Nuneul kamado ne eol-kulman tteo-olla
Kwiireul ma-gado ne moksori-ga teu-llin geot kata
Haruga ne saengga-ge jeongshin eobshi china-ga
Na chigeum neoreurarhko i-nna bwah hmm~

I close my eyes but only your face pops up in my mind

I block my ears but it feels like I heard your voice

Each day passes mindlessly with thoughts of you

I think I am lovesick over you hmm~

 

You take people for granted; moments become memories that you wish you could relive. Happy times turn into sad endings and the best moments turn out to be the worst. Life has a funny way of twisting your world so much that at times, you feel like giving up. And although it seems like the best choice, it isn't. How can I say that? Do I even know the depths of pain and depression; how it rips you in half and breaks you until you are too weak to even pretend you are fixed? I do. But I know of a girl who also went through that. She faced depression, hatred, and being pushed to her limits - she changed lives though. And this is her story...

"How can you be so hyper? Especially on a cloudy day like today?" Naeun asked the girl who was rolling from side to side on the ground below her. Naeun was lying flat on the edge of the makeshift porch of the tree house located in the giant oak tree in her friend's backyard. She was looking down at her younger friend, watching as she rolled around in the leaves. Everyone knew good and well that the girl - Melanie - was constantly hyper. It was almost like a disease or disorder. Rarely did you ever see the girl cry or be upset, if you did, she was likely to be faking it. On the other hand, some thought her hyperactive personality was an act. Neither idea could be proven wrong nor right; Melanie never fully opened up to anyone.

"How can you not be? It is an awesome day, there are plenty of leaves all over the ground, and you are being lazy!" Melanie called up to the girl. "You are usually hyper with me! Are you sick?" Melanie sat up and looked directly up at her best friend, curiosity showing in her eyes. She spoke the truth. She and Naeun were constantly going on adventures, letting their imaginations get the best of them; people would give them the weirdest looks when they'd run down the street, hugging strangers, throwing confetti at old ladies, and petting small children as if they were pets. But they knew how to have fun, that's all they cared about. "Are you an alien?"

Naeun's eyes widened and she sat up. "Am I?" She patted her face, the top of her head, her stomach, and then her legs. She looked down at Melanie and smiled brightly, giving a thumbs up and shaking her head. "I'm good! I haven't been abducted and turned into an alien."

"Yay!" Melanie shouted gleefully as she grabbed some of the copper leaves and threw them about. One would think the girl is at least five years old, but in reality she is fifteen. She smiled as the leaves fell around her. "But that doesn't explain your 'not wanting to play'."

"I'm just tired today," Naeun explained. She climbed down the ladder and walked over to the swing hanging from one of the branches. She sat down and looked at her friend. "I have work tomorrow... I better go home and rest." Melanie nodded, understanding. They had already spent around four hours talking, reading interesting posts about unicorns, and eating the sweets that Melanie's mother, Krystal, had made for her close friend; Krystal would be furious when she found out that one of her daughter's ate the specially made sweets. Naeun told Melanie to blame one of her sisters.

"Go home and get plenty of rest!" Melanie commanded Naeun, smiling. "Or prepare to become a zombie!" Melanie pretended to be a zombie briefly before Naeun laughed at her. After the two waved goodbye and Naeun left, Melanie tried to think of where to go. Krystal was at her friend's house, her father was at work, her sister's had social lives of their own and her best friend needed rest. Where could she go? She felt like going to her favorite cafe, just a ten minute walk away. But she didn't want to walk that far. She considered visiting her aunt, her favorite unnie, or her 'twinnie'. If this were any other normal day, she'd go visit her other best friend - he was gone with his parents on vacation for a while.

"To the cafe it is!" she called out, raising her fist in the air. And so she headed to the cafe, humming a random kpop tune, and dancing once she remembered a certain dance move. Pedestrians gave her odd looks as usual, but a lot of them knew Melanie and know how she acted, so they simply smiled at her and even chuckled. She even cheered a few of them up by just simply acting like that.

