“I didn’t want to kiss you goodbye that was the trouble. I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there’s a lot of difference….”

-Ernest Hemmingway-

I don’t want to go home tonight.

I felt like to sleep here in my office for the rest of my life. I don’t want to face my future, I don’t want to let go of my past. The future without her terrifies me. The thought of living without her scares me. The fact that I have to let her go kills me.

I’m mortified.

Slouching on my chair I propped my elbow on the desk. My head felt heavy. It’s so much burden I have to bear and I’m simply doesn’t know what to do anymore. I tried to understand her; I tried to make her loves me. I tried everything.

But yet, I failed.

And right now, there’s nothing left I could do to save my marriage. I love her. Yes, I do. I want her to be happy. I’d give all the happiness in this world for her. So, I have to let her go…

I let out a long sigh, easing out my sinking heart. I need to.

I can’t be selfish for her. I wanted her to be happy with or without me. And if she chose to be alone, then I have no reason for staying. I will leave her. I’ll be gone.

Although, it will take all my strength to walk away from her, I have to say goodbyes.

I walked wobbly, dragging my shaky legs into the house. I went home early tonight, just to see her a little longer. The time with her was numbered and I don’t want to waste a second. As I pushed the door, Chaerin’s high-pitched voice greeted me and she was smiling faintly.

I smiled back at her. But the smile seemed to be a bit forced and bleak as I caught a frown on her face and a concern on her eyes.

“Are you OK?” she asked softly.

“Nothing, I’m just…tired,” I said smiling.

The smile re her face and she followed me to the stairs. I climbed up slowly and weakly. My feet were heavy like it’s had been glued to the floor. And I’m losing strength to move.

I don’t even have the strength to breath, like the oxygen had been dry from the air. Gasping, I grasped the handrail tightly, trying to stabilise my breathing and finding balance. I was paralyzed. The thought of losing her was too overwhelming and it took all my powers to keep standing and listened to her sweet voice. I felt my eyes stung and I shut my eyes forcefully, stifling my tears that has been building up and stopping it from slipping through. Weeping was never in my to do list today. Not tonight. I have more important things to do other than sobbing my pain away.

“I’ve made dinner.” Chaerin voiced out suddenly and I startled.

Inhaling deeply, I nodded and climbed the stairs to my room quickly before I couldn’t hold back the tears.

Chaerin made kimchi chigae, egg rolls and samgyetang.  I smiled as I ate her homemade dish. She’s certainly a good chief, seemed like I was underestimated her.

“How was it?” she inquired eagerly. Her eyes were wide and she bit her lower lips impatiently.

Chuckling, I smiled faintly. “Eatable,” I commented simply and she pouted. Rested her back to the chair, crossed her legs and folded her arms. I laughed softly. “It was delicious. Especially, the samgyetang.”

Her face lit up and she smiled brightly, showing her perfect straight teeth.

My heart sank deeper. I wondered when will I be able to see her smile again and when she does, I’m afraid that I’m not will be the one who cause it.

We’re having dinner quietly, just discussing works and current issues of the world. The truth about our almost ending contract was never been brought up. I had a fear to mention it myself and she seemed to be oblivious to the fact that today was the last day.

Maybe she has changed her mind, my mind added. Maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t want to lose me and she wanted me to stay. And everything will be over. The frog has turned into a prince and they live happily ever after.

Secretly, I put up my hope higher.

“So, this is it,” she said breaking the long silent. “It’s almost over. You and I, we’re should stay friends.” She glanced at