rating: G

genre: angst

word count: approx. 600+

Soojung fled with her head hung low, arms crossed, and shoulders hunched as if those were the only things keeping her from falling apart. Her dark eyes were shining, b with tears as she mindlessly stepped through the hallways, paying no attention to her surroundings or where she was going. The heart she had spent so much time protecting had been compromised, unraveled and read like a book by the most unlikely of people. He had come so suddenly, so discreetly, that Soojung didn’t think that he would be a threat to her at all.

Only, he became a bigger threat than she ever could have anticipated. It started innocently enough with the exchange of friendly smiles and brief greetings. Then it developed into something greater, something more meaningful, and that’s what terrified Soojung the most. If you gave something deep meaning, you gave it the power to hurt you deeply; and what they had did hurt Soojung, but not in the way she initially expected.

He had come into her life unannounced, looking beyond her airs, tearing down her high walls, disabling all her wards, and breaking inside her meticulously made shell to save her. He had nothing but good intentions, yet Soojung managed to ruin that. She tore his heart to shreds, breaking him and shattering herself because she was afraid. She was afraid of letting someone so strange, yet so indescribably compelling, so close to her heart in case they ever broke it. But somewhere along the way to emotional invulnerability, Soojung became the very thing she was afraid of.

You’re a heartbreaker, Jung Soojung.

The first time he had said it, he didn’t really mean it. It was only a joke. But now, those words couldn’t be any more true. Soojung had always been admired for being strong and fearless; but her courage didn’t come from anything honorable. It came from the fear of becoming small, weak, and easily crushed, and because of that, she molded herself into something different. Something ruthless. Soojung steeled and tempered her heart until it became rigid. Strong enough to withstand anything bad, but inflexible enough to not understand anything good, either.

She never understood true goodness. Not until she met him. And the confusion she experienced rattled her head until it hurt and she couldn’t think coherently anymore. She couldn’t easily accept the idea of loving someone and being loved in return without there ever being a catch—because there almost always was a catch. Soojung knew this because she had bought into love so many times, and more often than not, she ended up losing it like a fragile sort of treasure tumbling out of her weak grasp.

And Soojung hated being weak more than anything. But now that she’s lost something even greater than her admirable strength, she’s starting to wonder whether or not it was all worth it.

He was her light; a figure of impossible hope in the midst of an insurmountable darkness. While he was patient, loving, and sincere, Soojung was impulsive, doubtful, and a skeptic. But with him, Soojung’s world was considerably brighter. And without him, her world became a desolate place. A place filled with such profound loneliness and heartache, Soojung wasn’t sure she’d ever make it out without him.

Only, now Soojung believes this place was made for her. It is what she wanted, after all. A separate world built within high walls and protected by merciless wards. A cold shelter, sound and solid like the mountains that stretched all across the earth, sharp, jagged, and unwelcoming. People might try to come in, but they’ll never make it out fully intact because whatever Soojung touched turned into something irrevocably broken.

You’re a heartbreaker, Jung Soojung.

And she carried on believing that she was nothing more.

author's note: At the time of writing, it is 1AM and even though my writing schedule has been messed up because of school, I am feeling EXTREMELY GOOD about myself right now. Exams are done, I'm back to writing regularly (or at least I'm trying to get back to it), AND SUMMER VACATION IS SO NEAR. Like I just feel like screaming and dancing to a bunch of Hillsong Young and Free -- but I won't because everyone else is sleeping, heh.

But all of that seems somewhat ironic since this update was kind of sad. Most of it was inspired by a couple in The Mortal Instruments series (the name of which  I shall not disclose in case I accidentally spoil it for some people), but the basic premise here is that Soojung is just downright unlovable. Not that she intentionally does bad things, but she's not an easy person to love. And sometimes, it is hard to love somebody no matter how hard you try to convince yourself to. And sometimes, we end up hurting the people who want to help us out the most. So hopefully I was able to portray all of that through Soojung's side of things xD

Anywaysss, no matter how short and sad it was, I hope you all enjoyed it! I wish you all a good week, and I'll see you at the next update. - Ella