Alive

 Hwayoung had immediately become a forbidden subject within the company. Not even Hyoyoung, who rarely came in and would stay no longer than she needed to, could mention her name without having eyes glaring at her. If Boram could give an accurate description of the situation it would be that Hwayoung became the human equivalent of Ilbe. If you so much as allude to her, you were considered an ally. A friend of an enemy was an enemy and no one wanted to be Kwang Soo's enemy. It had gotten to the point that the songs she featured in were effectively banned from playing within company walls.
 This bothered Jihyun a lot more than everyone else and how could it not? She did not say it openly but the others knew her enough to know she was displeased. She wore scrowls and looked ready bite off the head of anyone who tried talking to her. The situation annoyed Boram as well but she did not care enough to debate it, to question it, to rebel. That girl was gone and that was that. Best keep your head down Boram, her father had said.
 They had done a good job at acting as if not much had changed. It was easier to pretend Hwayoung had died for some reason and, like a recently bereaved, Boram began noticing her everywhere. She would see her pictures in trash cans in almost all floors of the CCM building. There was an endless supply it seemed because, even as the year was ending, the pictures were still being discarded. Boram would hear Ahreum redoing parts of songs already recorded months before but not before Hwayoung's own voice blared through the thin doors of the studio. She was on album covers put on display as testaments of the company's success, on earlier copies of photobooks and posters that had been almost completely taken down. Even after Hwayoung's face was completely eradicated, as the Boss put it, from the vicinity, she still haunted them. Somehow the shy girl, who was always in the background, had become a huge presence bearing down on them.
 They had screwed up. Everyone but Jiyeon had accepted that. It took one of their worst fights for her to realise this. Jihyun had hissed harsh words at the younger girl and Jiyeon shoved and slapped when words failed her. All of this before Jiyeon slumped down in tears and admitted defeated. In Jung said that it was good that they let out instead of holding it in but Boram felt the whole thing was useless.
 "We just have to move forward," Sunyoung said. Boram saw her own desperation in her eyes. They must carry on. This was nothing, they all reasoned, compared to all they have been through at that point. However some new rules had to be laid down. The girls must not complain when they had a schedule that last a day and night to finish. No complaining allowed if they moved from city to city dancing raunchily for an idle crowd. Ugly clothes for a comeback, pool parties, random show cases across the continent, all of these were tolerated. It was the only way they could survive and the only way they would live. Boram wondered sometimes, staring at the sky unable to remember which country she was in, if this was truly living.