We left Kyoto yesterday. Leaving that city behind was difficult, in some way it felt as if I was leaving behind one piece of my heart there. I have now a strong attachment to that city, as if we somehow belonged there, as if we had planted something on those floors, between those cherry blossoms. Something inside our hearts grew up there, stronger.

We are now in a little, almost unknown town called Fujikawaguchiko Yamanashi. I took the opportunity to come here, as it was one of the towns we have to cross on our way back to Tokyo.

The only thing from this nation that captivated me from the very first time I came to Japan was the beautiful elegance of Mount Fuji. It’s magical aura and the nostalgic feeling his snowy, mysterious peak created inside me always captivated me. Alluring and tempting my crooked soul every single time I watched to his distant outline, from my student room in Tokyo. And I always promised to myself one day, I would watch that white snow, those sharp edges, and its unreachable tip hidden by clouds as close as possible.

So we came here, to one of the best places in Japan to admire it’s splendor, whether from the window of our room, from the various viewpoints along the Kawaguchi Lake or from anyplace in this little town.

I only saw Mount Fuji like this on those nice postcards at the streets of Tokyo, never this real or this palpable. But as much as I desired Jiyong, to be captured by this breathtaking sight too. He arrived at the hotel with his eyes almost closed in exhaustion and pain, and without even giving a glance at the beauty of the landscape; he collapsed onto the bed.

I can’t deny, this is not what I expected, and that watching at Jiyong’s deteriorating countenance does hurt every single piece of me. But we are here, right? Next to the Fuji, which stares at us in serenity. I am here with my dear Jiyong, in one of my favorite places on earth. What more could I ask for?

So, I laid my body next to him and felt asleep with him. It was not until noon that the sound of screeching voices and a giggling over my head dragged me out from my sleep. Jiyong was siting right next to me, still under the blankets, staring at the television. His body showed exhaustion by holding a slouch, but his face was more joyful than before.

“Huh? Oh! Sorry Ri, Did I woke you up?” he said concerned, decreasing the volume of the TV, when he felt my body moving next to him.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry,” I assured him, adapting my eyes to the sudden light; I glanced at the TV with skepticism. “Where you watching a movie? Why were you laughing, you can’t even understand what they are saying?”

“That’s funnier! But I don’t need to understand what they are saying, I can imagine it,” he said, shrugging, not giving it much importance. “But now that you are awake, you can understand Japanese.”

“Hmm…?” I said, almost certain about what he was going to say next by looking at his expectant eyes.

“Can you translate one for me?” he asked, with a childish voice.

“Me? Now? I… I guess I can try,” I replied, taken aback. I lifted myself over the bed and looked at Jiyong crawling over the bed, and retrieving some movies from under the blankets. He explained me how he went to ask for some movies at the reception while I was sleeping, using his poor English and his hands to make himself understood. I smiled at his clumsiness.

So I translated for him the movie. It was one of those weird, supposedly scary Japanese movies. But because I tried my best to sound as close as every character, imitating their voices, sometimes even the ridiculous gestures and shouts of the supposedly “possessed” girl. We both were bursting out in laughter at my failed impersonations rather than screaming scared. At the end, I let my back fall over the bed, drained of energy, with an intense desire to throw up every single Japanese word inside my head. 

“Seungri," he murmured next to my face before placing a little tender kiss over one of my cheeks, "I’m sorry I was tired before. How about going for a walk around the town? I know you want to,” he suddenly said, leaning his head over my chest and staring at me tenderly. “Come on, let’s go.”

We wandered around the town, walking by the shore of the Lake, looking at the Fuji, that was amazingly not covered by clouds, showing all it’s splendor, proudly standing and cowering the surroundings in its beauty.

“Want to know a story one Japanese teacher once told me about Fuji-san?” I asked Jiyong, our elbows placed over the red handrail, the calm waters of Kawaguchi lake separated us from the mountain. Jiyong was lost in his thoughts, whispering some kind of melody.

“Your stories are always nice to hear,” he smiled and added “And I want to know too what’s what fascinates you about this place." 

“There’s this book called The Tale of The Bamboo Cutter, is one of the oldest Japanese narratives ever found. In the last scene of the book, the Princess Kaguya leaves behind an elixir of immortality for the emperor, as she must return to her home on the moon. The heartbroken emperor orders the elixir to be burned at the summit of the mountain, closest to heaven. That’s why some say this Mount is called Fuji, derived from fushi or immortality.” I ended my description by looking at the mountain and its reflection on the waters. Inmortality I whispered only for me.

“Bodies will never be immortal,” Jiyong said after a while, “Everything has to die, it’s necessary. Memories are immortal, actions can remain, what we leave inside others hearts is immortal. Those things are worth fighting for. The emperor did the right thing I guess, immortality is not restrained between glass walls but in our hands, in our words, in our thoughts," he remained silent for a while, biting his lower lip before looking at me, “Seungri, promise me you’ll always remember me, I want to be an immortal memory for you, I’m that selfish.” He said, putting his arms around my waist, with tears coating his shimmering orbs.

He was looking at me as if he apologized for loving me, for dragging me to this constant anguish of losing him. But the truth is, this was my own decision. It should be me the one apologizing for making him feel responsible for this. We both are victims, now I’m sure. We are not responsible, nor guilty for anything. We love each other under circumstances we both are not responsible, we both can’t control. The only thing I can do is to be with him, and love him, give him all of me… until I can.

“You’ll be the only immortal thing in my life Jiyong. I promise.” I said, placing my lips over his, at first with tenderness, with worry; but he pulled me closer to him, demanding my soul, demanding my thoughts, demanding my hands, demanding everything from me. And I gave it to him, gladly, the key was already in his hands, I had given it to him long ago, the key to myself. “Promise me the same, Ji.”

He nodded, as he used to do, dropping his eyes to the floor avoiding my stare, but with strength. Sheer and utter determination was evident in his posture..

“You’ll be the only immortal thing in my life, Seungri”

Ji, Please. Keep your promise.

Lee SH