“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages…”

-Freidrich Nietzsche-

I remembered the meaning of marriage when I searched it in a dictionary a day before my wedding. It is the state of being married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce). And I remembered laughing at the fact.

But right now, it is not a laughing matter.

I looked at Chaerin who was now standing next to the water fountain in the middle of the park. She eyed me from the corner of her eyes, waiting for my reaction.

“Too bad,” I began. “I should’ve known that your heart beats for another.”

She walked closer to me. Her arms folded across her chest. “Look at me, Seungri. I’m such a bad wife and I’m a horrible mother. You shouldn’t have kept living with me.”

 “But we’re doing great for a year. Why now? Is this the only solution?” I demanded.

“We should stop pretending that everything was fine. We’re not fooling anyone. Our parents, our friends, they already know about us. We’re not the happy couple on our family portrait that hung on the wall. We’re the unhappy couple. And I just want it to be over. Going separate ways, living our own life.”

It will be hard to find reasons with her but I’m not going to give up. Not now. Not after what I’ve done and everything that I’ve given up for this.

I breathed deeply. “Yes, sometimes we ignore each other and try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but deep down we know it wasn’t supposed to end like this. And I’m not pretending to be happy. I am happy, with you, with us.”

“There are no us, Seungri,” she retorted. “It always you...or me.”

Sighing, I grasped her hands and held it gently in between my palms. My heart felt heavy with weariness. “Do you really want me to disappear from your life? Will you be happy if I’m gone?”

“This is not about what I want,” she whispered. Her voice sounded weak and difficult. “This is about what’s better for us.”

I released her hands half-heartedly and she retreated to the car slowly. I watched her silently and I could hear my heart breaking like a glass shattered on the hard ground with every step she took.

Tightening my grasp on the steering wheel, I clenched my jaw and stepped on the pedal harder. If she wanted to get rid of me, she will have to beg for it because I’m not going to give what she wanted without a fight. Tears swelled in my eyes and I swiped it before it pours down.

I’m a strong man, a great opponent and she’s just messing with the wrong guy.

As soon as my house came into view, I stopped the car and rushed to the door. I inserted the key and took a step inside. The house was exactly the way that I left it except the flower bouquet was gone. I lifted my gaze to the family portrait that we took a month after Ha Yi was born. She and I were smiling, and even my baby Ha Yi was looking happy.<