NOW

APRIL 2017

                NAEUN thought her was night perfectly peaceful and normal, but as soon as she turned off her TV and settled into her room, all she could think of was Jongin. She tossed left and right hoping to find the right position so her body could settle properly, and the more she ignored her feelings of excitement of what Jongin had said to her, the more restless she became. She didn’t know why such small, insignificant words from Jongin could drive her this crazy. She finally got up, and made a call to the only friend she could turn to about almost everything; Mina.

                “OH my God, I knew it’s bound to happen!” Mina was screaming at the end of the line, gushing with thrill. “Oh my God oh my God oh my God-”

                “I was just asking, Mina. Stop yelling in my ear.”

                “Yeah,” Mina shouted again. “You’re only asking about Jongin.” And then Naeun could hear Mina giggling and hitting someone, which most probably would be her pitiful husband, before returning back to the line.

                “I don’t understand why you are excited.”

                “Of course I’m excited. You just asked me why you cannot stop thinking about Jongin – you, Son Naeun, just physically asked me with that cute little mouth of yours why are you having a hard time sleeping because you cannot get Jongin out of your mind. Oh my God oh my god-”

                Naeun wanted to argue back, hoping to break all Mina’s rubbish arguments and one-sided accusations but her lips shut in a tight line for she has no answer to whatever Mina just threw at her.

                “You need to be more serious or I cannot hold a proper conversation with you.”

                “Okay, honey” Mina said shortly. “Tell me. What is it about Jongin that’s bothering you?”

                “I- it’s- he-” Naeun stuttered out of the blue; she somehow couldn’t work out the right word to put into a sentence. There are so many weird questions, some she didn’t understand, and some just isn’t easily made into words. There is this thing that he did – something – to her and she didn’t know what it was but she was almost, almost, certain that Jongin was the one who caused it. The it.

                “Oh my God Naeun I never seen you this nervous. How badly have you fallen for this guy?”

                “What? No,” Naeun scoffed off, taken aback. “I did not fall for him…”

                “I sense uncertainty. You’re wavering, Naeun.”

                “I’m not wavering…” Naeun looked sideway, eluding the truth behind Mina’s on-point remark.

                “Just tell me what is it that he did that drove you this-strange.”

                “Okay,” Naeun sighed, mustering every ounce of strength and pride left in her womanhood. “Here goes. So, this morning, I, uhm, was rushing to get to the elevator because it was closing in on me, but it stopped, because Jongin was the one holding the button. And then, as I lifted my chin-”

                “You tripped,” Mina guessed impeccably. “Same old.”

                “Shut up. This is my story. I can leave out any part I find irrelevant.”

                “My bad,” Mina offered politely, though mockingly.

                “Okay. So, as I lifted my chin, I mean, before this, I didn’t know he was already in the elevator, and only then when I saw his face. Okay. So I smiled, and thanked, him, and his other female friend for helping me to stand on my feet back. I said good morning to him, but he didn’t say anything back to me. I thought it was rude but maybe I was too soft and he couldn’t hear me, so I thought it didn’t matter. But what pissed me off was the fact that he acted like I was not there. Like I was some kind of a ghost and he never cared to turn to me, or I don’t know, acknowledge me. I don’t know why it gets to me but I really hated him for doing that. That jerk and his beautiful female friend was talking about some party and stuff and I was there, forced, to hear about their happy life outside this hotel. I really pissed me off. So I acted cold around him afterwards because I want him to know what it feels like to be ignored.”

                “You did?”

                “You bet your goddamn I did.”

                “Please don’t swear on my .”

                “Sorry,” Naeun said quickly. “Anyhow – we bumped again just now - before I called you because,” Naeun drawled, a smile crept on her face and she couldn’t wipe it off. “We made up.”

                “You did? How did it happen?”

