08 Say No
Bitter Love, Complicated Life
[Yoseob's POV]
"Yoseob ah," Dongwoon shakes my shoulder. "Wake up. It's morning already."
I groan; I'm still feeling sleepy. I couldn't sleep after I left Sora. I think I finally fell asleep around 4 AM.
"We must go back to Seoul," Dongwoon shakes my shoulder again. "Wake up or we will leave you."
I bury my face in the pillow, "Five minutes~"
"Oi, come on," Dongwoon sighs with frustration. "Even Gikwang has awake before you!"
Gikwang's name ticks me off. I open my eyes and remember about what happened before I went to sleep. Gikwang wasn't sleep yet when I returned from Sora's room. He stared at me with cold eyes but I ignored him.
I force myself to sit up, rubbing my eyes with sleepy expression. Dongwoon feels relieved and leaves me, packing his own stuff into his luggage.
I touch my lips with my index finger silently, remembering what happened between me and Sora.
We kissed.
And the kiss was different. Not the bloody one. Not the passionate one. Not the drunk one.
But it's the kiss we shared together.
I bid her good night awkwardly after the kiss after she told me that she needed to take a rest with red face because of the kiss.
Does it mean she has the 'yes' answer for my question? Does it mean she want to be my girlfriend?
I shake my head quickly, knowing that my cheeks start to blush just because of Sora's face in my head. I find Gikwang is looking at me, leaning his back against the wall with cold expression.
"W-what?" I blunt nervously under his stare. He can't read my mind, can he?
"Nothing," he murmurs. "Get ready. We're going to leave soon."
Somehow in the corner of my mind, I feel apologetic to him.
[Gikwang's POV]
Something must be happened when Yoseob left our room after Sora left.
Both of them started to blush the first moment their eyes met this morning. When the others started to ask about Sora's drunk accident, they would respond awkwardly, making it's really obvious that something has happened between them.
We're in the van on our way to the airport, ready to fly back to Seoul. Doojoon and Junhyung are talking about souvenirs while Hyunseung and Dongwoon are discussing about our next performance at Japan.
I look at Yoseob. He is busy with his Twitter yet he has a happy smile on his face. Sora is listening to her iPod, as usual, without any expression.
Curious, I open the Twitter from my phone and read Yoseob's last tweet.
"Dream comes true~"
My heart aches again.
This can mean anything. Seriously anything. But why do I have a feeling that it refers to Sora?
Come to think of it, before we got on the van, Yoseob was trying to have a conversation with me, which is making me more deep in my thought now.
"Gikwang," Yoseob tapped my shoulder while the others were talking, waiting for the van to come.
I looked up to see him but didn't say anything.
He rubbed his head nervously and muttered, "About last night. About Sora..."
He paused and waited for my reaction but I didn't give one so he continued, "I'm feeling really guilty about I kissed her back when she's drunk. I didn't mean to do that. I really did sorry."
I sighed, "Can we just stop talking about last night incident?"
"I want you to know," he lowered his voice with uneasy tone, "that I really care for Sora. I really love her."
My heart skipped a beat. I already knew it. Why did he even need to tell me again.
"I'm sorry, Gikwang," he said with sad expression. "But both of us want her to be happy, right?"
I clenched my fists. Was he telling me to let go of Sora?
"Ah, I remember something!" Doojoon suddenly speaks out, making the rest of the members surprise. "A staff gave me this CD last night at the party."
He takes out a CD from his bag and gives it to our manager who is driving silently.
"What's this?" our manager asks, trying to focus with the wheel.
"Play it," Doojoon says. "She said it's a collection of our Music Recorded songs."
"MR?" Junhyung raises his eyebrow. "What for?"
"She said she really loves our music and she has put all our songs as MR in this CD. She gave it to us as a present," Doojoon explains.
Our manager puts the CD in the CD player and presses the play button.
It's Mystery.
Doojoon requests our manager to press the next button and it plays Bad Girl now. Next is Shock.
"Let's sing a song," Dongwoon says. "I'm bored with doing nothing."
"Sure," Yoseob joins in the conversation. He stops his activities with his phone and smiles widely.
We sing the Shock refrain happily, making even Sora to turn around and look at us. I flash a smile to her and she gives me a smile for return.
When Shock is already over, I stun when I notice the melodies.
This song appears at the perfect moment.
If only my assumption is right.
If only my assumption is right.
[Sora's POV]
I finally can control my expression after a while. Since I and Yoseob kissed, I couldn't hide my blushed cheeks whenever I looked at him.
You can say a sudden fact just visited me, telling me my true feeling just the moment before he kissed me.
My heart always beat faster when I'm with Yoseob. Yes, it's the same when I'm with Gikwang but somehow it's different.
People said if you want to know who is more important for you between two persons, you need to close your eyes and think of the first person who appears in your mind.
I did it and Yoseob was the first one who came in mind.
Both of them are important to me, even compared to the other members. Gikwang was my first boyfriend while Yoseob is the one who keeps showing me his endless care.
But even if I return his feeling, what will happen when I leave Paris? What will Gikwang feel when he know?
I stop my thoughts when I hear the melodies of the next song from the CD they received as a gift from a staff. I was watching them singing Shock happily before the song was over.
I know this song. I know this song pretty well.
"Oneul nae chinguga muleosseo neowa sagwimyeon an doegess nyago
Eochapi ijen neowa heeojin nae daesin neoleul akkyeo jugessdago"
Today my friend asked me if he could date you
Since I had broken up with you, he said he’d cherish you in my place
Hyunseung finished his lines and Junhyung takes the next part with his rap.
