She was about to greet me and say hi but she stop and her jaw is wide open, she cover with her hand and her eyes is about to jump out of her face

 

“j...jiyong?!” me? Jiyong?! How could she??

“this is gd not jiyong”

“no no , i can’t be wrong this guy is jiyong! Omg!! How come we never see you again?!”

 

“w...who are you?”

 

“i’m kiko, your ex, you forget me?! What??? Are you 90 years old?!” she looks surprised and so do i , my ex? Kiko? Wait ...... when? .............

 

OMG , she really was my girlfriend, back then in junior high school , how come i forget?

 

“oh yes, i remember it now, but now you can call me GD”

 

“no, i prefer jiyongie, like the old times , omg how are you doing?” she hug me all of sudden , what the , she just broke up with her boyfriend and once she meet me , she looks like a happy newlywed girl ,  i rolled my eyes and sent yuka a deathly glare, i mean ...... i want to stop this girl but i can’t , it’s harsh to push her away from me,

 

“uhmm... kiko..... behave please, he is my patient” yuka clear her troath and pull kiko away from me, she is a cute japaneese girl back then in junior high school, now she still that pretty girl , but meh she is just like another girl, not like chaerin ,she is........ oh no. Cut it out ji!

 

“GD, look, kiko can blurted it out to me, she’ve been on so much frustating problem , she even try to kill herself for several times”

“and my sister help me, she’s so good, and ji... what’s your problem?” they both look me in the eyes, and i don’t know why , but all the things that filling my mouth is kicking my lips for them to fall from it, i mean...... i think next time , i would be able to said it all to this psychologist,

 

“ah no! That’s private ofcourse , why would i tell you guys about it?” i laugh and they just exchange looks and laugh

 

“as always” kiko said to her sister , WHY?!

“okay g, just chill out, you are just like the other patient, are you free today?” yuka ask me with concern, i just nodded , and they start talking and talking and hardly able to believe , i caught myself enjoying they convo and in the next minute, as they keep talking , i start to join the conversation and talking about the past , kiko statred it, talking about how i said i will love kiko for the rest of my life and now we meet again, and bla bla bla, but once again, i’m so into it, i enjoy talking craps with them just like i enjoying the moment when i sit with tabi and all my buddy in a coffe shop.

I laugh and laugh and laugh, i forget that i’m having a problem for a minutes , i glacing at my watch and it’s almost night, wow , unbelieveable

 

“guys , i excuse myself to go to the toilet, be right back”

 

Now i left alone with my ex , and the conversation of ours still running all the way , i said it before, i enjoy it. I don’t know why, but one thing i know, when yuka gone it’s not as good as when she’s it there , and i realize yuka is a psychologist, a real psychologist, maybe she could help me.

 

“so what’s your problem ji? I’ve told you mine! That’s so unfair!”

 

“do i really need to tell you guys about it?” i shrugged , a bit uneasyness is still here,somewhere in my chest , i smile to kiko and she just laugh at me

 

“what?! You are  absolutely no fun!”

 

“hey it’s not something great , it just about a guy who want his girl back on his arm, because he just can’t without her” oops, i said it all in one simple sentences, wow

 

I look at kiko , my face is so red , i don’t know why, am i embaassed? Do i really sick?, she didn’t say anything but laughing

I don’t like it.

 

“oh man i shouldn’t have said that to you”

 

“gawd , sorry , i just wondering , hey are you showing your weakness to her after she left? Are you that idiot dramatic guy on movies in front of her? Are you crying in front of her? PUAHAHAHHA i jus’t can’t stand you if that’s true”

 

Oh.no. how could she knew

 

“don’t be too surprise jiyong, i’ve been there with my sister for many many times , and there are a lot of guy did that thing, i can’t help but laughing my heart out at them, they are a coward, really”

 

This time , i just can sipping all my coffee, i won’t answer her question, no, where is my pride?!

 

“listen, if a girl breaks you, then you fall and so broken into pieces, stand up! Show her your best smile, don’t tell her that you need her you love her you can’t live with no her you could die or blahblahblah, don’t show her that you’re weak , if i was that girl! I will just laugh at your face and step my heels to your chest , and say “poor you jerk” you shouldn’t fall in front of her, sure you sad sure you falls, it’s your life but not hers, i mean.... don’t let her know that you really need her. That makes girl so proud of herself”

“but she’s not like the other girls”

 

“oh come on jiyongie, girls are girls, no matter what, i swear to you”

 

“how could you know it will works? By not letting her know that i really need her? How could you know?” it’s right, i sound so angry , this kiko girl, who are you to give me that advice?

 

“i’ve been trhough it for many times before”

 

“for sure?”

