‘’What?’’ I mumbled, annoyed by Yonghwa’s sudden hold on my shoulder. He was shaking me, trying to wake me up. I was taking one of my usual naps again, but apparently I wasn’t getting any sleep if it were up to him. Reluctantly I moved my head up and much to my displeasure I realized I was still in the lecture hall.

The atmosphere in the lecture hall was dull, extremely dull today. Everyone was staring out of the one very rare window that we had here and everyone was probably thinking how much rather they’d be outside, enjoying the great late-summer weather instead of being stuck here.

‘’Have you seen this?!’’ he exclaimed so loudly that our professor, even though we were quite far in the back, gave us a warning look. When he looked away again, Yonghwa pretty much pushed his phone into my face, forcing me to look at the screen and read the article that was on it. Unwillingly I moved my head up from my arm some more, on which I had been resting, and focused on his phone.

‘’Interesting,’’ I replied casually when I was done, about to rest my head back on my arm.

‘’Is that all?!’’ he said, whispering this time, with a surprised expression. ‘’This is absolutely amazing!’’ he continued excitedly, shaking my arm again, ‘’how can you not be excited?!’’

His hold on my arm made me get up again, which led to irritation on my face. I just wanted to continue my nap.

‘’I am definitely going to sign up for this,’’ he spoke as he concentrated on his phone, not letting my disinterest ruin his excitement.

‘’Hyung,’’ I started, still with that annoyed expression, but before I could continue we were interrupted by our professor, telling us to ‘’pay attention for a change’’.

To me this was a sign telling me that I should go back to sleep instead of talking to Yonghwa, so I forgot about what I was going to say and gladly rested my head on my arm again, continuing my nap while Yonghwa on the other hand was still captivated by the article. He was reading an e-mail that our guidance counselor had sent to all the students of our department. It was about an exchange program. Apparently our university had just established a brand new exchange program with Stanford University and now they had three spots for students of our department. The admission requirements were strict, very strict, but apparently it didn’t discourage Yonghwa in any means. The program would start in 5 weeks - they wanted it to start as soon possible - and you would stay there for 7,5 months, so you can follow at least one semester completely. You will get 20 extra credit points on top of the usual 30 points that you will get for completing the semester and you will live on the campus – all paid by the university -  with two roommates.

I heard him let out a satisfied sigh, he had probably just signed up. At that point the familiar sound of the bell rang, waking me up like it always did. We both got up, closing our books and putting them back into our bags before we headed to the exit of the lecture hall to make our way to the next lecture.

‘’I’ve signed up,’’ Yonghwa smiled happily, confirming my earlier statement, as we made our way through the crowded hallways. As usual we were walking the slowest, too captivated in our conversations and each other.

‘’Why are you suddenly so interested in this?’’ I asked as I closed his bag - he had forgotten to close it -, ‘’you’ve never talked about wanting to study abroad before.’’

 ‘’It’s great for my English,’’ he began his plea, ‘’and I could definitely use the extra credit. 20 points is a lot! Next to that I just think it would be such an amazing experience,’’ he hummed happily.

‘’Whatever you want, hyung,’’ I responded in the same calm and indifferent tone that I had done earlier, while we both stopped walking when we had reached the stairs,  ‘’anyway, shall we go for lunch together this afternoon?’’

‘’Sure,’’ he replied while he suddenly reached out his hands to me, heading for my hair. ‘’Ya,’’ he sighed as his fingers started messing with – well, he called it ‘’fixing’’ -  my hair, ‘’don’t you ever worry about your hair when you wake up from one of your naps?’’

‘’Get to your class,’’ I grinned as I playfully pushed his hands away. ‘’I’ll see you at 3 at the auditorium,’’ I added before I turned around and got up the stairs, heading to my last lecture of the day.

**

My shoulder hurt, especially when I traced the red mark with my finger. It would turn into a big bruise, of that I was sure. The sound that surrounded my ears and thoughts heated my body and forced me to look down. Unknowingly my body started shaking and my hands turned into fists that pulled together tighter and tighter as the noise continued and just wouldn’t stop. At this point even my music couldn’t give me shelter from the overwhelming sound. A line had been crossed. A man’s got a limit and this was all that I could take. Even though my mind was absolutely blank it ached so badly and it was like that pain was connected to my eyes because the more painful that ache become, the more tears welled up in my eyes.  

I got up from my bed and grabbed my bag. With every small movement a shiver went through my spine and I was reminded of the pain in my shoulder, but I refused to let it get to me. Ignoring the pain, I began throwing out my schoolbooks, calculator and the case that carried all my pencils before I refilled my bag with a pair of jeans and some t-shirts that I could grab the quickest. I put on my thin coat that was thrown over my chair and opened my door. The noise increased, got even more real and touchable and made me walk faster. I eventually hurried down the stairs, opening the front door in that same rush but still trying to be as quiet as I could be. No one was supposed to know.

I was soon embraced by the warm and damp air of today’s hot summer night. The street was deserted and only slightly illuminated, but the main street – only a few houses away – was full of life, as always. As I stood there in front of my house I could still hear the noise, even there. At this point I couldn’t think clearly anymore and before I realized it I started running, leaving the – in more than just one way – aching place behind me. I ran towards the nearest bus stop. Because I lived in a busy area of Busan the bus came here every 10 minutes so before I knew I had sat down in the back of the green bus. Now that I had truly left the chaos behind I suddenly felt the pain in my shoulder again, which I had blocked out during my run to the bus stop. I bit my lip, reducing the pain, and plugged in my earphones, escaping in my music like I had done so many times before already.

The bus ride was short, approximately 15 minutes, but still it felt like such a long time to me. I got up from my seat once I had pressed the stop button and moved to the exit, holding onto everything I could grab so I didn’t fall in the  bus that was still moving. Once the doors were opened I got out and continued my way. I was heading to Yonghwa’s place, the place where I’d most rather be at this point.

His house was close to the bus stop and in a couple of minutes I had reached his front door. As I stood there I was immediately surrounded by the smell of delicious food. Fresh kimchi, homemade kimbap and potato pancakes that I loved so much. His mother would always make me potato pancakes when I came over because I loved them so much. All the nice memories that I associated with his home filled my heart and immediately calmed me down, decreasing the invisible ache in my head and reassuring me that going here was the right thing to do. I rang the bell and waited for him to show up. Just like pretty much every Korean college student, Yonghwa still lived at his parents’ place, just like me. I heard him talk to his parents, telling them that he would open the door before his face, that I had been wanting to see so badly, finally appeared.

‘’Jonghyun-ah?!’’ he said surprised when he saw me standing there. I already thought that he would be surprised, since we normally always know when the other one is coming over. We always message each other, but I hadn’t thought about messaging him. Honestly, that was the last thing on my mind when I was heading out. On top of that we had already seen each other all afternoon, having gone out for lunch together.

‘’Can I crash here for the night?’’

- To be continued -