NOW

MARCH 2017

“Yeah,” Jongin said assertively as though Sehun was actually in front of him in his living room that night. “I think I wanna find her. I wanna find her, and ask her about Taemin.”

“Yah Jongin,” Sehun said nervously through the phone. “How can you be so sure about this? Have you put a lot of thought into this? Yah, you don’t even know her name – yet you want to find her and ask her about Taemin? It’s been three years since Taemin wrote the letters – and we don’t even know if the girl he talked about is here in Korea. For all we know that woman might have gotten married, and is living a happy life with her family.”

“It’s not like I’m not gonna ruin her new life, okay? I just wanna ask her questions I’ve been wondering about since Taemin died. Is that wrong? I’m only trying to move on with my life – it’s that really wrong? Don’t I have the right to know at least why he decided to do it?”

“You wanna talk about moving on? Fine, let’s talk about moving on. Jongin, you have less than 3 months to graduate from Seoul National University. You’re doing fine at your internship. You have a crazy rich sponsor who paid for your tuition fees, car, and even that house you’re living in. And you have me, dude. I’m here, and I’ll always be there for you. And Sister Kim and other kids at the home shelter were genuinely happy to see you when we visited them the other day. Do you remember all that? Do you think of us? Yah, you’re doing fine now. Jongin, you’re doing fine despite not knowing what happened to Taemin. And you might think I don’t give about what actually happened to Taemin, but I actually do. I am just as curious as you are. But, right now, I don’t want you to keep looking back. It’s all in the past. Taemin – he’s not here anymore. And I may sound cruel or ed up, but I want you to stop obsessing over him. Okay? Dude, you have your own life, and that woman in the letters – she also has her own. I don’t want you to throw your life away for Taemin. Maybe he kept it all away from you because he wanted to, and I don’t want you to torture yourself like this. You’re really, really doing fine right now, Jongin, so please, I beg of you, don’t waste your life like this.  Okay?”

Jongin was left speechless for good minutes before cracking into small smile at the nice intention Sehun has for him. He won’t lie to himself – he did feel exhausted having to chase after uncertain questions - but every time he thought of how Taemin looked when he lying unconscious in his arms, he felt guilty for not helping his friend out. He felt guilty because Taemin didn’t believe in him enough to trust him with his troubles, and finding out the real reason why Taemin ended his life may actually give him a chance to believe otherwise.

That everything was not his fault.

“Sehun,” Jongin called weakly, his voice was soft and persuasive. “Dude, I understand what you’re telling, and I’m grateful for all the wonderful things that happen to me. But-” he paused momentarily, feeling assured, and as he looked on to the reflection of himself behind the mirror closet of his room, he saw a reflection of Taemin waving at him, smiling from wide ear to ear like how he used to when he saw Jongin from a distance.

“I’m not throwing my life away. I’m looking for one, okay?”

SOFIA pulled out the travel brochure in front of his tired daughter and smiled at her when she showed Naeun the page that exposed the beauty of Paris and the great offer that came along with it.

“Huh?” Naeun asked briskly, pretending to be clueless of her mother’s sneaky grin.

“I know it’s a little rushed,” Sofia placed the brochure on Naeun’s lap as she sat closer. “But I thought of booking a flight for your honeymoon the day after your wedding day. Morning flight.”

“Mom,” Naeun sighed. “I told you, I’m not going on a honeymoon yet. As soon as the wedding day passed, Minhyuk and I will be getting back to our normal lives.  There’s no honeymoon, or me quitting my job, or anything else. So, mom, please, don’t plan things for me or Minhyuk anymore, okay? I am fine with just marrying him, and I would like it if you just leave it there. Don’t trouble yourself with my wedding matters, and don’t waste more of your money on us. We’ll take care of it, okay?”

“Naeun,” Sofia called but Naeun was already getting up and ready for her wedding shoes pick-up.

“Seriously now,” Naeun said, faking a frown at her mother, wishing her mother would understand her small desire. “If you start talking or planning more stuff for me and Minhyuk, I won’t allow you to come to my wedding.”

