NOW

APRIL 2017

            IT was still raining when the three men (or two men and a half) were finally pulling out of the parking lot from the local ice cream café in the middle of Seoul. It was almost noon and it has been three hours since they first left home.

            Bogum, full and pleased, was starting to feel sleeping as soon as Sehun started driving. Jongin looked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw Bogum stiffened his expression as though he was gravely constipated.

            “Why are you making that Hulk faces? What are you doing?” Jongin almost giggled. Bogum is dangerously adorable.

            “I am sleepy.”

            “Then sleep,” Jongin said in a persuasive tone. “It’s a long day for you today.”

            “But I’m all alone back here,” Bogum purred. “Can I sleep with you?”

            “You wanna sleep with me?” Jongin hesitated, fairly surprised. How can a stranger like himself be a comfortable and trustworthy place for Bogum to sleep with? How could a kid be so fearless? He never had that courage and confidence when he was Bogum’s age.

            “Bogum,” Sehun called, glancing past his shoulder to look at Bogum. “You’ll be alright. It’s not like we’re gonna leave you. Don’t worry, okay?”

            “No, it’s okay,” Jongin said quietly. A small, reassuring nod was then flashed at Sehun to convince him that Jongin was fine to be troubled by Bogum, though he hardly thought so.

            “C’mere, kiddo,” Jongin called, pulling out how two hands from the gap between the two seats and Bogum institutively lurched forward and went into Jongin’s arms. He then wrapped his two hands securely around the neck and tugged at Jongin’s shirt in a fist. Bogum rested on the shoulder and soon enough, he drifted into a nap.

            It was a nice quiet drive, and Sehun has been glancing over to check out how his friend and sleeping niece are doing.

            “You’re gonna have cramps by tonight.”

            Jongin turned to Sehun, half smiling in utter exhaustion. “I can manage.”

            “Just hold on for a little while. We’re getting into your way.”

            “Yeah.” Jongin then threw a look outside, nodding, before turning back to look at Sehun. Jongin looked like he had something to say but looking rather troubled by it.

         “Dude…” He paused, holding a quiet tight line across his lips.

         “Yes?”

        “I met Hyorin last few days.”

        “You what?”

        They both knew it was not a question Sehun asked out of curiosity, but he looked genuinely surprised by Jongin’s sudden confession and did not what the right thing to say at that moment.

      “And-” Sehun drawled, his throat turned dry. “What happened? Why didn’t you tell me anything about this before?”

      “I’m sorry,” Jongin offered in a low voice. “I had a lot on my mind. There are things that I have just realized and things that I don’t want to think about at all.”

      “I suppose this falls in the latter category?” Sehun sounded hurtful, and he did not look at Jongin when he’s said that.

      “Dude,” Jongin made a face. “That’s not it. I came down with fever the day after and forgot all about it when I got better. It hasn’t been that long.”

      “I’m sorry I sound like a whiny grandma but seriously though, I would appreciate it if you think of me first before making any decision about this matter. I want to be a part of this too, okay? You cannot just go around do your investigation and only give me the updates. C’mon, man. That’s not right.”

      Jongin was quiet, he was thinking about many different things that happened outside Sehun’s knowledge and why he should let Sehun in on any of this. He should, probably, told Sehun something looking how angry he seemed at him for being a 

            “It won’t happen again,” Jongin’s voice was low but firm. “I’m sorry.”

            “You better.”

            “I guess I’m just not used to having people be a part of stuff that I do regularly. I’m sorry, man.”

            Sehun frowned a bit, feeling somewhat pitiful over this anti-social pessimist sitting beside him. “I’m here, okay, and I want to know. Not each and every detail but don’t shut me out completely.”

            “Roger that.”

            Sehun nodded at his friend with a faint smile, and continued to drive to their destination. They stopped upon the green light turning red and Bogum stirred in his sleep when Jongin was fiddling something in this pocket. His phone vibrated in silent mode, alarming a call coming in.

            “You alright?” Sehun asked, wondering if he could answer his phone properly being single handed like that.

            “Yeah.” Jongin said quickly, and proceeded to answer the phone when he learned who the caller was.