 

“yeah, let me tell you some , i was with this A guy, he loves to makes lie , and he always lying to me , so we break up and it’s his fault, but he just like that foolish weak man that i told you before, he cry , he begged, he tells me he could die if i’m not there with him, blablabla and that’s makes things worst , like i said before i just laugh at his face because it’s his fault,he hurts me , of course i want to take a revenge , so i did thinking that that’s the best time to hurt him back, u got it jiyong? And i was with this B guy, eventhough we break up because his own act, and again, it’s his fault, but when we break up, he looks okay, he didn’t cry, he didn’t cursing, he did just normal, as always. then he texted me right when i close his house’s door , it says

‘hey, i’m sorry, drive carefuly and don’t forget to brush your teeth before you sleep”, that makes my heart explode, and he makes me cry in my bedroom for 2 days, and when i go partying ,i see him and a girl in his arm, smile face to face then he realize that i was there watching, he smile and said hi to me , it took me by surprise, that he still looks so fine and normal

He even introduce the girl beside him, my heart skip some beats , i’d think i could’ve die, and he said

‘i know you still love me, call me later’ and then he go , with that girl, you know what i did after that?”

I just nodded , i really paying my attention to her story, wow.

 

“and he haunt my head, i pull him back to my life, after we’re back together, his friend tells me, he really is so broken up untill i call him again, and i’m not even regreting to pull him back to my arm so do you got it?”

 

I blinked and something in my chest hurts, i regret that i’m so weak,

 

“so are you still with him?”

“no, he died, my another ex shoot him”

“wow”

                                                                ----------------------------------------------------------

 

‘excuse me , do you know where ‘the allure’ is?”

“over there”

“thanks”

 

She scold herself for not noticing the place she’ve been searched for 1 hours! She sigh and rolled her eyes , but then she smile so wide remembering what her purpose for coming all the way here, she got so excited , she is meeting a friend, no ,not just a friend, more than that.

 

A guy on the front door greet her and bow , and she smile to him politely

She walk with her sneakers and jeans but everyone staring at her from head to toe, she dressed so good tonight, to meet a special friend , a smile never leave her face is now frowning itself, because she can’t find a place to sit, this place is so full, she said to herself , she bites her lips and scanning for one table and two chairs, this place is also big, she groan, and a smile come back to her face when he found a couple get up from their place and their plates and glass are now empty , she cheers and run for it , she just don’t care if people find her weird because she running inside a luxurious place like this, she run and she falls , she bump on someone, someone who was holding a glass filled with hot chocolate, she groan when the chocolate hit her hands and palm ,

 

“oh my god, you’re so careless! Do you got your eyes set?Watch out!!! Omg , are you all right? Are your hand is getting red”

 

“this is so hot, it’s getting red over here, ouch”

 

She heard a guy scold her for being careless and she know that voice, she perfectly knew!

She just want to clarify that the owner of that voice is really ‘him’ so she look up not minding her red hands and palm that felt so burning and hot,

 

“chaerin?”

And it’s now clarified, it’s him , he even call her name,

 

A tears run down her cheek because , he scold her but care with somebody in the other hands and her brain is so curious who that somebody is , so she get up and turn her head to right, it’s a girl.

 

“chae, are you okay? I’m sorry i didn’t notice that was you” he grab her hand but she pull it away so quickly , her eyes are all on the girl beside her,

If stare could kill, that girl is now a mummy

 

“jiyong could you ask them for first aid kit?” that girl hold onto jiyong’s shoulder , and chaerin know the hot liquid didn’t hit her feet but her arms, she sure that girl can still standing by herself without holding on someone,

 

“ah, yes right, you two, hold on” and with that, the guy is run for the first aid kit

 

“don’t you want to apologize?” that girl staring at chaerin from head to toe

 

“sorry” she said curtly and rolled her eyes

 

“guys, i got it, here, put it in the red area where the liquid fall” jiyong come back and give the both of them medicine

He keep staring at chaerin , but she didn’t notice it

 

Once they both finished , they glancing at jiyong so frankly , even the girl beside him cleared her troath loudly

“oh chaerin, this is kiko, kiko this is chaerin”

 

“hi, kiko mizuhara, i’m his ex”

“lee chaerin” she didn’t find telling her that she’s jiyong’s ex too is so important ,

 

Jiyong and the war inside him just want to explode , what to do what to do what to do,

“chae..... wanna join us?” jiyong siad as cool as he can and with a smile , she didn’t know that a world war 3 is now happen in his body

“yea come here, sit and chat with us, we’re having a good time, right jiyong?”

‘Jiyong’ that’s makes the air felt so suffocating

 

Jiyong spotted a tear on her, but instead of responding to their invitation , chaerin just turn around and run outside.

