A short knock on the door interrupts, one that Kyungsoo has no idea will toss everything he’s been living in upside down and all around.

 

He rummages through his thoughts on who could possibly be knocking on his door at this time-- or at all for the matter.

 

Maybe it’s Kim Jongin?

 

The uneasiness curling at the bottom of his stomach is considered only lightly, and Kyungsoo decides that really, he has nothing to be afraid of.

 

After all, it is only normal to open your door when someone knocks right?

 

He declares this the final conclusion, so without further ado, Kyungsoo proceeds to pull open his door an inch or two to peer through the crack…

 

The overwhelming flow of instability renders him helpless as it welled up inside at the sight of what laid behind his door.

 

“I th-think you’ve got the wrong apartment…” his voice trails off, quivering a bit at the last syllables, and he resists the urge to shut the door and all other connections he had with this stranger.

 

The woman had long black hair that ran several inches past her shoulders and thin pink lips that complimented the pale skin of her cheeks.

 

Kyungsoo is confused. He had no idea who she was and why she was standing here.

 

The cold way in which she stared at him; Kyungsoo wishes he could run back and hide into the depths of his apartment, his one and only haven (besides Jongin, of course).

 

Jongin!

 

How would he feel if he saw Kyungsoo like this?

 

Being a scaredy cat; wanting to run at the sight of something because it was unfamiliar and threatening, or so he thought.

 

Kyungsoo tells himself to get a grip. The time to change is now or never.

 

The woman raised a thin sliver of an eyebrow.

 

“Are you Do Kyungsoo?”

 

Kyungsoo nods his head in two short erratic dips. All he wanted right now was for her to leave him alone.

 

“Do you know who I am?” She half smirks, the ends of her lips lifting partly.

 

He shakes his head this time.

 

“Jongin didn’t mention anything?”

 

His eyes widen and look cautiously into hers. “Jongin?”

 

Her next words and actions are shocking, and Kyungsoo never intended to faint. But all the stress managed to build up in a few seconds: a stranger at his door, claims of being Jongin’s girlfriend, and a hand slapping him across the face. When the mountain finally collapsed on top of him, Kyungsoo feels the feeling of raw fear pulsating, throbbing, through his veins, and his knees feel weaker as his hand falls from the doorknob.

 

“You’re a gay ing son of a if you think you can mess with my boyfriend.”

 

The harsh slap resonated through the silent hallway.

 

Kyungsoo embraces the darkness.

 

He wakes to wet cheeks and hoarse throats, along with Jongin’s (thank god) worried tone bringing him back to reality.

 

A heavy fatigue seemed to be weighing him down, and a mild headache touched the top of his head.

 

When Kyungsoo carefullly opens his eyes, he’s on the bed with Jongin is leaning over him, concerned eyes staring straight at him.

 

He waits for Jongin to ask him the dreaded question of why, but for reasons unknown, Jongin seemed to worried about other things at the moment.

 

“Here, drink this.”

 

Into his hand gets pushed a warm bowl of hot soup, but Kyungsoo feels too queasy to down it.

 

“No thanks,” he pushes it aside.

 

Jongin frowns but acquiesces. “And I made it for you too.”

 

Kyungsoo manages a laugh that he hopes seems genuine, and promises Jongin he’ll definitely try it later.

 

Then there is a string of more sentences that Jongin uttered but Kyungsoo paid no attention to whatsoever.

 

He couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

“JONGIN,” he screeches in pure frustration and pounds his hands on the mattress.

 

He wants to throw a fit, break a few dishes, shatter a window, or fling a mug across the room. Anything. Anything at all. Just. Just please. Please

 

“Ask me why.”

 

Jongin flinches at the unexpected outburst.

 

A tired sigh seems to ripple through his entire body as he sits down on the side of the bed and takes Kyungsoo’s hand gently.

 

“Of course I want to know why… There are so many things I wished you could explain to me. Like the subtle fear that seemed to hover around you when we first set foot outside together, or when I saw those scars on your back… Those were the things that kept me awake at night or unconsciously stood around at the back of my mind at work. But then, I stopped,”

 

Jongin his hand and smiled at him, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoo’s.

 

“You stopped?” Kyungsoo’s voice is a mere whisper.

 

“I know there was something you weren’t telling me. But if you weren’t telling me, then there must be a reason behind that. Of course. Kyungsoo, you weren’t ready to tell me. And I was going to wait until you were.”

 

“But what if I never told you?”

 

Jongin’s smile falters.

 

“...I don’t know.”

 

“Do you love me?”

 

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

 

The pause is thick with uncertainty, but like the dash of courage Kyungsoo first felt when he stepped down the stairs on the fire escape, post-it in hand, he feels the familiarity again.

