How far can you go for the one you love? I hear people say they can climb the highest mountains or dive the deepest abyss just to please their loved ones. It never occurred to me that love, slowly changed me. After I realized I wanted to be the umbrella to Chanyeol’s rain, his happiness became my priority. Although it was a roller coaster ride since that afternoon, I realized he’s still the cheery Chanyeol I know. And the question, no matter how trivial it is, was left hanging for a long time as I took for granted the relationship I had with him. It was like I owed him a question but he need not hear the answer. Whatever we had, whatever it is, didn’t need explanation. We were okay with it anyway, I was okay with it. I found the comfort in ambiguity. For a long time, it was left unanswered – until today.

 

Dara was frantic on the phone. “He went to my class earlier, sunbae,” she said, her words racing, “he told me he wanted to meet me after class.”

 

I swallowed my shock with a smile. “Guess, he’ll confess to you later,” I chuckled, bowing my head. From where I stood on the lobby, I could see Chanyeol on his seat, exchanging pranks with Kai. He was laughing so hard that the weird twitching on his eye appeared, giving off the happiness that was rather absent in me after I heard Dara’s news.

 

“If given the chance, will you date her?”

 

“Yes.”

 

He’s happy. Dara made him happy. Now I won’t be worrying over the thought of whether she’d be capable of keeping the bliss on his face. “But sunbae, should I really do it? I mean, you love him.” I turned away, and started walking towards the stairs where it was quieter. The silence welcomed me in a cold breeze, seemingly patronizing the dull ache that was slowly forming in my chest. When he kissed me last night, it was as if I was ready to turn down everything I had planned to make him happy. But now, seeing Chanyeol’s happiness and realizing he really wants to pursue Dara, I guess it’s too late to turn back. I scoffed before answering.

 

“It’s okay, he doesn’t love me anyway.”

 

 

               

 

 

Lunch came and the whole class ran like hell down to the cafeteria, except for me. I stretched my arms and yawned before reaching for the lunch box inside my bag. That’s when I noticed Chanyeol standing by the door.

               

“Yow. You coming?” he asked. I smiled at him and showed my lunch box. “Nah. Mom made me this before going to work.” He stood there watching me, not showing any sign of leaving. And then he sighed and started walking towards me. “Can we share?” I rolled my eyes as he dragged his seat beside me. I opened the container to see what seems like a bundle of tempura sticks, Caesar salad, and rice balls cramped into one big piece of grub. Chanyeol took the cover from me and started dividing the food between us. I watched him, finding the urge to lift my hand to his lips to once again place them on my forehead.

 

“Still got the habit of making yourself comfortable with people’s stuff eh?” I mumbled and unwrapped the utensils from the napkin. He chuckled, taking the fork from me.

 

“Shut up Baek, what’s yours is mine too.” he answered wiggling his eyebrows. He then went on ahead to start eating his portion of my lunch. I flicked his forehead with my spoon. “Ouch!” he exclaimed as I waved it in front of him. “At least have the decency of letting the owner eat his own food first.” I muttered before taking the shrimp into my mouth. Chanyeol groaned. As if on cue, he took one too and started munching on it, a big silly toothed smile on his face. I didn’t expect the laugh that escaped my lips.

 

We ate silently for a good few moments before he said something. “Hey about last night-” he stopped midway and looked at me. I faked a cough, thinking of a good distraction.

 

“How’s the divorce?” I asked in a hurry. I saw him crunch his brows. “Well, about that they said the trial’s by that last week of the month. I just hope it won’t coincide with the game,” he heaved a sigh and looked at me.

 

“Mom wants to take me,” his voice was weak and almost inaudible. It was as if an atomic bomb was dropped on me when he continued, “…which means she’ll take me back to the city if it happens.”

 

“What?” I exclaimed the spoon. Chanyeol answered me with a wry smile. “As if you’ll miss me.” He said rubbing his nose with the back of his finger, his eyes teasing.  

 

“Can you actually ing hear yourself Park Chanyeol? Of course I’ll miss you!” the words, coming out incoherently and unplanned. The faintest of pinks appeared on his ears and somehow I caught a glimpse of a small smile that instantly vanished into laughter. I hit his foot with mine and resumed eating in embarrassment. Chanyeol leaving will be the worst of all misfortunes, but I guess it’s easier to forget him that way.

