rating: PG

genre: dystopian au ( based on Divergent )

word count: approx. 6,400+

additional characters: Sulli, Sehun, Kris, and a brief appearance from Chanyeol

“Today, we begin to conclude the first stage of initiation.” Kris stands before us with his hands clasped behind his back, appearing as intimidating as ever with scorpion tattoos crawling up the sides of arms, his studs glinting ferociously under the lights of the training room. His narrowed eyes slide over each of us, his chin set in a grim fashion. “Over the course of the next couple of days, you will be paired off to fight each other. It shouldn't take that long, what with only four of you left.”

My body stiffens at the evident disdain in his voice. Kris doesn't think any of us are going to make it—but then, why would he? There are only four transfer initiates, including myself. And somewhere in their own training room, there are already ten Dauntless initiates who were raised within the compound, undoubtedly prepared for this more than we could ever hope to be.

Only ten initiates out of all fourteen of us are going to pass initiation.

It is clear that my chances of passing are extremely thin.

Subconsciously, I the inside of my right wrist with my left thumb, tracing the scrawling tattoo of the word brave from one end to the other. I must be brave. I can be brave. I am brave. I feel the weight of someone's eyes on me from a near distance, but with Kris in the room, it's easy to ignore it.

I am on the far right in the line of initiates; and beside me stands Sulli, tall and voluptuous, doll-faced and pink-lipped—a contradiction entirely on her own. She transferred here from Amity, the peace-loving community. Though for someone who was raised into thinking violence was one of the many causes of chaos and destruction, Sulli has absolutely no qualms about being surrounded by the guns and knives mounted in the training room. Nor does she find it unsettling to actually learn how to use those guns and knives. Weapons were undoubtedly her strong suit; but while she excelled in that, she seemed to fall behind in other things such as hand-to-hand combat.

I feel a slight tinge of concern. However, it doesn't last long.

Next to Sulli stands Kai, a transfer from Abnegation. He's tall, broad-shouldered, and dark-skinned with a wavy mop of brown hair that always seems too perfect to be natural. He's handsome. And that's all I actually know of him because he's just so quiet. He never talks, he never smiles, he never frowns—he just breathes. It is extremely rare for there to ever be a person who transfers from Abnegation, and rarer still for that person to transfer to Dauntless. Abnegation are self-contained, controlled. Dauntless are the complete opposite. Wouldn't I love to have seen how his simulation test turned out … But I suppose there are still traces of Abnegation in him because while he is quiet, he is also extremely polite. This bothers me somehow, because in a way, politeness is just a prettier form of deception. Deception suggests lying—and lying is not what I was raised to tolerate in Candor.

Finally, on the far left beside Kai, is Sehun. Like Kai, Sehun is ridiculously tall and broad in stature; but that's pretty much where their similarities end. Sehun is also pale, too pale, and often I feel as if he's too expressive with whatever mood he's in. While I do appreciate a person's transparency, the perpetual expression of laziness on his face is just too self-righteous for my liking. Sehun also is—was—an Erudite; and over the course of the past few years, tensions have been rising between them and the Abnegation. And despite us all technically living in the same faction now, the animosity between Sehun and Kai is evident. Although, I am pretty sure that Sehun has something against everyone.

I can't say that I'm offended by it, though, because as certain as I am of that fact, I am also pretty sure  that everyone has something against Sehun. But as far as I'm concerned, I've been the only one who was daring enough to actually admit it to his face, and unashamedly at that.

My train of thought is interrupted when another instructor—Chanyeol, I think his name was—saunters in to the room with a green chalkboard turned towards his chest. Kris steps aside, his steely eyes still on us, as Chanyeol mounts the chalkboard on the wall behind him. Before leaving, Chanyeol shoots an amused wink in Sulli's direction.

I roll my eyes.

Sulli hasn't told me anything about him, but the fact that I've been seeing her less and less within the past couple of days is enough to tip me off. That, and I can tell whenever someone's keeping something from me—not that I would ever think to point it out to her in private, of course. I would have been prompted to if I were still in Candor, but even then, the personal events of other people never really interested me. What she does with her free time is her business, not mine. I do hope for her sake, though, that she makes it past initiation.

