The ride to the hospital was met with excitement. Every one of us was laughing and joking, making the mood better. After a tiring day, we were finally going to visit our leader. All of us felt bad because we couldn’t be with our oldest hyung until the night. We also knew that grandpa Gyu had to rest in order to get better, but that wouldn’t stop us from making him company through the night.

Of course, our manager had laid down some rules before.

1. No yelling.
2. Do not make a disorder.
3. Listen to what the nurses tell us.
4. Let Sunggyu rest.
5. Wake up early or sleep in the dorm.

Although he didn’t say it, I knew that last rule was especially dedicated to me.  The members burst in laughter with it. I, on the other hand, only apologized sheepishly for the delay in the morning, making the others laugh harder.

The closer we got to the hospital the more our anticipation grew. Sungjong felt particularly motivated. I knew he couldn’t wait to see our hyung and apologize for his misconduct.

Jungryoul-hyung finally parked the van in the staff’s parking lot since he was given permission early in the morning. Immediately, we rushed out of the vehicle and into the hospital. Once we reached the room our manager told us to behave before leaving. He had mentioned that he was thirsty before so I suppose he went to grab a drink.

Dongwoo-hyung stood in front of the door and grabbed the handle. He hesitated for a second but then opened it without knocking. He was so nervous that he forgot. The room was dark but we could make out the silhouette of Sunggyu sitting on his bed. Once the others saw that they rushed past Dongwoo to our hyung’s bed while I the dim lights. In their elation of watching Sunggyu awake, we failed to notice his appearance.

Everyone called Sunggyu with their own versions and pet names while surrounding him. When he didn’t answer to our calls I thought it was weird, but maybe it was because he was shocked of our arrival. I didn’t think further than that.  

Woohyun couldn’t hold himself anymore and went to trap our hyung in a hug, always careful of not hurting him.  Sunggyu finally looked up and smiled. But his smile seemed off.

“Hyung!” Sungyeol yelled causing Sunggyu a slight shiver.

“Hello,” he answered turning to look at his dongsaeng. All of us answered at once.

“How are you feeling?” Dongwoo asked.

“I’m fine,” the other replied almost mechanically. The others sighed in relief except for me. I could sense that our leader was acting a little strange, but after an experience like the one he went through, I couldn’t judge him.

“Gyu-hyung, are you tired?” Howon asked.

Sunggyu turned to look at him, and that’s when he caught the sign of the boy hiding behind the older. The confidence our maknae had felt before arriving at the hospital had popped like a balloon apparently.

“Sungjong?” Sunggyu called. All of us fell silent while we observed our youngest dongsaeng. Sungjong poked his head out from Howon’s back timidly. He remained like that for quite some time, like if he was debating what to do.

Then, without a warning, he got on his knees right beside Sunggyu and bowed startling us all.

“Sunggyu-hyung, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to create trouble. I behaved like a spoiled kid and I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you because I know I did and I’m sorry for not following your orders. I’m sorry for not understanding that what you did was always for the best of the team and I really appreciate your presence. You are the best leader INFINITE could ever have,” Sungjong said without a pause.  

Sunggyu frowned slightly.

The maknae kept rambling despite Howon’s efforts of calming him down. Sunggyu heard everything our dongsaeng had to say but didn’t utter a single word. In fact, he looked a little upset. I wondered why.

After Sungjong had finally calmed down, Sunggyu brought his hand to his chin, forcing him to look at the other in his eyes. Both of them looked intently into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before Sunggyu smiled, but it wasn’t a genuine smile. Sungjong didn’t notice it; I did and took note of it.

“Don’t worry,” Sunggyu said petting Sungjong’s head. “It’s okay.”

Sungjong’s eyes welled up and tears fell like a waterfall. Howon hugged him from behind while the youngest only mumbled another pack of apologies. Dongwoo put a hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Sunggyu turned his head and found Dongwoo looking back at him with a proud expression. He hadn’t noticed the fakeness in our leader’s actions either and that worried me.

I felt like if I was watching a badly acted movie were the main character’s intentions are obvious but the others ignore them with all these interactions. How could no one notice the strangeness of our leader?

“How was your day?” he asked, addressing no one in particular.

The others immediately started recalling the events of the day. Sunggyu listened intently nodding every so often.  He also smiled a little, but it looked so forced that it made me cringe.

“Also, we had to go to that variety program you don’t like for a recording in the afternoon,” Woohyun answered amused. “But don’t worry, we behaved,” he added quickly.