 

“So is it true or are you just playing with me?” I asked after a few chews. He lifted his gaze to me before answering, “Don’t worry Baek, the trial will last for a few months. By the time it finishes, we might have graduated. And hopefully I’d be in the city studying by that time…”  

 

“…with you.” He smiled. I melted.

 

“Who’s worrying? I hope it’s sooner so that I’ll get you off my back asap.” Off my heart, was what I meant, but they never came out and I started tidying up our meal. However, he took the chore from me and did it himself which I gladly obliged, letting his fingers brush on mine ever so slightly. “Me too. I just want it to end sooner.” He quietly muttered. The pang of guilt rushed to me in a surge. I should have been more sensitive. I should have never asked the question.

 

“So, hey about last night-”

 

“Let’s not talk about it Yeol.” I commented nonchalantly, fearing the words would cause more attachment that it deserves. But then, I realized, it came off dull and heartless and I didn’t want that. “I mean, stop worrying about that. Concentrate on the trial or on your big game or something better like...” I choked down my heart. “…finding a love life.” I managed a quiet laugh as I took the lunch box from him. He was silent. When I looked at him he was staring at me.

 

“Are you sure?” he probed. I nodded. “Just don’t forget I’m still your best bud.” I said pouting. “Why? You aren’t, say, planning to confess to her today are you?” I groaned at my move. The question made him laugh.

 

“Wishful thinking.” He winked.

 

And then suddenly he was holding my hand and kneeling in front of me. The lunch box fell to the floor as I felt the current crawling all over my body.

 

Oh my god.

 

“I’m sorry if it took me so long to tell you this.” He started, looking up to me. And for the most obvious of reasons, I could feel the red plastered on my face and my stomach churning.

 

Oh my god.

 

“Y-yeol, what are you doing?”

 

“Just shut up, okay?” I thought he was going to confess to Dara later. What the hell is he doing, kneeling in front of me?

 

“For some reason, I can’t remember the first time I felt this way for you or, in too many corny ways, how I felt it in the first place. But here I am kneeling in front of you to tell you the one thing I’m sure of…” he stood up and faced me, lifting my chin to meet his eyes with mine. He brushed his fingers on my hot cheek as his other hand s its way to my waist. I swear I could have fainted. When he spoke, his words rung like church bells in a wedding day.

 

“I love you.”

 

Oh my god.

 

“Y-yeol I-” but before I could tell him how much I loved him and how much I was yearning for him to say those words, he continued.

 

“So was that okay?” he asked, releasing me from his embrace. My mind got jumbled in a mess. The moment was so sudden and disorienting. “What? What are you saying?” I saw him lift his one arm in the air, yawning, while he dragged his seat back to its position. Chanyeol what are you doing? His back was turned to me when he answered.

 

“That’s what I’ll tell her later.” I heard him say as I felt my heart shatter in a billion pieces, so jagged the edges were clawing in my chest, the pain searing and shooting in multitudes so vast I could no longer feel it function. The blush on my face slowly dissipated and I felt a warm wetness welling in my eye.

 

“Oh.” Was all I managed before turning my back and picking the lunch box on the floor. I dropped it in my bag. “Know what? Just tell her straight, don’t play with the words cause the anticipation hurts.” I felt my voice tremble. I took a deep breath and started walking to the door. It ing hurts. How can you be so numb, Park Chanyeol? “Is that so?” he asked from behind me. I didn’t even bother to look back to him. “I’ll just go take a piss.” I said before running down the hallway with the tears carving its way down my face.

 

How can you be so naïve, Byun Baekhyun?

 

 

 

 

 

I spent the rest of the day staring outside the window, faking attention to what the professor was saying to the class. The first few moments were of how I tried hard looking for an excuse for the redness in my eyes though, as soon as Luhan and Kai came back to the room. Surprisingly, Chanyeol didn’t bother me anymore – which hurt, to be honest. In fact, I noticed him spending a lot of time with Kai the whole afternoon. It seemed like they were the partners in crime for Chanyeol’s big event after class. I bit my lip to hold down the sob that was threatening to well out again. What happened earlier was probably the worst move Chanyeol did to me so far. Like he planned to give me a warm up of what he’ll do later on. And it hurts more to know that I got two heartless love confessions from him in a span of just a few weeks. Maybe it’s all I’d get from him, empty words he’ll never take seriously. I fished out my phone and sent a quick text to Luhan.

 

You’re wrong. He doesn’t like me that way, or in any way at all.