It doesn't take long for me to find my name on the chalkboard, each character haphazardly written with a decisive line drawn from the last letter of my name to the first letter of Kai's. Kai is my opponent. He and I are going to fight against each other. I am facing off with the Stiff.

The more I repeat this in my mind, the more I find myself happy with this set-up. I certainly couldn't bring myself to harm any part of Sulli, as she was my only friend here, and I most definitely didn't want to fight against Sehun—even though a part of me really wanted to punch him in the mouth for being such a pompous know-it-all. His ability to quickly learn and adapt served him well in this environment. It's only been a few days since we've started initiation, yet he's already become the most advanced initiate among us. What's more is that he seems to be more alive when he's training. It's almost as if he enjoys being molded into a weapon that's capable of killing people.

Then, my gladness soon fades away when I realize: Sulli is going to have to fight Sehun. Sulli, my friend, who seriously cannot land a solid hit on a stationary punching bag for her life, is going to face the sadistic and potentially evil creature that is Sehun.

I hear Sulli in a shallow breath, and my heart tightens. Glancing at her, I see that her eyes are the size of saucers, filled with worry, apprehension—and most prominently, fear. That's exactly what the Dauntless try to filter out during initiation: the initiates who are easily susceptible to fear. And if Sulli isn't a clear representation of one, at least in this moment, then I don't know what is.

I am not so much worried about myself now as I am for Sulli. In fact, I am furious. It wasn't enough to have our numbers so thin against the Dauntless initiates'. Now we have to battle against each other as well, the prize being what seems like the only slot within the final ten out of all the initiates. I figured it wouldn't have been too bad if everything was dealt accordingly, but setting Sulli up against Sehun was like a slap to the face. It was like they didn't care about whether or not they put us on a level playing field. The chances of any of you ever making the cut are near to impossible, so what's the point in making an effort to keep you around?

“This can't be fair,” I protest. “You have the strongest initiate paired with the weakest. Are you trying to give us low ranks?”

From the corner of my eye, I see Sulli tense. I've probably offended her, but it isn't so much that she's bad at being Dauntless. She's just not as good at it as Sehun is—or rather, not as merciless. Kai is impassive, as always, but beyond his profile I can see Sehun snickering under his breath. I set my jaw as a flash anger flares up inside me, setting my insides on fire and obscuring my vision with a haze of red. I try to suppress it.

“I don't know if you know this,” Kris says. “But life isn't meant to be fair.”

“Oh, I know it,” I reply. “I just don't agree with how people are willing to just let it happen. You're our instructor. You should be helping us—”

“I am helping you.” His voice doesn't feel as menacing as his appearance does, but the seriousness of it is enough to sober everyone. “Dauntless aren't made in a day. They're made over the course of several days of rigorous training. And the fact that all four of you are transfers who have never done anything remotely Dauntless up until a few days ago, you have to work twice as hard, if not more, because there are thirteen other initiates excelling in their training while you're standing around and whining about how this can't be fair.” He casts me a dark look, the shadow of his frown sharpening the severity of his gaze. “Well congratulations, girly. You're right. It isn't fair. But it isn't my responsibility to make anything easier for you. I'm only here to train you to get through it. And unless you accept that, I'm afraid you won't last here very long even if you do make it past initiation.”

“But putting Sulli against Sehun— You're not giving her a fair chance.”

“She was bound to fight him anyways.”

“On the first day?” My eyes are wide, my voice incredulous.

“There's no better time than the present.” Kris shrugs. I swear, this guy has absolutely no sympathy. “But,” he says. “If you're that worked up about it, you're more than welcome to take her place.”

Sulli whips her head in my direction and shakes her head rigidly. She looks alarmed. “Krystal—”

I cut her off, making my voice as hard as steel. “I'll do it.”

Several pairs of eyes seem to look at me like several pairs of pointed daggers. Even Kai seems to be visibly shocked, though not as much as Sulli because I can feel her continuously staring behind me as I make my way to the white fighting circle painted in the middle of the training room. The floors, old and woody, creak beneath me and give away Sehun as he strolls to the side of the circle opposite of me. His posture is loose, and his expression is bored, appearing as if he isn't the least bit threatened by me.

