So, I feel like I owe you guys an explanation for my absence. I haven't updated—or written—anything since January. Needless to say, I feel bad; but only because I waited this long to tell everyone.

Writing is still a priority of mine. But over the past few months, I've been doing a lot of growing and reflecting; and within this season, my priorities have shifted dramatically. Between college, family, the future, and personal growth, it's harder to stay committed to things I promised myself to when I was a different person. There was a time when I thought I would write kaistal fics forever; when I thought Kpop was the only genre of music I would listen to; when I thought I would feel the same way about everything for the rest of my life. It's good to have a degree of optimism, but let's be real—nobody goes through life unchanged. In one way or another, for good or ill, we gradually grow into different people compared to who we were in the past.

That said, I can't honestly tell you that I'm the same girl who wrote this collection. Do I still ship kaistal? In the deeper parts of my heart, I suppose I do. (That WKorea shoot was a very, very rude re-awakening.) Do I still listen to Kpop? Sometimes—and unashamedly so. But at this point in time, I have different interests. And I would hate to give you guys something made half-heartedly when I believe you deserve the truth.

The truth: I won't be writing on AFF anymore.

Believe it or not, saying that out loud hurts me more than anyone can possible know. It hurts me to let go of something that not only helped me grow as a writer, but served as an important creative outlet for me. It hurts to let go of all the stories I've written, all the stories I haven't written, and all the au's I was dying to write in. For a while, I tried convincing myself this was just writer's block. This is just a phase, it'll pass. You'll be fine! And when it didn't pass, I tried being forceful. I tried to power through it. But what came out of that was too inadequate, too unnatural, too fake.

I wasn't writing for myself anymore; I was writing for the girl I used to be.

Don't get me wrong—I had an absolute blast writing every single piece, every author's note, and every thank-you. Never will I ever wish I hadn't been a part of this community (Despite the hermit that I've been, hah.) because it was a good experience. Thank you for making it even better with all the subscriptions, all the upvotes, and all the super sweet and kind and encouraging comments. Writing was a pleasure all on its own, but you guys were the icing on the cake! My only regrets are not giving you more when I could and keeping the truth from you for so long.

And far be it from me to think of myself as too important, but I do hope my stories have given you a similar joy as well. The title of this collection, "you are altogether beautiful," was taken from the Songs of Solomon. And in most of the stories here, I've tried to portray that unconditional love; a love that is passionate and relentless, and turns even the most ugly, broken things beautiful. So if there's anything I want to leave you with as a parting word, it would be: You are altogether beautiful. You are cherished. You are worthy. You are beloved. You might not see it or feel it or believe it, but that is the irrevocable truth.

Thanks again for making this a truly amazing experience. I wish you all the best. - Ella