Big Bang- T.O.P: "Love me, for me"

"I'm done, I give up
I don't wanna pretend no more
That's it, so what?
I've lost a friend before
Gonna say it like it is"

"Zinnia, are you listening to me?" I looked at Seung hyun. We were seated in the back of a dimly lit restaurant. "I can't let anyone know that I'm seeing you." I scoffed bitterly. "It just has to stay a secret for a while more okay?" "No, Seung hyun it’s not." He looked at me shocked. "I'm done; I can't keep living a lie. I'm not going to keep being someone I'm not!" I fought back the tears that threatened to spill out. "Seung hyun, It has been a secret for over five years. I am not going to change, ever, I love my job." I paused to take a deep breath. "I love you, Zinnia."  "Seung hyun, I don't want you to love me, if you can't love me for me." I stood up "Good Bye Seung hyun, it's over" I turned and left him alone at the table.

"No more wondering "What if?"
That ain't the way you oughta live
Cause I don't want you to love me
If you don't wanna love me for me"

*Seung hyun and I met five years ago in a tiny cafe where I worked. We hit it off pretty quickly and he kept coming back a staying till I closed up. After a few weeks he finally asked me out on a date, I accepted and since then we have been "together". We could only see each other late at night and we could never go out in public together. At first I was fine with it, because we just talked and learned a lot about each other. But, the scandal ruined that all. Rumors were leaked that he was seeing someone not famous, someone who worked in a cafe and that caused a lot of problems. His fans got angry at him and started boycotting him. That has gotten us to where we are now.*

"Tears fall
And the glasses break
Inside these walls
The floor boards shake
But from outside
It's alright
Long as you looking from fifty feet"
 

I stopped fighting the tears and let them stream down my face as I got in my car. I felt my heart breaking as I started the car. I couldn't do it anymore, I love Seung Hyun but, I can't keep living my life like that. I went straight to my bed when I got home, and let the tears continue to fall freely. A week passed since we broke up and even though I was the one who broke it off I was devastated. I hadn't seen Seung hyun since that night, he stopped coming to the Cafe.

"Phone rings
Don't wanna pick it up
I'm so scared
I'm gonna say too much
I tip toe around your questions
Why you gotta dig so deep?"

I looked around for my ringing phone, I looked at the caller ID and sighed. It was Jiyong, who I was close with, he was like my brother but, he always asked the questions that made my heart ache. "Ji oppa?" "Zinnia! Do you know what next week is?!?!" "No I don’t?" I heard him gasp. "It's my party! Zinnia, how could you dare forget about it!?!?" "I'm sorry, Ji oppa, I've been really busy, and it must have slipped my mind." "It's okay, oppa forgives you. But only if you promise to come to my party!!!" We sat in silence. I was positive that Seung hyun would be there and I didn't want to chance running into him. I didn't want to say no to Jiyong though. "Zinnia are you still there?" "Sorry, Ji oppa. Uh, what time is the party,  will try my best to be there." "It's at 5." "Okay Ji oppa. I will try my best to be there."

The week passed by fast and it was the day of Jiyong's party. I was getting ready I had on a simple high low dress, with a black top and a teal bottom. I arrived at the address where the party was being held. I parked the car and my phone started ringing. "Yes, Ji oppa?" "Zinnia are you here?" "I just pulled in Ji oppa." "Great I will come meet you!" The phone went dead. I stepped out and saw Jiyong smiling happily at me. "Zinnia thanks for coming!" I smiled at him he pulled me in and to Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri oppas. "Zinnia! you came!" I smiled. "I wouldn't miss this for the world!" Ji went off to mingle with other guests as they arrived I went and grabbed a drink and stayed to the side just surveying the guests.

"Zinnia." I inhaled a deep breath and held it. I could never forget that deep husky voice, the voice that belonged to the one and only Choi Seung hyun. I turned and faced him. He looked handsome like always. "You look beautiful Zinnia." I exhaled a long breath. "Thank you, Seung hyun, you look good yourself." He smiled at me. I gave him a forced smile as my heart beat wildly out of control. "Can we talk?" "We're already talking." He chuckled, which caused me to laugh a little too. "Zinnia, I'm sorry. I'm-" I cut him off. "No need to apologize Seung hyun, it is the past, no reason to dwell on it." He smiled and stepped closer. "Zinnia, I don't want to lie anymore, I don't want to live my life by other peoples standards."  I held my breath and looked away from him. He touched my hand and walked away. I watched him walk to the front of the room everyone quieted down when he got there,

"Zinnia", I glanced over and saw Jiyong waving for me to join him. I walked to him and stood next to him and the other members. Jiyong looked at me. "Have you figured out that this party has nothing to do with me?" I looked at him confused. He just smiled slyly at me and directed his attention to Seung hyun so I did the same. "Hello, and thank you for coming to my gallery" I shot a glare at Jiyong and turned to leave but he and Youngbae both grabbed an arm and held me there. "I hope you all are enjoying yourselves." The guests clapped. I looked at the two men holding me and spoke to them in my coldest voice "Let me go now." Youngbae gave me a faint encouraging small and I felt Daesung and Seungri come up behind us so I was boxed in.

