"SEHUN-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Luhan came bursting through my dorm door first thing in the morning.

I quickly got uup, worried if something was wrong. I did tell him that he could come to me if he had any nightmares.

But I saw that he had a piece of paper in his hand so I didnt think it was because of a nightmare.

"I made it."

"...made, what...?" I asked him softly.

"I MADE IT TO THE FINALS! RememberthattimeIhitUmin'shead?yeahitwasbecauseIwastryingtoscoretogettothefinalsofthetournament!!!"

"Finals? Oh, your soccer tournament? Oh good for you!!!" I smiled, patting his head.

But surely his adrenaline was still flowing.

So he decided to dance around my bed.

Pulling me along.

"I MADE IT I MADE IT I MADE IT! I MMMAAAADDDEEE IIITTTTT I M-M-MADE IIIIIIIIT~~~!" he sang his sudden made-up song.

"Ughhh what the-?" Taemin hyung got up from his bed.

"Sorry hyung. Luhan here made it to the finals in his soccer stuff" I apologized on his behalf.

Clearly he wasnt sane enough to do so.

"SOCCER TOURNAMENT."

He corrected me. Ooppss, guess he's still sane.

"Yeah well pipe it down. Cuz I'm too bummed to care, seeing that my letter or acceptance never came"

"Acceptance to what?" I asked him as he pulled his blanket up.

"Acceptance to the theatre auditions. I want to be Romeooooo cuz the Juliet is Naeunnnnnnn uggghhhhh" he squirmed and whinned under his blanket, upset to the fact that he didnt get the part.

"NAEUN NOONA?!!!" Luhan stopped dancing mid-way.

"Why? What's with Naeun noona?"

"Sehun-ah, Naeun noona is included in the list of the most wanted as a girlfriend in the TOP 3 schools in our country!!!"

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasdfghjklpoorijihjnvkhbryufdv" Taemin hyung exclaimed though I never knew what he said.

"Taemin-ah you're letter just arrived this morning" Jongin came in to our room.

"WHAT?!!! IT DID??? LEMMESEELEMMESEELEMMESEEEEE!!!" he shot up, straight to Jongin with the sealed letter.

All of a sudden Taemin hyung jumped and shouted the same thing the same way Luhan did not 5 minutes ago. 

AND he danced like a crazy red indian dude around me as he pulled Jongin with him. 

Unsurprisingly, Luhan joined in.

And Chunji hyung came in at that exact moment, receiving a very, VERY loud "WE MADE IT!!!" from the 2 people.

He almost collapsed on the floor which made Jongin laugh even more than the dancing.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD?!!!" he came up to me, still shocked.

"Luhan got to the finals in his soccer stuff-"

"SOCCER TOUR.NA.MENT" again he corrected me.

"-and Taemin hyung got Romeo's part in the upcoming theatre performance with Naeun noona as Juliet-"

"WHATTHEACTUAL?!!! HE SERIOUSLY GOT THE PART?!!!" Chunji hyung grabbed my arms and shaked me.

"Yeah. And Jongin's just there joining them-"

"Forget Jongin. NAEUN??!!!! OHMAIGAADDD TAEMIN-AHHH!!!" and he joined the rain dance.

"What are they so happy about?" Minhyuk got out of the showers with only a towel on -which almost fell off resulting from the "WE MADE IT!!!" they gave him right as he got out- as he came up to me and asked.

"Luhan, made it to finals in soccer. Taemin hyung, got the part as Romeo. Jongin and Chunji hyung are just sharing the happiness"

"Oh."

Well at least he didnt join the dance.

---

It wasnt even 2pm when Luhan came into my room again.

This time though, his expression was gloomy and sad. I could even sense anger when I saw him clenching his teeth.

I didnt ask anything but only offered a space beside me on the bed.

He sat, then laid down, pulled me with him and fell asleep.

"Hungry?" I asked him 2 hours later when he finally got up.

"...yeah." He sat up.

"Lunch...?" I put my arm on his shoulder. 

"...nahhh." He leaned on my chest.

"Then...?" I pushed away his forehead hair.

"Air. Fresh air." He looked up.

"Car ride?" I blew on his face.

"...haha...yeah okay" he giggled.