            NAEUN did not skip breakfast so she could perhaps ask Jongin to change the dinner he promised her with lunch. That was not what she thought of the moment she realized she had nothing good to eat in her apartment. She did not think of Jongin when she opened up the fridge and she did not think of Jongin when she got out of the kitchen and into her bedroom.

            She reached the phone that was buried in the messy bed and pressed Jongin’s number. She only wanted to ask him if he knows any good delivery service.

            That was all, she promised.

            “Hello there, my subordinate,” Naeun said the moment the call went through.

            “Hey,” Jongin said back shortly.

            “What are you up to?”

            “I’m with my friend.”

            “You sound – busy,” Naeun drawled awkwardly going round her room, showing obvious sign of mild tension.

            “I was, this morning. To what do I owe this phone call, though? It’s Sunday. You shouldn’t be troubling me with work stuff. Or I will hang up.”

            “You need to stop hanging up on people, Jongin.”

            “I don’t hang up on people, Naeun.”

            “You do,” she almost snapped. How dare this shameless jerk lie to my face - ear – like this? “You do that to me all the time.”

            “I do that only to you,” he said calmly, chuckle escaped through the phone and Naeun was wavered effortlessly.

            “That’s not very flattering,” Naeun commented, grumbling.

            “You need to get to your point.”

            “Stop chasing me away, you rude bastard. It’s not like I feel delighted to hear your voice either. I am forced to call you, okay? It’s for the survival of human race.”

            “O-kay.”

            “I don’t – somehow – keep any phone number of good delivery service. Do you happen to know any?”

            There was long silent before Jongin decided to answer Naeun’s unexpected question of the day.

            “I don’t. But Google might.”

            “I will run you over, Jongin,” Naeun spat out furious, sending Jongin into a short laugh. “Twice.”

            “Wait a sec, lemme ask my friend. I’ll send you the number okay. I’ll hang up first.”

            “Okay,” Naeun’s voice was low.

            “Okay?” Jongin asked again, repeating the word in the low tone he heard from his boos. “You don’t sound like you’re happy to have discovered the solution to the survival of human race.”

            “Why do you only hang up on me?”

            SEHUN kept fidgeting over to his side, realizing Jongin seemed to be drifted away into heavy silence in the middle of the phone conversation with whom he assumed to be Naeun. Are these two getting friendly or what?

            Jongin was taken back, the compelling honesty was screaming at the back of his head how he should tell her he did not mean every word he said about how he hung up on Naeun only but he was not prepared, mentally and physically, to this situation now that Naeun had taken his answer in a serious manner. He looked over to side, nervous and realised Sehun has been looking at him weirdly.

            “I-I don’t,” Jongin stammered, both scared and confident.

            “I don’t trust you,” Naeun said, and then she was silent again.

            “I was just kidding.”

            “I don’t find it funny.”

            “To be fair, you never laughed at my jokes.”

            “They are not jokes, you idiot. Whatever. Just hang up,” Naeun grunted, ending the conversation altogether.

            “Naeun-” He called for her, stupefied, and was mocking himself when he realised Naeun was angry at him. And she was never mad at him. Not like this. Bogum stirred again in his hold and Jongin was quick to tend to the small child.

            “Are you okay?” Sehun asked again, raising one brow in curiosity

           “Yeah,” Jongin smiled, bitter. “I am.”

          “Dude, have you guys gotten close?”

         “Huh?” Jongin turned to face Sehun.

         “You and Naeun. You guys sound very, very comfortable with each other.”

         “You’re supposed to get along with everyone at work.”

         “Yeah, unless you start talking about stuff that is not work and making bad jokes with each other, then it is more than getting along with a fellow colleague, my friend.”

         “You’re saying weird stuff now, Sehun.”

         “If you say so,” Sehun shrugged, cool. “You probably don’t see it but I do.”

         “See what?”

         “The face you’re making when you call out her name. Was she angry at you? You looked terribly nervous just now.”

          OF COURSE Google has it, you douche. Google has everything. If it holds the key to finding your soul mate online of course it can keep a measly delivery service’s number, you rude tard.

