¦ Four

Donghae was beautiful – that was without doubt a fact Eunhyuk had never failed to notice since he knew him. He perfectly remembered the first time he had seen the younger and it had been the first thing that had crossed his mind, without him knowing what the admiration he had felt in that moment would change into later on.

It hadn't been love at first sight, at least not the way he expected 'love at first sight' to be. He hadn't felt his heart skipping a beat and there hadn't been butterflies in his stomach. The only thing he had found suspicious had been catching himself thinking about the brunet more often than he had thought about the other people he had met back then. That the both of them quickly had become best friends was the reason for it – that at least was what he had thought.              
Eunhyuk had always known just how handsome the younger was and as time had passed by, he had found himself drowning in each and every feature of Donghae's face. His smile, the shape of his nose, this small scar on his left cheekbone – everything. And his eyes… his eyes definitely were the one thing Eunhyuk couldn’t tear his own eyes away from and he often found himself staring at them. He felt himself falling more and more every time Donghae looked at him, just a small glance was enough. It had been years, but it had never changed. Even when they were fighting, when Donghae was mad at him or his eyes filled with tears – they were so pure, so full of emotion. The younger wasn’t good at lying and the main reason for that was that his eyes always told the truth, no matter if he wanted anyone to see it or not. Just one look into his eyes and Eunhyuk exactly knew what was going on.             
There was only one thing Donghae knew would make Eunhyuk go crazy and that was ignoring him after a fight, avoiding eye-contact. When he did that, it wouldn’t take that long until the redhead would be the one apologizing, whether he was the guilty one or not. Donghae had him wrapped around his finger with just this small trick he wasn’t afraid to play sometimes and they both knew it. But it wasn’t like Eunhyuk had something against it.

He sighed. With his fingertips ghosting over Donghae's forehead and down his temple, Eunhyuk thought that the other was perfect. Every inch of his body was, his character was, everything was. Donghae was what he had always searched for in his life and even after all those years he still couldn’t understand that he was his, that the brunet loved him just as much as he loved him. Eunhyuk couldn’t imagine life without him anymore – and that was the reason why the redhead's eyes slowly filled with tears as he silently watched the younger sleeping so peacefully beside him.

This dream; even now after waking up from it, it didn’t let him go. He knew that it wasn’t real, but still: seeing all of this had been awful, he only became aware of that fact now. Donghae's funeral, this was something he never in his life wanted to attend and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do it if it'd ever happen. All those flowers, the mourning faces of the fans, the other members, friends and Donghae's family were something so indescribably horrible that even thinking about it made his heart clench. It had only been a dream, but he had been there, he had seen it all – and he didn’t know if he was able to forget it that easily.

His fingers caressed Donghae's hair a tiny bit before they continued brushing over the younger's skin down to his lips. Eunhyuk let them rest there, let his thumb ghost over the younger's bottom lip and slowly leaned in to press his own lips so slightly against the brunet's that he almost couldn’t feel them at all. His so hardly suppressed tears left his eyes as he withdrew from Donghae's soft lips; it felt like they were burning his skin. Eunhyuk brushed his lips over Donghae's forehead, pecked him before he pulled him closer while being more than careful to not wake him up.

He hadn't been able to mourn in this dream that had tortured him the night before, but he did it now. It was weird, his mind going back to his dream when back then it had been the other way around. Donghae wasn’t dead, no he definitely wasn’t. But even though he could feel the younger's breath hitting his neck right in that moment, Eunhyuk had to tell this to himself multiple times. There was this feeling inside of him; it made his heart thump in his ribcage and his tears fall all the more. A shaky breath was what left his mouth as he so hardly tried to keep his sobs to himself.

Sitting in the back of a car with Sungmin right next to him was the last thing he could remember. He guessed that he had fallen asleep right then and there and it felt like this had only been a couple of seconds ago before he had found himself in his bed again, Donghae sleeping next to him. There was no break for his mind to comprehend what was happening around him, no rest for his body. Eunhyuk felt exhausted, like he hadn't slept at all and he wasn’t even sure anymore if he had. This dream had been way too realistic to let him be unaffected.

A hand fisted his shirt slightly as a silent sob escaped his mouth and he quickly made some hushing noises to let the younger continue sleeping. Eunhyuk bit his lip, so harshly that it hurt and clenched his eyes shut just to open them wide a second later. No, he couldn’t let them stay shut for too long, he couldn’t fall asleep again. Eunhyuk tried to tell himself that this dream was over and that he shouldn’t think about it anymore, but at the same time fear was clouding his mind – and with every second he spent with thinking about it, it got bigger.

What if it would continue the next time he'd fall asleep? What if it would happen again and again? And what if one day he wouldn’t wake up from it anymore, what if he'd be trapped in it? Trapped inside of a world in which Donghae didn’t exist anymore?

Another sob was audible and it was louder this time. Donghae stirred in his sleep and there was this soft frown shown on his face that Eunhyuk tried to make disappear with another peck and mumbled words. The elder sloppily wiped off the tears on his cheeks and pressed his lips together, formed a small line to avoid making any more sounds that could disturb the younger's sleep.

Why did he think about all those things if right now they didn’t matter? He was where he wanted to be, he was with Donghae and Donghae was fine, so why did he think about things that weren’t real? He wouldn't get trapped inside this weird dream because this simply wasn’t possible. How should this happen to begin with and why? There was no need to be afraid of things like these, most of all when Donghae was sleeping in his arms right now. Everything was fine; it was a dream he had woken up from and Donghae had even tried to wake him up not that long ago-

Eunhyuk's eyes widened.

Right, Donghae had tried to wake him up, hadn't he? He had heard his voice, it still lingered in his ears as he thought about it and he had expected to find the other awake because of this. It hadn't been that long ago, so why was Donghae sleeping? Eunhyuk knew that the brunet always needed some time before he fell asleep and it hadn't been more than ten minutes from hearing his voice to waking up beside him. So why wasn’t he awake?

His heart started racing in his chest, mind too hazy from too many thoughts to let him think straight. It was just a tiny fact, but it suddenly made him doubt everything. Had he imagined it? Was he able to imagine such things on top of it all?        
He couldn’t tell why his stomach dropped or why this little thought made it so hard for him to stay calm. All he knew was that those dreams and thinking about them was becoming something unbearable for him and he inwardly pleaded for all of this to stop. Was he becoming insane?

There was this melody echoing through the room suddenly and it started so abruptly that he felt Donghae flinch slightly in his arms. It got louder, loud enough to drown the buzzing right behind him, but Eunhyuk didn’t turn around to make it stop. He stared ahead, heart in his mouth and eyes wide open, mind to occupied with too many things to even notice it. Donghae moved a bit more and let out a silent groan, but it was his voice that finally tore Eunhyuk out of his stiffness.

"Hyuk…jae?"'

Eunhyuk jumped and looked down to see the deep frown on the younger's forehead. Donghae's eyes were still closed and the redhead could hardly keep himself from asking what was wrong before he noticed what was going on. He cursed under his breath and quickly turned around, found his phone to turn the alarm