To my last love...

How are you dear? Let me guess, this must be the nth time you are reading this. By the time you are reading this letter, I would have left this world, looking at you from the sky through the lense of a star amongst to many others. I do hope you have gotten over my death by now cause you know best that my death only means that I'm finally relieved from the endless sufferings. Cheer up, babe! You look horrible when you cry. One thing I always regret is I probably see you cry more than smile. Hmmm, but it's my fault, ne. 

I've done my best for the people who love me, though I've hurt them at times. it's only you whom I feel I still owe to. The night you offered yourself to me, frankly I didn't have the intention to decline (it's Men's nature, isn't it), eventually I still acceded to my own selfish desires. from the time we dated, I haven't been able to give you much, except provide you what little I could about first love. I'm afraid I didn't fare too well. Mirai, if I have deprived you of your first love, then let me at least tell you what I learnt from mine...First love should feel like sweet like marshmallows, pretty like the Sakura flowers. To my surprise, I did feel it when I'm with you (much stronger than when I was with Haruna. Perhaps because you came to my aid when I was in desperation). But all I probably gave you was pain and loneliness. I really wanted to do so much more with you, the time we spent is just too short. if only you were my first love... I'm just too selfish that Kamisama doesn't want to grant me my wishes anymore, I guess.

pardon me for my timidness, I didn't dare to tell you in the face. just before I decided on continuing the treatment, when I told you to go Hakone with me, I had a hidden agenda. it wasn't to give me an energy bolster before I go for the treatment, instead I asked you to accompany me there because I foresee that my candle is gonna extinguish soon. I could sense my end coming, but I just couldn't tell anyone about it, cause everyone habours that glimpse of hope. honestly I'm surprised that you know I wasn't keen to fight on, but of course the knowledge of this hurts you silently. trust me, pushing you away to Yuto was really heartwrenching for me too. I feel like I'm on the verge of going crazy when I saw Yuto comforting you. I didn't want to give you up, but circumstances didn't allow for any alternatives. Yuto is the only person I trust who could heal your broken heart which I've most mercilessly tore apart. and if that night actually resulted in a new life, then the more I believe that Yuto would do a much better job than me.

There was one other thing I have always thought about...the reason why I found it so easy to talk to you, maybe it's because you resemble my little sister Misaki a lot. She is also one tough girl, who can fumble a lot in life as well. Though she puts up a tough front, always bickering with me, but I most adore her because of her kind and sweet heart. She's just like you. I do hope whatever tensions the 2 of you have with each other, you girls can resolve it and become as close as sisters. I really want to see that since the 2 of you are really the most important ladies of my life. Misaki relies on me a lot, so I would love it if you could help me watch out for her when I am gone. I could count on my trusty older sister, but I would need her help to tend to the heartbreaks of my parents. For the elders to attend the funeral of a younger one, is not gonna be easy. I am really too unfilal to put them through this ordeal. I burdened Chihiro too much about my problems, she always look out for me since I was born. It's also why she was always stern with me, that's why I was usually reserved when it comes to her. I do feel a bit guilty towards her sometimes because Misaki and I are so attached to each other and fear her together, that we leave her out at times.

(I can't believe I have written so much for yours, cause at the time I'm writing this, my hands are not obeying to me anymore. You probably have my longest letter, so be happy about it, Mirai!:) Hopefully you could read my scribbles)

These days, I am thinking how would Ryuu and Yuna look like if they exist in this world... As handsome as me, as pretty as you? /giggles/ Kidding, but I hope he or she will take after you. You're the light of my life after all. I look forward to your bubbly nature when I come to you again... (as an apparition). Coming to this topic, I recalled the day you wandered into the morturary and got totally freaked out by the 'old man'. I was pondering if I would want to come to you once I'm in the same state as him...On the one hand, I think your pale expression is funny and would pay to see it once more, on the other hand, I don't want you to fear me. I am confusing ne. HAHA. But either way, I would watch over you and your family. If you're scared, don't enter the mortuary once I'm wheeled in. You do not need to go there to see me albeit the last time, cause I'm right by your side always...in your heart.

