I took a quick look at myself and found out I was still wearing my school uniform. All I could make sense of was that I was lying on a bed, the room was dark, and the only light came from the street lamp outside. It took me a few quick glances around the darkness to recognize I was actually in my own room. The windows were closed but the temperature made me shiver. It took a while for my senses to come back to me. I looked at the clock on the table beside my bed – nine in the evening. That’s when I realized I had been in bed for hours.

 

“Baek.. I think I found my Maria.”

 

Like a jolt of lightning, the memory of my afternoon came back to me. My jaw tightened. I held my shirt where my chest was and fisted the clothing in my hand. I could feel my hands trembling. A dull sense of tiredness around my eyes seemed to tell me I’ve actually been crying before falling asleep. My eyes started to well up once more. It took all the strength I had left to choke down the sob that threatened to come out of my throat.

 

Chanyeol was in love. And it was with someone that was not me. It hurt even more now that it’s me saying it to myself. I closed my eyes in an attempt to ease the ache. How stupid I was to think that my best friend would fall for me.

 

They say that if you fall in love, it’s the most wonderful sensation; like the sweetness of the air in the morning and the hopeful promise of a new day. But why do I feel like every bone in my body is breaking? This is not what I expected. I never asked for my heart to be cracked open every once in a while just because I’m in love with a boy!  As I replayed that afternoon in my head, every light feeling I had inside seemed to disappear and all that was left was the agonizing ache in my chest.

 

Maybe I had more to learn about love. That I was just starting to understand all that’s happening to me. That this is all just the beginning and that eventually, everything would be okay. Maybe I was so overwhelmed with the idea of love that I forgot what it really was to love. If people asked me how I defined love, I would talk about the sparkle in their eyes and the melody of their laughs, when in fact, love was to never ask for something in return. Or maybe I was trying too hard. Maybe in my fervor I forgot I also needed to be loved. Maybe I was too busy being the umbrella to his rain that I forgot I needed one of my own.

 

When the salty moisture on my cheeks dried out and I found the will to stand up, I immediately fished for my phone in my bag. I decided to call mom but then I recalled how frenzied it was in the hospital. I sent her a message instead:

 

mom when are you coming home? I feel miserable

 

I didn’t want her to worry but I can’t help myself telling. I always ran back to her when things don’t go well. She even knew how I felt about Chanyeol. And she was okay with that. After all, the bitter memories of a divorce can change your view on things. “You can’t tell your heart when and how to love, dear” she said during that night I told her about my best friend. “And you can’t choose when to fall out of love, either.” I sighed, remembering the memory of the sad look in her eyes.

 

I wanted to hear what my mom would say. I never chose to fall in love with Chanyeol and I was sure this wasn’t the right time to give up on him. She’d know the right thing to do, I told myself, easing my anxiety. The urge to cry was gone; all that’s left was the fatigue. And so after cleaning myself and doing my homework, I went to bed sullen but with high hopes for the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

“Wake up Baekhyun,” I heard someone whisper. When I opened my eyes, I saw mom sitting beside me on the bed. She gazed at me while she tucked strands of hair behind my ear. I muttered incoherently under my breath. 

 

“Good morning mom,” I said heaving my body towards her. She placed her hand on my head and patted ever so lightly.

 

“Good morning, dear,” she beamed. Her eyes looked tired but the smile was real. “So what was that about the text last night? Did anyone bother you in school? Did you fail your exam? I normally won’t forgive you but I’ll let it slide this time. Do you miss your father? What?” Her words blasted at me like wildfire. Then she paused.

 

‘’Is it about Chanyeol?”

 

Chanyeol.

 

Yesterday came flooding in like a tsunami. I figured it was still too early to burst into tears. I took in a deep breath before answering.

 

“Yup.” And then I smiled. I could see she had gone passed through the mask on my face because her forehead crinkled and an evident frown was on her face.

 

“So what is it about him?”

 

I told her about how he asked me if I’ve fallen in love, his weird acts and then the confession, and about the fact that he has found the girl of his eye. Mom was listening so intently that I eventually told her how Chanyeol’s words broke my heart. I continued on saying how I feared the friendship we have will now be tarnished because of his Maria.

 

“And I can’t afford to lose him,” I ended because I heard the trembling in my voice and I was afraid the tears will come back. She was quick to console me.

 

“Go on. It’s okay to cry.” She told me. When I heard that, my eyes almost blurred of moisture. I groaned.

 

“Mom you’re making things worse. Ugggh” I said, wiping the first tear to fall. She gave me a warm laugh and proceeded on rubbing the back of my hand.

 

“Baek, sometimes it’s alright to cry. You have to be vulnerable to feel strong.”

 

I looked at her. She was right. The words came from a woman who experienced grief most of her life, having a divorce and raising her child on her own. I could not fathom how she managed it on her own and at the same time, I admired the unimaginable strength that came with it. I let go then and there. Tears fell down freely on my cheek as I moved to hug my mother, unabashed sniffles escaping my mouth. She just laughed at me.

 

“Mom you’re the worst,” I said in between sobs. I hugged her tight. When I freed her from our embrace I looked at her, smiling. Pretty sure I looked like but who cares? I was face to face with the strongest Maria I’ve known in my life. “Do you feel better now?” she asked standing up and starting to fold my blanket.

