Chapter3 Step 1: Cry your heart out. Let it all out. Cry, whatever. Just lie around in your pajamas feeling sorry for yourself.     “But you already did.” He suspires and I bet he got hurt on what I said.   “Gyu, the situation is far different from now, I need you to understand.”   “But I can’t! I cannot understand why you can’t love me the way you love her! I cannot understand why despite of many years being together you still choose her! I cannot understand why regardless of being by your side you cannot see me, and last, I cannot understand why you make me feel this, yet it felt nothing to you!”   I continued to cry as he pulled me in closer again. He kissed my tears away and says, “Gyu, our perspectives are parallel. Yes, the feelings could be mutual but everything has limitation. I cannot reciprocate the exact feelings you’re giving me.”   “But I love you.”   “No. Gyu. You don't love me.” For a second or two I forgot to breathe and in instant I stop crying. I look at him intently. Kim Jonghyun, how could you say that? In the first place you don't even know what I truly feel right now. Then he continue, “I cannot promise that I would not hurt you, I cannot promise to be with you every day and last I cannot promise to love you the way you love me.”   “I’m not asking you to promise me anything, all I want is for you to try!”   I looked at to him and wipe my face. “I can’t. I really can’t.”  With that, he already answered my hopes and dreams, a tomorrow with Jonghyun is way absurd. He already ceased everything. It was a subtle way of saying I can't love you.
  “You know what Jjong?! I always give my best when it comes to you, but how come you never do it when it comes to me?!”   We stared at each other for the longest time. I could feel my forehead throbbing in anger and I could not really breathe. “Gyu, open your eyes to infinite possibilities, I know there’s someone out there who wants to be with you… but it’s not me.”   I heave a sigh and glared at him. “Kim Jonghyun, you ruthless and inconsiderate jerk!”   ---   So that’s the story of my puffy eyes, my second heartache and the termination of our friendship. After I’ve said what I wanted to say, I run off here and cry my heart out. Cry until I could no longer breathe. Cry until dawn has taken over dusk and last cry until there was no tears.   Jonghyun tried to call me several times. But I did not answer it.   I could not even move on my bed. My body feels numb from head to toe and I don’t want to go school.   ---   When I’m finally sober, I remember what my mom said, ‘learn to keep things and learn to dispose them’. And from the knowledgeable ‘quote’ that my mom gave, I knew I have to this.   And so, I went straight to the living room and behind the couch, I pick up the medium size box I secretly keep and dump all the stuffs in floor. The place was a mess, but my heart was more disastrous.   I slumped myself on the floor and slowly pick up the pieces of paper or picture that my hand could grasp of.   The first one was a paper heart, I read the message:   Kwon NamGyoOo,   Your3 my bestfreind, and I lov3 you. JongHyoOn.   I laughed and read the date, it was written like twelve years ago?   The next letter says:   February 14th, 2008.   My name is Kim Jonghyun and I am forced to have a date with my best friend Kwon Nam Gyu since her ex-boyfriend broke up with her(and I would not dare to write his name, coz' she might kill me.) By the time I am writing this note, we sat across each other and she is eating like a mad man. She's treating the poor chicken drumsticks as if it was her enemies. I could not do anything but to watch her and give her water whenever she starts to cough and definitely she looks funny.   The next closest thing that my hand had grasped was our graduation picture.  The first shot completely shows our big grin. The second image was Jonghyun’s arm wa