“Yah,” Sofia jeered, hitting Naeun slightly at her shoulder before grabbing her daughter’s arm. “Fine. I won’t do it anymore. I was just worried for you, you know? Can’t I at least do that? I’m your mother, you know.”

“I know,” Naeun smiled, reaching for her mother’s small hands and entwined around them. “But I’m your only daughter. You should be sad to send my away, not happy.”

“Of course I am sad, you ignorant child” Sofia mumbled, frustrated. “I just choose not to show it.”

“Mom,” Naeun purred, landing her head onto her mother’s shoulder and gave a light peck on her cheek. “You can show it. Don’t hide it. If it hurts you that much to send me away, maybe we should just cancel this whole wedding thing. Coolly.”

“Yah!” Sofia yelled suddenly, hitting Naeun at the same spot she hit before on her shoulder. “If you bring up cancel-the-whole-wedding-thing again, you’re gonna get it from me! Do you understand?”

Naeun grunted, letting go of her mother’s hold as she walked away from her, disappointed.

“Good God, your temper is sometimes worse than dad’s.”

“Yah! Son Naeun, you’d better watch your mouth. I did not raise you to talk back to your elderly just as you please. Yah! I’m not done! Where are you going?”

JONGIN felt eager to get a head-start of his new mission but he was still caught up in the job at the hotel and could only leave once the office hour ended, or when Jo Jongkook said so.

“Print each of these documents into a new page. I don’t like reading something behind the first page.”

“There’s like 100 pages of each of these documents. And the photocopy machine on our level broke down yesterday.”

“Good luck,” Jongkook smiled before getting back to his office.

Wow – you’re really good at making people hate you.

With thousand grumbling and endless hatred he has for the new temporary director, Jongin rushed toward the other floor of the office building to get to his photocopying job.

He arrived at level, where the finance team was. He stepped out of the elevator, nervous for his first time there but walked on anyway to find a photocopy machine.

“Yah! Kiddo! You can’t be on our level if you don’t have the pass.”

“What pass?”

“I know you,” the old man with half-moon spectacles said again. “You’re without a pass yourself and I’m a 1005 sure you’re from level 8, right? Management department?”

Jongin tilted his head in curious, unaware of the rule of this department. “Yeah,” he offered in a timid voice, but proceeded to approach the old man anyway.

“I was wondering, with all due respect sir, if I could use you photocopy machine just for a short moment because my boss-”

“You don’t get it, do you? Finance team has some very sensitive reports regarding the hotel and I can’t afford to have other department member walk around this level as they please. We take matters seriously here and we expect you to understand that.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a spy.”

“Omo-” the old man clasped his mouth in shock and took a couple of steps back away from Jongin. “Why did you bring up the spy thing? Omo-”

“It’s nothing like that,” Jongin waved his hand ‘no’ as, biting his lips out of frustration. “That’s totally not it. I just wanted to get some documents photocopied and I’ll be gone right out like I was never here.”

“Of course,” the old man said, squinting his eyes in trickery. “That’s what all spies do.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a spy, ahjusshi.”

“Ommmmma! Ahjushhi? Who you’re calling ahjusshi? I’m only 25, you rude punk! What’s your name, huh? Who’s your boss? You’re gonna get it from me, you manner-less skunk!” The old-looking man began running on his foot to grab a hold of Jongin but Jongin, being quicker and lighter on his foot already rushed over toward the staircase and began climbing up two stories of stairs to get to his department.

“This is bull!” He slammed the door to the fire exit staircase and threw away the documents that were in his hands.

Oh God I miss the good ol’ peaceful days with Naeun.

JONGIN lifted his head when he heard Soojung calling his name from afar. She smiled at him, both hands struggling to carry the twice as thick documents that belonged to Jongin. He got up and rushed over to her to help carry some.

“I feel bad having to ask you to do my work,” Jongin said, looking down to all the documents that were all ready to be handed over to Jongkook.

“It’s okay, Jongin,” Soojung smiled at she looked at him. “I’ve had help photocopying all these. Good Lord your new boss is out to get you for real, huh?”