Halfway there, her head began to throb. It had been doing that all day. She complained to Naeun a lot earlier, but when Naeun told her to take pain relievers, Melanie refused. So she is still suffering from the pain in her head. She let out a whimper as she slowed her pace, rubbing the side of her head. "Go away, pain."

When she reached the cafe, she entered excitedly and greeted the head waitress, Hyosung. The older girl waved and smiled her gummy smile at her. "What's up, Lanie?"

"I got bored."

"It isn't much fun here. There are a lot of no-good, grumpy old people here," Hyosung said as she leaned across the counter. "And a few guys that are trying to 'holla'." Melanie let out a laugh at Hyosung's comment accompanied by her serious expression. "I confronted them and told them 'no way in Hell'!"

"Unnie, get back to work!" Melanie said as she sat down at a booth. "I'll have a smoothie; the usual!"

"Do I look like your servant?" Hyosung scoffed, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yes, now bring me a smoothie!" Melanie tried her best to use aegyo on her, but she knew good and well that aegyo didn't work on Hyosung. Hyosung instead grimaced and turned around, walked in to the kitchen and went to make the girl her usual smoothie. If Melanie was the only one in the cafe, Hyosung would have threatened to cut her or hit her. Even though Hyosung seemed to dislike the girl, and Melanie loved to bug her, the two did it out of love. Intentionally. Hyosung was easily pestered and Melanie was the type to pester for amusement. Anyone liked to pester Hyosung, though. It was fun.

Across the cafe, a boy had been watching the incident, curious. He had never seen the lively girl before and never seen Hyosung so irritated - Hyosung liked to maintain a calm demeanor while at work, but it usually failed once she went into the kitchen. She changed like day and night between the counter where she worked and the kitchen. No one ever noticed, except the cook. The cook enjoyed her bipolar moments though and her constant muttering about some random guy trying to flirt with her and how he'd be cut if he didn't stop. This was a constant for her.

"What are you looking at?" Kyungsoo asked out of curiosity as he watched his friend from across the booth. He turned around and tried looking in the direction he was looking, but failed to spot the point of interest. He turned back to him and sighed. "Yah!" The boy looked at him and blinked a few times.

"Huh?"

"What were you looking at?" Kyungsoo repeated his question.

"Who is that girl over there?" Jay asked, pointing at Melanie. Melanie was currently playing with a straw, bending it back and forth and pouting. She was focused on it a bit too much. Kyungsoo had turned to look and was looking at his friend once again. He let out a chuckle.

"Melanie. Weird, isn't she?" Jay nodded. "She's nice though... but hyper. A little too hyper sometimes." Jay looked at her again and watched as Hyosung walked over and handed Melanie her smoothie, smiling as fakely as possible.

"Here you go," Hyosung cooed. "Enjoy."

Melanie looked up at her, "Is this poisoned?"

"No, now drink it." Hyosung went back to the cash register and started meddling with things, mainly her phone. Melanie eyed her before taking a new straw and putting it in the smoothie and took a drink. After a minute, Melanie smiled and yelled at Hyosung, "Thank you for not poisoning my drink! You'll get a tip!" A few of the customers looked at Melanie, including Kyungsoo. Jay smiled slightly, finding it a bit amusing. Hyosung, on the other hand, glared at the girl and held up a butter knife.

"I love you!" Melanie sing-songed and then took another drink of her smoothie, happy with the taste and her success in pestering Hyosung once again. If she had a dollar for every time she succeeded in pestering Hyosung, she'd be filthy rich.

"Will you stop looking at her?" Kyungsoo asked Jay after twenty minutes had passed. Jay choked on his soda and looked at the boy.

"I'm not!" he denied.

Kyungsoo poked his forehead, "You are. You can converse with her after I leave. I don't need her skipping over singing 'Mr. Bug Eyes' to the entire cafe."

Jay laughed. "'Mr. Bug Eyes'?"

"It was 'Mr. Big Eyes', but somehow..." Kyungsoo set his chopsticks down and sighed. "Just wait until I-"

"Mr. Bug Eyes!" Melanie shouted. Kyungsoo groaned inwardly. He had spoken too soon. She was standing at the cash register, about to pay for her smoothie when she spotted Kyungsoo. She smiled and set her smoothie down. She then ran over to their booth and waved. "It's been ages! How are you? Still big eyed, I see." Kyungsoo couldn't help but grin; her happiness was a bit infectious. "Oh! Hi!" Melanie bowed when she spotted Jay. "I'm Melanie!"

