Entry 1

January 13, 2013

Hello, this is Kim Jongin.

Jongdae told me that maybe writing out my feelings would help. So far, I have only figured out one thing: tears don’t bring back the dead.

I’m not really a writer but I do hope to return every once in a while when the pain is too much.

Which will probably be every day. Especially on the days when I pass by the library and the first novel I see is The Little Mermaid.

Kyung read it to me once. He thought I fell asleep but in reality, I was afraid he’d see my tears. It wasn't fair for the mermaid. All she did was love the prince, no harm in that.

It’s even worse when I go to the grocery and I spot the infamous Cocoa puffs.I subconsciously buy a few boxes but when I return home, I realize I already have ten boxes of cocoa puffs stacked on my kitchen counter. In times like that, I run home anywhere and cry. I beg to the heavens just to see him one last time.

Damn, I feel my tears soaking the page. Mission abort.

In the distance I hear Jongdae yell to me, “Tears means it’s working!”

As much as I’d hate to admit it, yes it is working.

Hopefully I am able to get over him, although I highly doubt it.

At times, I swear I hear his voice. I run to it, but there’s nothing there. Nothing. And it leads me to believe that our love was all just a figment of my imagination but then Jongdae smacks me and shouts, “Stop being an idiot!”

And then I’ll remember our love that can’t be broken. He might be dead but his love isn’t.

Still, I miss him. I miss him so much.

P.S. Jongdae gave me a puppy yesterday, in rememberance of Kyungsoo's birthday. I named him  Kyung. They both have big eyes.