City Lights Like Rain

by: ms_tantrum

Title: 2/5

Titles are proper, it should be written as, 'City Lights Like Rain'. Also, it doesn't make sense with the story. There's no connection to the content.

Description: 10/10

It works. Because it's such a short story, a detailed description would have been bad. It's a teaser.

Plot: 15/35

Two guys, a disapproving mother, a fight, a car accident, a death, depression, then another death. That's about it. It's hard to judge a story this short. I know you were going more for the emotion in the story, but the plot is over used.

Conflicts: 10/10

The only conflict is the one between them and their mom. I can understand where she's coming from.

Originality: 2/10

This is just one big cliché. The relationship type is the only thing that's 'different' about this.

Grammar and spelling: 15/15

I think I saw a few places where comas should have been used, but it's not a big deal. On the whole, it was fine.

 

This line struck me as odd.

“I’m so sorry Taemin-ah. You have no idea how deeply sorry I am. It's all my fault that you're lying here, dying, and I’m not.   It's not fair that you’re the one facing this horrible demise while I get to continue on with my life.”

If you were really in