"Jihwan," he greeted her, "but call me Jay."

Melanie looked at Kyungsoo. "Have you heard from Ricky?" Kyungsoo's naturally large eyes widened.

"N-No! Wh-Why-" he cleared his throat, "would I?" He let out a nervous chuckle. She shrugged. "I haven't heard from him since he left. He might've gotten kidnapped or something," she told him. "What kind of bestie would I be to just let his whereabouts go unknown?"

"A less stalker-y one...?" Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly and Melanie stuck her tongue out.

"I'm a stalker, you're a donut. We all have weird issues," she said.

"Yah! Melanie! I have your change!" Hyosung yelled at her.

"I am busy, woman!" Melanie yelled back, waving her hand over her shoulder. Melanie then proceeded to sit down by Jay and peered at Kyungsoo. "Are you still having issues with your hubby?"

"What? N-No-"

"Stop stuttering," Melanie said as she grabbed a strawberry from Jay's plate and threw it at Kyungsoo. It hit him square in the face and he flinched. "So how is life?" She beamed, her mood seeming a bit bipolar, especially to Jay since he didn't know her. Kyungsoo went on to tell Melanie about the BaekYeol couple, earning a few comments from her such as her name for Chanyeol 'the flaming badge oven guy' and how Baekhyun, his nickname being pun intended - Bacon as they referred to him - needed to be cooked. A couple moments during the conversation both boys noticed Melanie would shift in her seat a bit and bite her lip. Her head was still throbbing, but would much more at moments, causing her to shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"Are you going to Chunji's party tomorrow?" Melanie asked, looking from Kyungsoo to Jay. Chunji, Melanie's half-brother, was having another one of his parties, this time without alcohol or threats to murder a guy named Lay. Something about Lay being a secret unicorn and Chunji had to slay him and eat him or something. People swore Chunji was on drugs. He probably was.

"Yeah," Jay answered automatically; even though Kyungsoo shook his head 'no'. "Well, I am."

"I have plans," Kyungsoo told Melanie. "And I think the BaekYeol couple does, too. So, have fun for me."

"I will!" she replied, nodding. "Sohyun unnie and Naeunicorn should be there. Maybe. If not, I'll just bug L.Joe or something."

"Or you could out with Jay," Kyungsoo said. Jay's eyes widened a bit and Melanie looked at him, smiling at him. Kyungsoo smirked when Jay glanced at him. "Right, Jay?"

"That would be fun! We can annoy L.Joe together!" Melanie said to Jay, still smiling. Melanie's infectious happiness spread and Jay ended up just smiling back and nodding in agreement. Melanie turned back to Kyungsoo. "You are such a party pooper for not coming." Kyungsoo just shrugged.

The next day Melanie spent it as usual, browsing the internet for entertaining things, listening to songs, and texting her friends to see if they were as bored as her. Krystal had found out about the sweets and knew Melanie did it - Sulli was staying at her friend’s house for the weekend and Suzy didn't eat sweets much. That left Melanie and Sungyeol and she knew it wasn't Sungyeol. "Umma! It wasn't me, I swear! It was... a ghost." Melanie smiled sheepishly. Krystal just rubbed her temples and ignored her for the rest of the evening. Sometimes it was impossible to deal with Melanie.

Jay, on the other hand, was getting ready for the party. Kyungsoo filled his head with warnings of Melanie’s weirdness, her love for candy, and the fact that she loved to pull others in to trouble with her.

"Hey!" Melanie greeted him as she opened her front door. "Let's go party!" she sang in the tune of 2NE1's song 'Let's Go Party'. She smiled and grabbed him arm, dragging him from the doorstep as she closed the door with her free hand. "Mr. Big Eyes really should've come! He always skips out on this stuff." Melanie continued to drag the poor boy down the sidewalk, not aware of anything but the constant music playing in her head and how she would annoy her 'twinnie' tonight.