“Just so you know,” he says. “I'm not gonna go easy on you because you're a girl.”

I let out a laugh, though it's not in good humor. “As if I expected you to in the first place.”

Sehun turns smug, raising his fists near his face and keeping his elbows tucked in at his sides. His knees are bent, and his muscles are taught, readying themselves for combat. He is more than eager for this. I have to force myself into my stance, my body turned slightly to the right and my arms raised in front of me, most of my weight leaning against the heel of the foot behind me.

I have to think of a strategy, and once the gears start turning, the haze I felt earlier begins to subside. Then suddenly I can't think at all, because without the rage, I'm no longer blind to whatever stupid decision I was making right now. My heart quickens as panic swells inside of me, the need for self-preservation overshadowing the desire to be right.

But I know it is too late.

Sehun makes the first move, jabbing me hard against my cheek. I stagger back slightly, and at first I don't feel anything; but immediately after the thought, I start to feel everything. The panic, the fear, the pain—it's all coming down on me so quickly like a rushing wave of water, shutting down every part of me except for the need to keep breathing.

My head spins, but I shake it off. Then I readjust my stance, circling around the ring with Sehun, matching his glare with my own. Neither of us speak, but I can tell he's pleased with himself by the smile curling along the corners of his lips. That's when the fury comes back, and right when my whitewashed knuckles hit his even whiter face, air hisses between my teeth, my fist throbbing as I pull it back towards me. The wince on Sehun's face unwinds my constricting heart, giving me a sense of triumph.

The feeling is soon knocked out of me, along with all the air inside my lungs, as Sehun winds his leg and kicks my side. I teeter to the right, gasping for air as he lands another jab against my temple. Stars flit around the edges of my vision, and between one breath and the next, Sehun swings his leg again, this time towards my face. Reflexively, I raise my arm to block him, and once our limbs connect, a peircing pain shoots up from my forearm to my shoulder. A scream escapes from my lips, though it doesn't sound like it's my own. I hear someone calling my name, most likely Sulli, but the rest of the world seems muffled and disconnected. The only prominent sound I hear is the pounding of my heart, blood rushing to my head, bone hitting bone as I manage an uppercut punch directly under Sehun's chin.

He hisses at me, which under other circumstances would have seemed almost comical. At the sight of the blood trickling from his lower lip, I feel another surge of triumph. But again, my victory is short-lived when he seizes my arm and throws me to the floor, my shoulder making a stomach-turning popping sound I don't think it was ever supposed to make. My head hits the ground first, and it hits hard, throbbing incessantly like an alarm screaming for an end to the agony.

But it doesn't stop. Sehun's attacks are relentless and without end. Wild and uncontrollable as he kicks me around like a rag doll, mostly at my torso, but sometimes at my face. I'm tossed near the edge of the circle, my brown hair spilling around me and my mouth filled with the iron taste of blood. In front of me, I can barely distinguish two figures: Sulli and Kai. As my vision focuses, I notice that Sulli is tearing. Although I don't understand why since she isn't the one lying limp on her side, bleeding and aching and suppressing a groan as to not appear weak or defeated in front of other people.

I only spare a glance at Kai, but much to my surprise, his eyes meet mine. His dark brown orbs are trained on me, his expression urgent, and his mouth moving only slightly. Stay down.

I furrow my brows into a frown. What? I can't stay down. I don't want to stay down. Staying down means giving up, and I am not a quitter. I am not just going to quit and give Sehun the satisfaction, and prove to everyone else that I was wrong. I am not going to lose. I am not going admit defeat. I am not going to do it.

As if sensing my thoughts, Kai mouths the words again slowly, stressing each syllable for emphasis. Stay. Down.

