This diary belongs to Kwon Jiyong

Page: 21

Date: 12 December 2021

Hello my dear. I don’t know why I’m writing this thing but I couldn’t stop myself to open this notebook and talk with you. I just couldn't. When Dara gave me your diary that night, it was difficult, it was painful. I thought you were just too cruel. But now, now I cherish this as the best memory you left of you and me. This helps me remember you, thanks Ri.

You know Ri? Many things had happened… so many things I wish you could be here.

Ri, thank you. Thank you for this, for giving me this chance to live, for giving me a new start, I’m extremely greatful… but I miss you, I miss you so much my Ri. I need so much to watch your smile, your eyes, to feel the warmth of your hand. I miss you.

My parents arrived to Korea last month, finally I met them, and I met my mother, I almost couldn’t recognize her, she looks so different but she loves me! She does. I told her about you, we even visited your grave. Don’t you saw her, Ri? Isn’t she lovely?

She treats me as you used to treat me… you two surely would have liked each other, she remembers me of yourself. Always so tender with me, always giving the best of her to me. 

I finished writing my last song but I’m kind of mad with you Ri. You didn’t tell me about that song you wrote! If it was not for Dara and her overwhelming curiosity probably I still wouldn’t know about it. You always told me you were not good at it but guess which is going to be the first song we are going to record?… Yes, yours. I’m mad at you Ri, you hide it from me!

Seungri, sometimes I still wonder what if things would have been different and sometimes my soul hurts, my eyes cry, my hands tremble knowing you are no longer alive, sometimes I don’t want to understand. But I know sometimes we can’t chose right? Sometimes we can't change things, right? We just carry on, with the pain, with the holes in our souls, knowing that somewhere we have someone looking for us.  Are you looking at me Ri? I will make you feel proud of me, you’ll see. I will achieve greatness for you!

My dear… I can’t help but to miss you every single day, but I'll smile, I'll do my best, you gave me the strength necessary to wait patiently until I can meet you again. You’ll be there right? You promised Ri!

Happy Birthday my dear! I wish I could say “more years to come” or “more years to live”, but I can’t. Let’s say “more years of me loving you, and you being with me”. Happy birthday wherever you are… I’ll keep on living, just please never let my hand go, ok?

 Till then.

Ji.