          Naeun took a deep breathe in and went online in her laptop to find any good chicken place or jjajangmyun place that offers delivery service, voila, most of them does offer delivery service. In fact, all of them do.

          What is this sorcery? 

           OMG you can even do future order?

           What modernism is this I’M CYRING

            Naeun was totally basking in joy of online world when her beautiful adventure is momentarily interrupted by a ring of a bell.

            I’M ONLY SELECTING ORDER AND YOU GUYS ALREADY KNOW WHERE TO SEND IT ARE YOU GUYS PSYCHIC RAINBOW UNICORNS OMG LEMME KEEP YOU

            Naeun was beaming her way through the living room and peaked through the peephole and her body turned rigid when she saw a familiar tall drink of water behind the door.

            It was Jongin, and he was holding what appeared to be groceries, wet and dry, in his two hands. Naeun stepped back, fixing her blond hair and opened up the door. She stood by the frame and crossed her hands, scanning him up and down.

            “What do you want?”

            Jongin was not smiling because he would look insincere if he did so, but to be honest he was happy to learn Naeun was willing to open up the door on him.

            “Have you eaten?” Jongin asked, and he was amazed at himself at how calm and collected he was right now on the outside.

            “I have,” she lied, flipping her hair behind her shoulder.

            “Delivery?” he asked again, showing no sign of giving up. “You managed to find a good place?”

            “Google has everything. I read the reviews.” Lies. She read only the menus because she was so hungry to go through some useless subjective preferences strangers wrote.

            “Okay then,” Jongin then extended his hand and offered Naeun the groceries he bought just now. All that done in the time Naeun spent going online to find good delivery service.

            “Don’t make it a habit,” he stifled a short smile, pushing the groceries gently into Naeun’s hands so she would take it and not made him stand there like a fool. “Try cooking sometime. Home-made food is incomparable.”

            Naeun looked down into the heavy plastic bags and saw fruits, freshly baked bread, wholemeal bread, food cans and raw chicken, meat and greens in the other. There was not a word she could say to him at that moment – everything was frozen in her time frame and Jongin standing there in his short smile and rugged hair as though he has been rushing over looked breathtakingly attractive to her. Her heart could not stop pounding inside her cage, making every breath difficult and heavy.

            Stop turning my heart inside out like this, idiot.

            “Bye then,” Jongin uttered in a friendly manner, something Naeun don’t experience on daily basis, and he gave her a small nod before excusing himself.

            One step.

            Two step.

            Three step.

            Naeun braced herself, making a fist until her knuckles white and went after Jongin to stop him from leaving.

            “Yah!” Naeun called, and Jongin turned to look at her.

            “What?”

            “What about you?” Naeun shouted despite the short distance that separated them. “Have you eaten?”

            “I have,” Jongin answered shortly, and the expression on Naeun’s face turned grey suddenly.

            “-Not,” he added, drawing his hand away from pressing the elevator button and kept them warm in his pockets.

            “You have not?” Her face lit up again and Jongin wondered how could something he said made such a big difference to her feelings?

            “Can you cook? I already did the shopping,” he pointed at the bags Naeun was carrying.

            “Depends on how you define a good cooking skill,” she shrugged her shoulder with a wide smile and secretive wink before walking back towards her apartment. “Follow me, intern.”

            “Okay, boss.”

           HYORIN looked down at the journal she kept in the drawer and pulled it out in silence. She opened it to the last page it was written and remembered how 18^th of June 2014 changed a big part of her sister’s life.           

           There were writings on what she called the happiest moments of her life and the peak of her life being 20 and pregnant with a man who valued her as a human being. She was two weeks pregnant and have finally told Hyorin about the news and how happy she was to learn Hyorin did not at least displeased by the news. She was also writing about her hopes and dreams she had for the child she was carrying and prayed nothing but safety and love to this life in her belly.

           If I were there with you I would make each and every prayers of yours true, my little sister.

           Hyorin closed the journal again; her teary eyes were too tired to continue reading.

           She kept the journal inside the drawer where it had always been and then reached for her purse. Inside was white piece of paper and written on it was the home number to Minhyuk’s apartment. The one he shared with Lana.