“chaerin the sad story are not yours, it’s mine, and again and again i want you to hear my apologize, i am so sorry, and i’m sorry right now i just can say those sorry because i can’t find another less-cliche than ‘sorry’ oh my god , what am i doing?! Okay sorry for wasting your precious time, bye”

 

And silence fill the kitchen ......... and i just stand here, didn’t really know what to do , am i really missing him?! Yes i do

 

And i silently pray to god for oppa to call again, i can’t stop the urge to hear his voice

 

I count soundlessly

 

One, two,...

 

“chae! ...... i.... i’m just ........ sorry ........... i can’t.......i can’t stop untill i hear your voices,but it’s perfectly alright if you won’t pick up the phone.....i am now trying....... and i want you wait for me, please wish me luck, i am now making effort to........ to...... well......... days with no u is weird, chae, i bother you didn’t i? Sorry, bye”

 

And it end again, i didn’t stop to pray to god for him to call me again but this time........ he didn’t i wait in the same position  and there’s no cue about him , and bom glancing at me every 2 second and stick her tongue out while laughing, i know , i know, i'm so stupid for waiting jiyong to call again, and she mock me, poor me, i was about to throw myself at the couch when i hear something

 

“damnit i can’t help but calling you , i just figuring out that your home number is still the same, i hope so because , it’s not even funny if you change it, or you moved out and this number’s owner is no longer lee chaerin but an old man with white hair and no teeth hahahaha he would think i am a crazy guy on his old rehab haha, you know this guy is so longing laughing around with you, pleas--‘yongie, the green tea latte is ready!’

, o, wait ,

‘just put it on the table, thanks to you’

hi, i’m back , you know what chae,i can’t even.......

 ‘ji stop , just stop calling strangers please’ ....... but she’s not stra--

‘she is not there, she don’t want you, now come here’

ugh, chae, she probably right about you..... well but i hope it’s you, bye!”

 

did i hear a female voice on the background? Though it’s so low but my ears is working perfectly to sense the voice

 

“WHAT?!!” i blink several times, is there a girl with him?! Who?! that jerk!! But i just stay still and hope he can’t stand the curiousity of this phone number, please keep trying please keep trying ji, talk to me again! I want to kill you!

 

One,two,three....

 

“chaerin! Sorry but i can’t stand...... i’m just so curious about this number.........i can’t stand to call  this number eventhough she tells me not to call you but i mis---

‘ji don’t be such a broken down guy all over again’

 

(wait, why this girl so annoying!! Told him to do this and not do this, who the hell is she) i curse silently

 

but i want to talk to her! and......... i am so damn curious, hhhh okay chae.. i think i really should stop calling yo—“

 

REALLY?! HE LISTEN TO WHAT THAT GIRL SAID?! AMAZING FUKING AMAZING! I can hear that little girl’s voice ji i swear i can hear it!!! and i know he put the phone on the loudspeaker mode

 

And anger take ahold of me and the glass on my hand just slip unreasonably , it’s cracking voice can be heard all over the room

 

“chaerin?”

 

what?! How could he.......... , i look at bommie who holding into the phone on the table..... she put it on a speaker mode too...... perfect!

 

“jiyong go away and don’t try to call me” i said imediately with a sigh and i know that’s makes bom gone mad

 

“chaerin! Wait no! Don’t hung up i want to talk with you”

 

“what? Talk with me,no! Jiyong did you hear a broken glass just now?! You know when you broke a glass into pieces ,could you be able to fix it to it’s basic form?! To it’s shape before it got broken? Could you?! It cannot be fixed like before, so do i! I am broken and i can’t never be fixed, especially by you, now please go away and don’t show your face to me ever again!” i unplugged the telephone and i turn it off , and tears start to forming up again, I AM FED UP GOD!

 

GOD what am i realy talking about now? What broken glass chaerin?! Is that even necessary ?? you just tell him that you’re so weak

 

Bomie come to me and hug me

 

“i know what’s happening, i know what’s the point of your problem , i can see it obviously...... now let’s settle down, cooling down, and i will tell you what it is, oooh my chae........ don’t cry” i don’t know why but bom could give me a feeling of safe, she’s just like my siblings, really? She know what’s my problem even when i didn’t tell her ?

