Until he decided to get up from bed, Dongwoo spent most of the early hours biting on his thumb’s nail. It was a nasty habit which came when he’d feel most stressed about something. What exactly, he never knew because there were plenty of candidates lined up at his doorstep.

He wanted to call his mother, but he knew that would probably ruin his entire day. As much as he wanted to go on pretending life was fine, it became heavier with each day. So, a call was out of question. His mother’s presence would only dare his orbs to form a salty lake at his feet. He could very well visit her instead, have some face to face interaction, but that would make it worse. 

Then there was his brother. Daniel successfully made the once stone sleeper Dongwoo into an insomniac. He wanted to be there for him, but he couldn’t stay more than a couple of minutes. Also, he felt extremely jealous. He was the last one to find out of his condition and that was only because he’d been asked to come pick him up when they’d release him the following day. That was one evening before Dongwoo woke up in the middle of the night to bite on his nail and on his thumb like an infant.

After, he hit the shower, went through the usual morning ritual and properly dressed for the season. What he didn’t expect was for his girlfriend to, once again, go against the set of rules he so preciously tried to respect.

“For ’s sake, I told you not to do that!”

Dongwoo rushed to the couch. The woman blew smoke in his face and laughed while the man coughed his lungs out. A few lit candles brought shadows to the dark room and further annoyed him. If he hadn’t been such a sweet boy most of his life, the woman wouldn’t be smirking there. She leaned backwards onto the couch and puffed again at the cigarette, watching the exasperated brunette. Dongwoo really wanted to fill a bucket with water and soak her for that, but he’d feel too guilty about it afterwards. Instead, he grabbed the car keys and a small paper bag.

“Where are you going?” she screamed after him.

“None of your damned business!” he yelled back from the hallway as he got his shoes on. Dongwoo mumbled something, enable to hold the rage inside anymore. “Know what?” he cried again.

“What?” the woman answered with the cigarette stuck in her hand, eager to let it back between her lips.

“We’re over! Get out of my house!” with that, Dongwoo opened the front door and dashed to the stairs. The woman rolled her eyes and gave the cigarette a final kiss.

---

“This day got worse...” he mumbled while his hands dropped from the steering wheel. He’d bang his forehead onto anything available at that moment, but he treasured the car too much. Instead, he tried to relax and wait until the accident ahead would be solved. Dongwoo had an eerie feeling it would take more than usual. With the lack of music and other angry drivers about to explode, he mumbled some more.

He fixed his eyes on the rear-view mirror. A couple of photos shaped like dog tags were dangling from it. Dongwoo was hugging Daniel in one of them, both with huge grins and high-school uniforms. Dongwoo couldn’t help smile, but that wasn’t what drew his attention. The Daniel in the photo had nothing to do with the one reflected in the mirror, cuddled at Henry’s chest. He had fallen asleep the moment Dongwoo started the engine and rocked their way to the garage. As much as he enjoyed seeing his brother safe in another world where nobody else had access, he knew it wasn’t right.

He gazed at the way Henry's fingers tentatively tried to remove a few strands from Daniel’s face and ended up wrapped around his body... sure, it was normal. It was amazingly common to see something like that, but Dongwoo couldn’t shake off the feeling he had every time Henry wouldn't move his eyes off Daniel. It had a longing Dongwoo hadn’t seen before. And he didn’t understand it. Or he didn’t want to. Either way, it wasn’t the first time that happened. It bugged the one who successfully danced with Daniel in drag and that spoke volume.

“Dongwoo...” Henry suddenly spoke as he stared at the one trapped in the driver’s seat “...your name’s Dongwoo, right?”

“Yeah,” the brunette answered and shifted his eyes to the window. From the way the weather had been lately, it was prone to heavily snow again. Though, that didn’t matter much to him. What Dongwoo didn’t realize was the green little monster which battled its eyelashes inside his mind. It shoved its ideas down his throat in such a manner, it made Dongwoo choke at the mere thought of anybody else becoming close to his brother.

Why couldn’t he run back to him when something was wrong? Was it too much to ask? The kid would always complain about everything to Dongwoo, from the way the opposing team won a football match, to how much his love for something Dongwoo didn't fully comprehend spread throughout every fiber of his being. He nostalgically thought that he hadn’t heard Daniel recite a poem in a while and it made him drowsy. Poems turned his cogs, yet Daniel hadn’t put his brain to the test in a while.  

“You’re brothers, right?”

