It was always the same thing every time she closed her eyes. No matter how much she struggled to forget, Ae Ri couldn't seem to ignore the memory that flooded her mind. It was always the same one. The very day her life changed so drastically. The day she met the love of her life. But as days went by, her memories of him seemed to fade away. 

She slowly forgot how it felt when he wrapped his arm around her to protect her. Or the way his eyes always managed to find her own. Ae Ri began to forget what he looked like, the sound of his laughter and his smile.

And so she slept. She would spend all day sleeping to try and remember. Yet no matter how many hours her eyes were closed, she would always dream the same dream. 

Minutes turned to hours which turned into days. Ae Ri began to lose whatever happiness was inside of her. Her once long dark hair which he treasured so dearly, was cut short. The eyes that shined so brightly dulled into a dirt brown. The smile that would make anyone stare turned into a sneer. A girl who was once so happy was now back to her old self.

And so she began to hurt herself again. The scars that had slowly faded grew into bright red jagged marks all over her body. There was no point in continuing to live, in her opinion. Ae Ri was left all alone in the world. Just like before. Before she met him.

Ae Ri slowly got up from her bed and padded her way towards the small bathroom. She slipped a towel over the large mirror in front of the sink and washed her pale face. She winced in pain when the hot water made its way towards her wrist, slowly opening the fresh cut on her wrist. Her eyes grew wide when the blood mixed in with the running water and turned into a pale pink. She jumped up in surprise when a loud knock was heard.

"." She murmured. "Why is he here?"

Ae Ri sprinted to her room and wrapped some fresh gauze over her wounds before slipping on his old sweater. She walked towards the door and opened it slightly enough to see him staring at her.

"I brought some food." He smiled. "I wanted to make sure you ate."

"I can feed myself." Ae Ri's voice was empty. "You don't have to come anymore."

"I can't do that." He shook his head. "I promised him that I would take care of you."

Ae Ri winced when she heard him mention him. She opened the door further and watched as he entered alongside another friend of his. She could see the disappointment in his face as he examined his old apartment.

"What have you been doing?" He shook his head. "Would it kill you to clean up a bit?"

Kill.

"I-I" Ae Ri stammered as her mind began to shut itself down. "I-I..."

He reached out for her once he realized his mistake. His eyes traced the tears that began to form in her eyes and sighed when Ae Ri wiped them away with the oversized and tattered sleeve.

"I should buy you some clothes." He stepped forwards. "These don't fit you."

"Minseok." Ae Ri mumbled. "They still smell like him."

Minseok slowly nodded his head and walked further into the apartment. He looked up to see Jongdae, his close friend and someone Yixing grew up with, wiping away at the dusty table before setting out food. Minseok reached out towards Ae Ri and forced her to sit. He then rolled up his sleeves and began to clean the apartment.

"Ae Ri?" Jongdae called out. "I brought your favorite food."

"Thank you." She replied automatically. "But I'm not hungry."

"But you need to eat." He sighed. "You're losing too much weight."

"Just leave her alone." Minseok snapped. "If she really wanted to die she would have done it already."

The words were a slap to her face as Ae Ri's eyes seemed to finally focus. She turned to look at Minseok who was staring at her as well. She knew better than to argue with him. Ae Ri should have been grateful he came back after the car accident. Yet she still hated him for being near her.

Minseok reminded her too much about him. He was part of the past. He knew about the Yixing she wanted to desperately know. 

And she hated him for that.

"Do you hate me too?" She whispered. "Just like I hate myself?"

Minseok's eyes softened at the words. No matter how much he hated her for not forgetting, he still cared deeply for her. Ae Ri grimaced when she felt Minseok wrap his arms around her. She struggled to push him away when the heat of his body made its way towards her.

It was different.

Too different and that's what scared her.

Ae Ri stood up and ran towards her room when his scent reached her nose. She ripped her sweater off and threw it back into the laundry. Unconsciously she rubbed away at her skin to get rid of Minseok's smell. After days of sleeping, Ae Ri had managed to remember his scent. 

The scent that was starting to fade. 

The door rattled from Minseok and Jongdae's hands. There was an indescriable moan that escaped her lips as her skin grew red and swollen. The pain numbed her so deeply that it only took Minseok's cold hands to make her wake up. She looked down to see blood seeping through the large gashes that shown clearly over her chest and arms. Ae Ri looked up into Minseok's cold eyes and she fell to the floor. 

"Get her something for her arms." Minseok ordered. "We need to take her to the hospital."

Jongdae grabbed some gauze and gently wrapped Ae Ri's arms with it while Minseok reached down and grabbed the blanket off of her bed. He bundled it around her before lifting her up. They both walked out of the apartment and settled her inside Minseok's car before driving towards the hospital. Ae Ri snuggled deeper into the blanket as she wiped away her tears.

"I don't want to go." She pleaded. "I'm fine."

"How long?" Minseok asked. "How long have you been hurting yourself?"

Ae Ri kept shut. She was very good at doing that.

"Damn it Ae Ri!" Minseok yelled. "You promised him that you wouldn't do that anymore!"

She closed her eyes as she pretended to fall asleep. It was the only way to escape his eyes and words. She could still hear Minseok talking to Jongdae about her condition but she refused to acknowledge them. It was only a matter of time before they arrived. Only matter of time before she could go back to sleep. 

Jongdae reached out for her once they arrived at the hospital and he led her towards the doctor's office. Within minutes she was sitting on the small hospital bed alongside her doctor. Ae Ri watched as Minseok and Jongdae waited outside the door. She turned towards the doctor.

"How have you been?" She asked. "Have you been eating and sleeping?"

"No." Ae Ri shook her head. "I can't seem to sleep anymore."

"Should I give you something to help with that?"

"Yes."

Ae Ri forced a smile when she noticed the doctor handing her a medication bottle. Her eyes soon went blank as the doctor began to clean away at her scratch marks alongside her cuts. She didn't feel any pain. She couldn't feel anything at all. 

Once everything was finished, Ae Ri stood up and walked back to Minseok who was waiting alone. Jongdae had to go back to work which only left her with him. She could feel his gaze on her but decided to ignore it. Ae Ri trailed after Minseok who walked back to the car.

"What did she say?" Minseok asked. "Did she give you any medication?"

"No." Ae Ri lied. "She just told me to be careful."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Minseok gave her a stern look before watching her slip inside the car. The car ride was full of silence and Ae Ri refused to break it. She arrived back home and turned to look at Minseok who was still in the car. She opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside. 

Sunlight was streaming through the open windows and Ae Ri finally noticed the state of her apartment. Containers filled with food were left unopened while dirty clothes were everywhere. It was too much for Ae Ri to handle as she closed the curtains shut once again.

She made her way back to her bedroom and she slipped inside her bed once more. Ae Ri opened her nightstand drawer and placed the precious medicine inside. She quickly swallowed two pills dry and closed her eyes as she began to dream once again:

It was just a simple step forwards...

••••••••••••

✉(Author's Note)

Remember to leave many comments! For new readers, this story was uploaded but I took it down. So feel free to comment below!