You know, I've told Daiki I want to have a brother, and he agreed so readily. I am really glad you introduced me to your family, especially him, cause he really looks out for me though we barely knew each other. You have a good brother, and sometimes I wonder if I did as well as him in Misaki's eyes. I'm jealous. HAHA. In my next life, I definitely wanna meet such a guy again and befriend him. Definitely Chinen, Yuto as well. Chinen is really adorable and clingy, and Yuto is really dependable and comfortable to chat with. 

Mirai, I'm glad to have walked through my last phase of life with you. thank you for staying by my side. if Ryuu or Yuna would ever exist, please love them with my share too!:)

I hope to see you in my next life, Mirai. Then perhaps, I'll try not to miss you.

~Yamada Ryosuke

at the bottom of the decently handwritten letter was a few lines of atrocious handwritings. it's barely legible but Mirai was almost the only one who could discern what was communicated. 

it says:

Mirai, I am really happy you picked up my call. tonight, I yearn for you so much. I think my time has come....I don't want to shut my eyes now, but even if they didn't feed me the anesthetic, I myself can't keep my eyes open anymore. thankfully I called you, cause I could count on you to tell my family what choice I made...you've to stay strong Mirai...

sayonara.

*****
Mirai traced her fingers over the wriggly words from a pair of fumbling hands. instead of crying as usual when she reads the letter written by him, she finally smiled after 21 years. Ryuu has already turned 20 years old in a blink of an eye. She wrapped the letter back in the envelope and preserved it in a box placed in the cupboard of the dressing table. 

She looked out of the window and stared at the same old star that seemed to always shimmer in her eyes, "Happy Valentines', Ryosuke". She returned her attention to her room and looked around after realising it was particularly quiet. She shook her head with distress when she noticed her husband has not yet returned to his bed, still immensely busy with his work. She took his blanket and tiptoed to his study room. She chuckled when she saw Yuto deeply engrossed with his documents, intensely pounding on the nape of his neck and did not even realise her entrance. She always found her heart racing whenever she sees her husband in his black rim specs which made him look particularly intellectual and captivating. Without alerting him, she crept up and pulled the blanket over his back.

"Mirai?you can't sleep?" he turned as he felt a soft pair of hands wrapped around his neck from behind. She leaned her chin on his shoulders and gave him a kiss on the cheeks without warning.

Yuto suddenly gained a moment of enlightenment as if he understood why his wife wasn't asleep yet when the time is way past midnight. "ah.. you thought of Ryosuke again?"

Mirai sighed and released her arms disappointedly. Yuto looked at her with confusion since he did not understand what wrong has he said to warrant such response.

"I'm not thinking of Ryosuke, the way I used to before. I'm not yearning for him, I'm yearning for you...." she most bravely uttered. 

Yuto felt ashamed after what Mirai said. He felt that he had been so engross with work that he had neglected her feelings and even mistaken her heart.

"never mind. I think you really have a lot of work to complete. let me know if you need help with anything. I'll be back in our room first. good night" she smiled graciously. Her forgiving attitude made him even more guilty. There's no way he is gonna let her regret her marriage so he'll not leave her disappointment as that, he thought. Right when she turned her body towards the door, he pulled her back, letting her fall on his lap on the wheeler-type office seat. 

"eh Yuto...nandayo" Mirai grumbled as she tried to stand up, but he forced her back down whenever she did.

"stay with me like this for a while more until I finish this last bit of my work." he did not give her any room for opposition, since immediately after, his arms enclosed around both sides of her bodies as though she locked in his clutches. Both embarrassment and fuzziness were so apparent in her emotions that heat just surged to her face, causing her to flush terribly. She hid her face by leaning on chest, then she grew so comfortable with the heat radiating from within and the gentle beats of her heart, that she eventually shut her eyes peacefully and let his warmth continue to circle her. She heard his soft chuckle, then a soft lip pressed upon her forehead. He couldn't watch her in such vunerable state anymore, so he quickly wrapped up his work and then surprise her by lifting her in his arms, likened to a how a prince carry his princess.

"hehhhh yuto" she shrieked with her eyes widdened.

"what? I am bringing you back into our room" he ignored her subsequent struggles and pleads. Finally, letting her down on their twinbed, he pinned her to the bed with his elbows pressed on either side of her neck. His face is placed directly on top of hers, and they could smell each other's minty fresh breathe. He could also hear her hastened breathing, that he couldn't help but felt tickled by her fluster.