I try to reassess myself. My heart is still racing, but it's hardly because I've done anything to keep myself standing against Sehun; it's because I'm scared. Inside me there's a voice threatening to cry out Stop! Stop! Make it stop! but I'm far too stricken with fear of Sehun's next blow to even say anything. Droplets of a deep, dark red splatter on the floor beside me. These droplets of red are droplets of blood—my blood—and for a moment, I am genuinely concerned about how bad my face looks. It's swelling considerably, and painfully, but I doubt I could look as horrible as I feel.

With my ear pressed against the floor, I can hear Sehun stepping towards me. My heart suddenly tightens and my body goes rigid, tight with anticipation. His pace is slow-moving, and I'm sure it's intentional. I try not to flinch when he crouches over me and grabs my chin, jerking my face towards him and digging his nails into my skin. “Was it worth it?” His face is pinched, and he looks at me as if I were no better than the dirt underneath his shoes. “Your little act of bravery, standing up for your supposed friend— Was it worth it?” he asks again.

I give him no answer, though I am left questioning myself whether or not it was. He lets go of my face, and somewhere in the distance, I hear Kris declaring Sehun the winner. I should be relieved now that the fight's over, but instead I feel unbelievably sick. I should have treated this fight as it was. Simply a part of our initiation and nothing more. I shouldn't have been outspoken, risking my position, my chances of surviving, for something that I can hardly even remember now.

Was there even a point? What chances do I, or any of us, even have when the odds are so readily stacked against me?

Eventually, I get up and limp off the fighting circle. A heavy feeling of regret festers inside me, replacing my pride and my anger and making me feel smaller than I ever was before.

Kris promptly ends today's training session, saying we'll continue with different pairs after a couple of days allowed for rest. He doesn't have to say that we aren't allowed to switch opponents anymore. Not only are there too few initiates to actually switch with, but pulling a stunt like that is certainly something I wouldn't want to do again. I've learned my lesson.

Once Kris leaves, Sehun looks at the three of us. Sulli is already by my side, pulling me up to my feet, and Kai is making his way to the door behind me. I glance at him, but hastily look away when he glances back.

“That was some fight, Kai.” Despite the dried streaks of blood on his chin, Sehun looks relatively unharmed. How many times did I actually manage to hit him? Once? Twice? No more than that, I assume. Suddenly I feel a mixture of frustration and even greater obscurity. “I didn't know Stiffs had it in them to hurt anyone.”

“Shut up, Sehun,” Sulli snaps at him, glaring. “At least Kai fought honorably. He deserved to win.”

Sehun scoffs, running his long fingers, which I notice are crusted with blood, through his straight, dull brown hair. “Weren't you listening to Kris earlier? You'd better accept the fact that not everybody plays fair. Otherwise, you'll end up just like her—” He shoots me a contemptuous look. “—or ten times worse, considering how weak you are in comparison.”

That's when Kai's voice suddenly cut through the air, sharp and somber, almost as if it were piercing through silence. “I think it's ironic how you're so insistent on picking on people while acting as if you have nothing to be afraid of. Why waste your time when you're already on top of the world? If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed that you were threatened.”

“I am threatened by no one,” Sehun sneers, his brows pinched together as his shoulders tense up. He's lying, and I can tell. The weight on my chest lightens somehow. It makes me feel a little bit better, seeing him unravel, even though it's only just slightly.

“Well, you should be.” Kai appears casual, but there's a certain heaviness in his voice that's hard to overlook. “You have just as much to lose as we do. You can try putting on a brave front, making yourself look bigger than what you really are, but when it comes down to it, you're just like everyone else. Everyone is afraid of something. There are no exceptions.”

And with that, Kai turns around and leaves the rest of us staring until he bends around a corner and finally disappears. I look towards Sehun to find his face splotched with red, his expression livid, before he stalks off in the opposite direction. He slams the door behind him, and I wonder whether he did that because he was just that upset, or because he's always been a touch too melodramatic for his anger to ever be taken seriously.

Slowly, Sulli takes in a deep breath and exhales. She then turns to me, holding my arm that's slung over her shoulders, and says, “Let's get to the infirmary.”

Even though it's been hours since I've eaten, I'm not the least bit tempted by the tray of food in front of me. Not even the slice of cake Sulli swiped for me seems appetizing—but judging by the giddy expression on her porcelain face, I'm positive that it was given to her by that big-eared giant of hers.