 

i calming myself down and sit on the sofa with my eyes closed, i don’t want to cry over him, no!

 

“chaerin....... i know what’s really happen between you two” she look me in the eyes , and she laugh softly , why?!

 

“what’ i murmur slowly

 

“you two are still perfectly into each other, i mean....... well you try to get away from him to get that another happiness you seek , you try to get away from him because you don’t want to be hurted ever again , but now you can see what’s really happen , you aren’t geting anything like happiness, you just drawning into a sad story and you’re trapped there, can’t smile , can’t happy, you know why? Because he is your happiness, that’s so simple”

 

“no,but—“ “shhhh.... that’s it! You are ssssooo fuking jealous when you hear a girl voice just then, and you cannot lie about it because i was there perfectly watcing you, you mad so badly just because he did what that girl told him to, you are totally mad about it , you loose your control and let the glass on your grip slipped and broken into pieces, even you tell him frankly that you are in jealousy, you tell him that you are so broken that you can’t never be fixed”

"THAT'S IT BOMMI I JUST TELL HIM THAT I AM SO WEAK WITHOUT HIM!!! WHAT TO DO?!!!" i screamd in my pillow , iheld back my tears , since i am so fed up with it

I drowned in silence i can’t even think straight, maybe my bestfriend is right, bommie is right, it’s a maybe not a yes , i stay quiet and bom just laugh while sipping on her smoothies

 

“oh come on you had me here, the love expert, you souldn’t take a decision to breaking up with jiyongie because i think it’s not what you need, really, honestly , i swear, you take things seriously too fast , you can’t wait for him to change to be what you expected him to be, seriously, go back to his arm now like right now!” my eyes widening, how could she say that? I take things seriously too fast?!! Like really?!!

 

Finally, i’ll take a stand for myself now, i stood up and put my hands on my hips

 

“bommie, listen carefully to me now, please..... do you think jiyong is a good person that has no flaws but the endless flawless life? You are so damn wrong bom! I’ve waited! And i think the  patience of mine is enough to wait him, he never changes, and....... i take things seriously and too fast?! Your boyfriend is hovering around the nightclub and you are not worried , i mean as a girl, seriously even if i’m not that girly,cute,lovely or whatsoever girl, i’m still a girl, your boyfriend had some make out session with strangers , with hoes, do you think i’m selfish? Why are you on his side now?!” and she let out a giggles, and that’s makes me want to throw up, saying those words is ease away all my energy because i need to recalling what was happen in those hell

 

“chaerin......... it’s not that... i.... me... hhhh okay forget it, my hands are itching i want to picking my noose, go away”

I laugh and hit her back “you are such a pain in the , bommie!” i scream and laugh, she always makes serious things got better and less-serious , but i realize something

 

This isn’t right

 

“so, are you now blame it all me? I’m the faults in our relationship? I’m the wrong person ? really? Hellyeah!!” i rolled my eyes and pout

 “no! Of course not! For your case, jiyong is also fault but that didn’t mean that you are innocent, you both are the faults in your own relationship, that’s it!”

 

“why me??? The faults is all on him!”

 

“here you goes, chaerin, honestly,i just trying to open your mind one sec ago and you behave like this?! Snap snap chaerin darling! Don’t you listen to me and every single damn story i told you just then? Hellyeah!!”

 

“it’s not like....... erghhh , okay fine!”

 

I cross my arm and just quiet but no one talk after my defence

 

 “so you think that i need to go back to him?” i asl her slowly

 

“no, i suggest you try to had another boyfriend, a good one, you see how it's going, but i bet you will bored, hahaha, i didn’t told you to throw yourself back at him, but maybe a chance wouldn’t be a burden for you”

 

“yes it’s a burden!”

 

“ aahhh i’m tired talking to a rockhead chaerin! I’m off let’s call it off today bye!”

 

“NO WAIT SORRY!!!”

 

“but still...... he is wrong, he.... hurts me....... he makes me want to hurt him back, to feel the same pain...... but bommie........ i really just want to get away from him now”

 

“if that’s what you want then it’s totally fine, but don’t blame anyone if you’re not going to be happy and feel happiness”

 

“you know what bommie? You look like you’re on his side” i frown at her and pouted

 

‘eeeeh why would i?!”