"Let me make up for my insensitivity...alright?" Yuto asked for permission before proceeding further. Since she birth Akira, they haven't been spending much time together given the conflicting work schedules and Mirai's own emotional struggles. This night, Yuto felt confident that Mirai has finally let down her mourning for the loss of her love, of course owing much to the love Ryuu has been showering upon his mother as promised. Mirai felt tense but excited at the same time, she couldn't catch her own breathing, neither she could provide him an audible response.

"daijoubu..." Yuto whispered and the next moment, he kissed her soft lips. Mirai's mind went blank after allowing him to take over her body. She felt tinkling touches that sent butterflies through her tummy, and felt herself stiffening when he reaches for her soft spots. Everytime she is in this position, she thought whether all guys are as delicate as Yuto...and Ryosuke... She swore she thought such activities are painful to the lady and they have to suffer the pain while the guys enjoyed. But her experiences with both of them, it was anything but pain. Yes, she's nervous when they broke into her, but they were so cautious and gentle that her nervousness subsided in a blink of an eye. It seemed as though they hummed some hypnotic lullabies that calmed her tensed nerves.

By the end of it, they were both exhausted, especially Yuto who lied beside her while trying to slow down his panting. Mirai leaned on her side and faced him with a soothing smile. She wiped the drops of sweat on his forehead and neck and gave him one more gentle kiss on his cheek. "thank you Yuto. It's gonna be a great valentines. I know it"

He blinked his eyes in aggreement then pulled her into his embrace with their bare skins rubbing softly against each other as if wishing them goodnight.

*******

"niichan...they should be awake by now right?" Akira asked as she sneaked up to their parents room with her brother leading.

"I think they should have by now. Otousan doesn't wake up this late, only okasan" Ryuu whispered back to his sister who clinged onto his sleeves. "so, on the count of 3, we will break in" he added when they reached the room. He counted down and they did as planned...

"SURPRISEEEE!" the 2 young ones startled the parents who were in the midst of an intimate hug. Yuto was bossoming Mirai from behind, luckily they were fully dressed.

"goodness, you guys scared us," Mirai grumbled while Yuto consciously released his arms and instead clinged his arm around her shoulder.

"Happy Valentine's otousan!" Akira ran up and gave a kiss on his father's cheek.

"aww that's sweet Akira! Thank you" Yuto returned Akira a hug.

"what about me?" Mirai pouted at her daughter, without noticing that Ryuu has quietly crept up beside her, then leaned closer and dropped a subtle kiss by her cheek. Mirai turned and blushed as she saw her heart-throb son gave her a sweet moment.

"Happy Valentine's okasan" he said with a clear, melodious tone.

"ahh Ryuu, it's so embarrassing," Mirai covered her blushing cheeks, since she is still very shy around guys, even those in her own family. Ryuu giggled softly and then grabbed his mother by his strong arms from his father. This took Mirai by surprise. She looked at Ryuu with confusion.

"Okasan, we're going for a date today, ne. Just mother and son," Ryuu said with a smirk on his face. Mirai turned to Yuto as she could almost sense a conspiracy.

"don't look at me like this. I'm just as lost as you. What are you two planning?" Yuto probed.

"ah... it's the season of love, otousan. You've spent the time with okasan last night, so it's my turn ne. Akira wants to go on a date with you too. right Akira?" Ryuu winked at Akira who was sniggering at the side.

"yes otousan! I wanna spend the day with you too," she clinged onto her father like a panda. 

"okay okay. then just give me a while. I'll dress up more cooly for the date with my daughter okay!" Yuto played along cheekily. As they departed from the room, Mirai and Ryuu remained stoned at their position. Ryuu observed his mother's nervousness and thought he should be a better host if the day is gonna go on as planned. He expected such reaction from his mother, but luckily for his charisma, awkwardness would never get in the way.

He tugged Mirai under his arm and said with a less intimidating tone... "leave everything to me, you don't have to worry a bit. You have to give me chances to play my role as your son and father's son too right. I promised otousan to give his share of love to you too, so I shoved away all the other girls today for you, ne okasan."

"Ryuu~" She looked at him. The older he grew, the more he looked like Ryosuke. The 20 years old Ryuu is clearly Ryosuke's dopplerganger. If they were standing beside each other, she or anyone else