"I been trying trying
Hold my head up high
I been lying lying
Keeping it all inside"

I saw flashes as the cameras went off, when did the news crew get there? I silently struggled against the two older men. "Now, I have something that I'd like to confess. I stopped struggling and stared at him. He looked me in the eyes. "I have been living a lie these last five years. You see two weeks back a rumor was circling that I was in a relationship, and the person wasn’t famous or rich and she just worked at a Cafe." I struggled even harder! He couldn't tell the truth! His fans would be pissed with him. "I want to speak about those rumors. You see, it was true." The crowd was quiet. I froze. "You see, five years ago I went into this Cafe to order some Coffee and the girl behind the counter she took my breath away, she was beautiful, and she had the brightest smile I had ever seen." He paused for a minute.

"I knew from that first glance that I had to get to know her, so I did just that. And Then I asked her out and she said yes. So for five years we dated in secret, I couldn't even give her a proper date because I didn’t want anyone finding out, but she never complained about it. “And two weeks ago, my fans got angry and said things, mean, hurtful things about her. So I told her that we couldn't see each other as much. I didn't stop to think how she was feeling; I was too worried trying to please my fans. I hurt her, the one who I am in love with. Because of that she had enough and we broke up." I shook my head trying to will away the tears forming. "I love my fans, and I appreciate them all and know it's because of them I am where I am, I'm thankful for all my fans. But, I can't keep lying to myself like this pretending to be okay, when in reality I'm hurt. “The rest of Big Bang hugged me. I felt tears running down my face.

"I want to apologize firstly to my fans, for not telling them this sooner. I'm sorry if you were hurt by the news. And secondly I want to apologize to the one I hurt. Zinnia-ah, I am so sorry it took me so long to realize that without you my life has no happiness." I bit my lip. "I've came to the decision that, I'm leaving Big Bang." Fans that were in attendance screamed. I stared mouth hanging wide open, I glanced at the members and they looked just as shocked as the rest of us. There were murmurs throughout the crowd. Seung hyun loved s, he would never do this. I couldn't let him; the members were like his second family. "I realized that without Zinnia in my life, I don't want to do anything. And since people have a problem with me being with her, I will exchange my famous status for one of an ordinary person." I couldn't listen to this anymore. I yanked my arms free from Ji and Youngbae and marched to Seung Hyun.

"Choi Seung hyun! You cannot and will not leave the band!!!"  We stared at each other for the longest time before he spoke again. "I'm sorry I've-" I cut him off. "No. Seung Hyun, you leaving the band, your family at YG that doesn't fix anything. That honestly will make things worse." He smiled brightly at me. I looked at him questioningly. "You're right; I'm not going to leave my second family." There were claps and cheers from the guests. I sighed in relief, and then remembered the flashing cameras, I was happy that I was directly facing Seung hyun.  "But." I looked up at him and he just stared at me lovingly. "I'm not letting the love of my life go either." I started to take extremely small steps back. He grabbed my hand. "Zinnia-ah, I love you, and I do not want to spend another day of my life without you in it." I bit my lip, as tears welled up in my eyes. "Zinnia Park, you are the sun in my life, without you my world is grey. Please, don't leave again. Please accept my apology." I stared at him.

"Seung hyun, I" I took a deep breath. to by some time so I could collect my thoughts. I loved this man more than anything, but I didn't want to be the reason he lost his popularity. I would never be happy again, if I let him go... "Seung hyun-" Someone from the guests screamed "USE THE MICROPHONE!!" The person sounded a lot like Jiyong. I heard a few laughs as Seung hyun held the mic to my mouth. "Seung hyun, for five years, since the day I met you I knew I wanted only one thing, you to be happy. It didn't matter to me whether it was me who made you happy or someone else all that mattered was you be happy." "The only person who can make me happy is you Zinnia I love you." I smiled at him. "Oppa, I love you too. And I accept your apology." He smiled and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. When he pulled away he cupped my face and pulled me into a gentle kiss. I heard most of the guests cheer.

We pulled apart and just smiled at each other. "Actually, there is one more thing I have to ask you Zinnia." I looked at him confused as he turned us sideways so neither back was to the guests. "I know we technically just got back together, but seeing as we were together for five years before this, I'm forgetting about the little break." I chuckled at him. He grabbed my hand and got down on one knee. My eyes widened in shock. "Zinnia Park, you are my soul mate, my other half the one that I cannot live without. Will you make me the happiest and luckiest man on earth and marry me?" He pulled out a gorgeous engagement ring. I stood there in shock, and it was dead quit in the crowd. "Seung hyun, oppa. Of course I will!" He put the ring on my and hugged me again. I smiled at him as the guests cheered.

"That concludes the confession time, now how about we party!" The rest of the members ran up to us and engulfed us into a hug. "Thank god hyung! I thought you were serious about leaving! This is so much better!"

~~~~~~~

Hello, how are you today? I hope you enjoy reading this story.

It's really long! and I hope it is still good! I tried doing this one a little different than the last ones! I hope you liked it!