Henry lost count of the days he spent either bored or rehearsing. There was nothing interesting going on in his life, nothing that could exalt his heart or drain him of energy. The postponed concert was nearing and for, some odd reason, he didn’t feel nervous. It was as if all the worries in the world suddenly decided to take a holiday. That also included a lack of adrenaline and the Henry people knew suddenly take long naps instead of long walks.

It was dull and simply annoying. He swore he had to do something or he’d go crazy for good.

Henry decided to use Daniel as his target. It was all his fault anyway, so he might as well make up for it. Ever since he found out about Sungyeol and that Daniel might still care for him, he could not kiss or even hug him without thinking of a dead man he couldn’t even picture in his head. Henry did try to find a photo with the man, yet it was futile and he still did not know Daniel’s laptop or phone password to shuffle through his files.

Another solution could be Dongwoo, yet the last time he talked with the guy, he was too busy thanking him a million times, making Henry give up on ever getting more answers out of him. There was nothing worth thanking in paying for that DNA test. Henry was curious too and nothing more.

Daniel on the other hand seemed not to care either. The state they were in mirrored their beginnings, each preoccupied with their own things while secretly thinking of the other. Even if they continued sharing the same bed and continued sharing the same meals, same jokes, even the same clothes, Henry felt it was exactly the same as back then. There was that pestering wonder if whether the way they acted was the first sign of a relationship becoming cold.

Henry did then what he knew best: be as sincere as possible. People hated him for his honesty, hated for his way of always talking freely and even said there was something in their family genes for being able to speak without weighing the consequences.

They were all wrong.

Henry did measure his words, did make sure he wouldn’t spill out everything, yet couldn’t always hold back the need to actually say something than shut up and then regret it his entire life. He’d rather make sure people were aware of his thoughts, aware of his likes and dislikes and most importantly, knew if they had done something bad or good than forever question why there were sudden alterations to their relationship.

Even with that as part of his personality, Henry was still silent around Daniel. He was still trying his best not to anger or upset the other.

Truth is, Henry didn’t want to lose him because of his big mouth and overall stupidity. Because he learned the hard away that no matter how much good he tried to do, there will always be somebody whispering at the back of his neck, ‘you’re the worst’.

Said neck brought a shiver when Daniel rested his lips over it. Breathing over his skin, Henry closed his eyes and brought closer his hands, loving how they switched roles for one night. Henry was no longer the one keeping the blue boy clasped at his chest and Daniel became once more his shield.  

“Bad day?” more like bad everything. Henry could feel those stitches he carefully sewed on his rotten heart slow its beats. Henry swiftly turned around, kissed his lips and smiled softly to reassure his lover things were great as ever.

“Don’t say a thing,” he didn’t, muted by Henry’s kissing and touches. “Feel it.”

The way they glided through the sheets made the two love birds effortlessly fly through clouds.

---

Dongwoo munched on his pen, taking it back only when scribbling information down his tiny notebook. Typing away at the laptop and forever brushing his fingers over the touch pad, he couldn’t stop smiling. A peculiar glint washed his eyes from time to time, his face getting closer and closer to the screen.

The blond wearing only a pair of sweatpants and with hair in all directions thought he was still dreaming or oversleeping made him see weird things. Shaking his hazy head, he grabbed the jug from the countertop and poured some plain water in his glass. Henry took light steps towards Dongwoo who never checked once on his surroundings. Popping by his side, Henry’s eyes became fine lines while he tried to read what in the world amused the guy so much without his glasses.

Seconds later, he burst in laughter, enough to draw the confused boy’s attention.

“ing God, what is that?!” Dongwoo winced at Henry’s loud voice, immediately slamming the lid close.

“What, what, what???” Henry had to circle the sofa and put his glass away before he’d drop it from laughing too hard. Henry pulled the laptop in his lap despite Dongwoo’s protests and raised back the lid. He was met with a password.

“Wait,” he lowered the lid again, searching for something on top. After finding the banana sticker, he rolled his eyes to Dongwoo. “Is this Niel’s?”

“Yeah, he let me use it, now give it back!” Henry put the laptop between them, lifting the lid back and staring hard at the blue screen and the blinking cursor.

“What’s the password?”

“You don’t know it?”

The blond tried not to make it too obvious, yet Dongwoo’s smirk and the way he puffed his chest got him groaning.

“I don’t because I actually respect his privacy. Weren’t you the one that scolded me about it?”

“Yes, well,” Dongwoo leaned his elbow against the sofa, the same smug face taunting Henry “guess you guys aren’t so close after all.”

“Just give me the damn password!”

“No~~~!”

After bickering some more and Henry turning into a swearing machine, mumbling all known curses under his breath, Dongwoo pitied the fellow man and finally introduced the password. It turned out to be a series of numbers Henry didn’t recognize, yet they were eerily close to a birth date. It wasn’t his, Daniel’s or his brother's. It also couldn’t be his parents’, mostly because Henry knew those numbers well. Feeling afraid, Henry lost interest in Dongwoo’s lesbian fanfiction, letting him type it away without fussing over the details.

“By the way…,” Dongwoo stopped, biting his thumb in desperation. It was annoying to write anything with people pestering him. Any author lost focus right away if any unwanted guests or sounds harassed them. “Where’s your brother?”

“He went with Donghae at the cemetery.” Henry was ready to disappear back in his room but not before finding out one more thing. Dongwoo waited for his question, his fingers trembling to type again.

“Why are you here anyway?”

“I have a date with Hara later so I thought I’d stop by. You done?”

“Yeah, whatever, cool,” Henry nodded, leaving one grinning Dongwoo to do this thing. After one more minute in which Dongwoo tried to remember where he had left and where he was heading, one still topless and utterly shocked Henry ran back to the sofa.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A DATE WITH HARA???”