                “He was really angry at me this noon because some meeting was cancelled and he was already done with his slides, so I fixed something with my dad and told him that the meeting is back on, or something like that. So, he, uhm, I don’t know, maybe felt bad about it. But, I mean, I felt bad about it too. Like, I mean, Mina, you know I’m good with work stuff but he really put his real effort into it I’d feel bad if he had to throw it all away, so I made up for it. And then, when I bumped into him in the basement, he talked to me and asked me what actually went wrong that made me changed suddenly around him. I was not about to tell him and let him off that easily, but, god, are boys slow or what.  So I told him what was wrong- and he took- like, my hand, and, like- right in the palm- it was crazy nerve-wrecking-,” Naeun was slipping on words, blushing over what Jongin just did to her physically, and not to mention mentally.

                “Oh God, what are you talking about? I cannot make out what is it that you’re tryin’ to say.”

                “Jongin – he - took my hand and kinda , or brushed, against my palm and told me he won’t ever ignore me like he did this morning, and it, he looked so good in that cynical smirk thingy – dammit, I don’t know why but the way he did it did something to my heart and I cannot stop thinking about him. It’s really frustrating.”

                “Do you think maybe you like him? Like genuinely but unknowingly already fell for him and now you’re just finally accepting?”

                “Huh?” Naeun blinked a couple of times processing this direct question Mina hurled boldly at her.

                “Have you ever considered that maybe you’ve seen her more than an intern, or a friend?”

                “I don’t know. We were always naturally, how do I say this – clicked? Like, it took no effort. I felt kinda comfortable around him. Mina, I even told him about my nanny.”

                “Who?”

                “Exactly. You wouldn’t know because it has always been a hard and somehow traumatizing, topic for me to bring up, but I didn’t feel any of those at all when I was telling him that. And he was the first, and the only person to ever know about my nanny. So far. Now that I bring this topic up I’m sure you want to know about it, as well.”

                “Woman, don’t tell me things you’re not comfortable about. I don’t wanna make you do things you hate with me.”

                “I have learned to move on, Mina” Naeun said reassuringly. “Don’t worry. I’ll tell you about it when we meet up.”

                Mino smiled, relieved. “Do you remember what I told you about when you asked me about how can we be sure if we have found the right person in our life? Can you relate to that? Do you feel at ease with him? Do you want to see more of him? Do you feel something’s missing when you don’t get to see him at all?”

                Naeun scratched in tiny movement at her temple, pouting lips as her mind went over everything that Mina has told her about. The feelings when he was not around, or when he was around, and all how her world lit up just at the turn in his lips. Naeun sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.

                “I’m so doomed.”

                Mina was silent at the end of the line, musing. She still found it amusing to be awestruck at Naeun’s answer when she herself has always hoped it would actually come down to this.

                “Well then, Son Naeun, I say, go get the guy.”

                IT was definitely a cold night for the debater’s gathering night. Mist was coming off the Han River and was drifting towards where Jongin, Kyungsoo and Sehun were drinking. The other guys were in their own comfortable company, and as for the girls, who preferred unity, were sitting around the fire they made, each squatting and folding legs in small circle and laughing at the jokes about marriage. The river is lit by the lamps of the bicycles passing by on the cycling pavement. There were also families with house pets running around and having the night of their lives. Sehun turned around, elbows propping his back against the cold metal rail, and gulped down the whole can of beer.

                “This is nice,” Sehun offered, breaking the nice lingering silence between the folks. “I may not be apart if this club but you guys made me feel welcome.”

                “You’re not the only outsider here, Sehun,” Jongin smiled lightly, glancing at Kyungsoo.

                “All friends are invited in this train, okay,” Kyungsoo needed to be defensive, somehow, as he regarded this matter. “We enjoy all the company we could get. You guys are no outsiders.”

                “No need to get uptight,” Jongin said casually. “I was being grateful. Though talk about bad timing. I mean, beers on work nights?”

                “Hey, everyone’s free tonight. What else can Soojung do?”

                “Hahh-,” Sehun scoffed. “You always talk about Soojung. And you always agree to anything and everything Soojung says. Jongin thinks you like her. Do you?”

                “What- well, Jongin doesn’t know what he thinks,” Kyungsoo mumbled, pouting. “I don’t always agree to her. Tell your stupid friend over here to not simply make-”

                “Guys!” Soojung called out, pausing whatever Kyungsoo was about to say to Jongin and Sehun as the three boys turned heads in synchrony at her. She was beaming, her hair tied into a loose knot, and Kyungsoo was then convinced that he should do a better job at hiding his feelings.