"Um," Jay began and cleared his throat, "Melanie, can you slow down? Or let go?" Melanie slowed down and let go of his arm. She apologized, followed by a sincere smile. She then began rambling on about meaningless things that Jay barely had interest in. Joonmyun's weird obsession with farting birds, how she rarely got to see her cousins anymore, how her best friend was off to God knows where and might be kidnapped - she assured him that Ricky would be safe since he is a baby tiger. Jay couldn't help but chuckle at the girl. She was one of the most abnormal and weird people he had ever met. You wouldn't think that upon first glance.

"Welcome to the 'casa de le Chunji'!" Melanie said as she knocked on the door. Chunji opened the door and greeted them. You could hear music blasting inside.

"Why are you always one of the first here?" he asked her as she dragged Jay inside.

"The food and drinks get contaminated once a large crowd is here. Fear of germs, my friend," she told him. "Chunji, this is Jay. Jay, this is the unicorn hunter." Jay waved, followed by Chunji giving a small nod of acknowledgement. Jay followed Melanie into the kitchen. "Rain sunb-" Before Melanie could finish, Rain left the room. "That bish." Jay watched Rain leave and then looked at Melanie.

"Why did he leave?"

"I tried dressing him as a princess once," Melanie said as nonchalantly as possible. "I guess he is still afraid of me." Jay couldn't get over how casually Melanie spoke about weird things like that. When she mentioned Sohyun's pet unicorn, Icecream, or when she talked about being chased by a dinosaur with Naeun; everything came out so casually. Maybe she really was crazy.

"I will get him one day," Melanie continued on. "But until then... I need a new target." Melanie had an evil grin on her face.

"You're a bit scary," he told her. She grabbed a cup of punch and shrugged casually. "Scary, weird, hyper, crazy; I've been called everything. They are just words to me," she told him. She drank some of her punch. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Melanie outstretched her hand to Jay. He looked at her hand and saw a few pieces of candy. "Want some?" Jay didn't really feel like eating candy, but smiled and took it anyways, unwrapping the golden wrapper and putting it in his mouth.

"Kyungsoo said you liked candy a lot," he said to her. She nodded.

"Like an addiction," she said before throwing her cup away. "Do you have anything like that that you love a lot?"

He thought before shaking his head 'no'. He couldn't think of anything. Sure, he did probably have something he loved as much as Melanie loved candy, but his mind was blank. He stood there, on the candy as Melanie simply nodded and walked out of the room. He followed her, feeling a bit like a puppy following his master - this thought made him laugh to himself. But he didn't really know anyone that was there at the moment, so he had no choice but to follow the shorter girl everywhere.

Soon enough over thirty people were on Chunji's property, chatting, drinking - there was bound to be alcohol there, but it was brought in secretly - and flirting away with everyone. Chunji moved from person to person, lightly conversing before getting bored and moving on. Jay got tired after meeting too many of Melanie's friends. He took a seat outside and watched the stars. Melanie moved about inside, wandering the place for anyone she knew. Sohyun and Hara ended up dragging her to the middle of the living room and dancing as a popular song began to play.

 

 

Jamkkan seuchyeodo nae gaseumi tteolligo
Sum shwiil ttae-mada nae sarangeun deo neu-reoseo
On sesangi geudaero kadeuk cha isseoseo
Neomunado pabo gateun na

Just by slightly passing by,

You make my heart tremble

Each time you breathe, my love increases

The whole world is filled with you

I am such a fool…

 

The night moved on and Jay was once again at Melanie's side, laughing with her as Myungsoo was telling some random story involving a stranger, a prank, and how he ended up with a sprained ankle. Jay noticed again how Melanie was constantly touching her head. He thought about asking if she wanted to leave or something, but her upbeat attitude didn't show any signs of wanting to leave.

"I put hot sauce in random drinks," Melanie said to Jay as he sat on the porch steps and Melanie paced back and forth. "I feel bad."

"Then why did you do it?" he questioned. He had never heard of putting hot sauce in drinks. That was just gross.

"Just because," she answered. She stopped walking and looked past Jay. He noticed and turned around to see someone standing there, looking at Melanie. Their gazes were locked for a moment, both icy and cold. Jay looked back at Melanie.