"That that that that that’s ok
Get get get get away
Wwaenchanha mwo uli gwangye nam-eun jeongdo eobsneunde
Mian hadan maleun geumandwo eochapi gaseum an apeo
Nae daesin joheun namja chinguga dwaejwo"
That that that that that's ok
Get get get get away
It’s okay, it’s not like we have anything to do with each other anymore
Stop saying sorry, my heart doesn’t hurt
Please be a good boyfriend to her in place of me
It's Say No, a song from their second mini album.
I flinch a little when I hear Gikwang's voice, singing his part. I even turn my body slowly so I can look at his face.
"Ajigneo ttaemune jam mosneunde geuleohge malhajileul moshae ilu
Eogji useume gyeoglyeokkaji deohae chinguleul bonaejwossjiman oh girl"
I couldn’t tell him that I still have sleepless nights because of you
Although I’d cheered my friend on and sent him off with a forced smile, oh girl
I feel as if something just stabs my heart when he finished his lines, giving the next part to Yoseob, which is singing the refrain part with worried expression.
"Oh can’t you see, I’m still lovin’ you
Ajig nae mami neol bonael suga eobseo"
Oh can't you see, I'm still lovin' you
My heart's not yet ready to let you go
"Say no! no! no! no! no! Say no! no! no! no! no!"
Right after Doojoon finished his part, I take a glance at Gikwang; he is looking back at me with sad smile and sings his part.
"Andoendago malhae ajig ni mam soge nal gidaligo issdago say no!"
Say you can’t because your heart is still waiting for me, say no!
I really feel like I want to stop the song. I feel that this song is hurting me, Gikwang, and Yoseob at the same time.
[Yoseob's POV]
Why does this song come up in this moment?
I can barely sing this song well, knowing that the lyrics are really similar to Gikwang's condition now. Tell me about being melancholy now.
Doojoon continues the sing, not knowing that something is happening between me, Sora, and Gikwang.
"Suleun manhi moshae dambae yeongineun silheohae
Honjaissneun geo silheo hanikka eonjena hamkke"
She can’t drink much, hates the fume of cigarettes,
She hates being alone, so be with her always
I look at Gikwang secretly. He is clenching his fists and takes a deep breath; no one notices his sad expression.
"Isseojwo saengil ginyeomileun kkogkkog chaenggyeojwo
Nan waei jiseulhago issna dodaeche wae"
And make sure you always, always remember her birthday”
Not even sure why I had told him all this
After Junhyung, it's Hyunseung's turn now.
"Dola seomyeonseo huhoehal geomyeonseo eogjilo meosissneun cheog haesseo"
Knowing in hindsight I would be regretting this but still forced myself to pretend to be cool
I know someone is going to be heartbroken; it's me or Gikwang. But I never wanted to hurt his feeling. I'm sure Sora feels the same.
I feel like an electricity passes over my body when Gikwang sings his line.
"Chingu dwieseo hwaleul nael geomyeonseo an doelago bil geomyeonseo"
Knowing behind my friend’s back, I would be upset and be begging him to stop, oh girl!
I look down, trying to sing the refrain part my best so the others won't notice anything strange from us.
"Oh can’t you see, I’m still lovin’ you
Ajig nae mami neol bonael suga eobseo"
Oh can't you see, I'm still lovin' you
My heart's not yet ready to let you go
This line is not for me.
It's for Gikwang's heart now.
It's for Gikwang's heart now.
[Sora's POV]
Geez. This song is...
I can see Junhyung takes a glance at Yoseob when he is singing the refrain part. He is singing with his eyes on the floor. The other members start to notice that something is wrong here.
Doojoon continues the refrain and Hyunseung completes it.
"Say no! no! no! no! no! Say no! no! no! no! no!
Andoendago malhae ajig ni mam soge nal gidaligo issdago say no!"
Say no! no! no! no! no! Say no! no! no! no! no!
Say you can’t because your heart is still waiting for me, say no!
It's finally Dongwoon's turn now. I try to focus at his face, shoving all silly thoughts in my head.
It's just a song. It's just lyrics. I know it.
"(Say) no no no (say) andoendago (say) geu salam gidalil geola aaa go
(Say) no no no (say) andoendago (say) geu salam gidalil geola aaa go"
(Say) No No No (Say) You can’t (Say) because you’re waiting for me to come back
(Say) No No No (Say) You can’t (Say) because you’re waiting for me to come back
I know it's Gikwang's part now. I bite my bottom lip, feeling really nervous for unknown reason.
Gikwang is looking at me deeply, singing his last part in this song.
"Ajig neo ttaemune jam mosneunde geuleohge malhajileul moshae ilu
Eogji useume gyeoglyeokkaji deohae chinguleul bonaejwossjiman oh girl"
I couldn’t tell him that I still have sleepless nights because of you
Although I’d cheered my friend on and sent him off with a forced smile, oh girl!
There are seconds of silence after he finished his part. It's supposed to be Yoseob's line... but he doesn't sing it.
Gikwang finally completes the refrain part, ignoring the fact that Yoseob is looking at him with shocked expression.
"Oh can’t you see, I’m still lovin’ you
Ajig nae mami neol bonael suga eobseo"
Oh can't you see, I'm still lovin' you
My heart's not yet ready to let you go
No one continues the rest of the song, even though it should be Doojoon's and Hyunseung's part.
Their manager decides to keep silence after taking a glance at the rear mirror.
I feel my eyes are teary now.
Gikwang is wiping away a single tear on his cheek while the others are looking at him without a word.
He sings the last two words before the song stopped, almost sounded like a whisper.
He sings the last two words before the song stopped, almost sounded like a whisper.
"...Say no"
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