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Granted By: kloh-ay

Title: Scars of Love

Author: Queensabelle

Title

“Scars of Love”
The title sounds interesting, it definitely does! While it alludes to a rather common plot idea, the title does not sounds cliche but rather is very fresh and alluring. It gives the author an idea of what's going to happen in the story, but still manages to retain the sophistication even without the use of symbolism morse code which is really well done. I like the title a lot and definitely think that you have done great with it!

HOWEVER, saying that I fail to see how the title is relevant to the story. Maybe we are too early in its growth to fully understand, but as of now, the title is highly irrelevant.

Foreword/Description
Description:
I like how you started of your description with a formatted version of the title. It looked really clean and the colours really complimented each other.
Below the title there is a tag line: 
"you can paint love, but, can you erase it?"
Other than the additional comma after the word 'but' there's something else that was... I won't say wrong, but seemed a little puzzling. In the first part of the sentence, you used the verb 'paint' while in the second part, you've used the verb 'erase'.
Firstly, 'painting love' is already an unusual concept as people would rarely phrase it in that manner. However, I am not going to be so caught up over this as it may possibly have something to do with the occupation of one of the main characters - perhaps a painter or an artist?
The second thing that I find a little puzzling is the use of the verb 'erase'. Firstly, it’s a fairly unusual concept and also because the verb does not link with the first verb. As can be seen from the sentence, you have used a conjunction (but) to connect the two parts of the sentence. The word 'but' suggests a contrast in concepts between the two phrases. If we examine the first phrase, we can identify that the concept stated there is the 'painting of love' whereas the second part is on the 'erasing of love'. 
Explaining it from the first phrase might be a little tough, so I will explain using the second phrase. Let's say we pluck the verb (erase) out from the sentence and ask ourselves "what is the opposite of erase?” what will our answer be? I would say that the opposite of erase would most likely to restore, to keep, to retain, or to build; because to erase have the connotations of tearing down and destroying the existence of something. As can be seen, painting is not one of the antonyms of erasing hence the puzzlement.
I would perhaps suggest that the tag line be "you can keep love, but can you erase it?"
Mmmm, now that I think about it, I feel that you can improve the flavour of the tag line by editing it slightly. Instead of using the conjunction 'but' to connect the two phrases, I feel that 'if' would make the flow much better. I.e: if you can keep love, can you erase it?

The second part of the description seems like a plot synopsis. I liked the first part where you introduced the plot with two questions. It is a fairly wise choice considering how these questions are relatable to your audience – the reader. This relatability will in turn translate into interest and will slowly draw the reader into the first chapter.

However, from the second paragraph on, it seems like you have slight problems with the phrasing of the words. It is not terrible to the extent where the text is entirely unreadable; however it does the prior text injustice.

Okay, let’s just put things this way. The synopsis is not terribly written – however, it could have been way better. I would suggest you omitting the third paragraph (“And yes, her mom…” part if you are uncertain.)

Looking further down, I cringe at the long character chart. I understand if you pin point one or two characters, but to state out 13 characters, I’m sorry love – I do not have time to look through your character chart. By the time I reach Cho Yun Hee, I would most likely lose any interest in your story. After creating so much hype to your story, you do not want to drag it down with unnecessary text. Why is character chart ‘unnecessary’? Because you can achieve the same result (the introduction of your characters) while writing your story. In fact, I would encourage the gradual introduction of the characters as we go along the story as it allows the reader to not know too much and each chapter, each character is fresh and more of a surprise.

Also, it is an unspoken writing rule to ‘show and not tell’. Hence, all in all, the character chart – while I understand why you might want to have it – gives me an impression that you are a poor writer that has problem with characterization or describing their character.

Foreword:
nil

Appearance
Overall appearance was decent .The font was not exactly to my liking, but it is a personal preference. Generally the choices that were made in regards to this field are quite traditional and safe. There are no major issues that needs to be resolved.

Plot
From what I am getting – yes, the story is interesting. Again, you are only 7 chapters in and I believe this story should span across say 30 chapters. Thus now, it is too early to comment.