                                                                                     ****

It’s been 2 weeks since the phone-tragedy, i am trying so hard to make me busy with college because i want to get away from ‘you-know-who’ for now, but i swear i can’t deny one thing ,that..., he is still here deep inside here, i just don’t know where is his exact place in me, wait... i wonder if he .... is he even thinking about me? I let out a soft chuckle, that makes jay glancing at me with a frown on his temple, molly has been away for 1 week to visit her grandparents in detroit , and since i am GD’s ex-girlfirend , or GD’s off-girlfriend?? Well what so ever, because of that i haven’t really make friends with other people beside molly, because her exes is also jiyong kind , so she knew me well but the other? They just talking about me behind, cowards, so i don’t really befriend people here, and they are all afraid of jiyong, well i don’t really know why, i just don’t want to involve,they afraid of me too,but since i and jay, wait, he is actually jaebum but i prefer calling him jay, since it’s more simple and goddamnit i’ve said it before he looks like jay park!  We are a team for an important project , and he is asian too, and he came in the perfect time, he didn’t witnessed how those poor guys who stick around me wailing just because they staring at me, he just came when we’re no longer bounded, me and jiyong, so i’ve been sticking with him for the last 2 weeks, well we get along so fast, 2 weeks is quiet fast for me to befriend someone, especially a boy,

 

I hear the bell rang and i take a long deepsigh , i need to go to daddy’s place, i won’t, but my dad is still sick , yea real sick

 

“chaerin, up up up! Let’s go home”

Jay walked up to me and smile

“i came here alone , so why should i come back home with someone?” i chimed lazily, my face still resting on the table

 

“come on chaerin, you told me that your car is being repaired, you came here with cab”

 

“oh yea, forgot, do we had any schedule related to our project today?” i watch him as he fish on his pocket then playing with his phone , his head turn to left then right then to left again and he said ‘no’

 

Yes! Thank god! I just want to sleep right now, because .......

That is the simple way to get away from reality, my reality with no jiyong and my dad’s force to make me be on his throne, if you know what i mean.

 

He pull me up and push me to get out of our class and he give a light smile to our classmate, he is too nice really, i sigh and we walking side by side through the packed hall

 

 

                                                                                      ****

 

“okay , i got it” she nods while filling up her notes with his green pen ,

 

“what do you really feel now?”  her eyes is still stuck on the paper and words she write on it

 

Instead of replying the question he just silent still and fight himself to just let it all out,

 

“it’s okay” her hand onto his hand and wrap it around his , but he pull it away , being so uncomfortable with that gesture she made ,

 

“i..... i need exactly 1 week to make you tell your story, and do i need to wait for a week again for you to reply me?”

 

Her reasuring smile didn’t reasure him that much though it is work but still, he just so mad at himself to tell her his long story , he is somehow feeling stupid in front of her , he keep looking down the floor and sighing loud enough for her to listen

 

“i.... i’m not that good, that’s all” he finally speak a feeling and it brought a smile on her pretty face ,

 

“hahaha, gd, i perfectly understand your situation, it’s fine if you don’t want to be that ‘open up’ to me now, but i hope later, because we doing it all , is for your own sake”

 

Jiyong smile seepishly and awkward ,

 

“s...sorry, but i really hope you can help me, with this” he move his point finger around his head and smile

 

“so... i guess , let’s call it off tod—

 

“kncok! Knock! Ooopps , sorry for bothering you guys, jiyong, let’s go”

 

“hi, wait” he get on his feet and dust off his clothes , he mouthing a big thanks and wave his hand , “thaks for today yuka”

And another voice behind the door shoot up

“bye, sister i’ll go with jiyong”

“it’s GD” her sister reply smirking.

