Soundtrack: Entertainment  - Phoenix

This diary belongs to Lee Seunghyun

Page. 13

20-August-2021

I’m extremely tired, so tired that even the pen between my fingers in this precise moment feels heavy. But, the truth is I have so much to tell, too many feelings inside my heart, too many memories inside my mind and I want to tell, to write all of them. I don’t want to forget anything, not even one single thing.

Jiyong is taking a bath right now. He insisted on doing it by his own; so I’m taking advantage of the fact he is not here and I’m going to write everything that has happen till know.

We arrived at Tokyo today at 7 pm, after a two hours flight from Incheon Airport. Who would have guessed that Jiyong was afraid of flying? All the way through the flight he kept squeezing my hand and stared with fear at every single movement the flight attendants made as though he was just waiting for any evidence of problems to jump out of his seat and run away. Even if I tried him to look at the amazing view of the sea below us, with the orange reflection of the sunset over its calm waters or the astonishing view of the multi-colored view of Tokyo seen from the sky. No. He always kept his eyes away from the window. And it was only after the plane landed and we set our foot on land, that he left out a relieved sigh.

“Look at that!” he shouted, loosening the grip of our hands and approaching himself to the bunch of stores inside the airport. Stores replete with souvenirs, and especially with lots of mangas and animes.

“Seungri, look at this!” he exclaimed, pointing at the magazines and stuff in front of him with bright eyes. I just smiled upon seen his relaxed semblance, upon seen him so indifferent of everything else, indifferent about all the problems that we were leaving behind. I couldn’t do anything but smile; actually I came to notice that I don’t know how to do anything else but to smile every time he is with me.

We took a taxi that drove us to our hotel at the center of the city. But be sure I will never again take a taxi in Japan. Their prices are just too high! But I can’t really complain. Jiyong’s fascinated face and how he kept his nose plastered over the window all the way to our hotel, watching the buildings and stores in excitement. That makes everything worthy, for sure.

I must say that Jiyong makes this city look completely different. The last time I came here, Tokyo was for me a simply monotone, always crowded and a tiresome city. Now, somehow it shines with a different kind of light; Jiyong makes me become aware of aspects and things that I before ignored. The amazing lightening above us that make the streets seem alive, the crowded sidewalks with different types of people walking together shoulder by shoulder. Some of them dressed in such strange attires. Everything seems so alive, so real. While I hold Jiyong’s hand this city appeared to me as something extraordinary.

“I’m sorry if our room is not as amazing as you thought, but accommodation is quite expensive in Tokyo,” I excused myself when I pushed our room’s door open, watching at the keys in my hands a little bit ashamed.

Our room is small; it has one bed against one of the walls, a small bathroom, one closet next to the door and a table at one of the corners. I think the only amazing thing is the window that stretches from the floor to the ceiling, allowing us to see the wonderful sight of the city.

“Are you joking? This is way better than my hospital room Ri!” he exclaimed, opening the curtains of the window and sighing at the view in front of him.

I approached to him slowly, admiring the curve of his neck, his fragile and relaxed shoulders, his sweater sticking to his body and waist. I reached my arms around his slim waist, hugging him from behind and whispered to his ear.

“So now I’m Ri? What am I going to be next, hm?” I asked him, before brushing the curve of his neck with my lips, kissing his soft skin, inhaling his scent.

He turned his face to see me, letting a quite moan escape from his lips and leant his body backwards towards me. “I don’t know, you will have to wait to find that out. For now, you are my Seungri, my Ri,” he whispered before kissing my chin.

We stood in front of the window, embraced into each others warm, looking at the rainbow of lights and flickers in front of us, surrounded by the silent magic of the beloved city of Tokyo. Our reflection on the mirror adorned by a strange multi-colored aura of rays and shadows while Jiyong’s orbs reflected the calmness of the flickering sky in front of us. Yes. We allowed the constant movement, the hustle and bustle of this city to envelope us in an overwhelming tranquility.

“I can’t believe I’m actually here,” he sighed after a moment of silence. “This is perfect.”

Yes, it is perfect. Too perfect it actually hurts.

Jiyong insisted, after he finished unpacking his almost non-existent luggage, to go out and walk around the streets. Explaining that Tokyo was a city that must be seen during both day and night.

