I had driven us both home (I didn’t think that it would be a very good idea to let Jonghyun drive in the condition he was in) and had managed to cancel our schedules for tomorrow. We needed some time together, away from our responsibilities.

He was in the shower now, cooling down, while I was preparing him a meal: chicken flavored noodles - pretty much all that I could make – and some hot chocolate. An odd combination, but he somehow loved it. Meanwhile Minhyuk and Jongshin were in the living room watching TV. Their laughter filled the whole apartment and it made me feel safe, at home. When we got home we had both put on bright faces for them, making sure they wouldn't notice any of the tension. The last thing we wanted was them to be worried about us.

I poured the noodles into a bowl and covered the hot chocolate with whipped cream before I headed towards my bedroom. When I passed the bathroom the sound of water running had disappeared, so I knew that Jonghyun could walk into my room any minute. I placed his meal on my nightstand, dimmed the lights and lay down on my bed. I checked my phone for the first time since Jonghyun had suddenly appeared at the shoot and as expected I had a lot of missed calls and unread messages. I was not going to call people back, but I did want to read my messages so that’s what I would do until Jonghyun arrived. To my great surprise (not) most of the messages included the questions ‘’where are you?’’ and ‘’where have you run off to?’’.  

When Jonghyun appeared earlier today, I was shooting for WGM. It was the second day this week that we had been shooting and yesterday we filmed at our apartment, together with all the members. I think it was all just a bit too much for him and perhaps also because we hadn’t seen each other in four days.

I sighed and tossed my phone away when I had read the last message.  

I was just about to get up to change clothes when Jonghyun walked in. His hair was still wet and a towel was thrown over his shoulder. I smiled at him, naturally leading to a smile on his face too. I spread out my arms and fell down on the bed with him when I felt his weight in my arms. I ruffled his hair while he placed a kiss on my cheek.

‘’You made my favorite meal,’’ he exclaimed surprised when he discovered the plate in the corner of his eye. I moved back so I was leaning against the wood of my bed before I took a hold of his arm and placed him between my legs, allowing him to rest his back against my chest.

‘’Eat well,’’ I grinned when I saw him devour the noodles as if he hadn’t eaten in days.

‘’Of course,’’ he mumbled, mouth stuffed with food.

‘’Is it good?’’ I asked immediately when he had swallowed the first mouthful.

‘’Ne, it is really good. Here,’’ he replied while he turned around a bit so he could lead the chopsticks to my mouth, ‘’you should try some.’’

‘’Omo,’’ I exclaimed, ‘’it really is delicious! Hyung did well ~’’ I smiled, applauding myself which lead to a playful punch from Jonghyun.

 * *

‘’Did you get into trouble because you left the shoot?’’ he asked when he had finished the meal. We both knew we had to talk.

 Yes, I've gotten myself into some trouble. Besides all the calls and messages, I was sure the director of the show would give me a proper lecture the next time he saw me, but of course I didn’t tell Jonghyun this. He already felt really guilty so he didn't need this.

‘’Why…’’ I started, trying to formulate my question as carefully as I could, ‘’…what pushed you over the edge, Jong?’’ It didn’t come out nearly as subtle as I planned, but the point was to see whether my hypothesis was correct or not. I needed to know.

He placed his hands on my knees and pushed himself up, turning around so he could face me as he sat down in front of me. I stretched out my hand and as he intertwined our fingers I rested our hands on top of his crossed legs. He took a breath before he started talking.

‘’It was just… there had been so much pressure the past two weeks, we were all very busy and I hadn’t seen you in quite some days. As you know I always have difficulty watching you fake a relationship with someone, whether it’s a drama or WGM. I know it’s just acting, but when they recorded here at our apartment yesterday something snapped. Maybe it was because this is our place, the only place where we can who we are... But even despite that I had managed to control myself but then today I came across this ridiculous rumor claiming that you were dating and I just lost it.’’

I looked at him and saw that his head was hanging down again, just like it had in the car. The sight froze my heart. I sighed and quickly pulled him in for a hug.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ I spoke while the words felt way too familiar, ‘’but I promise you that all the pain, all the tears, all the suffering that I’ve caused you and that I will sure, unwillingly, cause you in the future, will be worth it eventually. I will lead you to happiness, trust me.’’

‘’I trust you. Of course I trust you, Yonghwa,’’ he spoke softly, rubbing my back while one of my hands was fondling his hair. ‘’I’m very sorry about today. Please trust me now when I say that it won’t happen again. I’ll control myself.’’

‘’Ya, I don’t want you to have to control yourself,’’ I protested, gently pushing him away from me so I could look at him.

‘’I know what you mean, hyung,’’ he answered calmly, ‘’but we can't change it. I love you and therefore I will get upset when I see you with someone else, but that’s not necessarily something bad; it’s natural in fact. But I won't let it mess with my head anymore.’’

And that’s when we ended the conversation. For today. We had had enough drama for the next two months.

* *

‘’Are you tired?’’ I whispered when we had been lying on my bed in silence for over an hour, simply enjoying each other's company. He was nestled into my arms, head lying on my chest while I was calmly his hair.

‘’Very tired,’’ he answered, followed by a confirming yawn.

‘’Sleep,’’ I soothed, ‘’and don’t worry about anything. Hyung’s got it all figured out.’’

He squeezed my hand and lifted up his body, giving me a kiss good night.