Dongwoo scoffed. He turned around, enough to reveal his head between the front seats.

“Yeah,” he answered and forced a kind tone upon his tongue “and you’re the roommate I know nothing about.”

Henry didn’t reply. He examined Dongwoo's features. At a closer inspection, there were some characteristics the brothers shared, like their full lips and slight square chin, but Henry could have never pictured them as blood related.

“Ahn Dongwoo, right?”

“No,” Dongwoo showed his perfect teeth “Jang, I’m Jang Dongwoo.”

 “So...” Henry was right. They were only brothers on paper. “One of you is adopted?”

“Yeah, well, that’s complicated.” Dongwoo snorted and went back to his seat. He tapped the steering wheel and fumbled with the radio until soft music filled the car. He couldn’t put the usual beat he and Daniel would loosen on. Dongwoo wanted his brother to rest for once and those heavy songs would disturb even the death. “He was adopted legally, I wasn’t.” he paused, enough to rethink his words. “That’s all. I don’t even remember a thing before that, so...” Also, he shouldn’t be explaining their situation to a complete stranger, but Dongwoo did it anyway.

“How was he?” Henry’s question dumbfounded Dongwoo. He watched the blond in the rear-view mirror and then the traffic jam. Nobody moved and with the cold outside, Dongwoo didn’t want to turn the engine off. They needed the heat it generated and he was also afraid it might not start again if something froze under the hood. His nose curled when he remembered there was a question he had to pay attention to.

“When?” he should really stop drifting somewhere else when somebody tried to converse with him, but that was Dongwoo. He’d always trail off when there were too many things happening at once.

“In high-school...” Henry tightened his grip on his lover, unsure if his brother knew a thing about them. Nevertheless, anybody would consider his actions innocent. “How was he?”

“Awesome,” Dongwoo said right away as he tapped his fingers again on the wheel. He wanted to drum to the beat so much, but it lacked the force he’d been used to. “He was the most popular kid in school.” Dongwoo continued, amused by the whole situation. “We fought so much...” he trailed off and bit his lower lip. “He was really fun to be around...” he bit his thumb “...and caring...” Dongwoo tried hard not to smile too much, it hurt his mouth “...and he really loved poems. Well, I think he still does...” he shook his head “Niel was... well... Niel.”

“Aha,” Henry nodded. His blank look made Dongwoo uncomfortable. He had so many stories to share of Daniel, but he’d rather keep them away from the weird blond.

“But...” Dongwoo exhaled. He was unsure if he should tell or not. It was something which bothered him, but he couldn’t believe some guy Daniel met months ago would be able to find the cause faster than him. “He changed right after we graduated...” he bit the hardest on his nail before he removed the hand from anywhere around his face “I mean...” he mumbled some more. Dongwoo shook his head and raised his voice “He changed, okay? I don’t know how much you guys talked, but Niel is not Niel anymore.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah, oh,” Dongwoo muttered and sank some more in his seat. He angrily pulled on the handle near the steering wheel, joining the chorus made of countless horns.

“What do you think happened?”

Dongwoo subtly looked at the third person present in their high-school photos.

“Only he knows...”

Daniel slowly opened his eyes, enough to see Henry’s chest. He closed them back before they’d catch him eavesdropping.  

---

“Ah, nothing to eat...” Henry whined at the sight of an empty fridge. He dropped Daniel on the sofa, seemingly still asleep. As much as Dongwoo argued he should stay around some more, the brunette gave up and went to work after his phone rang three times. Henry lazily slammed the fridge door shut and peeked in the living room. Satisfied with the image, he went through his wallet before leaving to buy something edible.

Daniel counted how much time it would take for Henry to be at a fair distance from home. He opened again his eyes and slowly got up.

“Ah...” he stopped near the Christmas tree “...he didn’t open it.”

Henry still hadn’t touched the gift hidden under the tree. Daniel was starting to believe he really didn’t want it or maybe he simply forgot. Slowly, he pulled the gift in such a way that made it more visible. Satisfied, he carefully stepped in the kitchen and from there, traced the walls towards the other room, the first he was given when he moved with the blond. He made his way around the bed and flicked the lamp switch on. Kneeling before the bed, he pulled from beneath a wooden box. Daniel placed the box on the bed and stopped just as he was about to open it.

The first thing he packed was that box. Not clothes, not other personal items or his courses, but that special box. He was too afraid to open it again and since he couldn’t lock it, there was no key to be thrown and be forgotten.

