Utopia

by Vigilant

Title: 5/5

I like it. It fits into the story, it's easy to remember. Good.

Description: 8/10

It's detailed without giving away the plot, but the second line confuses me. Is his mind having a reaction to his body wasting away that causes the downward spiral? I'm not seeing the connection there.

Plot: 35/35

It's hard to give or take points for this because you've only written one chapter of the story so far. That being said, I can see this being an interesting plot line.

Conflicts: 0/10

No conflicts as of yet, so I can't give you points.

Originality: 10/10

It's definitely not cliché, I'll give you that. The idea that the bulk of this story will take place in his mind is pretty cool. Good job.

Grammar and spelling: 15/15

I only saw one issue. When you have a quote inside of quotes, you use a single, not a double. So instead of it saying “the boss of me”, it should read, 'the boss of me'.

Characters: 0/5

Again, it's too early in the story to have a feel for who the characters are. All you've done is describe Myungsoo as beautiful. I know nothing about Sungjong and he's the main character.

Emotions: 4.5/5

I can 'feel' Sungjong's pain and frustration at the beginning of the story. I took half o