| Eleven

Donghae hadn't kept his promise; Eunhyuk had woken up alone. But it wasn’t like the latter was surprised or mad or something like that. He accepted it and kept a straight face, just like he accepted so many other things. Even the horrible silence at the dorms that made their uneventful days even longer was part of it; it was like it stopped the clocks.

The members didn’t talk much with each other, only if it was necessary. They tried to take care of each other the best he could and that was also what the other people tried to do that showed up at the dorms now and then. There was always someone around; no one was alone except when they wanted to be. In moments like these it became clear how much they thought about each other as a family – and how devastated they all were to lose one member of it, unique and irreplaceable.

Eunhyuk noticed how the others spent more time with him after what had happened the night before. He was rarely alone; mostly there was someone sitting beside him, just keeping him company. The redhead was thankful for that, even though he knew that he had scared them with what he had done. They most likely thought that he was tired of living now and he didn’t want to think about what would've happened if Kangin hadn't found him in time. But on the other hand… was it really that bad, to be tired of all this? Because he was; he was just so, so tired.

And he wanted to know the truth, what had happened to Donghae and how it was related with himself. He wanted to know it so he could find inner peace maybe, to bury this guilt he felt deep inside without knowing if he even was guilty. What he wanted was clarity about the things his brain refused to make him remember and maybe that could help him to accept it, to accept that it really had been an accident.

…And if it hadn't been one?

This unknowingness made him feel sick and there were so many doubts clouding his mind, he couldn’t even explain where they were coming from. What did he think of himself, that he had done it on purpose? That he had pushed him, pulled him or whatever else that had caused it all? It was true; he couldn’t remember what had happened. But he knew himself, at least he thought he did, and that made him believe that he would never ever do something that could hurt Donghae or even worse. He simply wouldn’t do that if he was in his right state of mind. So what was he worrying about?

He was thinking about Donghae after all. Donghae, the person he treasured most in his life. It must've been an accident, there was no other way.

***

The heavy silence was still lingering in the air as Leeteuk announced the visit of someone who could finally bring light into the darkness.

Eunhyuk noticed that the others seemed uneasy, more than before, and how they kept sending glanced towards him. He ignored them, just like he had ignored them the whole day, but his mind started battering him with doubts again. Because if it was proven that he was the cause of Donghae's death – what would the others do then? 
He could barely think of what he would do with himself, but the others? What would happen if they abandoned him like he deserved it if it was true, when there was nowhere he had to go anymore?

What if he lost the only support that kept him from going crazy?

The silence was interrupted by the soft thud of the door, followed by hushed voices and hesitant steps. Eunhyuk, sitting on the couch because the members wanted to keep an eye on him, slowly lifted his gaze.

A fragile-looking and petite man hesitantly entered the living room, his hands tightly wrapped around Sungmin's arm. His face was pale and made him look sick and his eyes didn’t leave the floor for a second. With all of his usual cheerfulness gone, Ryeowook looked broken and helpless; Eunhyuk had to keep himself from jumping to his feet to take care of him.

"Do you want to drink something?" Leeteuk asked as the brunet was pushed down to sit on the couch. Ryeowook slightly nodded his head, hands holding on to Sungmin beside him like he was his anchor.

While the leader was busy, Eunhyuk took the chance to look around a bit. Almost all members were there, sitting in the kitchen or lurking around in the hallway, the doors to their rooms ajar. They didn’t want to make it that obvious, but they all wanted to know what had happened. He could even see Heechul with red eyes and swollen cheeks; it was the first time that he noticed that in reality he hadn't seen him in ages.

A mug filled with what Eunhyuk assumed to be tea was placed on the table in front of Ryeowook; it was weird not to hear a word from him afterwards. Ryeowook only stared at the fog rising up from the mug, his eyes filled with something that looked like fear.

"Ryeonggu", Leeteuk said softly as he sat down beside Eunhyuk, ready to give him support if he needed it. "Is it really okay if we ask you about some things?" The eternal maknae nodded his head slightly and made Leeteuk bite his lip. "I told you that Hyukjae can't remember what happened and we… we thought that you might saw something that can help him out. So… did you see what happened to Donghae?"

Ryeowook let out a shuddered breath and tried to hide his face behind Sungmin's shoulder. The latter started mumbling some soothing words that eventually managed to make Ryeowook nod his head. Eunhyuk's stomach dropped.

"Can you tell us what you saw?" Leeteuk asked silently and Ryeowook nodded once again. He his lips and stopped hiding his face, his fingers clawing into the fabric of Sungmin's shirt.

"I… I was on my way to the restroom", he started with a raspy voice that wasn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes flitting across the floor. "Hyukjae-hyung and Donghae-hyung left earlier, they… were arguing."

"Do you remember what they were talking about?" the leader gently asked. Ryeowook was chewing on his lip.

"Not really… But I… I heard Donghae-hyung shout at him that he should stop apologizing and that he… should shut up. It sounded really serious, that's why I decided to go to them. I wanted them to calm down."

"What did I say to him?" Eunhyuk's voice made Ryeowook flinch; it seemed to frighten the younger to hear him speak. He had to take a deep breath before he dared to answer.

"Y-You also tried to calm him d-down. You said you're sorry so many times, I thought you had done something really bad… Hyung was so much louder than you, I… really don’t know what you said apart from that."

That was weird to hear. During a normal quarrel they both would yell at each other, that was a fact. Mostly because they were both stubborn and none of them wanted to give in. Why hadn't he shouted bac