✰ Wish Granted: honeylove

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Granted By: Sonetix01

Title: Ties of Friendship

Author: honeylove

 

Title

The title was pretty unique, I can't seem to find stories with the title same as yours. Its attractive too, I mean, I'd click on your story when I'm scrolling
through Aff stories. Although I must say that the title will sound better with 'Ties of a Friendship' but I think you're trying to deliver the message that its
not just one friendship, but a lot. You know, like between hers and Myungsoo's, Sungyeol, and all that. I can't really understand though, what 'ties' are you
trying to say in the title, but I guess I'll find out soon when you update, yeah? 

 

Foreword/Description

The foreword/description is alright, but not best. I suggest you make a question out of the description you made, to make it look like there's unsolved mysteries that you'll find out it you read the story. Maybe add a few more details to your description, but not so much. I repeat, not so much, or you're just going to spoil your whole story in the description and no one wants that. Oh and when you make that dialogue scene as a 'sneak-peek' of whats inside the story, that's pretty attracting, then again, I like those 'dialogues' in foreword describes the title, to make the front page connect to each other. Other than that, its pretty much good.

 

Appearance

Well, first of all for the poster, I can't seem to open/see it. I tried all different sites, different devices but still, none, so I'm sorry for not being able to review your poster. About your font, its readable. Some fanfics have exagerrating fonts that it kind of hurt my eyes when I read them, but thank God, yours aren't.
Your story chapters are pretty constant, not that one chapter has very long paragraphs while the other can be read by in a speed. I'm happy for that, your paragrpaphs are constant as well, four until five lines (doesn't count when its on dialogues, by the way) and yeah, that's a very pleasing sight to read.

 

Plot

When I first see your story, I find the story pretty much of those: boy childhood bestfriends with girl, girl falls in love, boys have girlfriend, girlfriend hates her. Yours aren't, thankfully, because I'm getting bored of those. Your plot looked original, although some scenes look familiar and all, it isn't exactly the same.
You added a little more details here and there, and well, it worked for not being too predictable. I like your plot, although I find it quite boring for the first two chapters, it gets better afterwards, and it becomes more and more interesting, so good job on that.

 

Grammar

The grammar needs some fixes, though, but since English isn't your first language, those mistakes are tolerable. I find some mistake in your speling like an extra 's' 

and stuffs, but I know its not on purpose, I'm not that strict to pay attention to those little things, since well, most readers ignore it too. Your grammar mistakes
goes lesser by the time you reached chapter 19, so I'm glad you improved on that. Anyways, here's some mistake I found:

- Father was rarely home -> Father had been rarely home
- She did care for me by packing me lunch -> She did care for me by packing my lunch
- put my book bag in one end of the room -> put my book bag (oh and btw, I think you meant backpack/schoolbag :3) on one end of the room
- The only games available in my laptop was the usual pre-installed ones -> The only games available on my laptop were the usual pre-installed ones
- and I unconditionally made up with each other. -> and we unconciously made up with each other
- it’s not like you’re doing your first time or anything -> Its not like you're doing it for the first time
- and I was beginning to get annoyed. -> and I was getting annoyed

and others are like simple minor mistakes, like I mentioned earlier.

Flow

Okay, I was quite confused at the beginning of the chapter, I suggest you add more details to the scene, to make your readers udnerstand what message you're trying to say. So tell you this: first chapter in a story is important. So you have to make sure if it needs more details, or you're dragging some scenes for too long.
In your case, I suggest to add more details, since Myungsoo is described there, but there's so little information about him that your readers can conclude to different and various kinds of assumption, and that's no good for a story. Other than that, the flow was pretty fine, there's not too much nor too little scenes in each chapter, just right. You did a nice job on that.

 

Characterization

Honestly for the OC character, Kyunghee, I must say I can't really picture of how she looks like, I suggest you add details about how she looks like, her hair colour, eye size, and all. Oh and when that time she saw Chorong and Sungyeol kissed, she threw some pretty nasty words-- and that doesn't give the image of 'innocence'  like how Myungsoo described his 'ideal type' and that's pretty much confusing for me to determine her of having a strong image or not. Sungyeol's character.. I can't really describe it, to be honest. Maybe have one chapter about his point of view to let your readers know what he's feeling. Myungsoo's and Chorong's character is clear so no complains on that.

 

Comments/Enjoyment

Well, overall, your story's quite good and interesting that makes me anticipate the next chapters, so update soon will you? Oh and anyways, I have a few tips to give

you:

In dialogues I suggest to keep it constant whether you're using:

"......" < character's name ) said or "......." said < character's name > since it can be confusing to some readers.

I enjoyed reading and reviewing your story, hope this helps and see you next time o/

 

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CIndy934
✰ Wish Granted: PandaLover11

Comments

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Bleak_night #1
Chapter 1: Reviews are busy so that's mean i couldn't request review right? I'm in desperate need of advice for writing...
suzyelf
#3
I've requested! Thanks in advance.
maplesuga
#4
I applied as a graphic designer! ^_^
Queensabelle
#5
Chapter 28: Picked up and credited! :)
Anneflora #6
I just made a request for a poster!Should I pay anything in return?
Thank you^^
oohkatsoo
#7
I just applied as a reviewer (:
ex_omona
#8
Applied as Graphic Designer!
PandaLover11
#9
Chapter 32: Thanks for granting my wish! <3
PandaLover11
#10
I've made a wish for my story, For Better or For Worst!