“Aren't you gonna eat?” she asks me.

Propping my chin against the palm of my hand, I shake my head. My mind's too wrapped up in too many things: Initiation. Kai. The purple welt growing next to the edge of my brow. Kai. The urge to toss Sehun over the edge of the Hancock building. Kai. The purpose of the tattoo on the inside of my wrist. Kai.

Kai, Kai, Kai.

I have to give the boy credit. All this time I thought he was quiet because he was too dim to keep up with what was going on, but in reality, he was actually being observant. It makes me wonder what other kinds of observations he's made. What goes on inside his mind when he's in the middle of the commotion. What made him prompt me to stay down when I clearly didn't want to, much less ask him for any kind of advice at all.

I sigh. I would ask him about it, but I haven't seen him since his grandiose speech in the training room. It's usual for everyone to gather to the cafeteria when it's time to eat—most notably the initiates since it would be stupid to skip a meal when you're training from early morning to late at night—but oddly enough, Kai isn't here. Is it possible that he's embarrassed about what happened? Abnegation were never really known for making spectacles of themselves, and that was a pretty great spectacle—at least for him. But I hardly believe that a handful of words from him were worth being embarrassed about. I actually found them quite inspirational. Especially when they inspired a couple of Sehun's veins to pop out of his neck.

Despite the muscles of my face tensing in protest, I can't resist smiling. Sulli notices, and shoots me a questioning look. She must assume I'm grimacing in pain.

“Are you okay?” She speaks slowly, raising a single eyebrow at me.

I shake my head again. “I feel swollen and sore all over.”

Sulli clicks her tongue in annoyance. “Sehun is such an asswipe.”

Now I'm the one who raises my eyebrow, though I fail because I'm too bruised to effectively move anything. “Who taught you how to use that word?”

“Don't pretend to be virtuous.” Sulli wags her fork in the air. “I know how you get when Kris criticizes your knife-throwing.”

“Yeah, but you're—” I break my sentence in order to correct myself. “—I mean, you were Amity. Amity don't swear, do they?”

“They don't.” Sulli shakes her head and pops a forkful of chocolate cake into . “But I'm not Amity anymore, am I?”

“That's true,” I say. Then I couldn't help but ask: “How was it? Fighting with Kai?”

“Hm? Oh, well, it wasn't bad. It's not like I was fighting for my life or anything.” Sulli shrugs, a wry grin curling on her face.

It is true. During their fight, I noticed that Kai practiced a certain amount of self-control that, according to some people, might have been too soft for Dauntless. I would disagree with such opinions, though. While Kai was patient and fair with Sulli, he certainly wasn't easy. His attacks were precise and he never aimed anywhere near Sulli's face. Which is more than I could ever say about Sehun, who very obviously and deliberately hit me everywhere with his deceivingly bony limbs.

“Just so you know, that could have been you,” I mutter. I probably sound meaner than I actually intended to be; but Sulli makes no outburst to defend herself.

She bites her lip. “I know …” But soon she perks up and points at the plate of cake between us. “That's why I brought you this as a thank-you gift,” she chirps.

“A single slice of cake in exchange for a thousand kicks from Sehun. Makes total sense.”

“If you aren't going to eat it, I might as well help myself—”

“As if you didn't already.” I nod my chin at the cake, which was already half-demolished. The remains of the other half are smudged around the corners of Sulli's mouth as she casts me a dirty look.

I give her an innocent smile; and eventually, we are both laughing. Broken and bandaged in certain places, but laughing as if it served as the only cure for the wounds we've sustained up until now.

Sulli and I were about to leave for the initiates' dormitory, but after making a fleeting glance in the opposite direction, she told me to go ahead without her. I don't understand why she bothers keeping anything from me since, after all, I did transfer from Candor—the place were people inherit lie-detector genes and can determine whether or not someone is speaking the truth based on minor gestures, like blinking too much or tucking strands of hair behind their ear. Sulli's tell is fairly common; she speaks quickly and her eyes dart in every place that isn't in my direct line of sight. But before I can seize the opportunity to be cheeky and ask her if she's going to see a particular someone, she plunges herself into the crowd of Dauntless flooding out of the cafeteria, her figure lost in a sea of black clothing, tattooed skin, and pierced faces.