 

                                                               ****

 

“chaerin, is this yours?”  chaerin look up just to see a handsome tall guy smiling ing his right hand just to give her her wallet , she’ve been searching for it together with jay’s companion for almost an hour, she is more than happy to see her wallet back and to add more excitement , it is ash, ash stymest , her old-crush , no he isn’t old but he is chaerin’s crush long back then before jiyong come to her life and ruin everything , well... yea ruined everything

 

“i’m sorry ... i found it about....” he draw a circle on his watch “45 minutes ago, but i need to practicing so... well , sorry for the belated” he smile his hand running wild in his hair ,

“th—that’s perfectly fine, what’s the matter is , it’s back, yeay!” she exclaimed and swing her wallet in the air

“thanks a lot, but , i just---- well , it’s strange, you know my name? And my wallet? H--- how come?” chaerin curious face is perfectly shown up, she’s bad at hiding almost everythings,

He laugh a little , showing his white teeth , it makes her want to jump , oh my happiness,

 

“well , you are the girl who cried so loud when my friend ruined your test long back then”

 

He chuckled and rufling his hair agian and again , she just frown in confusion

 

“and you’re that untouchable asian girl that people always talking about” he said with his pure accent ,

 it’s so beautiful

 

but instead of saying ‘ooh’ chaerin just beamed a smile and tell him that she is so clueless

 

“and...you.... uhmm....how do i say it ummmm, oh your photo with GD is so sweet, gezzz i can’t stand your cuteness”

 

What?

 

“p---photo of me with ji--- GD? Where??” she ask , still confused, he is the tipe of guy who can’t really deliver the messages, hidden message,

 

“your wallet, oh, hang on, sorry , i ... i need to open it because i need to know who’s the owner, so...... and just count your dollar , i’m not a thief”

 

It makes chaerin want to laugh out loud, he is super funny, in their very first face-to-face-convo

 

“hey, that’s totally okay, thus, i wouldn’t have a thought about you that low, god knows who.you.are” she rolled her eyes, and she just realized something

 

“well , you are the girl who cried so loud when my friend ruined your test”

“how do i say it ummmm, oh your photo with GD is so sweet, gezzz i can’t stand your cuteness”

 

‘my friend?’ ‘gd?’ so he is ‘you-know-who’ friend?

 

“yea, just in case, sorry for makes you pondering hard, i’m ash, i’m your senior and, i’m your ex’s friend, GD” he smile and take her hand to shake it , but instead of introducing herself chaerin just smile looking at his face , she is so surprised with his good attitude, she’s  so damn surprised. Aside from seunghyun, all GD’s friends are...... bastards.

 

Don’t judge a book by its cover, true

 

“well... bye, i need to go back practice, glad to chat to you, bye” and with that he run , dribbling a basketball on his hand,

 

I don’t fcking care about soccer these day, i am so care about basket ball, really.

 

Turn around, talk to me, again.

Chaerin whisper silently but she jolted up when a voice she’s expecting is finally there,

 

“hey, we just won on the game , so there’ll be a small party on GD’s club, so you guys can come if you guys want, but i heard that GD is no longer the owner of that club, so don’t worry, there’ll be no gd haha”

 

He twirl around and smile , for the nth time he makes chaerin’s eyes feels like burning

 

Ash, don’t you know that it’s a sin if you mention his name again and again

 

“oh hi molly” ash swing his hand in the air saying helo to someone

Molly?!

 

“molly!!!!! Why didn’t you tell me you come back home!! F U!” chaerin hug molly right after ash said her name ,

 

“hahaha, you’re so cute chaerin, F U?!” ash laugh , that makes chaerin smile seepishly, she just feel so stupid , why didn’t she just say fu.k you ,

 

“oh ash, that’s awesome, see you later at the party, me and chaerin will absolutely come”

“okay bye guys” ash wave a goodbye and the two girls also bid their goodbye sweetly

 

“MOLLY?! Who said i would come to a club?! WHO SAID?!”

“me, come on chaerin!!! Experience it for once, just once!! Promise! It’sash who invite us!!”

“halo my name is jaebum or jay, well that’s what a lee chaerin called me, but am i being a sclupture now, somebody talk to me please before i turn into a rock”

Jay put his hand around chaerin’s shoulder but she push it away , make molly laughing and saying her sorry nonchalantly ,

“sorry jayjay but he is..... ash” chaerin said dreamily

“yeah so why?”

