When Day and Night Become One

by: iHeart-u

Title: 4/5

It makes sense when you think about it, but it isn't immediately catchy, or memorable.

Description: 3/10

Yes, your description . That's a quote from the story, not a description. Now, what you have in the 'foreword' section isn't bad. Move it up to the appropriate section because that's where readers expect to find it. Scratch that whole first paragraph and simplify. If I may suggest;

'In a relationship where one is being bullied, and the other is 'hated', is it possible for love to bloom?'

It's a bit more to the point and it piques the interest. If you want to add more, that's fine, but, if you want, lead with that.

 

Plot: 30/35

It's good. It's really good. You can stop fretting, you're readers didn't just gas you up. This is a good story that happens to have a member of EXO in it, not a story ABOUT EXO. There's a difference. It could have been about anyone, really, and I like that. I didn't have to be a fan and know all about Luhan to 'get' the story.

I like that it follows their entire story. The pacing was very good. The dialogue seemed 'natural'. I like the ending lines of each chapter being similar. It made all the chapters connect.

Where you lost points with me is because you did a few things that I hate. Hate. HATE.

-Unattended minors. Things were going well until you had the parents go away in chapter 5. I understand why you did it, but it's a peeve of mine. I