FINISHED REVIEW (FR) : MOONY_KAT - SUMMER GONE WITH YOU

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TITLE: Summer Gone With You

AUTHOR: Moony_Kat

MAIN CHARACTER(S):  Park Jimin (BTS) & OC

GENRE(S):  Romance, fluff

SYNOPSIS: The story across the years of two best friends, of how he made his way into her life, into her heart since childhood. Five memories, five summers treasured for being bittersweet. 

STORY STATUS:  Oneshot, completed

REVIEWED BY: hocbaidi

Title

Before I start, I will refer to the female character as OC. Summer is definitely an important season for this story, as most important events occur during summer. Regarding relevancy, this title is good. The vibe that the title gives off is light-hearted, and it definitely is the vibe you are trying to give to readers. I actually loved your title as it also suggests a nostalgic feel to it (but it turns out not that nostalgic? I talk more on that later).

Appearance

(I came back and saw you have put up some graphics, nice!)

Your graphic designer did a great job with the poster and background. I really like how the color scales, somewhat monochromatic tone added to the mood of the story. Also, it reminds me of sand, which relates to beaches, which completely correlates to summer!

Foreword/ Description

I love how precise your foreword and description are. They provide just about enough to tell readers of the theme of the story, summers. I like how poetic you write in the description, how you symbolize the image of love with rocks and the act of carving. I got curious after reading the description. I wanted to know how their story will end up. Of course, the best friends turn lovers theme (based on your romance tag so that I could assume it from the start) is pretty much very common, but the way you describe it is something new and a little refreshing. And yes... there's summer. You add an element that seems irrelevant, and pique readers' interest just like that, by making them curious about what happened in the summers they spent with each other.

Characterization

Let's start with Jimin, the "you" character. You did a good job crafting his characteristics without narrating under his point of view. Through the storytelling of OC, we get to know that he is a smart kid. He appears to be quite insistent as he was unwilling to back down from their arguments or plain bickering, which is an endearing flaw he had shown: how her dinosaurs can't fly, how he wouldn't stop until our heroine accepted to be his friend. He is also bubbly and easy-going. So all in all, I think for a oneshot, Jimin has shown us enough to be called a good character. I feel like his personality clashes that of immensely many male characters in fan-fiction, but with a relatively minor plot device, I think Jimin has shown us enough.

I could feel OC's every raw emotion and all her inner thoughts, so it's inevitable that she's more exposed in the oneshot. And since she takes over the narration, I feel like her role is bigger than Jimin here. You do add flaws to her, but I think the flaws aren't making her characters more realistic, rather, it's harder to relate to her. This is quite a mishap, unfortunately. She is stubborn and a bit childish (as evident in their first encounter with Jimin) even though she knew she was wrong. But I have to point out that the fact that she cried because of such lack of support over the whole dinosaurs thing was quite dramatic and immature even for her age. I'd say that an angry reaction sounds ideal in this case. I could feel the frustration and reluctance inside OC's mind when Jimin stole her first place in class and how he 'took away her friends' with his easy-going persona. While OC admitted that Jimin brought the most natural her, I do think the fact that she kept acting cold to Jimin to hide her feelings sound a bit ironic. When she finally got to do something to build up their relationship again, she was drunk and talked via phone, which sounds so familiar and a not-so-strong excuse to get them together again. Oh and, the graduation and apology, I think it was necessary that she also said something to Jimin. It was his fault for leaving her, but wasn't her being a bit too nonchalant to his efforts on her birthday?

I couldn't feel the dynamic between the two characters. I think it was because all the time, Jimin was the only one who tried, while OC kept on hiding (doubting) her feelings and let things flow the way it should be because little to no actions were done by her.

Grammar and Spelling

I didn