 

 

“kiko kiko kiko!!! You shound’t have said my real name!! Oh i’m so screw up!! Ughhhh i let her go, with a tears on her cheek! So stupid!!!”

 

“ji....... you’re doing  great”

“WHAT?! She just walk away?!!! She run when i want to hug her so badly!! Is that great?!”

 

“no, this will be your first attempt, are you wanna win her back or not?”

“yes i do but—“ “no but!”

 

“hi guys, whoaaa .... did i miss a thing?”

“yuka, kiko , i need to go , thanks for today”and  jiyong  dash away just like that , he just need to calming down now, this whole thing is stressing him up

 

“don’t run after her jiyong!!”

 

“what did you tell him kiko?”

“your other patients  love story, my little sister, from now on just let me medling in” kiko grinning and smile.

 

                                ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Why am i crying? Why this feels so hurt

 

I run outside, i don’t want to be here , i just want my time alone , my vision is blurred because my eyes is full of liquid , i just don’t know why, i swear. I keep running but someone grab my arm tight , i just don’t know what to do if it’s oppa, i really don’t know what to do, i’m afraid i would be so longing for his warm hug and just hug him with no reason, but i’m afraid, what if he really don’t give a ffu about me anymore, what if he just sat there with his ex, laughing happily whiloe i’m here is being tortured by myself, i feel stupid

 

“chaerin? Why are you crying? Why you looks so messy? I’m sorry i’m late”

 

Oh god thanks it’s not oppa,

 

I wipe away my tears and hug her,

 

“bommie!! I’m sorry but....but sorry, i don’t think i can’t go for our girls night out tonight,i’m sorry”

 

I want to hug her even longer but this just isn’t the right time , so i let go of her embrace and run away

 

“wait! Chae!! I’ll go with you!”

 

I sigh and turn around

 

“no,no,i need a time alone, bye” and with that i run so fast untill i can barely breathe

I can see bom’s curious face ,she even screaming my name, she chase ater me untill she gave up to try, i really need a time alone , just me , why do i have to witnessed it , why do i have to run away and why didn’t let things flow naturaly , it’s like i’m mad at him for that girl, i see a bench in front of a branded fashion store , i walk there and sit , i feel pathetic for my poor legs , it’s been screaming to ask for a rest

 

My brain won’t stop recalling the moments, i keep on hearing oppa’s voice when he scold me for being so careless , that voice of concern when he ask that girl wether she’s okay or not

Why it felt so hurts , again, my tears just flow down my cheek even it’s not managed by me ,

When that girl call him jiyong.......... who the hell is she?!

Oh just stop please......... i don’t know what’s really happen between us, come on chaerin you dumped him! He is a jerk! He is someone with heartbreaker face, money, and girl you wouldn’t be too surprise when a girl accompany his night, but the things are different know he isn’t the same , he promised to be a better person........ but he is a liar, and that’s why i dumped him,

I groan and wipe away these disturbing liquid in my eyes,

I sobs , this weight on my chest is hurting me , why there’s a lot of problem come into my life

 

It’s just like yesterday he beg me for forgiveness , for a chance, for me to come back, for me to be his only company but tonight he seems different he seems cool with everything , he didn’t cry , he didn’t do stupid dangerous thing, he didn’t try to kil someone, he simply ask me to sit and join his little party, and there’s a girl , a girl who knows his real name, a girl who seems really somebody, why is my chest hurts

Why is my vision blurred

Why is this heart stop

Why am i being a fool

Why can’t i stop this all

 

He seems so even, like he can trully let go of me and let me go, did he really gave up on us, did he choose that lifestyle i hate the most and left me behind with all my hopes hanging on his hand, did i relly need to get lost, to actually loose him,

 

“you want?” i’m just about to scream in my tears,but it got postponed by a little voice beside me ,

I found a hand ed towards me, a tight grip on a lollipop, rilakkuma lollipop, a cute boy smiling so wide

This is LA , how could someone have this kind of lollipop ?? 

I bend down on him and give him a little smile

“This is for you, ” he gives me the lollipop and just gone, simply vanished, how could he know that I like this..... I sigh, but a goosebump attacking me when I found one word on it

 

“Smile!!!”

 

Andi realize this is up to no good, how come i didn’t even notice this sweets....

 

And without any thought I fix myself up and said

“I’m not sad or what so ever”

“I’m just fine” and then I put the candy on my pocket and I walk towards my car, somehow I want to make sure who’s the one behind this lollipop I don’t had the nerve to do that, I need to keep my head hung low and hide this sadness in it, that’s my goal for today.

 

I won’t let him see it.