One thing that I can comment on is that the story lack consistency. While the main characters all possess Korean names, the supporting characters rarely bear Korean names. For example: Yun Hee’s boyfriends, Yun Hee’s secretary and Woohyun’s ex-girlfriends. Understanding the setting of your story is very important. If your story takes place in Korea, majority of your character name should be Korean (or at least easy to pronounce for Korean speakers). I would strongly advise you to limit the number of non-Korean names you have and stick to perhaps more Korean (Asian) names.

Grammar
Grammar probably is not one of your strong suit. You especially lack consistency in tenses. You seem to constantly switch between past and present tense as can be seen from the examples below:

c.1    Actual: She saw Myung Soo’s concern eyes looking right at her.
Suggested: She saw Myung Soo’s concerned eyes looking right at her.

c.2    Actual: He knows her. He can see whether she is lying or telling a truth.
Suggested: He knew her and could see when she was lying and when she was telling the truth.

It is not wrong to write in present tense although the most common way of narrating is in past tense. However, if you want to use present tense, something that you must keep in mind is to be consistent. Meaning if you are narrating in present tense, use present throughout the story and vice versa for past tense. For example, if you are set on using present tense, then anything that is happening ‘live’ in the story should be written in present tense 

E.g.:
Present Tense: Hoya sees the pain in her eyes and decides that it is time for all this to end.
Past Tense: Hoya saw the pain in her eyes and decided that it was time for all this to end. 

Other than this, you show slight issues with SVA – Subject Verb Agreement – which refers to  the rule that states that a singular subject will take on a singular verb (the cat (subj) eats (verb) the fish). An example of such error arising in the story can be seen in chapter 1.

c.1    Myung Soo stepped forward and he used his (1) thumbs to wipe away (1) a tear that is rolling down her (1) cheeks. […]

Here is what is bugging me with the above statement. If a tear was rolling down, it is probably only rolling down one cheek, hence Myungsoo would most likely only need a thumb to wipe it away.

Thus, the sentence would make more sense if it was phrase this way: Myung Soo stepped forward and used his thumb to wipe away a tear that was rolling down her cheek. […]

Sentence structure wise, it seems like you do not use much conjunctions. ‘Conjunctions’ may be a little difficult to understand, so a better way to explain it is by using the word ‘connectors’. As the word ‘connector’ suggest, conjunctions/connectors connect sentences together. A very simple example is ‘and’ and you can see it in action in this sentence. Notice how I can say that sentence in two separate sentence:
(1) A very simple example is ‘and’.
(2) You can see it in action in this sentence.

You should definitely try including this in your story, it will make the transition from sentence to sentence smoother and in turn improve the overall flow of the paragraphs.

Another thing that you may want to look out under sentence structure is the phrasing of words. For example, in chapter 2, there was this part where the narration went: “He’s the kind of guy that would not leave people in trouble.” 

Now, it is not that the sentence is phrased wrongly, but it could be done better – in a way that engaged the readers more. I would suggest the following:  “After all what kind of guy would he be if he left people who were in trouble?”

These are just some of the more obvious issues with regards to the grammar of the story. It is an inconclusive list, and there are of course other areas that can be looked into and other smaller errors that have been spotted – for example, in chapter two, you used ‘most cheeky’ instead of the superlative adjective ‘the cheekiest.

As of now, it seems that you may need a little bit of help with your grammar ad would encourage you to engage the help of a beta reader for a short period of time. Just to stabilize your tenses and look out for SVAs and the use of connectors. If the beta is doing his/her job and you are diligent, you should be able to fly solo after 3 quarters.

Flow
While the story is understandable, the flow has much room for improvement. This can be attributed to the lack of connectors. Hence, the sentence did not seem to flow smoothly giving off the impression of choppy waters.

Characterization
There are 2 characters worth discussing at this juncture – Myungsoo and Jin Ae(?). Well, let’s just start by saying that if your reader (aka me) cannot remember your OC’s name by the seventh chapter, it is not a good sign. /sigh. I do not know where to start… Alright, let’s start according to alphabetical order, meaning Jin Ae is up first.