Though it hurts to stand up straight, I make it on my own just fine. It's mostly the muscles around my torso that ache, and my shoulder, which I found out had actually been dislocated when Sehun threw me against the floor earlier. The pain of it wasn't nearly as bad as it sounded; but that's because it was only one of the several damaged parts of me.

The crowds gradually thin out the closer I get to the dormitory until somehow, I am the only one left walking in the hallway. Walking probably isn't an accurate description. Hobbling definitely seems more appropriate, and under different circumstances, I would find it in me to laugh at myself. I know for a fact that Jessica would laugh, and that immediately after, she would try to help me.

However, a part of me can't help but question if she would help me because I was her sister, or because she was technically Amity. People of Amity are nowhere near as considerate as the people of Abnegation—but they were a whole lot more sensitive than the people of Candor. Candor thrives on arguments of conflicting opinions, never caring about who they offend, whereas Amity is willing to set aside truth for the sake of pursuing and maintaining peace. They were just so different. Too different. And an even greater part of me questions how my sister could have transferred to a faction that couldn't be anymore opposite to the one we were raised in.

The questions continue, but I know I won't receive any answers.

Save for the shuffling sound of my feet against the floor, the hallways are generally quiet. My mind wanders in the solitude. What if Kai's already at the dormitory? Or worse. What if Sehun is at the dormitory, just waiting to push around and prod whoever comes in after him, like a spider waiting in its silver web? This comparison is most likely an exaggeration, but I absolutely detest the thought of seeing him again after … recent events. He is the last person I want to see today—or really, any day—and I wasn't exactly secure in the idea of being alone in a room with him. With tempers like ours, one of us might actually end up dead.

It is only a fleeting thought, but in the darkest parts of my mind, I find that I'm not particularly resistant towards either outcome.

Shaking my head, I push the darkness away. Instead of going to the dormitory, I turn around and make my way back to the center of the Pit and head for the chasm.

The Pit is what we call the the massive cavern in which most of the Dauntless inhabit. The cavern is several stories deep underground, and above it at ground level is a glass roof that lets all the sunlight in. When the sun isn't up, the Pit is lit by several blue lanterns that glow brighter during the night, the cavern walls reflecting a dark blue as the light mixes with the black. It might not seem as polished as Erudite's buildings made of glass, but I find it amazing, nonetheless.

As transfer initiates, Sehun, Sulli, Kai, and I were taken on a tour of the compound. My personal highlight of the tour was when we made a stop at the chasm, an undergound river of sorts. The gushing water poured out like an endless high-pressure fountain from one side of the cavern, and crashed hard against the jagged rocks on the other end that faded into pitch black. The distance to the bottom is seemingly indefinite, but we know the end is there. To fall into it spelled immediate death; and there are stories about previous initiates who—whether out of great stupidity or great desperation—jumped into the chasm, their mangled bodies deformed and even more indiscernable as human when stuffed inside one of those horrid body bags. The fact that there have been more suicides than genuine accidents seems to underline the idea that without a faction, your life really isn't worth living at all.

As soon as I arrive at the chasm, I learn that I am not alone. Sitting with his arms propped up against the railing, his legs dangling over the edge, is Kai. I blink when he turns around to look at me, a smile forming on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

“Hi,” he says, his deep voice nearly lost to the roaring of the white water below.

“Hi.” I continue walking and sit myself next to him, carefully letting my feet hover over the chasm beneath us. He doesn't shy away like I expect him to—like I expect an Abnegation to. He just sits still in his place, calm and seemingly unresponsive as always.

“How are you feeling?” he asks me.

“Apart from the bruises, swollen lip, and inexplicable desire to kill Sehun in his sleep, I'm just peachy.”