“You have no idea.” He chuckled, scratching his steaming hot head in embarrassment. “He didn’t even want me to look him in the eyes when he talked to me. He said my gaze was deadly. That crazy, workaholic muscular dude - I seriously don’t get what’s his problems with me.”

Soojung laughed a bit as she shook her head in disbelief. “You’re probably overthinking things.”

“Maybe,” Jongin shrugged. “Oh by the way thanks a lot for this. I’ll treat you to a good dinner tonight. I’ll get going first or he will slice open my throat with his small eyes.”

“What – small eyes?”

“He has small eyes, ”Jongin commented casually. “Anyway, thanks a lot! Tonight – dinner – okay? I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay.”

NAEUN looked around her bedroom, crossing off days that passed on the calendar, and as she stared at the remaining three days left before her big wedding day, Naeun felt acutely lonely and unhappy that night.

She was alone in her parent’s house, and she had nothing else to do. She wanted to go out, but her mother already sold her car to buy MPV. She said a good wife must always put her family first. Naeun was throwing big fit when she first found out, but at that time her car is already in the pound shop, and there was no way of getting it back.

She headed downstairs and decided to take out a couple of wine bottles from the winery down in the basement and bring them up to her room. She even cut a slice of red velvet cake for herself before going upstairs.

Naeun sat down on the floor in front of her bed, and laid back against the bed whilst sipping at the red wine she picked out.

“Aigoo, drinking alone is terribly lonely.”

Naeun finished the whole drink in a shot and poured herself another round. She looked down at the reflection of herself in the red liquid and smiled unknowingly at how funny her life now at this point.

“Mommy raised me always obey her parents – so why not marry some guy I don’t know, huh?” She choked on her chuckle and feeling amused at her willingness to go on with the wedding.

“That guy doesn’t even have a freaking good personality.” Pause. “This is ed up-” Naeun took a gulp of the wine down and poured herself yet another shot of drink.

“My God I’m so scared,” Naeun was saying it out loud, but she felt stupid right after that. Her parents weren’t home, and they couldn’t see how terrible her condition was now, and they would never know how she truly felt about the wedding and that just felt – shitty.

Naeun looked around and grabbed her phone that was on her bed. She looked through her contact to call over her friends to come over but she found none, and then she came across Mina’s names and her heart lightened up a bit when she heard her sweet voice at the end of the line.

“Hello?” Naeun said, and that was her only word when the phone got connected. After that it was a moment of breaking down in tears and her yelling at Mina drunkenly about her nervousness about the wedding and how much she wished to just run away because she has zero confidence in marrying Minhyuk.

THE dinner at Ahjumma’s with just the two of them was refreshing and amazing. They don’t have to deal with their crazy friends and their crazier attitude, and for this once, the ahjumma did not give them any warning glare for the rest of the night. Who knew the old woman had quite a nice smile?

“It’s crazy how nice she looks in that smile,” Soojung complimented with a trace of frown at her brows. “Or are we starting to see things?”

“I can assure you we’re not,” Jongin said calmly. “I believe she hates us when we’re with our weird bunch.”

“Yeah, but they’re our bunch. Crazy, but they’re our bunch.”

“I know, but she’s running a business, and I think she only appreciates some peace when handling her shop.”

“Yeah,” Soojung agreed. “Hyuna can get a little out of hands when she’s starting to open her top button.”

Jongin sniggered at Hyuna weird drunken habit and realized how weird his college friends were. “Yeah. She does.”

“So,” Soojung said suddenly, leaning in close to Jongin. “Tomorrow’s Friday. Are you excited for the internship program?”

“Not really,” Jongin said with shrug. “But I don’t exactly dislike it.”

“I’m only excited because we get to see the latest hotel branch. Did you see the brochure? They have the biggest and user friendly pool, y’know.”

“They do? I haven’t been able to check the brochure out just yet.  Jongkook has been working me up like crazy since he first came in. I think I might’ve messed with him in the past life for him to hate me for no reason at all.”