He on his lips.

Daniel thought it was too late after the dream he had at the hospital. He lifted the lid and inhaled deeply. Inside there was a silver bracelet and a hardcover book.  His fingertips traced the book's title.

“Language of the flowers...” he whispered to nobody in particular. He skipped the dedication on the front page and uttered “Ninety-three,” desperate to read that passage again. He stopped and counted the lines before he hit the right paragraph. Daniel grabbed the book and slowly crawled in bed. His back rested against the wall and the book against his bended knees.

‘The spindle tree in our backyard had perfect flowers. That means both es are present in one structure. I don’t know much about botany, but there was something fascinating in that. Its vivid colors painted the white scenery and brought a sensation of warmth under my skin. I watched the magnificent shrub every time he’d come and ask how my day went by. I would lie again and again that things were getting better, that there was absolutely nothing more beautiful than his gorgeous smile. He’d laugh and call me crazy. Truth is... I was crazy. I was crazy after the spindle tree and how much it resembled him. He was a perfect spindle tree flower.’

Daniel lowered the book. One shaky hand shoved it away, unable to continue reading. It’s been one year and he still couldn’t finish the novel. Every time he tried, he’d stop at page 93. The last sentence made it impossible to breathe. His fingers would curl above his chest and pull at his clothes, but it wouldn’t do him any good. Daniel would then sob and try again, only to repeat.

But that one time, he didn’t shed one tear. Instead, he tried to understand once and for all why it was so hard to forget him. Most importantly, why did he have to give him that book in the first place? Of all the novels in the world, he had to choose that one and inspire Daniel to further search about everything related to flowers and their secret meanings. He grabbed onto his head and trembled harder.

“Niel?” the blond hurried off bed. The box noisily hit the floor in the process. He didn’t care anymore as he already reached the kitchen and forced a smile. Whatever happened, Henry shouldn’t see him in that state. He had forgotten the other long ago and should remain like that. Henry was there, he never left him, not even when Daniel almost begged him to let him die.

“Heeey~” he chirped and brought a sparkle in Henry’s eyes. The violinist embraced his lover and didn’t want to let go. Daniel didn’t mind it since it was easier to calm down in his arms than on his own.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Daniel murmured as he nuzzled Henry’s neck. “...everything’s great.”

Only it wasn’t.

“Uhm, thing is...” Henry slowly untangled the other from him and patted both of Daniel’s shoulders. “...I have to leave the country in a couple of days.”

“Oh, alright!” Daniel cheered and not once questioned his motive. He thought it was for the orchestra and he had already gotten used to it. At least, that’s what he told himself in that moment.

Because he didn’t.

“I’m going to see mom, but I’ll be back fast!”

“You do what you have to do~” Daniel giggled. It was almost funny the way Henry became such a kid when he mentioned his mother. Daniel was really happy for him and extremely glad Henry would be spending a few days with his family.

Only he wasn’t.

He couldn’t breathe again.

Henry will leave. Daniel would be all alone.

He was scared of what might happen.

He was scared of what he was capable of.

Most importantly, he was scared not to lose him too.

“...Niel? Are you alright?”

Daniel didn’t notice when he grabbed his head again. He didn’t notice he’d been pulling at his hair. He didn’t notice the way he hyperventilated and his eyes frantically moved from one side to the other.

“Can’t...” he grabbed onto the bar. Henry hurried and helped him take a seat on the floor “...breathe... can’t...”

“Niel!” Henry shook Daniel as terror took him hostage for the second time in two days. “Come on, what’s wrong?”

“Can’t...” he started sobbing as Henry brought him to his chest “...breathe...”

“Shhh, it’s okay...” Henry assured as he patted his back “It’s... okay...”

It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t alright. There was absolutely nothing good about it. Daniel hadn’t had a panic attack in two years. It terrified him.

What he didn’t know was that Dongwoo experienced the exact same thing as he watched his small apartment burn. The fire department gathered around along with the police. He dropped his car keys and grabbed onto his head, no longer able to think of the mess in front of him.

First, I want to apologize to those that are also reading 23:30 T^T I’m still waiting for Yukee to write her part, so we can’t update. I feel bad towards you guys, so I’m really sorry T^T you can throw tomatoes in my direction.

Secondly, I hope I can update this one tomorrow too. I have 5 exams next week and I don’t think I’ll have any energy left to do the weekly update. It’s already affecting me T^T /sighs

Here's Niel for you T^T