Kai laughs, but stops himself, almost as if he did something he wasn't supposed to do. His attention is entirely absorbed by the endless black of the chasm, so I take advantage of it and study the lines of his body. First his long legs, then his lean and tan arms. Then his broad shoulders, and finally, his face. Or most of what I could make of it, at least. The chasm is lit only by a handful of lamps mounted on the damp walls, so all I could see of Kai's face were long shadows. They seemed to sharpen the angles of his features, making his high cheekbones and strong jaw more prominent. His eyes are hidden by the fringe of his hair, and I feel the sudden urge to reach over and uncover them—but I know how the Abnegation feel about physical contact, so I refrain.

It is silent between us. Kai doesn't seem to mind the quiet, nor does he seem to mind my company, because for several moments, we just sit there and listen to the sound of water colliding with rock, the water relentless and the rock steady and unmoving.

“Why'd you do it?” he asks me suddenly.

I jump a little, still not used to him actually speaking, much less speaking to me. “Do what?”

He turned his head to look directly at me, the mist of the river dampening his hair and making the ends of it curl and stick to his temples. “Why'd you stand up for Sulli like that?”

“She's my friend,” I answer, without hesitation. “I couldn't just let her go against Sehun. He would have torn her apart.”

“You know,” Kai says. “Sulli is a lot stronger than you give her credit for.” He gestures to the right side of his face, and though it is dark, I can see a small bump swelling underneath his eye. My lips curve in a smile.

“I suppose.” I shrug. “But still, it wouldn't have been—”

“Fair?”

“Yeah.”

Kai sighs, resting his chin against his arms on the railing. “Kris and Sehun are right, though. It's impossible for things to be fair when there are people who can't stop playing by their own rules.”

“It could be different,” I say, perhaps a little too quickly. “Maybe if they enforced certain conditions—”

“Humans are selfish. No matter the consequences, people will still do whatever it takes to complete their own agendas. Especially in a situation like ours,” he says. “You can't trust the rules and the people who enforce them to help get you through everything when there are other people following a completely different set of idealisms. It's just not that simple.”

Whether it's because Kai is still talking, or because of the things he is talking about, I am dumbfounded. No matter how true to the reality they are, the words he says are much too radical to be from Abnegation. His words are almost harsh, but his voice is passionate. Completely unlike the Abnegation officials I've seen in the news, their voices eerily calm and too tame to possibly evoke any real emotion at all.

I use this as a kind of encouragement. If he feels free to speak to me this way, then there's no harm in asking him a question: “Why'd you do it? I might have been slightly disoriented at the time, but I know I saw you mouthing at me to stay down.”

Kai raises an eyebrow at me. “No offense, but you were getting beaten up by a potentially psychotic sixteen-year-old boy. It's hardly something I took any pleasure in watching, and I doubt you wanted it to keep going as much as Sehun did.”

I snort, despite myself. “Of course I didn't. But I didn't want to make it look like I was giving up, either.”

Kai's expression suddenly turns thoughtful. “That tattoo of yours,” he says, nodding towards my hand.

“What about it?”

“You could have easily gotten a tattoo of an exotic bird or something just as  symbolic, but you simply chose the word 'brave.' What's the reason behind it?”

Turning my right hand over, I look at my tattoo, tracing the letters with the tip of my index finger. “I wanted it to serve as a reminder to be brave under any and all circumstances. To push through and succeed even though there's so many people trying to screw me over.” And possibly kill me during the process.

I can feel Kai's eyes lingering on me, but I find it hard to look up and acknowledge him. “Sometimes,” he says, “being brave doesn't mean you always have to come out on top. Sometimes it means the exact opposite. Being brave doesn't always entail winning, or becoming the best at whatever you do. It means staying true to what's right, and daring to be bigger than life itself.”

I raise my head, pushing the hair away from my face to finally look at him, and instantly, his eyes catch mine. It reminds me of when we looked at each other back in the training room, only this moment is slower and ten times more unsettling. Ignoring the rapid pace of my heart, I ask him, “Is that what it means to you? Being brave, I mean.”

He lifts his shoulders. “I guess.”

“That's so …” I squint my eyes, trying to search for a word. “… stiff.”