                “Come over here and eat this chicken! Kyungsoo, ask them to come over!”

                Kyungsoo nodded with saying much and simply gestured a hand to invite Jongin and Sehun into a different social circle. “C’mon, boys.  You heard our chief.”

                Sehun scoffed humourlessly, walking behind Kyungsoo who seemed quite eager to fill in the empty spot beside Soojung. “And he says he doesn’t always agree to her.”

                THE night was getting deeper and colder too. All the boys and all the girls were each covered under blankets and some of them snuggled up close to one another to share body warmth. Kyungsoo was especially aware of how Soojung has trembling hands throughout the hour and he was then fondling around his jacket for something. Jongin nudged Sehun in the elbow and signalled his friend to take a look at Kyungsoo.

                “Soojung, here, take mine.” Kyungsoo offered his hot pack and smiled as Soojung took them gladly.

                “Is it still hot though?” Soojung asked, teasing.

                “Of course it is,” Kyungsoo said quickly.

                “Thank you,” Soojung smiled and took the hot pack into her fist. Jongin and Sehun’s gaze went from Soojung who looked down at the packs and shifted onto Kyungsoo who seemed to be mentally patting himself at the back for doing what he did. Sehun and Jongin exchanged glances as though they had telepathic connection and just smiled kindly before looking away.

                “Should we play a game?” Minho suddenly spoke out, his voice was clear and through in the still night and everyone cheered and agreed right away to his idea. He was the club’s mood maker, though his out-going personality contrasted with his individuality when doing group work. He was the kind to shoulder everyone else’s work because he always aimed for perfect score, and perfect score could not be achieved by group work. Or that was what he believed in.

                “What game?” Hyunji, the most junior of the debate club asked, fixing her glass right so they sat right across her nice nose bridge.

                “Drinking game?”

                “Are you crazy? My bladder is gonna explode anytime soon! Any other idea?” Kyesung objected, his voice rose and hoarse.

                “Then you sit this one out, fool,” Minho argued back, rolling his eyes. “Anyone else has problem with their bladders?”

                No one else spoke, nor objected. They were all still sober and looking alive.

                “Perfect.”

                “Okay. Let’s start asking some hot sizzling questions and you guys cannot lie. Just try to be as ing honest as possible. If you guys refuse to answer the question, you have to drink up, but we’re gonna increase the dose each time you decide to dodge the question.”

                “What do you mean increase the dose?” Soojung asked, eyes big and worried. “I got a staff meeting tomorrow. You cannot make me lose my heads before my big day.”

                “Can we offer to drink in someone else’s place if she doesn’t – can’t - drink well?” Kyungsoo raised his hand like a little obedient child. Soojung nudged him in the elbow, asking him to put his hand down.

                “You mean you?” Jongin jeered with a smirk, and the kids started going dudurudu dudurudu at Kyungsoo. Soojung was already shaking her head, grunting inwardly.

                “You can, if Soojung allows you too. Also, don’t worry, Soojung. We will try to keep you awake. And this, ladies and gentleman, is how I raise the dose.” Minho turned his Converse sling bag around that was strapped behind his back and took out two bottle of whiskey he claimed ‘borrowed’ from his dad’s liquor collection. “I’ll be adding about half of this glass,” and his finger pointed at an empty soju glass. “Of this baby,” he said, shaking the whiskey bottles next. “So, are we all good? Shall we get wasted now?”

                The group began cheering and shouting hell yes’s and yes’s to this drinking game, thus, initiating the start of the game.

                “Here goes nothing then,” Minho smiled, excited. “Embarrassing moment, and please don’t make up stories or we’ll know.”

                “How’d you know?” Sehun asked.

                “It’s up to us,” Minho laughed, making everyone around burst into a scoff.

                “Alright, first kid. Jaeho, go.”

                Jaeho, looking startled, began lifting his shoulder to sit up straight and smiled in a gush. “Embarrassing moment? There’s a lot. Do you guys want the one I’ve been into or the one I’ve witnessed?”