I am not fond of Jin Ae’s character. Her introduction in chapter one was horrendous. I’ve seen boring introductions, poor introduction, but this is the first time I cringed so bad that I swear, my face would’ve resembled a preserved plum. It was THAT bad. What went wrong? Simple, you starting with Jin Ae’s mum. Like honey, I know you are upset about your mum calling you a ‘mistake’, but unless you want me to think that is all about you, go ahead and do it. 

When introducing your OC, you want it to be almost natural. You do not want it to be forceful neither do you want it to be forced. Just let your OC wriggle its way through your plot. Your introduction of Jin Ae looked almost forced, and it definitely put people off the wrong note.

Noting that Jin Ae ‘does not hate her mum for calling her an accident’, it is said that she hates her mum for ‘bringing back different young, good looking’ guys. Now why? Did the boyfriend molest her, her, steal her money... or is it because her mother never showered her attention? I do not know.

But guess what’s funnier? When her mum finally settled down and married this rich guy that accepted her as family, clothed her, and fed her, she hates him and refuse to call him ‘dad’. Better yet, she resents him for not being able to win the fight against Leukaemia? What. The. ing. Hell? You actually blame a guy for succumbing to his illness? 

If that is not enough to make me want to plunge this character into the burning pits of Hell, just look at the way she treats her (step) brother. Now if the brother was some spoilt annoying brat, I would have fewer problems accepting her attitude. However, in chapter 1 her brother did not intentionally break the plates. He was making breakfast for goodness sake. And remind me how old he is again? Jeez, if I had a sister like her, she should be glad that I don’t swap her conditioner with glue.

And let’s talk about how she refuses to change her surname from Cho to Kang. Wow, and the talk about her wanting to escape her y life. I’m sorry, but in the planet that I live in, people who want to escape their hellish life tend to change their names first. So remind me again how much she hates her life?

Am I done? Probably, but gosh do I hate her. And you are not making it better by crafting her into a Mary-Sue character with perfect scores, beauty, wealth and a harem. I do not know if there is to be a deeper history into her, but I sure wish there is. Because if this is how she is without a messed up backstory, she is officially going into my list of ‘Fanfiction’s Greatest ’.

Now let’s move on to Myungsoo. Do I like Myungsoo? Yes, I do. Do I like him in this story? It’s debatable… but compared to Jin Ae, I will say YES. YES YES YES YES. I not only like him, I LOVE him. Not because he is interesting or unique, but because he is so much better than Jin Ae. Your description of him may not be marvellous, but it definitely beats Jin Ae by a mile. So, yes I love Myungsoo. Only question is are you spending too much time on Myungsoo. We are seven chapters in and while I barely know anything about Woohyun (other than him being a in work), I seemingly already know quite a lot about Myungsoo. Want to be a little wary on that.

As for Woohyun and Yunhee, there is not much known about them other than the fact that one likes ‘mature’ women and the other likes young men. While I don’t really care about Yunhee, I would appreciate to see a little more development for Woohyun. After all, he is one of the main characters.

Advice I would give? Give Jin Ae’s character a total revamp; tone down on Myungsoo, be more involved with Woohyun and try to reduce Jin Ae’s harem.

Comments/Enjoyment
Enjoyment:
You probably already guessed it, I did not enjoy the story. Not because I hated the plot and not because your writing was utterly terrible, but because your characters spoilt it for me.

Comments:
This story starts off on the wrong foot with a y character. While I appreciate unique characters, a line has to be drawn. This character blew it off my charts in a very negative way. This is the first time I have ever ever seen somebody blame the deceased for being unable to rise above his illness.
If you ask me which is more vital to fix – language or character, I will tell you your character. While it is true that a story with grammar errors can get borderline annoying, at least the characters can carry you through and make the experience worthwhile. However, if your characters are ed up, it doesn’t matter how awesome your writing is. Readers will leave. Now do not bother about making your character’s ‘relatable’. Just focus on making them more tolerable and less like a /. Just because they are rich does not give them the warrant to act in such manner. It is too much – even for fanfiction standards.

Ps: Yes, this review may be harsh (especially on characterization). However, the characterization is really bad. And it will not bring the story justice if this persists. The plot has great potential, just not the characters. You are still in the beginning stages of the story and it’s much easier for you do a U-turn and fix things. Hopefully you are not offended. Thanks for waiting and I hoped this has helped you.