Your wish is now granted! ✰ Review ✰

Story Link

Granted By: kloh-ay

Title: Another Typical Love Story

Author: Betxso

Title

“Another Typical Love Story”
I’m not a huge fan of this title, to be frank. Sure it is a unique title, but then again… it is alluding to a typical story… and something that I personally am not a fan of is cliché stories. Or if I could rephrase it, a ‘typical’ story. Reading the story title, I am honestly not very keen in finding out what will happen next. Since, I can already tell that it will be ‘another typical love story’.
Title is a major mood dampener; I am not fond of it.

Foreword/Description
Description:
I love it! It is short and sweet! Although I would argue that you have revealed too much, it is still fine considering how you already revealed A LOT with your title.
But if I could just say, gurl, I love your alternate title and kind of wished that your alternate title is THE title of you story. “On Her Lips” sound brilliant and definitely more alluring compared to “Another Typical Love Story”. A major thumbs up for your alternate title!
Foreword:
Again, pretty simple. Pace is good, albeit rather choppy. The good pace could be possibly due to the fact that your sentences are short. However, improper punctuations may had disturbed the pauses and made it more jerky than intended.

Appearance
Overall appearance is really good. Text wise, you used a pretty standard font and had it at a readable size. Also, the chapters had little abnormalities and the format was rather consistent throughout. On top of that, the poster was well done and gave off a complementary vibe that worked really well with the story. Only thing that I am a little disappointed is how the quote that appeared in the poster did not appear in the story. But again, it is a minor complaint. Generally, you score really well on this segment!

Plot
The plot was really bland. On top of that, the length and language of the story really made it very draggy. I understand that you have already forewarned us that this story is ‘another typical love story’, but I expected at least some form of life in the story. I’m kind of disappointed with this story. Yeah, although it met all the pre-requisites of a typical love story, it had no new life in it and that makes me really heartbroken.
It is alright for a writer to revamp plots or use cliché plots. However, in doing so, the least that the author can do is breathe into it. Make the story your own and inject flavour to it. This story, had neither fresh lease nor did it have flavour. It was flat and really disappointing for me.

Grammar
I have a feeling that English is not your strong suite. Which is perfectly fine, not all authors need to have perfect English. While most of the time you are able to properly and adequately convey your intentions, there are times where the meaning is somehow lost. I do not think that it is much of a problem considering how low the frequency is.
A more common error though is punctuation and tenses. Punctuation more recurring then tenses. So definitely do be more careful when writing.
To view a partial detailed breakdown of this component, click here. https://www.dropbox.com/s/5pw6s1dfoi2gccs/Another%20Typical%20Love%20Story_Betxso.docx?dl=0

Flow
It is pretty understandable – especially since there are no new twists involved. However, I do personally feel that there are a lot of things going on. The chapter is too long and can get pretty draggy at times. There were some problems with consistency, but overall, it was not that bad.

Characterization
This story had pretty weak characterization. It almost seemed that you were so focused on the details/narratives that you forgot to develop and expound on you characters. Saying that, I would like to stress that overall it was a real commendable effort.
What I would however love to see is a more in depth description of how Jin feels. Especially since at the end he goes about and tells Hyosoo how much he had prepared just to ask her to prom. Yet, in the story, this passion and reluctance just was not conveyed. I understand that he loves her, and want her to be happy. But the lack of description on his side leaves me feeling lukewarm to his character.
On the other hand, I would also love to see the period of emptiness when Hyosoo realizes that Jin is being slowly replaced. This is especially crucial as at the end, Hyosoo declares that Jin is the one that she’s destined with. What makes the detail even more important is the fact that Baekhyun cheated on her. For her to turn around and make such a statement after finding out Baekhyun cheated on her, she HAS to face some withdrawal symptoms during the time they were still together.
For Baekhyun, it would be heaven if you could inject in his motivation to cheat on Hyosoo. After all, the image that you have painted or Baekhyun is pretty innocent – Hyosoo is his first girlfriend. He doesn’t seem like a player to me (or at least you don’t depict him to be one). And why would Baekhyun smirk whenever he sees Jin? Would have loved to see you expand more on these areas.

Comments/Enjoyment
Enjoyment:
The story fell below my expectations and it got too draggy for me at a certain point.

Comments:
This story starts off on the wrong foot with a tremendously bland title. On top of that, the story had little unique points that would separate it from the rest. It was a good effort and there were many good writing habits, like starting each dialogue on a fresh paragraph, avoiding the use of ‘but’ at the start of the sentence and using ‘said’ verbs after the dialogues. These are all good writing habits that are starting to diminish among the younger generation of authors, and for you to still retain them is worth praising. Your basics are shaky though, and you may want to engage the help of a beta-reader for a little while more.
I would strongly advise you to place more emphasis on your language now. After which you should definitely look into characterization before delving into descriptive writing. You are on the right track! Fighting!
P.s: Please remember to drop me some cookies if you found this review useful ^^v