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Story Link

Granted By: Primadonna_Angel

Title: Hired To Kill You

Author: EXOTIC_BANA18

Title

9/10 
The title suits the story well, captures the readers attention and sparks curiosity about the story. It doesn't reveal too much about the entire story and works for what you need it to do.

Foreword/Description

Foreword: 5/10
Doesn't really tell much about the story, however it is just vague enough to leave the reader wanting to continue on to sate their curiosity.
Description: 5/10 No summary, however the character chart does intrigue the reader. 

Appearance

7/10
Font changes far too often in size and style, however the changes are similar enough that it doesn't distract the reader too badly and is easily fixed by a simple format change. There also seems to be excessive amounts of space between paragraphs. Again, nothing a simple format change can't fix. The background, however, is slightly distracting at times. The poster is interesting and easy to look at. Overall, the appearance is good.

Plot

6/10
The plot is intriguing. Definitely something that catches and keeps reader attention. However, there are many predictable areas and quite a few cliches. Those however, do not detract from the story too badly.

Grammar

5/10 
There are many grammar and spelling errors throughout the story, however those can be easily overlooked. English is most likely not your strongest point, and that is fine. Most of the errors are inconsistent tenses, point of view changes from 3rd to 2nd throughout, and conjugation errors. There are times where it is a little confusing as to whom is speaking or thinking at certain times. Punctuation was inconsistent as well creating a choppy flow with a few sentences, but nothing major. There are a few instances where incorrect words were used to convey a meaning. Overall, your grammar is average. 

Flow

4/10 
Chapters seem to be cut rather short with more information being crammed into them without changing the length as the story progresses. Tense changes make it hard for the reader to follow, however it is not impossible. The plot itself is relatively easy to follow and creates a decent flow. 

Characterization

3/10
It seems like you did not spend much time on evolving your characters at all. Sometimes they just seemed to be there as an afterthought. The dialogue given was decent. But the some characters appeared to be getting in the way and not needed for the story's development at all. Try to focus on telling the reader why the character is doing this or what reason does the character have for doing that. For example, why did Jiyong apply to become a spy? How does he accomplish this? Being a spy is no easy task. Answering questions like these will create a link between the character and your readers, keeping them coming back for more. It will also help you to develop your story and help you explain more about the character's reasoning behind their choices.

Comments/Enjoyment

Overall, I give this story a 5.5/10. It is intriguing and holds much potential for improvement. I enjoyed what I have read thus far and will be keeping an eye out to see what happens next and how much you improve in your writing. I will suggest that you spend a little more time looking over your work, or have a beta look over your chapters prior to posting them. Also, I suggest spending more time focusing on progressing your characterization.

If you have any questions about my review or about the suggestions that I have made, feel free to message me and I will be glad to answer them.