ONE

you have your hands wrapped neatly around neck,
squeezing just enough for me to feel the edges of your fingertips around my throat
i say yes, like i think that i was supposed to say
you brushed my neck with fingertips, whispering apologies
they always sounded more like excuses

TWO

i don't hold up my head right the following day
or the week after, or even now. long hair creates shadows that resemble
the red left behind so I chopped everythihg off and sometimes,
I scrub at flesh until I cannot breathe anymore
until hands are shaking but I still
feel
so
ing
dirty

THREE

when you insist on apologies over dinner and movies
it was completely civil but nausea hits me like i'm on sea;
i can barely keep food in my my systerms
there is a constant gap, i hide behind baggy clothes because
i don't want leering eyes on my body

they call it a fight or flight reflex
So why did I freeze.