 

" ...You know, Lao Tzu once said, 'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.' Before I met the man that changed my life, Kim Jongin (he laughs), I’ve never experienced it before. To be honest, I actually looked deeper into my past situations... The World Health Organization supposedly reported in 2001, about 40 million kids under 15 in the world experience child abuse each year. Because I happened to be born in that 40 million, I was given with all that comes with it. I remember one night when my mother came home, she was more...energetic and rowdy than usual. Well I guess, I knew how to read it well by then…”

 

…The woman who walked through the door was, on the surface, a completely ordinary mother. She came in calling “Kyungsoo-ah,” in the way a mother might call for her child, and she carried a gentle smile on her face, in the way a mother might smile.

 

But things are thrown off balance by the appearance of her eyes.

 

Something was not quite right. They seemed unusual, abnormal.

Or how Kyungsoo seemed to stiffen completely, his eyes widening in fear, scrambling in a swift, silent panic into his closet and shutting the door.

 

Things were starting to look obviously wrong when a queer laugh left the woman’s lips.

 

She reached out with her left hand to grab a belt off the coat rack, where it was conveniently kept for specific purposes only.

 

“Kyungsoo-ah? Where did you run off to?”

 

That laugh again.

 

Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut, crouching in the corner of the dark enclosed space. His breath was beginning to quicken and his delicate frame trembled.

 

“Please, mommy.”

 

But the soft footsteps only increased in volume.

 

A knock.

 

“Kyungsoo-ah, are you in there?”

 

He dared not respond.

 

The door creaked open, the light driving away the darkness.

 

“There you are Kyungsoo-ah… I was calling for you. You can come out now.

 

You’ve been a bad boy, so mommy’s going to punish you.”

 

Laugh.

 

…

 

Kyungsoo forces a chuckle into the muffled silence.

 

He could not not look into Jongin’s eyes, or else he might lose all resolve, turning into a sloppy pile of sobs and tears of painful self-pity.

 

“I’m really pathetic, aren’t I? When others might gain strength from their past, I’m like this. I hate my--”

 

Jongin’s arms envelop him tightly into his chest, and Kyungsoo is surprised at how safe and shielded from the outside he felt. Like a cage. A cage better than any cage he had been searching for. A cage better than his apartment.

 

He wraps his arms back in reciprocation. Elation was not only to receive love, but also to give it to others.

 

“But Jongin… it wasn’t that bad, besides the pain and the fear. Even if it was my mother, it all fades away until only faint scars remain. There are worse things,” he murmurs into Jongin’s shirt, the soft fabric brushing his lips.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Like the way my father always avoided me. Or the way he ignored my obvious cries for him. Jongin, neglection is worse.”

 

Jongin could only helplessly console him with light kisses and tight embraces.

 

“But, did you know? I still failed to hold back tears when the police finally came and took my mother away. Even though your parents might do the most unspeakable things, they’re still your parents right? (Dry laughter.) The two people you’ve known since day one of your life. Anyways, depressing matters aside, my father finally left to pursue a new life somewhere in America, out of cowardness or guilt I shall never know, which then left me at an orphanage until eighteen.”

 

“And then?”

 

“It was a lonely life,” he said simply. “The other kids bullied me from time to time because of my size and . But that’s ok. Otherwise, I tried to ignore everyone and everyone ignored me.”

 

He paused.

 

“But for some reason, I was alway scared of strangers. Of what they could possibly do to hurt me. Ugh, I hate that insecurity the most.”

 

“What about art?”

 

“Drawing came...later. As a way to observe others and my surroundings. It’s still as comforting as before, I guess. Anyways, I studied hard and read a lot until I graduated from high school. Until now, I’ve just been living off the money my father left me before he went. But, look at myself. I’m a disgrace. Hiding away in my apartment, hiding away from the world. And then, I found you and my pink post-its...”

 

“And the rest, I know.” Jongin had a smile etched into his face. “Don’t worry, Kyungsoo. I’m never going to leave you. From today on, I’m going to bring you back into the real world, step by step.”

 

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and his shoulders deflated and relaxed. “I feel lighter now that you know everything.”

 

Jongin leaned in and planted a soft chaste kiss on his lips, his warm breath still lingering there moments after it ended.  

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes fluttered open and a small grin danced above his chin.

 

“Do you wanna know something?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I haven’t told you what happened before you came. But slightly more important…is the fact that you just stole my first kiss.”

 

Jongin’s dazed gaze sprouts silent giggles ultimately evolving into bouts of infectious light-headed laughter.

 

---

 

 

Extremely long chapter :O

 

sorry for the long wait- yet again. :I

This chapter was harder to write. it actually took me two attempts before I was satisfied (and this is still lacking imo)

anyways, I just wanted to say thank you to all those who read this fanfic, subscribed, or commented!

Really, thanks. I think people really undermine that word though :) it means a lot within itself.

 

ok well that’s it! The next chapter will be here before two weeks pass, promise. (maybe sooner, if I find myself in the creative mood.)

 

Happy Summer!! xo