Kai blinks at me, and for a moment I dread that I've offended him. But then he starts laughing, the sound of his chuckles bouncing against the walls of the chasm. And soon, I find myself laughing with him.

“Old habits die hard,” I hear him say.

We both look at each other, silence falling between us a second time. I can only imagine what's going on in his mind right now. What he sees through those big, brown eyes of his. What he feels in his heart that I have only begun to know. Although this is probably the first time I've ever really spoken Kai, it's only heightened my curiosity over who he really is.

It isn't so hard for me then to believe that perhaps he could become Dauntless. But for now, I am no longer thinking about who is Dauntless, who is factionless, or whether I'll become one or the other. For now, it is just me and him, sitting on the edge of the chasm, the endless rushing of water against rock overwhelmed by the sound of my beating heart.

author's note: Talk about a fluctuation in word count LOL. Writing this was such a challenge, but it was also SO. MUCH. FUN. Mostly because I love Divergent and I've been spending the past week trying to improve my writing techniques. This is probably the best experience I've had with writing in a loooong time, so I'm more than pleased.

And though I'm not exactly sure if explaining it would be worthwhile, here's my reasoning for casting SM's 94'liners, KrisYeol, and etc. Feel free to skip to the end if you don't want to read anymore, hah.

1) All initiates are to be assumed to be the same age since Choosing Day is only meant for sixteen-year-olds. And since Veronica Roth only wrote within the realm of the transfer initiates in Dauntless, that was all I could really draw any accuracy from since I don't know how it is for all the other factions. SM's 94'line is like, my ultimate quadro (?), so I just had to write about them. I just had to.

2) Having pegged Krystal as former-Candor, I wrote Sulli as former-Amity since in the book, Candor and Amity are sort of at odds with each other because of their conflicting beliefs. I wanted Krystal and Sulli to have that kind of chemistry with each other, but in a more playful, and fluffy light. JungLi is also sort of known for being a playfully argumentative pair. And I love JungLi. So JungLi I shall write.

3) In the first book of the trilogy, Erudite is sort of the main antagonist, and I didn't want Kai to be the bad guy, so I modeled Sehun into one. I probably could have developed his character more, but since I was writing in the eyes of Krystal, my scope as a narrator was fairly limited. One of the writing techniques I learned this past week was to make the antagonist more powerful than the protagonist and that I should have absolutely no sympathy for my lead while she's getting "beaten to a pulp by a psychotic sixteen-year-old boy." I might not have wanted Krystal to lose, but you have to admit, it made for a much more interesting story. At least, I hope it did because I honestly did enjoy writing it xD

4) Kai as former-Abnegation does seem a little strange, and I had originally planned for him to be former-Amity with Sulli, but then complications came up and I felt like he would be better as former-Abnegation because it added variety to the initiates and I couldn't think of any other place to put him. As KrystalHana had said, Kai most certainly does fit the bill for a Dauntless member. But I couldn't write him as an original-Dauntless and keep him as a direct part of the story since the transfer initiates and Dauntless initiates are kept separate for the first part of initiation. /inhales deeply/ That was a mouthful, even in my mind, but hopefully it made sense LOL.

5) In the matter of the instructors, Kris was the first person that came to my mind, what with his tattoos and piercings and questionable position of leadership. I also like ChanLi, so I threw Chanyeol in there as a kind of assistant instructor and implied love interest for Sulli. Chanyeol didn't even say anything here, but I find his role in my story as endearing as a cute lil' puppy's. And everyone loves cute lil' puppies.

AND SO IT IS FINISHED. Dang, this author's note is long - but, this was a long piece, so I feel like my long-ness here is justified. Like always, I hope you guys enjoyed it! This probably isn't the best I could have written, but I am extremely pleased with what I've accomplished. Especially since I managed to get it done in less than five days. /cries tears of happiness/ Also! I hope that in some way I've motioned some of you to read the Divergent trilogy ( That is, if you haven't read it already. ) because really, it is an excellent series and it's probably one of the most memorable trilogies I've read because it's message really stuck with me. I'll see you guys at the next update! - Ella