 

                                ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

“I’m not sad or what so ever”

“I’m just fine”

I smile and laugh a little for her action, she is a bad liar, i thank the boy when he comes back with a thumbs up, I give him money to buy a truck of ice cream, he cheers and run to the ice cream truck, a little boy running around the town in the night like this..... What a weird night, I keep my eyes set for her, following every step she takes, following her hair’s wave, and she is nowhere in my sight, I smile to the Rilakkuma lollipop in my grip, I’m glad I brought it everywhere,

 

“i swear to you, i’ll be there when you sad”

“impossible”

“No, I swear whenever and wherever you are sad, this Rilakkuma will be there like magic. To cheers you up and ease away the sadness to replace it with a ‘SMILE”’

“i love you”

 

God, if I could, please let me start it all over again, with a good start and it will end in a good way

And maybe i will need yuka for it, i need some help for this little messy head of mine for it to be fine like it used to. Well... i hope so because i don’t feel so burden anymore, i can develope my feeling when i saw chaerin, and i think it’s good, well maybe yuka is one of ways to get my chae back, hopefuly.

 

 

                                -----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

I clench my teeth as the tears come, i am fed up, so damn fed up, i am fed up with tears and confusion i made myself, i’m fed up with tears and weakness , but there isn’t much i can do to stop them.

 

I want to stop this, i feels like fool , because i cry,i’m hurted , that’s because of me , all the pain i gain it’s all comes from me, myself and i, i make this life i live even more hard to handle,

Chaerin! Why did you dump him i you really can’t with no him?

Why did you get so mad and angry towards him, why did you need to let go of him, why did you gave up on him, on your relationship if you still need him, if you still cry him a river just because you missed him, WHY?!

Why do good people choose a wrong person to love?

Why do i need to fall in love with him,

I wipe my tears away again and again , i look at the rilakkuma lollipop on my right hand and laugh in my cry ,

 

“you are liars , this rilakkuma can’t make me smile anymore, you made me sad , so so so sad oh boy!”

 

GOD STOP IT PLEASE?!!!

 

                                                                -------------------------------------------------

 

I’m awaken by a delicious smell from the kitchen , i know what is this, pancake , honey, milk, they are waiting for me!!! I jump out off my conforter and rolling on the carpet on the floor , i zipping up my  hoodie i wear i run to the kitchen without even wondering who’s that making me a delicious smelly breakfast , meh , i don’t care, my eyes feels like burning, crying too much lastnight, meh! I’m gonna get used to it now

 

“chaerin you up!!” a familiar voice shout out and someone run towards me, is the owner of the beautiful voice , i open my arms as wide as i can so i can hug and jump to this person who cooked me a breakfast

“bommieee!!!!!!!” i hug her and she brushed my hair gently

 

“how are you doing, and what’s with you yesterday?”

 

Yesterday........... and that voice of jiyong’s is haunting my head again, i brush it off and pouting , giving her a sad murmur , i just........ really sad , i don’t know

 

“oooohh my pathetic chaee” she hug me again and just rambling on with ‘everything is fine’ thingy that i don’t listen really well , but this is so sad, i even feels like crying , there’s too much story to be told to bom, there’s too much pain to share to, there’s too much tears to shed to , i’m tired and i iwish she didn’t ask me to tell her what happen all this time

 

“chaerin....... tell me what’s gone wrong and why are you and ji...... and why” oh no, her question even got worsening that it used to , i am so dead because i am too much with sadness.

 

I sigh and take a deep breathe , i take a seat and take a bite of the pancake bommie has made for me,

 

“bommie,,,,, it’sa long sad story, you probably don’t want to hear”

“i’ll gladly listen to it”

 

“no,when i said it’s a sad long story that means i really mean it” bommie just give me ‘iknowright’ sad look at me and look away

 

“a long sad story” i repeat and take a sip of milk , i stare at the empty glass and my eyes just feel weird , no it can’t be a tears again, again, i sigh and get on my feet to get a glass of water ,

When i was about to open my refrigerator ,i froze, stop short in my track , almost letting the glass in my hand fall to the floor , thankfuly it didn’t, my eyes got wide and so my mout is opening widely

 

Bom on the other side staring at me with curious mixed with worried look

 

“chaerin, are you there? I know you will not even touch the phone with my voice on it, but ....... i’ll try my best”

 

“chaerin the sad story are not yours, it’s mine, and again and again i want you to hear my apologize, i am so sorry, and i’m sorry right now i just can say those sorry because i can’t find another less-cliche than ‘sorry’ oh my god , what am i doing?! Okay sorry for wasting your precious time, bye”

 

And silence fill the kitchen ......... and i just stand here, didn’t really know what to do , am i really missing him?! 

 

 

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sorryformistakes,my apology, *bow, thank for those who subscribe and read this , comment would really makes these two confused couple a bit happy hehehe