"What?" she asked the stranger behind Jay.

"Nothing," they said before turning and walking back into the house. Melanie clicked her tongue before walking over and sitting beside Jay. He was confused. Who wouldn't be? But he was curious. Whoever that was had changed Melanie's mood entirely. He sensed the tense atmosphere, but when he looked at her she was calm as ever and seemed to have a gentle smile on her face. She was weird, he thought. So very weird.

"What was that about?" he decided to ask after a minute or so.

"Nothing," she replied, eye smiling.

He chuckled. "Why are you like that?"

"Like what?"

"You obviously didn't like the person and there was a weird moment... and here you are, happy," he pointed out.

"It's better to live life happily than waste it on stupid feelings like that," she told him. "Life is short, you only live once, why waste it on hatred and being mad? Smile! Be happy! Eat candy."

"Get diabetes," he muttered. He didn't think she'd hear the comment, but she did and she laughed a bit.

"Maybe," she commented.

"You're like..." he paused and looked at her, "a candy princess." She smiled.

"Really?"

He nodded. "A candy princess." Suddenly a sharp pain went through her head. She touched the side of her head but kept a small smile on her face. "Are you okay? You've been touching your head since yesterday." She nodded, although the pain was becoming unbearable. As fast as it came, it left. She lowered her hand and forced a happy smile.

"Totally fine!" she tried to sound fine.

The two chatted more before going back into the house. They sat on the couch, along with Sohyun, and listened to the group chatter. Melanie ended up falling asleep, her head on Jay's shoulder.

"You," Sohyun whispered to Jay as she looked at him. He turned his attention to the girl. "Do you like Lanie?" His eyes widened at the sudden and abrupt question. But oddly enough, he didn't know how to answer that. He didn't dislike her, and he had been feeling a bit attached to the girl, but he blamed it on him not knowing anyone situation. Sure he smiled when she smiled, accepted the numerous pieces of candy even though he didn't want them, and listened to her crazy stories he found to be weird. But he was just being a nice friend, right? And sure he was surprised when she fell asleep on his shoulder and even became a bit nervous at the sudden contact, but he was a boy... that was normal, too, right? When he didn't answer and was lost in a train of thought, Sohyun poked the side of his head, careful not to disturb Melanie who was asleep between them. "Hello?"

He hesitated, "I... no." Sohyun kept watching him. He looked around and tried to ignore her constant gaze, but eventually looked at her again. "What?"

"Then you can help me get her to talk to someone. I know someone who likes her," Sohyun told him, grinning. Jay flinched unknowingly.

"Who?"

Sohyun paused before laughing. "His name ends with a 'y'." Jay looked around, searching the crowd and putting names to faces, trying to find a guy with a name ending in 'y'. Sohyun watched, amused. He wondered who the guy was. Would Melanie like him back? Why couldn't Sohyun just go find the guy and get him to talk to Melanie himself? He didn't necessarily want to be some matchmaker. He frowned and felt a bit mad.

"Why can't you just go find him yourself?" Jay looked at Sohyun. "And just tell me who it is." Sohyun was still amused with this. "What is with that look?" She shrugged.

"How do you tell if a guy likes you?" Sohyun whispered. Jay blinked at the question. "You're a guy. I can tell Melanie so she will notice." Jay looked down at his hands and thought. He frowned again. "It depends on him, right?" Sohyun offered. He nodded, still thinking. "So what are you like when you like a girl?" Jay let out a sigh. What was Sohyun trying to get at? That he liked Melanie. He shook his head - he didn't like her. He had only known her for at least 24 hours in total. It was impossible.

Melanie had gotten woken up from Jay talking. She was going to rise up but she heard Sohyun asking him constant questions about boys liking girls and whatnot. Melanie's head was hurting again. She decided to get up so Sohyun would quit bugging Jay. She rose up and rubbed her eyes. "Sorry," she told Jay. He smiled at her and looked at Sohyun, who was grinning. Melanie stood up and said something about getting something to drink. Despite the look Sohyun was giving Jay of pure amusement and mockery, Jay stood up and quietly followed behind Melanie. He was trying to make sense out of Sohyun's attitude, trying to convince himself she wasn't implying that he liked Melanie.

