It was early in the morning when he woke up. Although he had gone late to bed, Sunggyu still felt refreshed and ready for the day. The boy was still nervous but his reunion with his hyung the day before had helped him clear his mind and sort most of his feelings.

The light of the early morning was sipping through, illuminating the room gradually. The day was supposedly going to be warm; a change from the cold of the last weeks, and the sky was already showing it. Sunggyu felt it was a good signal.

The boy turned around and grabbed the last stack of notes on his bedside. He had read most of them the night before, but he realized there were too many of them to finish in one night. Each of them was customized to fit the content, decorated carefully and in such a detail it was a pleasure to observe. Sungjong did really work hard with it.

Sunggyu read each one, admiring every small detail of the letter, and smiled. His maknae could be such a brat sometimes, but he still loved them so much and was such an obedient child. The leader promised he would fix everything, for real this time. With him and with everyone.

Soon, it was time for his breakfast and his last check-up. The nurse came in and as she scribed the observations of the day on her papers she informed him of the checkout procedure. His manager was to arrive soon and fill the papers while he changed into his regular clothes and saved all his belongings inside a small bag.

The nurse soon left, promising to come back with his manager when he arrived. Sunggyu nodded and wished her a good day.

He rose up from the bed, something he barely did during his stay at the hospital and stretched. He then moved to the window to observe his surroundings.

The hospital was in one of the quietest parts of the city, surrounded by some apartment complexes, a couple of buildings used as offices and a park, exclusively for hospital inmates. The idol regretted not going during his stay but figured it was better to stay indoors and hidden from the world. At least that way, he'd be able to keep his low profile and help the controversy die faster.

Talking about the controversy.

Sunggyu opened the window and felt the fresh air blow his face. It was reinvigorating and relaxing. It felt great.

"For a long time, I drowned in thoughts of self-misery," he said aloud, to no one in particular. He'd heard that taking to oneself could help clear up the mind. "For longer, I thought I had to do everything myself. A wasn’t enough, never, yet I had to conceal every shortcoming I could have. That I had to be perfect, that I had to do great, that I was to do it alone."

He looked down and saw a child running ahead of a couple, the woman pushing a wheelchair. "I thought I was miserable enough and the only way to prove myself was to be imposing while hiding my true self."

"And what do you think now?" His manager asked from behind, startling the boy.

Sunggyu spun so quickly he almost lost his balance but was able to catch himself before he fell. "Hyung!" he exclaimed.

"I'm sorry for scaring you" Youngjun answered coming into the room. "I just knocked the door, but you didn't answer, I thought you were still asleep," he responded sheepishly. "How was yo-"

"I don't feel like that anymore." Sunggyu interrupted. "I don't feel as lowly of myself as before." He knew he had to talk, the only way he'll be finally free of the pains in his heart.

His manager stared at him surprised. "And how do you feel now?" he questioned now that the boy was willing to reply.

Sunggyu smiled and showed him a letter, his personal favorite from the collection. "I realize there are so many people in this world, many who go through pains and struggles, maybe worse than mine, I shouldn't be so selfish."

"Sunggyu-yah-"

"But at the same time," the boy proceeded, "my pains and concerns are valid. I have the right to feel the way I do because I'm human." He approached the older and handed him the letter. "What's wrong is to believe that keeping everything to me will solve everything."

The manager took the letter and observed it. It was one of the simplest ones, a couple of colorful lines along the border and INFINITE's logo at the top left corner. What caught his attention was the message:

WE R WTH U.

"That boy is really clever," Sunggyu chuckled.

"Seven letters," Youngjun mused and the other one nodded.

"If I interpret it correctly," Sunggyu said as he looked back to the family at the park. The boy was sitting at the feet of the man, probably listening to one of the most amazing stories ever. His eyes, even from the distance, denoted wonder and shined with curiosity. "They each represent one of us, the letters, hence the logo at the top." He turned around again. "I have all the right in the world to feel pain and feel bad, yet not talking takes away the joy of those who love me for helping me and supporting me. By not talking I not only damage myself but also the closest to me." Sunggyu talked as he approached his manager. "And that includes you."

He held another letter, this one more extravagant than the last, with the words: THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

His manager took the letter slowly and smiled.

"Thank you for all your hard work all these years, hyung," the leader said wrapping his arms around the older.

"You know," his manager said as he patted the boy's back, "I always thought you were the hard kind, the one that would give me a rough time and would make age sooner." He added teasingly. "But you know what?" He said while peering at the other in the eyes, "I have never once regretted being your manager."

He could see how the younger blushed at the words, but even then, didn't break contact. "I'm glad that I was able to see you grow and mature into the young man you are today. I can say that little by little you become wiser, and I'm more than honored to be with you during the process."

"Hyung..."

"You and the others, I'm sure you'll become stronger, and greater. You'll see." He patted the younger's head with affection and a proud smile on his face.

"Now, it's time for you to go back. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Sunggyu said without hesitation. "I'm ready."

"I'm not ready," the leader whined as he stared at the familiar streets with his head pressed to the window. "Let's go back, I still feel sick," he pleaded his manager.

"Now, now, where's that resolution from before?" Youngjun asked amused, looking at his expression.

"At the hospital. Let's go get it," Sunggyu replied seriously. The younger had turned his head so fast the other thought he'd get whiplash.

"Sunggyu-yah," his manager started, "I know you fear meeting them. I can only imagine what's going on through that head of yours. But you should also know that your members love you so much, and they miss you dearly. Weren't the notes proof enough?" the older admonished kindly.

