✰ Wish Granted: AloisDA

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Story Link

Granted By: Primadonna_Angel

Title: I'm On My Way (Rated)

Author: AloisDA

Title [7/10]

The title doesn't really reveal anything about the story. But it makes an impact once the story has been read.

Foreword/Description [7/10]

The description puts the story straight into the reader's face. And with the content of this story, that is a good thing. With the 'in-your-face' description, the readers are drawn to find out more and to see the characters' reactions to the event happening.

Appearance [10/10]

The appearance is good. It's easy to read and not distracting at all. The images used also help to set the tone of the story.

Plot [7/10]

The plot is not quite original, but it is a 'shocking read'. Which means that it will always draw readers in.

Grammar [6/10]

You have minor spelling issues.

Example: 'disguesting' should be 'disgusting'

Also, minor grammar and capitalization issues.

Examples: 'The resonance of her heart beats pounded...

Change 'heart beats' to 'heartbeat'. In this context, you are talking about a singular thing. One heartbeat.

'Her fingers shivered pulling at her lip...'
There should be a comma between 'shivered' and 'pulling'.

'Her fingers shivered, pulling at her lip...'

Suggestion: Change 'shivered' to 'shook'. It sounds better and makes more sense. Shivered is more of an entire body reaction. Shook is a certain part of the body.

'She had the demon in chains for a while Ever since...'

There should be some sort of punctuation between 'while' and 'Ever'

'...until the city was silent. that's when she emerged...'

'that's' should be capitalized.

'...stared at the toilet bull quivering and tears...'

'bull' should be 'bowl' and there should be a comma behind it.

'...stared at the toilet bowl, quivering and tears...'

Flow [8/10]

The story flows well. It's a little hectic sometimes, but that reflects the character's mindset.

Characterization [8/10]

The characters played their roles well.

Comments/Enjoyment [3/10]