"Prince Jihwan," Melanie said to Jay, pulling him out of his thoughts. He stopped when he heard the name. He looked ahead at her. "Are you stalking me?" He shook his head, grinning at her nickname for him. "Then... come on!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him outside to the backyard where a bunch of people were. Lights were strung everywhere and music was playing. He was looking down at her hand that was holding his. He flushed. "Help me find somebody." He looked up at her. Was she talking about the guy that likes her? Of course not, he assured himself. She knew- He frowned and shook his head. Why was he thinking of this? Melanie was turned to Jay and waving her hand in his face. He blinked. "Prince Jih-"

"I like you!" he blurted out. She dropped her hand. His eyes widened and he let go of her hand. His face was turning red. Before anything else could be said, Minsoo walked up, "Melanie." She looked at him before saying "hold that thought" to Jay and following Minsoo. Jay stood there and patted his cheeks, trying to convince himself this was a dream and he didn't say that. But he did.

After ten minutes of no Melanie, Jay started wandering the house in search for her. Had she left? Maybe he frightened her away with his sudden confession. He ruffled his own hair as he groaned at the thought. "Pabo," he muttered to himself.

"Sohyun!" he called to the girl. She was standing by a group of friends, laughing and talking. She turned to him and waved. "Have you seen Melanie?"

She smirked, "Why?"

"I can't find her," he told him. "Some guy came and-"

"Are you jealous?"

"Yah! I don't care about that right now," he told her, trying to maintain his calmness. She sighed and shook her head.

 

Neoreul keurimyeo nan harureul shija-khae
Jameul jal ttaedo nan neo hanaman saengga-khae
Ireon ge sarangil-kka neodo nae mameural-kka
Oneuldo nan honjanma-reul hae

I start my day as I draw you out in my mind

Even when I sleep, I only think of you alone

Is this love? Do you know how I feel?

Again today, I talk to myself

 

 

 

 

Another ten minutes passed and there was still no Melanie. Jay finally decided she had left. He decided to leave when screams were heard. "Fire!" people began shouting. The next five minutes were a blur as people rushed out of the house and the assumed small fire turned out to be much worse than that. Apparently the heater on the upper floor had caught on fire and the fire was too big to put out and there was no extinguisher on hand. Within minutes the entire upper floor was on fire. Chunji hurriedly called the fire department but that was delayed when his phone suddenly died and he had to get someone to call for him.

Jay spotted the boy who had come and took Melanie away. At first he was going to ignore him, but he decided to go and see why Melanie had left. "Hey you!" Jay called to the Minsoo; it would have been better if he knew his name, like Melanie did. Minsoo didn’t know Jay was speaking to him, but soon realized when Jay approached him.

 

“Jay!” Sohyun called to Jay. Just as he reached Minsoo, too. He turned to her, waiting for her to rush up. “Did you ever find Melanie? Krystal just called and asked where she was.” Jay’s eyes widened. If she wasn’t at home, where-

 

“Where did Melanie go?” he asked Minsoo hurriedly. The answer he feared the most what not what he wanted to hear. Surely he was overreacting.

 

Minsoo’s eyes widened as well and he looked around. “I thought she got out! Where’s Chunji or L.Joe? I told them-“ He looked at Jay and Sohyun, who were staring at him. “They told me to put her in the closet in the basement.”

 

Neoreul keurimyeo nan harureul shija-khae
Jameul jal ttaedo nan neo hanaman saengga-khae
Ireon ge sarangil-kka neodo nae mameural-kka
Oneuldo nan honjanma-reul hae

I start my day as I draw you out in my mind

Even when I sleep, I only think of you alone

Is this love? Do you know how I feel?

Again today, I talk to myself

 

 

 

“Jay,” a voice says into Jay’s ear, waking him from his sleep. He groggily opens his eyes and flinches at the bright lights overhead. His eyes are barely open as he looks at the person who woke him – Chaerin. He sits up and yawns, not wanting to really wake up, but it is better than dreaming of that day again. “It’s almost time.”