“And you know? They complimented us! They said we were a very professional group after we danced perfectly even if we were incomplete,” Sungyeol said excitedly. I swear I saw Sunggyu’s face harden a little. Well, he just said we were perfect without hyung.

When Sunggyu turned away to look at Howon I hit Sungyeol head and put my finger in my lips to signal him not to mention that. Sungyeol looked incredulously at me for a second before directing his attention back at hyung. I’m not sure if he caught it but I hoped he did.

“Nothing happened,” Dongwoo said answering a question I didn’t hear.

Sunggyu shook his head and looked at Sungjong, who had remained quiet. “What did the company tell you?” he asked.

Oh. It was that.

Sungjong hesitated for a second before opening his mouth. “They just said I should do better next time,” he answered awkwardly.

Truth to be told, none of us wanted to tell what had really happened so that we didn’t aggravate him.

But Sunggyu shook his head and turned in my direction. It startled me.

“Myungsoo-yah, what did the company tell you?” He asked again, demanding.

I felt myself going on the defensive, I’m not sure why and I slipped into my L’s persona.

“They didn’t say anything important,” I answered back.

Sunggyu frowned, probably surprised by my tone of voice.

“Please, don’t worry about that,” Woohyun said, trying to ease the other, but Sunggyu was persistent.

“How can you tell me not to worry?” he asked, his façade faltering a little.

“What Woohyun tried to say is that it isn’t important. You shouldn’t worry about that,” Hoya intervened when Woohyun didn’t reply.

Sunggyu glared at Hoya making him retreat a little. The rest immediately tried to mollify our leader but I had had enough.

I’m not sure why I got so annoyed at Gyu-hyung but I just didn’t like the way he was treating the others when we just wanted to make him company.

“Sunggyu-hyung, what’s wrong with you?” I asked. I didn’t mean for it to sound that rude but I just wasn’t thinking that clearly anymore. I felt someone tugging my shirt but I ignored it.

“What is wrong with me? Well, let’s see. I just went through a near-death experience and now I’m stuck in this room while all of you go and enjoy yourselves now that I’m not there,” he answered hotly. “Clearly all of you are happy with all the freedom you have gained.” He added while gripping his comforter tightly.

“Don’t say that,” Woohyun reprimanded him softly.

“That’s not true!” Sungyeol yelled. He seemed to be in close to tears already.

“That’s not true? And what were you saying before? ‘They complimented us because we danced perfectly even if we were incomplete’, right?” he said mockingly.

“Hyung…”

“Kim Sunggyu!” Dongwoo started. “I don’t know why you are acting like this but after finishing a tiring schedule we just-“

“If it is so tiring then just don’t bother,” Sunggyu snapped.

He’s going too far.

“Don’t you realize we are just trying to be with you?” I demanded.

“Don’t make me laugh. What did Sungjong say before? ‘You are the best leader INFINITE could have’,” he mocked again. “Secretly all of you are wishing me to disappear!” he yelled. His eyes were welling up in tears.

I was speechless. From where did he get those ideas?

“Please, we never thought that!” Sungyeol cried.

“All of you secretly hate me, I know it,” hyung said quietly this time. The tears were finally falling. My heart ached at the sight.

“We would never hate you,” Howon said trying to grab Sunggyu’s hands but the other slapped them away,

“Don’t touch me!” he yelled.

There was a faint beep in the room so I turned around and saw that hyung’s heartbeat was increasing. That filled me with fear.

Sunggyu continued ranting and all of us were petrified.

“I know you all hate me. Why would you want a failed leader?” He shouted.

What? That’s the reason?

Dongwoo seemed to have caught the beeping as well because he started trying to calm Sunggyu down. But our leader was having none of it.

“Hyung, what I said was true,” Sungjong said weeping.

“That’s a lie!” he yelled again.

The beeping got louder.

“Hyung!”

“You do not- need me because,” he paused. “I have failed to the team,” he said while tears were streamed down his face.

At that moment, the door opened abruptly and doctor Kang came in, followed by two nurses.

“What happened?” he asked concerned.

“Leave!” hyung shouted.

“Please, Sunggyu-ssi, calm down,” one of the nurses said while she tried to calm Sunggyu down. Doctor Kang went to check his vitals.

The male nurse turned to look at us. “I need you to leave the room,” he said.

“But hyung-“

“LEAVE!” Sunggyu yelled again.

“Please, get out,” he ordered.

The rest of us looked unsure but obeyed nonetheless.

The last thing I saw was the nurse trying to calm Sunggyu down and failing while doctor prepared a needle.

A/N: Ugh, that was hard. I'm sorry for making Sunggyu feel even worse OTL

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