always does. He is usually good at hiding it, but this time it started too dramatic, so everyone noticed. He got kicked out of his friendship with Chanyeol by the beechy fiancée he didn’t even know about, for crying out loud. He doesn’t like worrying other people; he knows he will survive, eventually, so if they get worried about him, he feels like he is abusing their affection.

Sehun gives him a soft look for a while. Baekhyun ignores it in favor of his chocolate. The silence is disrupted by Sehun’s phone after a while, and he immediately reaches for it.

“Oh, it’s Luhan” he mumbles with a hint of a smile on his lips. Baekhyun tries to forget his troubles and appreciate the beauty of love which is sitting before his eyes. But he finds it hard to do now. Because now he remembers Chanyeol and he is thinking about him and them…

“Everything okay?” he asks to distract himself, trying to sound a bit more cheerful and succeeding; but only a little more cheerful.

“Yeah; he just wanted to change the location of our meet up. But I’ll tell him I can’t go there and he has to come here” Sehun frowns and starts typing.

“Why would you do that?” Baekhyun asks alarmed, suspecting the reason.

“Hyung, I can’t leave you here all alone…” Sehun confirms his worries, looking up with round eyes.

“Sehun, it’s not like we had an appointment; we met here by chance. So it’s okay if you leave me alone, because I was prepared to be alone in the first place” he reasons. He appreciates Sehun’s chivalry but he would never ever keep the kid away from his date. Besides, no matter what everyone seems to think these days, Baekhyun is a grown man and he has been alone in his life before, so there is no need to be constantly under supervision like a child. He had to play his cuteness charm card to get his babysitters –aka Kyungsoo and Chen– to let him go for a cup of hot chocolate alone. It’s hard being heartbroken in your twenties; nobody trusts you’re strong enough. But how will Baekhyun know if he is strong enough if they won’t let him try it?

“But, hyung-”

“Just go, Sehun” he advises with a small smile, feeling suddenly entertained by this situation of being treated like a child when he is not in fact a child –but in reality, it is not funny at all. It’s just his mind playing strange tricks with his fragile sentiments. “I will go home as well; I’m tired after the last event and I want to sleep. So don’t worry, just go and stun Luhan with your great looks and have fun!” Baekhyun makes a gesture for Sehun to go. The boy looks reluctant for a moment, his eyebrows troubled by the decision he has to make. But, in the end, common sense prevails and he decides to leave.

“Are you sure you will be okay, hyung?” he asks for confirmation while picking up a small shopping bag he had left on a chair next to him. Baekhyun smiles as convincingly as he can manage. “I’ll call Chen hyung later to make sure you got home safely, okay? If you need me to pick up anything for you, just call me” Oh gosh, this is ridiculous. Baekhyun chuckles.

“Sure, now go and have fun!” he demands with a shooing motion. Sehun grins widely.

“Thanks, hyung! I’ll see you tomorrow at work. Take care on your way home!” by the time Sehun says his final words he is already out the door and Baekhyun watches him walk away, while typing something on his phone. He looks like a proper flower boy or a runway model; what do you know, Sehun can look elegant and refined if he wants to…

“It’s just you and me now” Baekhyun sighs, looking at his chocolate and feeling a little empty. Chocolate is sweet and consoling. It has never betrayed him. It’s a good friend. He smiles bitterly, thinking about how he has come as far as thinking of chocolate as a friend. He turns his eyes outside the window again and watches the golden sunset blindly. So many people, things, music, noise, colors, and nothing can fill his emptiness.

Baekhyun’s days are simple.

He wakes up feeling slightly tired and heavy, he wears concealer to cover his dark circles and he practices his smile in the mirror every morning after he brushes his teeth. It never looks good enough, but it is getting better. He heads off to work and busies himself with every insignificant thing, just to make sure his mind is occupied and that he will be tired enough to sleep at night. Most of the time, it works, but when there is an event, his thoughts always travel to Chanyeol for some reason. Every tall guest, every booming voice in the crowd, every wide smile of happiness amongst the guests reminds him of the tall giant and hope stirs inside him, only to be crushed in the next moment. When he gets home, he eats halfheartedly and then there is always someone to visit him, be it Kyungsoo who nudges him all day, or Kai or Luhan or Chen. During the hours he spends with them, he feels almost normal; that’s why he is very thankful to them, even if they treat him like a child. But eventually they have to leave; and, honestly, he needs to be alone. Some days he stays up all night, deep in thought, until the sun rises and he blacks out from exhaustion. Some days he cries himself to sleep. Some days he gazes at the stars outside his window, lying in his bed, until his thoughts become irrational and sleep takes over. All in all, some days are worse than others.

All days are sad and melancholic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: Hello munchkins! (I got so excited when I updated that I forgot to post this a/n O.O hehe) I hope you enjoyed this update, with with all its angsty, imperfect parts! I know I've been breaking your hearts lately -and it means a lot to me that you have allowed this story to get this close to your hearts *hugs tightly*- but I have good news for you this time!

But first: now you know where Chanyeol was when Baekhyun's heart broke, and he has finally realised his mistake! I thoroughly enjoyed introducing Chanyeol's mother and writing the mother-and-son conversation^-^ also, you know who Kyungsoo was hiding from in the previous chapter. There was a lot of focus on friends and family in this chapter and it was interesting for me to explore those bonds a little further (I hope you liked it too!) There was an occasion of explosive dispute resolution between kaisoo, a bit of sebeak and chensoo, which came out better than I expected...I tried to make Baekhyun cute while depressed (bunny pjs, chocolate and all) but the se*y part at the club wrote itself, basically huhu

Next time, we'll see hunhan going on a date, Krystal explaining herself, kai's cooking skills and- wait. Is that really baekyeol interaction?!?! I'll do my best for you guys! :D Until then, let's be excited together! I really love you, I wouldn't keep hurting you~ *group hug* stay safe! kitty