 

Funny how she never gave me a solution to my problem but deep inside I felt like I knew what to do. I nodded, a hum slowly forming on my lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t go to school that day. I confined myself in my bedroom just sitting on the floor, watching romance movies and eating unsalted popcorn and a tub of ice cream. Mom gave me the liberty to stay at home so that I could contemplate on the things that bothered me.

 

“Besides it’s just your first absence,” she announced as she was heating the previous day’s leftovers to serve as filling for our sandwiches. I rolled my eyes.

 

 “Stop flattering yourself Mom. You don’t know how reckless I am,” we both laughed.

 

I also left my phone in one corner of the room, ignoring all the calls and texts that came. It felt good not to care for a day. Yesterday faded into a distant memory. I felt refreshed after a few hours of having to wallow over my despair with a spoon of ice cream wedged in my mouth. I thought the day would go on great.

 

I was wrong.

 

 It was around four in the afternoon. I leaned back towards the wall when suddenly, a vague sense of longing to lean on you-know-who’s arms shot through my head. I quickly dismissed it by stuffing my mouth with popcorn. I am done with your Chanyeol, I said to myself as I increased the volume of the television. Mom was called to the hospital early so that by this time, I was the only one in the house. I thought I was over the Chanyeol-yearning when the doorbell rang. I quickly muted the movie. I had no idea who it might be. I was already dashing out of my room to open the door for the unexpected visitor when he started yelling.

 

“Baekhyun!” I stopped on my tracks.

 

“Baekhyun, open up!”

 

Chanyeol.

 

“Baek please open up,” he pleaded from behind the door. I tried to suppress the impulse to open it and let him into my bedroom so that I could lean on his arms as I watch the Breakfast Club. It was hard, I tell you. And all I could manage was to stand uncomfortably in the middle of the house. I cleared my throat before answering.

 

“I can’t Yeol. I have..” what was that again? I snapped my fingers repeatedly trying to remember the illness Mom talked about earlier during breakfast but to no avail. I decided to think of another excuse.

 

“I have tinea pedis and I’m down with the flu” I said faking a cough. I wondered if people really get flu when they have athlete’s foot. Chanyeol was silent for a second.

 

“Is that contagious?” I wanted to punch him in the face.

 

“Yes, so just go home before you contact it from me.” I said. “And why the hell are you not in your basketball practice?”

 

He laughed. “I skipped it..

 

 

 

 

..I badly wanted to see you.”

 

From the other side of the door, I felt my heart slowly melt. I wanted to cry. No matter how much Chanyeol breaks my heart, he finds a way to make it whole again. I sighed.

 

“I hope you’re contented with my voice,” I said smiling.

 

“Glad to know you sound great. Well, of course, apart from your.. thing right now, whatever it is called,” it was my turn to laugh.

 

“Is your mom home?” I could hear him leaning on the door. I moved towards it and held the knob. Part of me wanted to open the door and finally let him in but I held back, knowing it’s best not to touch fresh wounds.

 

“No. She’s back in the hospital early. How was school?”

 

“Still the same. But the teachers were surprised you were absent today,”

 

“It was my first time,”

 

“I know right! You even got Kai shocked big time.” We both chuckled softly. We fell silent for a long time.

 

“Why weren’t you answering our calls and texts?”

 

“Phone's dead and I just charged it earlier.”

 

“I see. Hey about the gig tomorrow..”

 

“What about it?”

 

“Do you want me to bring you a bouquet?”

 

I blushed, trying not to sound amused.

 

“It’s up to you.”

 

“Okay then.”

 

“I prefer daffodils.” I added. He laughed. I have read once that if you give someone daffodils, it means your love’s unrequited. Just this once, I wanted to feel special.

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you something.” I creased my forehead in interest. “Do you have your phone with you?”

 

I took it from my pocket. “Yes, why?”

 

He hummed to himself, “I’ll send a picture of her.”

 

I was stunned.

 

“Ask me who.” He teased.

 

I gulped, crushing the phone in my hand.

 

“Who?”

 

“My Maria!” he announced in pure delight. “I saw her again earlier at school. You’ll love her Baek.”

 

The familiar pain came back in a rush and I didn’t know what to say.

 

“There!” he said and at the same time my phone rang.

 

“She’s the most beautiful girl, Baek. I assure you. Look at her.” I felt lightheaded and my sight began to blur, my knees starting to weaken.

 

“Baek?” Chanyeol asked after my sudden silence.

 

“Yeol, something’s in my eye, a twig or a branch I think. I have to go to my room.” I said the tears starting to fall. It was so surprising that I was able to say it without my voice trembling.

 

“Oh. Sure. God I wish I could help you right now.” When he said that, I just lost it. My tears kept coming.

 

“I’m going now Baek.”

 

I faked a cough to hide my sobbing.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

“See you tomorrow in your gig!”

 

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

 

And with that, I dashed to my room. I wiped the tears in my eyes thinking why I always have to be the only one who’s hurting. I wanted to curse Chanyeol to tell him to stay away from me forever. How could he break my heart and make it whole again only to break me once more? I took my phone and opened Chanyeol’s message.

 

 

My Maria~ <3

 

 

Below it, attached was an image of a girl. My fingers quivered in anxiety. I focused on the picture.

 

 

 

 

CLICK ME 

 

 

---

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I apologize to all Baekhyun stans for always breaking his heart. ;A; There you have it! The mystery girl of our Yeollie. How would she affect the life of our Baekhyunnie? And I heard something will happen in Baekhyun's gig. Watch out for it! :D