---

"I thought you didnt want lunch...?" I asked him as he gobbled half a chicken.

"This is dinner. Early dinner."

"Okay."

---

It was 6.20pm when we got into the car, heading back.

Luhan was quiet and so was I. Traffic was slow so it was boring.

I reached for the radio but he grabbed my hand.

He looked at me and I realized he was scared.

Tears started to form at the edge of his eyes.

I made a turn and head for the park.

He never let go of my hand.

And I liked it.

---

"I dont wanna go to the finals of the soccer tournament."

"But why...?"

"I'm scared."

"You're gonna do well. Dont worry bout that-"

"I'm not scared of the tournament, I'm scared of something else"

"..." I didnt ask anything. I just waited.

"...of the bus."

"The...bus...?"

"The bus ride TO the tournament."

To keep the conversation going, I nodded, gesturing him it was okay to tell me. But only if he wants to.

I didnt want to push it cuz I know how frustrating it is to be in that position.

"My grandma died 6 years ago, when we were in primary school. She...she-"

He almost broke down and cry. I tried to soothe him but he stopped me.

He pulled back down his collar and I saw cutting marks. Just right under his collarbone.

Some were still fresh and some were fading. The fresh ones on top.

"...she was the only grandma I had left. I was young so she was capable of handling me. Active and naughty. Even my parents admitted that. But...but because of me...she died. She was c-coming to see me at our school's t-talent show and she took the bus. B-but the bus swirved from an accident, resulting in c-causing another. My grandma had a-asthma, the doctors c-confirmed that she died before the crash, from lack of b-breathing...s-she, she died...because of m-me..."

And finally the dam broke.

The tears came like waves. Rebelling and wanting to be seen. 

Luckily I closed the window, so we had some privacy. Luhan clinged onto me, clenching the front of my shirt as the other onto his chest. He was sobbing now, hiccuping, even. He couldnt stop.

I pulled him in for a hug. Good thing he was small so it was easy for me.

I kept rocking as I pat his back and carressed his hair. He loosened up a bit then.

"S-sehun-ah...I-I'm sorry its you who's always with me when I break d-down..."

"...it's okay. I dont mind, really. I've always wanted a baby brother who would sit in my lap while in the car after a special ride just for him and cry like a waterfall during rainy seasons. Plus, I have got nothing to lose, so yeah I'm okay. So dont worry."

He eyed me and huffed, not amused at my humour.

I kissed his forehead and he looked shocked.

I just laughed at it.

He laughed a bit after that but then he looked up at me.

"Can I sleep with you tonight...?"

"Can I say no...?"

"No."

"So why ask? My bed is your bed, remember? But its not fair. I never got to sit on yours"

"Do you want to...?"

"Yes."

"Then do so."

---

He got to the bed even before I was.

I came out of the bathroom and there he was. Just sitting there.

He twirled my blankets and played with it like a mischiveous little kitten.

"You're early."

"Where's everyone else?" he looked around.

"Taemin hyung, theatre rehearsal. Chunji hyung, with Ljoe hyung again, I guess. I think they're secretly going out but why do I care? Minhyuk...? Hmmm I never really know."

"So you're usually alone?" he looked at me with his puppy eyes.

"...I guess so."

"Isnt that sad...? Alone most of the time...?"

"I'm used to it"

I sat down on the other side of the bed. I laid my head on his lap and he looked at me.

He played with my hair and I almost fell asleep.

"Why are you used to it...?"

"Can you come with me to this place after your tournament next week?"

"What place...?" 

"Come sleep."

I pulled him down, making him lie down beside me.

We snuggled in my blanket and I turned off the lights.

I was facing him...and he was facing me.

He crawled up, leveling his chest to my face as he pulled me closer.

His shirt slipped a bit and I saw his marks. The ones shown earlier.

I kissed it, the marks.

"Sehun-ah."

"Hm...?"

"It tickles."

"Hm."

And I kissed it again.

"Thank you...Sehun-ah..."

"...what for...?"

"For being you."

"I wouldnt wanna be anyone else".

And he kissed my hair, pulling me closer.

I never once regretted anything. Nothing at all.

Because now I know, that...

...I love him.