“You know, Tokyo is like two cities in one. It has one face during day and another during night; we have to know both of them.” He said, with a Beanie jammed on his head and his arm stretched giving me my coat. He beckoned me to stop unpacking and to follow him outside. So I did.

“Just two hours and then we are back, you are not supposed to do much effort,” I warned him, grabbing his hand when we went out and rushed ourselves into the crowded sidewalks, crowded by people drawn into their own thoughts and conversations. Jiyong got close to me, overwhelmed by the sudden explosion of sounds.

“By the way, how do you know so much about Tokyo if you haven’t been here, not even once?” I asked him, raising one of my eyebrows while we waited between the rest of the people to cross one of the streets.

“You can know different places just by reading about them. If you close your eyes really tightly you can touch things that are not there; that’s the power of imagination,” he explained, with his usual smile.

We wandered around like two lost souls. Sometimes stopping in the middle of nowhere and glancing above us, at the ceiling of lights and glimmering Japanese words. At times Jiyong stopped in front of some food stalls and frowned, concentrated looking at the way the people cooked the food in front of him, the ingredients they used, they way they were prepared. He closed his eyes after and took a deep breath, and then he asked me what was the name of whatever was.

“You want some?” I asked him always, before asking to the old ladies the name of the snacks. But he shook his head and continued walking. “Hey Jiyong, wait! Why?”

“I’m not hungry yet,” he always answered.

“But you seemed like you wanted some?” I told him, pointing confused at the food stall now behind us.

“I don’t! What’s the matter with wanting to now the name of the food?” he asked, as if I was the one with the crazy attitude.

“Nothing, I just… ahh you are weird,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. Yes, I’m always like that, because of Jiyong and his unusual actions.

We walked around for a little bit longer; even I sometimes stopped my own steps to look at the things displayed at the stores. Those robot toys with whom I played as kid were right there in front of me, and I felt the long forgotten sensation of wanting to play, wanting to be a kid once again.

But as everything, reality always returns. Jiyong’s face slowly started to pale and his breathing become more and more strained, his pace slowed, so I asked him if he was feeling ok. He shook his head and lean his body over one wall, and murmured, as if he felt ashamed of confessing it, “I think I’m tired.”

I kneeled in front of him, and check on his pulse on his wrist trying to maintain myself calm but the truth my hands were trembling nervously. He grabbed my hand and cover it with both his hands and smiled. “I’m fine, stop worrying so much. I’m just tired.”

I nodded not very convinced, but I wanted to trust in him. So we returned to the hotel, walking slower than before. We even bought an order of okonomiyaki* at one of those food stalls we stopped before. We eat those, sat over the floor inside our hotel room, the window wide-open allowing the wind and the sounds slip inside the room. It almost felt as if we were suspendend, high above in the sky over the city.

Jiyong asked me from time to time to find special sounds hidden in the constant murmur of the city. Sometimes it were a crying baby, other times the cracking of the burning wood or the sound of water being thrown to the street.

You have to see the lightened face of Jiyong, how happy he looks, how impressed he becomes for the simplest things. How he discovers the things around him with his own peculiar way. Despite of how stubborn or bizarre he may be sometimes; I feel safe by his side, I feel not lost anymore. And it scares me, because I know this happiness is volatile, this certainty I’m enveloping myself with is so easy to fade away. It scares me in my dreams, in my thoughts; this fear is constantly present.

I haven’t told him about this diary. I think it’s not the moment to let him know about this. It feels more natural this way. I will eventually let him know and even read all this nonsense rant I’m always writing in here. But now I need to keep this as a secret. I’m sure that if he finds out, he will take and run away with my notebook between his hands. I should not allow that to happen.

I really want him and me, to stay like this, together, forever… if it was possible.

Lee SH

* Okonomiyaki is a japanese style savoury pancake, you can add what you like to it, -okono meaning what you like and -yaki meaning grilled

Happy New Year!! Is GRI year!! I wish for you to have an amazing year filled with blessings and success. New Chapter as my New Year gift ^.^

Next Chapter next week.. and also mikahina is going on a little hiatus this January.. will be back on the 20. (I haven't decided what to do.. maybe I can post the chapters not beta-read.. but I'm not sure..) Hope you can wait for us. ^.^ See ya soon.