“I slept all day?” he asks her. She nods and hands him a cup of coffee. From the looks of it, she hadn’t gotten much sleep. Jay didn’t at first, either, but his hyungs put sleeping pills in his drinks and whatnot – a doctor had ordered it because he went two weeks without sleep, the others managed to sleep some.

Jay and Chaerin walked down the hall and into the ICU unit, meeting the eyes of the small group of people. This wasn’t going to be easy. Not at all. It had been a rough last 30 days. 30 days since the incident at Chunji’s house. 30 days since Jay rushed down and saved the unconscious Melanie from the storage closet. Sohyun had helped him break down the door and saw the scene before them; the closet was giant and had several objects in it, but the rear wall, where she was, had collapsed down. It was on the side of the house that had first caught on fire and it had already reached down there.

Melanie had brain damage due to a heavy object falling on her head. Her arms had been bound behind her back so blocking herself was a bit impossible and she didn’t move on time. Due to the impact, she fainted and from then on, she had never woken up.

On day 16, her brain activity started to drop. From then on, the lower the number, the more the doctor advised the family of the future outcome. It wasn’t good. It was what had them in the room at that moment.

By day 26, all of Melanie’s brain activity was gone. She was still on a ventilator and hooked up to IVs. The doctor sat down with Krystal and Sungyeol and informed them that day 30 was approaching and like they predicted, Melanie was brain dead. Krystal broke down after that and hadn’t slept since. Four days of pure agony knowing that her daughter was gone and she wasn’t coming back – but they would wait four days just in case she miraculously rebounded and came back. And here they stood, the minutes ticking down as they waited for the doctor.

“It may take minutes, or hours… or even a day or two. It all depends on her,” the doctor had told them a few days after her brain level started to deplete. “But once we unhook her, prepare yourselves. This won’t be easy.”

Jay stared at Melanie’s lifeless body, clenching his jaw. The girl, the one he had only known for a day, had affected his life in such a way. He thought it was impossible. He spent many of the nights, listening to the breathing of her family members as they restlessly slept, trying to convince himself that she was just a friend he deeply cared about. That even though he confessed that night, he was crazy.

“You like her,” Sohyun had whispered to him one day in the cafeteria as they got food. Jay wasn’t hungry, but he forced himself to eat. He looked up at Sohyun. “I’m sorry.” He figured, in fact, he did like her. It was heart wrenching to think about the position she was in right now. His confession echoed in his mind; he tried to imagine what would’ve happened if he tried finding her earlier. What would’ve happened if he followed her like he had been? He wanted to hurt the ones who did it.

“I’m sorry we have to meet again like this,” the doctor said as he greeted the family. Everyone made way as the doctor headed over to the machine by her bed. A few sniffles escaped. Krystal was holding her daughter’s hand, holding a tissue to her nose as she sobbed silently. Sungyeol was standing above her, his hands on her shoulders, trying his best to be strong. It’s not every day you have to watch your child lose their life officially. “Remember… it may take minutes, or hours…” Krystal let out a sob as she leaned her head on hers and her daughter’s hand.

Naeun, Ricky, L.Joe and Sohyun were sitting in the corner, concealing their cries as they watched. Chaerin, Zin, Jay, and Jay’s supporter, Kyungsoo, stand by the door. The family was surrounding the bed, tissues in hand. Krystal made her daughters stay instead of leaving and trying to avoid the heart breaking event about to take place.

The doctor turned off the machine and instantly the heart rate dropped dramatically from the steady pace of 95 down to 54. Krystal doesn’t dare look up, but instead listened as she cried into the tissue.

 

Oneuldo tashi miruneun mal
Ma-eumi haneun mal
Neoreul sarang-hae
Again today, these are the words I push back
The words that my heart say: I love you

 

It’s moments like these that people never plan or ever expect. You take your loved ones for granted and always expect them to be around no matter what. Even the most unexpected person can meet a tragic fate; one unplanned and you think ‘why them?’ It’s sad and upsetting, but you have to face it anyway.