“well , you are the girl who cried so loud when my friend ruined your test”

Why didn’t i remember about jiyong right after he mention ‘ruined your test’ why is the vision of jiyong didn’t show up , the point is, he makes me forget about jiyong. That’s incredible, or.... i.....i’ve finally forget him—no.

                                                                                         ***

“you want?”

 

“no,i ---i ..... well just once, but remind me when i’m asking you for more, promise?”

“i cross my heart for it” she said laughing and start a lighter for me,

 

Guess what? I smoke, again, it’s so hard, to stop, especially, in the time like this, when i’m lost.

 

It’s been 2 weeks, i’m so glad when i hear her voice on the phone , but once again, she broke me, but she think i broke her,

 

The loud music makes me dizzy , now, whoah i’ve change ,

 

I can’t really controll myself when tabi away , these past 2 weeks i’m just staying in my house watching family guy or eating donnuts, well... vodka and alcoholic liquid too, but not as much as it used to ,  every Saturday or Monday and Wednesday i visit yuka just to feel a little bit better,

She is a good doctor, really,

And in the night, i stay in my house , doing nothing, but when i feels like going out, i went to my hang out places, it could be anywhere, as long as i like to,

 

And now, this kiko girl ask me to accompany her in this club, i don’t know what for, but i kinda miss chaerin real bad, and if i stay at home alone, it could be no good since tabi is away, if tabi ever tell you i’ve tried to kill myself for several times, trust me, he lied, because i don’t , well almost, but i drunk, loose control and do stupid thing that causing death , fatal death. So stupid right?

Jiyong think! If you die, chaerin is just an fumes, a beautiful fumes in the sky

 

“ji , you don’t want a ?” i startled when i hear one of my friend said it, with full of hoes on his arm

I frown and shoo him away, how dare he ,

 

“ewww, i am now so alergic to those germs called ” i said nonchalantly , i forgot i am here with kiko and her group of friends , kiko just laugh at my face

‘germs??? Ji? Really?? HAHAHA” kiko pinch my cheek, well..... i should’ve count the glass in front of her, because she reeks alcohol , well , she’s so surprised when she knew that i own a lot club, and my night life habbit , because she read those lies on the buisness-newspaper in seoul, but she understand me well , i ask her to keep it a secret to our korean friends and of course my people here.

 

 

                                                                                ***

 

“chaerin, left or right?”

“just go straight, i’ll tell you when you need to turn left or right, next time, just don’t forget my adress, okay?!!!”

I said angrily, well, poor jay, he is so kind, he drive me home, he would come in no time if i ask him for help, am i a bad friend?

 

“sorry jay” i said whispering

“what for?”he ask surprises ,

 

“no, just sorry, hey keep focus on the road, buddy!!”

 

He smile and turn the radio on,

 

My dad just called me, and it pissed me off because he ask for my aproval of me on his throne, i’ve said no, so countless time, why didn’t he understand, well , he ask me to do his duty just untill he recover but i don’t want to!!

 

“left” 

“okay”

 

But he is sick, and he is my dad, so today i need to stay on his house, to take care of him, but that’s fine, as long as he is good and stop talking about me being his replacement.

 

“chaerin!!”

 

“left!”

 

And........ i was wondering something....... what should i wear for the party tonight... i don’t have the heart to cancel it, ash... he is so kind to even invite me to his party, but i’m happy, thank god, for the first time in forver

 

“jay are you come?”

“come? Where?”

 

“ash party”

“and you?”

 

“y-yes”

“count me in, then” he smirk and i don’t know why i want to punch him, so do i,

 

“owwchhh” he squeal but laughing , annoying!

 

“we’re here, well , thanks jayyyyj” i take my bag and climb out of his car,

 

“bye jayjay!”

“you didn’t invite me or –“

“my dad has a dog as tall as ash” i said menacingly

 

“uh, i will be just here untill you dissapear, now go!”

 

I just wanna laugh , he is sometimes so funny, my first impression of him was wrong, sorry again jayjay

 

I wave a finale goodbye while walking backwards , but when i twirl around.....

 

 

oh no,!

 

This is not my apartment nor my dad’s house, it’s our- no i mean , it’s jiyong’s

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thanks for reading this , deep sorryfor mistakes *bow