(FR) HOCBAIDI

Cosmos Review Shop - (CLOSED + REVAMPING)
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter

 

FINISHED REVIEW (FR) : HOCBAIDI - JUST A CRUEL GAME

Please pick up your review by reading this, dropping a comment and crediting us (reviewer and shop) using our banner (link back to the shop.)

 

TITLE: Just a Cruel Game

AUTHOR:  hocbaidi

MAIN CHARACTER(S):  Jeon Jungkook & Bang Minah (OC).

GENRE(S):  fantasy & romcom

SYNOPSIS:  Two days and one night dealing with a complete stranger and granting wishes to people, can Minah truly win this game when she has the obnoxious Jungkook by her side?

STORY STATUS:  Completed chaptered story.

REVIEWED BY: sekaimi

 

 

 

 

Title
In my opinion, it would have been better to keep the ‘Just’ out of the title and simply call it ‘A Cruel Game’. Nonetheless, it matches the plot!

 

 

 

Appearance (Graphic/Poster)
I love the poster! It gives off a mysterious vibe which fits this plot very well considering that it’s fantasy as well.

 

 

 

Foreword/ Description
Description: I think this part is well-written. It’s short and clear, it doesn’t give away the ending at all. I mean, I can’t guess how the ending will be so it leaves me curious! The excerpt you added from chapter 2 is an extra thing that urges me to click on the ‘Next’ button.

Foreword: Honestly, I can’t decide what would be the best thing to put here in your case. I think it’s irrelevant to mention the story’s data (the last part of your description). Why? Because a reader can see the same information right below the title. Besides, I don’t think that readers would consider such information as important, because the story itself is what’s important. However, your author’s note is okay though I’d put that in the Foreword section instead.

 

 

 

Characterization
To be honest, I couldn’t really get an image of Minah’s character, but I did with Jungkook’s. I have to point out that throughout the story, it’s not Jungkook who is obnoxious, but rather, Minah herself. To me, Minah sounds like a selfish person and someone who ‘lies’ quite often. Those moments when she tells Jungkook that she lied about something she said before makes Jungkook obviously confused. I felt that he was confused most of the time. Even though I said that Minah comes off as a selfish person, I could see her other soft side as well. Though I wish I could have seen more of that.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Author's Thoughts
YodaYeol
We are closed and finishing all requests. We'll be open once we completed all requests.
Read More →
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
eunh0o #1
Chapter 3: hello, i was wondering if you're still accepting reviewers! if so, i would like to apply to be one! I've had a bit of experience beta-reading my friends' essay and also i'm a writer myself! i just wanted to try out something new and would be very glad to offer my services to your team! thank you, hope you'll give me a response!
pandatypewriter #2
Chapter 26: Thank you so much for the review! Thank you hocbaidi! It was very insightful and has given me a good guide to how I should write my future stories! Thank you so much and I will credit today!
girly_author-nim457 #3
Chapter 24: Thanks for the review! It's really helpful because I always feel like my writing can get better so thank you so much for the helpful advise, changes will be made! I credited/picked up the review ^^
*** Special thank you to strawberryhyun_ for taking your time especially since you had midterms (hope you did well and the delay was no problem)
Moony_Kat #4
Chapter 23: Hi there! Thank you for your review! I really appreciate the feedback although maybe I was expecting a bit more of it on the characters at least, but I do understand that you have other stories to read and review, so still, I am contented with your review. Thank you again!
I picked up and credited :)
Tripping-Panda #5
Chapter 22: First of all thank you so much to the review shop to give us an opportunity to get our stories reviewed and then thank you so so much to sekaimi who've spent their precious time on reading and reviewing my story STRANDED.
The review gave me such a great insight on what I can do to improve my writing, and also a good confidence boost. Which you sometimes need and I feel really inspired to keep writing after this review. You have many good points! I am going to redo the description to fix the mistakes and I went through my story to fix the few grammar mistakes you pointed out! I go through my own stories and when you've read and written something many times you easily miss the mistakes, so thank you for helping me with that!
About the characters, thank you for noticing that! I'm actually happy that you're not familiar with NCT, because then you can focus on the characters of the story and not just them as a group. I did focus on creating the characters with more depth and also be a little realistic with the development of their relationships.
You're right about the dialogue, maybe I've become used to see that when I read and just adapted to it, I'll try to experiment with my writing and avoid doing that.
I really love having multiple characters, but it's hard, I try to do it with balance and I am happy to hear that it worked out in the end!!
I know the ending is terrible, you should've seen me writing it, took me so long to actually convince myself this was the way it was gonna go down.
I appreciate the detail of your reactions to each chapter!
Your review was excellent! Really nice job of presenting it both very informative and inspiring. Good balance of compliments and constructive critism, which is perfect. Good luck with your other reviews! Thank you again! <3
I have credited the review shop and sekaimi !! <3
ExoDoll #6
Chapter 21: I have credited the reviewer and the shop!
ExoDoll #7
Chapter 21: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and giving me feedback. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and I understand about the whole proof reading thing. I need to get a beta reader soon for my grammar as most of the chapters are messily written in train/trams/buses or small lunch brakes and I don't really have time to go through the chapters after writing them. Thank you once again for your time and effort.
I will make sure to credit the shop and the reviewer in the story :)
Moony_Kat #8
Chapter 20: Hi there^^ Thank you very much for the detailed review, I wasn't expecting it, but it's really helpful! I do tend to only proof read once before posting it, so I know that I have a lot of mistakes, which is great that you pointed them out :) I do feel you that the plot feels a bit rushed, but that was the entire point behind it: to give only moments in time and leave the reader wondering what exactly happened in between. It's a new style I tried... got to admit that this was meant to be a full story, but I decided against it because I have too much on my plate right now, so that might be another reason why the plot feels a bit rushed^^' Anyway, I really do appreciate your insight and hope you've enjoyed it!
I put up the credit and will correct the mistakes you've pointed out! Thank you again <3
kamski #9
Chapter 17: Hello! I am here to pick up my review! Thank you so much for your insight, I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I was worried about the pacing and the character portrayals, so you've really put my mind at ease ^^
Thank you so much for your review, I've picked up and credited!
Back to Top ↑