Requested by banana_bubbles | Post-MMA award Ontae

After sobbing like a child on stage and making a complete fool of himself, the maknae can think of nothing better to do than simply crawl in a hole and die. Sure, he’s as ecstatic about receiving the honor of being Artist of the Year as the rest of the members, but he doesn’t just cry like that. It’s a sign of weakness in his opinion, and he should be stronger than that.

He has been for years, so why is it that he’s locked himself in the dressing room now, crying his heart out?

Taemin doesn’t know, but he does know that he’s being a fool. He’s curled up on the couch of the dressing room, face buried in his hands, and shaking as he still attempts to suppress the sobs bubbling up his throat and through his lips against his will.

He can hear the hyungs banging on the door, calling to him, but he ignores them, too. They shouldn’t see him in such a pathetic state. Even as Minho calls to him in his brotherly voice, and Kibum screams at him to quit his dramatics so they can leave, he ignores it all. Even Jongin calls to him once, assuring him that he’s there if Taemin needs to talk.

But he’s too lost in his own world to even think about the others, too lost in trying to stop, and he doesn’t notice as someone finally succeeds in picking the lock to the door and slides in, shutting it quietly behind the figure.

It’s only when a weight plops down onto the couch next to him, and an arm draws him into a hug, that he realizes he’s been caught.

The person sighs, and threads a hand into his hair, massaging gently and comfortingly, and much to Taemin’s relief, it instantly calms him. Gradually his full out sobs retreat to sniffles and a few tears trailing down his cheeks within minutes, and his breathing slows and calms to the rhythm of the person’s petting. He still feels like a fool, but it’s lessened a bit, now.

Hesitantly, the figure holding him speaks, and Taemin is relieved to know that it’s the person he trusts most. “Sh, it’s okay. I’m here for you.” The leader speaks, and suddenly, at those words, it’s as if the dam has been burst again. Once again, he’s sobbing into Jinki’s shirt, soaking it with tears, but this time it’s okay.

For some reason, when he’s with his favorite hyung, it’s always okay. Jinki just makes everything better, somehow, and Taemin is grateful to have such a person, even if he is still being ridiculous.

Slowly, the elder speaks again, softly and comforting. “You shouldn’t hold it in for years like this. I’ve told you, haven’t I? Crying makes you feel better, and it’s healthy for you.”

Taemin only nods as the tears continue to flow and Jinki rubs his back down, because the elder has told him. But he knows he still isn’t going to listen, even after this event. Jinki knows this, too, but only presses a kiss to youngest member’s temple caringly.

Against his head, Taemin can feel the lips lift up into a smile, and they open to speak again. “You’re pretty when you cry, too, if that makes you feel any better.”

Flushing, with red eyes and a red nose to show from crying, Taemin lifts his face from the leader’s chest, shooting a glare at the elder. “Liar, I look like a hot mess right now. Don’t lie to make me feel better, hyung.” He scolds.

But Jinki looks sincere as he chuckles, ruffling the younger boy’s silky hair. “Okay, your face is a hot mess,” He receives another glare from the maknae, but continues. “But you are beautiful. Your emotion, you being yourself, is so much nicer to look at than you struggling to hold yourself together each and every day. Do you understand?”

Taemin feels his mouth go dry at those words, and nods in acknowledgement, showing that he does understand. Only he doesn’t, not really, and Jinki isn’t dumb. He knows.

Sighing, the elder runs another hand gently through the black locks of hair, looking deep in thought. After a while of just sitting, he flicks his gaze back to the youngest member, eyes sad. Opening his mouth, he hesitates to speak, opening and clamping it shut multiple times as he seems to ponder what to say. Finally, his vocal chords start to work, and he finally spits out whatever he was trying to say.

“Taemin, you remember when we were trainees, right?” A nod in response. Yes, Taemin remembers those days as if they were just yesterday. He remembers how they all met, and how Jinki had always been so kind and helpful to him. “Do you remember how I would get into really bad slumps?” Another nod. Yes, he remembers that, too. Sometimes the leader wouldn’t talk to them for days, sulking and sad.

Swallowing thickly, Jinki continues, tone filled with nostalgia and a bit of sorrow. “I got into such a bad place because I held it in, like you. It was so hard, but you know what helped? What always made me feel better and made me realize that I should just let go?”

Taemin shakes his head, because he doesn’t know. Jinki chuckles, happy self back again, and raises a hand to poke the maknae’s chest. “You made me feel better, and your cheerful and care free attitude. That’s why I hate seeing you like this, holding it in like I used to. Just be happy and be yourself, even if it means crying and falling apart sometimes. I just want the best for you, okay?”

And this time, Taemin nods, completely understanding. His tears are dried now, and a smile is gracing his plump lips, and maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to cry sometimes. Because he’s not a fool, just human, and he has Jinki-hyung to there to make him feel better.