                “Any one. But the best one. The one that we’ve never heard of,” Heeseol, a girl with petite body frame but husky voice suggested kindly.

                “Okay,” Jaeho shrugged. “One time I was interviewing the losing opponent just before our recent debate-off and the head judge of the competition – what was her name again, Soojung-ah? Oh by the way this is the one I’ve witnessed, and personally involved with, okay.”

                “Han Junseo.”

                “Right,” Jaeho laughed before he even finished his story, making the crowd complain in desperation.

                “She, uhm, stood up, just behind us, and her skirt got in between her , so she pulled it out, and you know what happened following that?”

                “ it,” Minho’s face twisted. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it.”

                “She slipped in to scratch her a-hole, and when no one realised it, or saw this but me because I was handling the camera, and then I noticed our dean was approaching her so she quickly took out her hand and shook hand with him.”

                “You’re ing lying,” Kyungsoo made a face, not finding the whole story amusing at all. He was already hugging his knees, dreaded by the imagery that was beginning to play on the back of his mind.

                “I did not. I have the footage in our club room. I swear on my pet rabbit, you .”

                “She didn’t even, like, wipe her hand?”

                “It’s not like she was scratching her with bare hands,” Heeseol uttered coolly, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

                “Yahhh!!!” The whole crowd shouted, furious to have been driven into that kind of imagery now.

                “Sorry.”

                “Goddamn,” Minho shook his head, calm. “You passed, Jaeho. Way to go for being a grade-A stalking creep, but yeah, whatever makes your day – worthwhile, I guess. Pick our next contestant, Jaeho.”

                “Our team captain, Soojung.”

                “Don’t call me that,” Soojung said shortly, though her face stone. “Alright,” Soojung braced herself, and Kyungsoo was already propping his chin to direct all his attention to her.

                “Hit me with all you got, Minho.”

                “Three things that you will definitely not bring to an island, and why”

                “Wow-” Soojung squinted, and let out a dry laugh. “That’s very unlikely. Okay. Three things that I will not bring to an island would probably be my mom, my favourite high heels, and ice-cream. My mom – I can already imagine she screamin’ down getting’ me to work on a raft or boat or something, and I cannot deal with that. Especially on some island. My favourite high heels, obviously, because they will be useless. And ice-cream because they will melt.”

                “What about your attitude?” Jaeho added, sending everyone around into a loud laughter, all clapping mad like seals on a show.

                “Shut up, Jaeho,” Kyungsoo made a face, and rolled his eyes. Soojung mouthed go to hell at Jaeho, and patted Kyungsoo on his back for covering her back. Jongin was silently eyeing the already-pink Kyungsoo and signalled Sehun to take a look. They both then giggled, immersed in a different kind of joke.

                “I’m sorry for the boring question but nice answer, Soojung. Pick our next dip, please.”

                “Too bad I can’t include Jaeho,” Soojung said silently, and began looking at Jongin.

                “That gentleman over there,” Soojung pointed with her hand and made Jongin looked up blankly.

                “Me?”

                “Yeah, you,” Soojung nodded, beaming. “Minho, hit him hard please.”

                “Will do, ma’am. Alright Jongin,” Minho fixed his seating posture as his was getting sore against the hard concrete. “Let’s see,” he mused quickly before stifling a wicked grin. “Best ual experience ever. When, who was her and what happened?”

                The crowd, everyone, from shocked Sehun to curious Kyungsoo to half-displeased, half-disturbed Soojung all turned heads and was looking at Jongin patiently. Surprisingly, Jongin did not look like the question hit him hard. Or he was just that good at keeping his cool.

                “That’s like 3 questions,” Jongin raised a brow.

                “That’s like -it-just-answer-the-question. Please.”

                “Where did you find this kind of question?”

                “Hey,” Minho held out a question, closing his eyes as though he was praying for someone at church. “Do not question the boundless power behind this great mind of mine.”

                “Okay,” Jongin let out a low rumble. “When…” Jongin tried hard to go back on his past years where the only times he ever had a chance to spend time with someone personal to him when the senior who was in charge of orientation during his first year at the university.