“Well she asked me out and---”

“SHE’S FREAKING SIXTEEN!”

“No, she’s eighteen, she told me herself.”

“INTERNATIONAL AGE MAN, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU?”

Dongwoo was thankful Henry scared him when he burst like that or, else, he wouldn’t have placed the laptop on the coffee table and would have broken it instead from the realization hitting him in the face with the strength of a tsunami.

“OH MY GOD!!!” he slapped his cheeks and didn’t take his palms away “OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!”

Henry rolled his eyes and smacked the back of his head.

“Calm down, you moron!” Dongwoo stuck his tongue out and pulled the laptop back in his lap, scoffing and adding a character named Henry in his fanfiction, a complete jackass knowing nothing about others. Also, he decided it was best to call the date off because he wasn't really into girls younger than him. Well, not those with more than four years of a difference, that was for sure.

The real Henry abandoned the other and crawled back in the bedroom, calming down and sniffing Daniel’s side of the bed.

It smelled good.

It smelled safe.

He locked his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly and thinking he had one more job to do before he could join his lover in serenity.

---

“Have you gone through all five stages of grief?”

Daniel said goodbye. It wasn’t forever, just another “see you later” kind of goodbye. Sungyeol’s book and bracelet were no longer in his possession, trapped instead with their rightful owner. The boy smiled back at the photo, leaving one last kiss over his fingers and then imprinted over the glass door keeping everything safe inside. Donghae watched him from afar, waiting until Daniel finished his last prayer and they both then headed to the airport. It was time for another goodbye, one of which Daniel wasn’t completely sure how long it was going to last.

“Don’t you know? There are no five stages of grief. They took it from a doctor’s observations on how terminally ill patients acted.” Daniel chuckled, amused by the information their teacher gave a month or two before meeting Henry, agreeing with his view for he had experienced grief at a young age. “That’s like asking me if I’m ready to die.”

Donghae felt ashamed for not knowing. He was after all studying psychology too as part of his courses. Yet, that was all in the past.

“What’s the real first stage then?”

People hugging, people laughing, people crying – there were all sorts of individuals in all corners and all spatial directions, yet it didn’t bother Daniel.

“Acceptance,” giggling, Daniel jumped slightly when they announced Donghae’s flight. “Guess you should go.”

“Niel,” the boys locked eyes, each smiling and embarrassed by one another “Keep in touch?”

“Of course~!” they both laughed.

It was really a time for goodbyes. Donghae was going to Europe for more treatments and Daniel thought he would probably continue his studies there. They were lucky enough to get help from his brother’s fiancée, that girl was an angel.

“By the way, Niel,” he took the boy’s hand and placed a crumpled paper in his palm “Maybe you should read it. Take care, chipmunk!”

Daniel closed his fingers over the piece of paper, nodding and staying in the same spot while Donghae disappeared with his brother and Henry’s sister around the corner.

Once out of the airport and ready to call for Dongwoo to pick him up, he went against it and paid for the bus fare instead, watching the blooming city from the dirty windows.

It all felt familiar, as if time stopped long time ago and the clock governing their faith ticked only for those who were willing to listen. Daniel wasn’t, not until he checked what had Donghae gave him, knowing deep inside it was the same piece of paper he hid from him.

After changing buses and walking a few minutes, he stared at the front door and slowly opened it. Shoes and jacket off, he tiptoed pass his brother, concentrated on who knows what at his laptop, and straight inside the bed near Henry. Abandoning the piece of paper on the floor, he wrapped one arm around the blond and closed his eyes, his cheek brushing against his back.

The silent sleeping Henry drove Daniel in his own wonderland, absent of any islands or Sungyeol’s spirit haunting his fragmented memories.

All was good in paradise, in their paradise.

---

Henry hurried out of bed. Daniel’s arm dropped numb over the mattress, sliding not long after under his head. Leaving the other in his sleep, the blond held the phone close to his chest and took the call when he hit the kitchen. It was impossible to contain the happiness crossing his features, yelling for the entire neighborhood to hear. Good thing Dongwoo was a heavy sleeper, his eyebrows twitching slightly and nothing more.

Daniel on the other hand heard everything, waking up dumbfounded and rushing to where Henry was. His heart drummed louder the moment he was taken up in the air and spun around… well, at least Henry tried. He didn’t have enough force for a full spin, so a bit of a right-left while Daniel’s feet remained attached to the ground should suffice.

“I got amazing news, let’s go out and celebrate!”

One peck on Daniel’s nose, the blond let go and ran to take a quick shower. The other remained just as confused, still waking up from slumber, only to erupt in mumbles on his way back to the bedroom. Stepping on the paper, he picked it back up and decided to check for once and for all its contents.

He really didn’t want to ruin Henry’s mood, he really didn’t. They were going to have fun, have a great time, enjoy each other’s company and maybe have a more intimate moment later on.

Yet, tears don’t wait. He buried his face in his palms and he knew, he knew very well, he had long accepted Sungyeol passing away, long made peace with the idea of him being gone.

But not his guilt, not his regrets.

Not his guilt of silence.

'You've reached the end of this book. Truthfully, all is a lie. 

What I really wanted to say is this.

Dani, I love you. More than a friend. I'm not sure of you but I know you won't judge me... is there a chance you would accept my heart?'

The boy ripped the paper to tiny pieces, leaving a wisp of air in his hurry to the bathroom.

Henry got assaulted by a rain of kisses and several “I love you Henry Lau”s before he pinned Daniel against the wall and wrapped one of his legs around him.

Rushing to end before/on Niel's birthday T^T