Some people say that when a person is put into a coma, they imagine things, dream things, and hear the real world around them. It is true. While Melanie was under, she heard the people who came and went, the nurses that constantly checked on her, and the whispers from those who sat and watched her, crying day and night, wishing how she would wake up. But waking up wasn’t in her control. Sure, she could hear them. But that was nothing. It was her, but a distant her that wasn't truly aware of the situation.

During the coma, she relived those two days over and over, replaying them in her head constantly, living in that world like torture. Both dreams would clash, resulting in the story. Melanie’s head was in a constant ache because of the pain of the incident and from wanting to wake up. Their reality had become altered and they imagined that day every which way, and on the final day, both were faced with a sickening reality when Melanie realized it was time. Her head ached and she continued to smile. It would be the last time she faced Jay even though it was a dream. Jay still believed it was a dream, resaying everything he had said automatically. Of course, with every dream, he would forget the previous one, so it was bound to go that way. But for Melanie, it was a personal Hell she wanted to escape.This wasn't Heaven to her, no.

She relived seeing her best friend one last time, relived the café and her pestering of Hyosung and calling Kyungsoo by the irritating name of ‘Mr. Bug Eyes’, relived the stupid party and her crazy dancing with her friends, relived Jay’s confession, and relived the moment she was forced into that closet after being forcefully tied up. After reliving it so much, she didn’t cry anymore, she didn’t yell for help. She sat there and faced her fate. Day 30 was coming and she knew what that meant. No more dreams reliving those moments. Part of her was thrilled, while the other part was sad. She was a restless soul that stood in the room, watching everyone she cared for. She looked to the machine as her heartrate flatlined.

Krystal squeazed her daughter's hand harder. Sungyeol sunk down to his knees, leaning against Krystal's chair. Jay watched with teary eyes, feeling Kyungsoo cling to him and sniffle. Chaerin and Zin muttered to each other, staying strong. Chunji had stormed from the room, followed by L.Joe and Ricky, who both sported red, teary eyes. Sohyun watched, desperate, and for a moment Melanie swore she saw Sohyun looking directly at her soul form. Naeun was silently praying and even pleading mentally to Melanie.

Never once had anyone seen Melanie sad or upset. And that would never happen. She had cried her heart out in that closet millions of times. 30 days’ worth plus the one day she really did cry. The dream always managed to cut off for her before the accident, luckily. Soon it would replay and she would be in her backyard, talking and hanging out with Naeun.

"It's better to live life happily than waste it on stupid feelings like that," she told Jay. "Life is short, you only live once, why waste it on hatred and being mad? Smile! Be happy! Eat candy."

"Get diabetes," he muttered. He didn't think she'd hear the comment, but she did and she laughed a bit.

The doctor had turned off the machine, pity in his eyes. This was never an easy event. Krystal let out loud sobs now, not even attempting to hold back. Sungyeol embraced her as best he can. Jay was standing there, staring at Melanie, jaw still clenched and hurting from clenching it for the twenty minutes. Everyone became a blur to him. Time was passing too fast.

"I like you!" he blurted out. She dropped her hand. His eyes widened and he let go of her hand. His face was turning red. Before anything else could be said, Minsoo walked up, "Melanie." She looked at him before saying "hold that thought" to Jay and following Minsoo. Jay stood there and patted his cheeks, trying to convince himself this was a dream and he didn't say that. But he did. He liked Melanie.

 

 

And like that she was gone. No more dramatic stories of invisible zombies are chasing her, her going to Hogwarts in search of the Elder Wand; no more crazy, hyper moments where she runs around trying to let her energy out; no more random dancing and singing or pretending she was a flying squirrel. Everything vanished in a moment. The air became tense and crying is heard throughout that small hospital room. Many of them head for the waiting room outside the ICU.

It is surprising how things can happen so fast without warning…

 

 

Sarang-haeyo keudaen anayo
Haruedo myeoch beonsshing nae gaseumi haneun mal
Kobaekhal su eom-neun nal anayo
Han bal da-gakamyeon kkaejil-kka
Meomchwoi-nneun nal anayo
I love you, do you know?
These are the words that my heart
says several times a day
Do you know how I can’t confess this to you?
I worry that you’ll break if I take a step toward you
So I stand still, do you know?

 

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