                “You cannot base your story off or I will have your kicked before you took the whiskey shot.” 

                “I was 20.”

                “Dude, you were a freshman-?” Kyungsoo interfered.”

                “Yes. Thank you for noticing. I was in my first year,” Jongin nodded, awkwardly smiling. “And she was great nuna, and I’m not gonna tell you what happened. Obviously”

                “Motherer, did something happen at all?” Jaeho was already laughing.

                “Something did happen, dip,” Jongin reassured calmly, but he didn’t take what Jaeho said personally. “It was not something we did out of boredom, okay. It was my personal experience and I can only tell you that much. Pour the drink, Minho.”

                “You’re ing cool, man” Minho held out thumbs-up, and the rest of the group began cheering at Jongin and how collected and considerate he was.  “Rules are rules, and I have to do what’s right.

                He began filling the glass with half of soju, and later he spiked it up with a half more of whiskey. He handed Jongin the glass and Jongin, leaning forward without much resistance, took the glass and gulped down the whole shot.

                “So cool,” Minho couldn’t stop feeling mesmerized at his junior and could only clap with enthusiasm the moment Jongin handed back the empty glass.

                “Wait - are you driving?” Soojung asked. “Are any of you guys driving?”

                “We’ll call cabs, big deal. Alright, moving on. Good job by the way, Jongin. Pick the next person for us, please.”

                “Alright,” Jongin said slowly, and only realizing how the shot was quite a blow to his body. “Minho. You.”

                “Me?” Minho smiled.  “I thought no one noticed me.”

                “I did alright,” Jongin said.

                “Dude, you’re so cool. Hit me, baby.”

                “Are you a , or will you stop be one after you’ve graduated, and why?”

                It didn’t take second for the crowd to burst out laughing, all clapping at their thigh and the person sitting next to them. They all eyed the chubby, lost Minho and urged him to quickly answer.

                “Why what, you ?”

                “I don’t know why what,” Jongin shrugged, innocent. “I just wanted to ask three questions.”

                “You , you’re only trying to get back at me.”

                Jongin chuckled amidst the silence and suddenly drew his hand out to point at Jaeho. “I could almost swear on Jaeho’s pet raccoon-”

                “Racco - it’s rabbit, you savage,” Jaeho spat out to correct Jongin, and he did not look like he appreciated Jongin’s sarcasm either.

                “-rabbit that I was not trying to get back at you.”

                “Yah, Kim Jongin, are you drunk?” Soojung asked, frowning and looking a bit worried.

                “It’s only been a shot,” Sehun mumbled. “He usually holds his liquor well.”

                “I’m not drunk. Just answer the question, Minho-hyung.”

                “He’s drunk. He’s never called me hyung,” The lines on Minho’s forehead began to ease out. Glad to know his cool junior was not in right state of mind when he asked him the questions he found to be deeply sensitive.

                “BUT IT’S ONLY ONE ING SHOT,” Sehun was angry, dissatisfied to learn that this could end his first night-out ever with bunch of strange circle of friends he never met before. “We haven’t even gotten to my turn. .”

                “Sehun, should I change to you? Honey, don’t be mad at oppar,” Jongin was smiling and swaying towards Sehun, sending chills down his spine, especially when Jongin was hooking his two hands around his neck.

                “He’s drunk,” Kyungsoo called it, face palm. “Sehun, please, take your buddy home before he starts making out with - to - you.”

                “Yes, sir,” Sehun said quickly, and pulling Jongin in and threw a hand around his shoulder for support. “And Minho sir, I will have to talk to you about the whiskey later.”

                “It’s my dad’s. Not mine.”

                “It’s only been a shot, goddammit. That’s more than a whiskey, pal. That’s injustice.”

                “Sehun, I’ve only met you this one time but you sound more drunk that your friend over there,” Jaeho cut across, and his smile was short and meaningless.

                “You – may your rabbit run away,” Sehun ended, hoping the whole picture was cool and very jaw-dropping when he turned away right after he tossed out the worst insult he could give and walked away with his friend who was drunk after only a single shot of goddam soju-whiskey liquor.