The idol bit his lips, looking at the stack of papers on his hands. He had decided to take them with him during the ride to remind him why on earth had he agreed to go back to the dorm instead of his house.  That, and because his house was empty anyway, no one to receive him with open arms.   He ignored the thought.

Sunggyu sighed, closing his eyes, and tried to relax. He could feel his heart beating faster, not on a dangerous level, but enough to make him slightly light-headed. The doctor had said it was normal, dizziness could occur given the circumstances, which is why he needed company for the next week at the very least.

And that thought brought him to the realization that he couldn't avoid this encounter any longer. He'd have to go forward.

The way to the dorm was faster than he would have liked, and very soon he was standing before the door to it.

Youngjun had the sense to allow the younger to gather his bearings instead of opening the door at once.

Sunggyu fixed his hair for the nth time as he stared at the door with such an intensity that incited a chortle from the manager. The boy looked at him with worried eyes and a little pout.

Cute, the older thought.

"Are you trying to burn holes through the door or are you going to go inside?" the older asked entertained. Sunggyu sighed, knowing he couldn't delay the inevitable further.

The manager put a sympathetic hand on the other's shoulder and finally opened the door.

The boy first noted the cleanness of the living room as he removed his shoes. The place was clear and neat, contrasting greatly with the disaster it was the last time he'd been there. Although he was glad the others had cleaned it, he couldn't help to feel a pang on his chest at the emptiness of the room, almost as if taunting him of the past.

He moved even further towards the dorm and realized the kitchen had received the same treatment. Clean, clear, neat, empty.

"Hyung?" Sunggyu asked Youngjun, "Didn't you say the others were here?" It was like if he was moving in to a whole new place whatsoever.

"They are," the other answered simply. "Just look for them." There was a mysterious smile that passed the older's face, but it disappeared so quickly the leader thought he had imagined it. The boy lifted an eyebrow at the manager but didn't question anymore.

If things were like in a movie, the others would be hiding in the last room of the dorm, which happened to be his. He could, therefore, decide to go directly towards it or continue wandering the dorm searching for any renovation the younger ones would have thought necessary.

He decided to keep investigating. If the others had taken the effort of cleaning and fixing the place, he should at least show appreciation for their work and recognize it. He was about to open the maknae's room when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

Sunggyu looked back at the living room and saw a paper he hadn't seen before, probably because it was hidden from his view when he came in. It had been odd for him that his manager was just following silently without saying anything at all; not a normal behavior from the other. Looking back, the cleanness of the dorm was also strange. The members wouldn't leave the place vacant knowing how much he hated the emptiness.

He moved to pick up the paper and realized that it was a picture of the whole group, laughing on a white set. The back part detailed the place and the date of the photo.  Weekly Idol, 2011. The first time they had arrived on the show. To his right he found another picture, again, hidden before due to the angle but now in plain view. The sight of three puppies along with the rest greeted him.  Birth of a family, 2012.

Like that, he went on, looking inside every corner of each room available. Kitchen, bathroom, the others' rooms, finding picture after picture of the group, smiling, laughing.  Japan Days of INFINITE, 2010. Sesame Player, 2011. Ranking King, 2012. Yoo Hee Yeol's Sketchbook 2012. INFINITE Concert "Second Invasion", 2012. Golden Disk Awards 2013. This is INFINITE, 2014. Seoul Music Awards, 2014. Showtime, 2016. Gaon Chart K-pop Awards, 2017, and the list went on.

The photos were everywhere, and he mindlessly wondered why he hadn't noticed them earlier. Each one brought a different memory of activities, events, programs, concerts, and awards that the team had lived through together. Each one so important and precious to him.

The last photo he found had been pasted to the door of his room. The boy extended his arm and grabbed it, marveling at the picture as the tears that had been gathering in his eyes during his quest finally fell.

M!Countdown, September 1st 2011.  Their first win. The day their CEO finally confirmed them their permanence as a group. No,  as a family.

Sunggyu bit his lips to silence the sob that was threatening to escape his throat as he wiped his tears. Youngjun, who had been observing him during his hunt, hugged him once more, allowing the other to hide his face on the other's broad chest.

Every single year Sunggyu had lived with the others, all the ups and downs, all the disappointments and excitements, hopes and dreams, guilt, resentment, longing, it all came crashing towards him, overwhelming him. He soon found himself sobbing, wetting the older's shirt as he felt the burdens he had carried alone exit his body. For years he had thought he had to do everything alone, that depending on others was a sign of weakness that he couldn't afford as an idol and as a leader. That isolation was the only way he could move forward. He painfully realized then that he had never been alone. He had always had people by his side that went through the same he did, felt the same he felt, and loved him wholeheartedly even if he himself didn't give his heart to them.

Regret filled his heart at the realization that the others, his dongsaengs, had never truly left him alone. And it wasn’t only them but his managers, stylist noonas, his hyungs, the staff at Woolim, many people.

He hugged the other tightly, letting all out. And soon, it wasn't just a pair of arms the ones encircling him. He could feel more hands reaching him, wiping his endless tears, patting his back and head. Someone whispering sweet nothings to his ear. A warm body wrapping itself behind him and melting the ice inside his heart.

He opened his puffy eyes and saw his dongsaengs there, along with Hyoan and Jungryoul right next to him, in the most vulnerable moment he could ever imagine, reaching forward and caring for him instead of showing disgust and displeasure. He felt protected, surrounded by people that truly cared about him and that would do anything to make him happy.

His heart beat faster, not painfully as before the attack, but warmly. He felt giddy and, in the need, to sit down but was reluctant to give up such a pleasant warmth.  He was finally home.