“Like I said,” Soojung frowned a bit. “You’re overthinking things.”

“I think you should know that most of the times my hunches are correct.”

“What about other times when you are wrong?”

“That’s because I didn’t believe enough.”

“I never knew you can be this – superstitious.”

Jongin chuckled, and rolled his eyes playfully at Soojung and her outrageous comment. “That is not true at all. I’m not superstitious, and I don’t believe in things like karma or palm readings or bad omen. It’s just this intuition I have and sometimes, when I believe in it strongly, it usually turns out to be true.”

“That’s exactly what superstitious people say, Jongin.”

“Yah Jung Soojung, I’m not superstitious.”

“Yeah, okay” Soojung nodded, giving Jongin a wicked wink. “If you insist.”

“Yah!”

“YAH STOP DRINKING MORE OF THAT WINE YOU CRAZY GIRL!” Mina was shouting like crazy behind the phone line and Naeun’s tenacity on gulping down more drink when she’s already wasted drove Mina nuts.

“I was not drinking,” Naeun said, mumbling. “I was just tasting it.”

“Yah Son Naeun, please stop. You’re already drunk. Good God, my is on fire for staying put in my house but you know damn well I can’t leave my baby.”

“Mina,” Naeun called as she unconsciously threw away her wine glass. It broke when it hit the floor and the sound of glass shattering drove Mina totally out of the roof.

“YAH SON NAEUN, WAS THAT A GLASS SHATTERING I JUST HEARD?”

“Mina,” Naeun called weakly. “You need to stop yelling. Your baby might go deaf at this point.”

“Yeah well I’m not holding my baby at the moment SO I CAN FREAKING YELL HOWEVER I WANT.” Mina paused, taking a breather and air into her stuffy head. “Stop drinking, or I will have to call your parents and ask them to come home this instant.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Yah,” Naeun choked on her soft sobs. “You don’t like me? Am I too much for you? I don’t choose to be this way, Mina. I am crazy nervous and scared of my wedding and I want you to know that, but you seem eager to get rid of me and it kinda hurts my feelings you know.”

“I’m not trying to get rid of you, Naeun.  I’m worried. I’m just extremely worried about you right now, and I hope you can understand that. Any normal, functional human being in place would act the same way as I do.”

“My parents are not worried. So you don’t have to,” Naeun’s voice was weak as she got to the end of her sentence, and it just broke Mina’s heart to hear that. She sighed at the end of the line and could only hold back her sobs as well.

“Are you really scared?”

“Hell ing yeah,” Naeun nodded, and she broke down instantly. “Mina, I don’t wanna marry MInhyuk. I don’t like his attitude. He was always angry and always belittles everything I say and do like I’m freaking retard, ad it hurts so much every time he does that. I used to care for him because I was ready to give him my heart but he didn’t give a flying to what I do and at some point, I just stopped trying. It’s okay, Naeun-ah, the ridiculous spell I used to hypnotize myself with, but sometimes it didn’t work because it hurt too much.”

“Naeun-” Mina called out weakly but she was then quiet, unsure of exactly what to say to comfort her.

“Mina, he wanted to me quit my job and work with him instead. Mina,” Naeun repeated, her tongue would never grow sick of calling out her favorite person’s name.  “I don’t want to quit my job and work with him. I don’t want to be with him. I’m scared, but no one knows that. Not even my parents. Mina, can you please tell my parents that I don’t want to work with him?”

Mina was silent at the end of the line; she was already sobbing hard listening to Naeun’s helpless pleas. There was so much she would do for her friend, unconditionally, but Naeun just couldn’t comprehend that she was just as powerless to change anything.

“I’m sorry,” Mina said after a fleeting seconds of silence. “I’m very sorry, Naeun-ah.”

The two women dwelled in total silence for the rest of the night, but none of them turn off their phone conversation just yet. Mina didn’t want Naeun to feel alone, and she waited all night until Naeun was done crying and fell asleep.

Cry it all out, Naeun. May tonight be the last time you ever have to shed tears.

***

Have a pleasant read y'all :D

See you next week~