 

The bell rung one last time as the classes for the day ended. Like earlier at lunch, the room emptied in a flash.

 

I saw Luhan walking towards me with a worried look on his face.

 

I saw Kai standing on the table announcing something like getting everyone down to the school grounds.

 

I saw Dara’s name appear on the screen of my phone.

 

I saw Chanyeol holding a small square box.

 

And for the first time that afternoon, I saw him look back to me, smiling nervously. He mouthed a “Wish me luck” which I answered with a fake smile so he won’t see how much I ached inside. It’s for the best Baek; you’re not even worthy of his love. I started packing my things as soon as I saw Kai and him exit the classroom.

 

“Chanyeol happened again?” Luhan asked, crossing his arms. I scoffed.

 

“Yeah, although, I think it’s worse this time.”

 

“Worse? I heard he’s confessing to Dara later. Isn’t that worse?” I stopped, letting the silence engulf us. “Well, I think practicing your confession to your best friend who’s secretly in love with you is worse, don’t you think?” He gasped. I chuckled weakly.

 

“Oh my god. That was what the crying was all about.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“But why is he confessing to Dara now? I thought he kissed you last night?”

 

“Last night, he told me he’d pursue Dara if given the chance. So he’s taking the opportunity now, I think?” I jested, strapping the bag to my shoulders. Luhan took his, too and we started heading to the door.

 

“Well that sounds fishy, Baek, What happened exactly?” he enquired, a hint of distrust in his voice. I sighed. “Okay. I asked him the question and he asked me if dating her would make me happy.”

 

“And you said yes?” I nodded. He placed his hand to his face and it stayed there for a good few seconds. “Jesus Christ, Baekhyun.” We stopped on our tracks.

 

“So basically he’s doing this, for you?” he continued.

 

“Yeah.” The shock that followed took me out from my wallowing as I saw him kick a bag which flew to the other end of the room. When he looked at me, his eyes were burning in fury. “For the love of god, Baekhyun wake up! That boy out there wants to make you happy not knowing he’s actually breaking your heart.”

 

“No he’s not.” I protested. He pinched the bags of my eyes. “Then what the are these red eyes then? A ing congratulations to your best friend?” I flailed for escape.

 

“But I didn’t cry because of his confession. I was ready for that. What he did to me during lunch was what hurt me. All his words are empty and meaningless. The drunk confession, the promises, the little things, everything’s just an exaggeration of what I wanted us to be. At least, with this thing with Dara he’ll be happy and I can live with that.”

 

“No you can’t.”

 

“I can. I want to make him happy.”

 

“No you can’t, you moron. And I’ll ing tell you why. Because actions speak louder than words, and the tears in your eyes, the way you stare at him every time, the way you lose your defenses under his touch, they’re all ing signs Baekhyun. You love that boy. And the kiss? Well guess what, it means he loves you. You want him to be happy. But you also want him. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you could have both? Actions speak louder than words, .” I stood there looking at him, too dumbfounded to make a move. He grabbed my arm and looked at me hard in the eye. “Now I’ll make you decide.”

 

“What is it?” I muttered, finally.

 

“Either you go down and confess to him…” he pointed to the direction of students whooping on the grounds. “…or we walk out of the school gate together and just go with this stupid plan of yours.” He said, releasing my arm and pointing to the other direction. “I won’t even care anymore. I just want you to choose. All I ask is that, whatever you choose, take it seriously. No loop holes and hesitations. All the way.”

 

“He likes Dara, Luhan! It’s a chance I got to take.”

 

“He loves you Baekhyun! It’s fact you got to take.”

 

“Luhan I-“ I could hear the panic in my voice. Luhan on the other hand, was clearly pissed with me and I know it took him every inch of composure not to punch me hard on the face. I took a deep breath and looked hard at the door.

 

“Jesus Christ. Okay, Luhan let’s go.” Outside, the uproar intensified.  

 

How far can I go for the one I love?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All the way.

 

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: OMG HELLO EVERYONE DID YOU MISS ME?! T.T And OMG what do you think will Baekhyun choose? And what will happen now. Even I am alr confused with writing this fcking story because my characters are too stubborn ugggh lol

Well heol I am so sorry for the late update again. And it's kinda short but I guess it's enough to keep the story flowing yet still keep you all hanging kekeke Again, I won't make promises on my next update but I'll do my best to do it soon. Hope you keep on reading and I'll hear you out in the comments section. <3