I was going to talk to her about...HER. But I was scared. She looked so fragile for the first time that I was scaried that there was mroe that I didn't know and would hurt her. So I just acted like it wasn't anything. I thought we were best friends.I thought we knew each other more than anyone. But..How can I be this stupid and selfish to feel that way? We knew each other after we get to know each other in the company when we were trainees.

She was different than any others. She was alone all the time. Even when the other female trainees were talking about their styles, consapts, hair, skin, she didn't join them. When most of them busy with their flirting with each other, she was not on that side. She didn't even compliment any males. She always practised and waited to debut. After 1 year of trainning when she met other f(x) members, then she opened up a little. And started to talk to us. We thought that she was wearing confortable clothes because she didn't want to attract attention but she debuted with that boyish image. And she was very happy about it. 

I remember she always complained when they tried to cloth her with shorts, skirts, dresses or even tops which show cleavage. Her face was alreadt popular. Her short hair was her y point. Her sharp nose, lips, small face was enough to make her beautiful and popular. She even gained female fans more than any other female celebrity. She was fun, honest, cute and all.

But the thing is I am realising these now. I never felt attracted to her nor looked at her that way. When she debuted with a boyish image I just looked at her weirdly because even though I am a boy, I put so much effort in my clothes and I came to love clothes and designs. I even criticised others wiğth their clothes on TV. But even like this, I befriended her and then became best friends. The reason I became friends with her was that I didn't want to attract attention in the wrong way. Being an Idol is hard, and sightning with a female idol would lead to a scandal right away. But the public always loved her and didn't mind her with the other male idols. They adored her as...a cute boy.

"Oh. Jonghyun-ah! Looked at that jacket. WOW. DEABAK! It's totally awesome." I  was finally out of my thoughts when I saw the jacket on the vitren.

"Yah! Why are you telling me that? I won't buy it to you." Jonghyun slightly pushed me aside and kept walking, passing by that awesome jacket.

"Yah! Really. How can you do that to me!!!!?" I bursted at him.

"Mwo? Are you crazy? Why are you yelling at me?" He tsked me.

I was still annoyed by what was on my mind. "Sorry." I said sincerely.

"Arasso. Come on." He said and went inside the shop.

"Will you buy it? Really? Really?" I totally came back to my sense when he walked inside. "Yah! I totally love you Jongie-ah!" I said running after him.

"Aish!" I heard him said when I got inside the cabinet with the jacket and a totally cool pants.

We were in the car, driving to our dorm. The atmosphere was somewhat silent which was not like me nor like him.

"So..."  "Tell me whats wrong?"

"Ah?"

"Don't be stupid. You know what I am talking about."

"Ani. I don't know." "Auch!" He hit my head hard." Yah! Waeee! Why hit?"

"Will you really like that towards me. I know you. There is something bothering you. Like stucked in your chest and you can't get that out."

"What's with you and the weird talk? I say, there is nothing wrong with me." I felt weird again. With her face in my mind. Was I obvious? But it's not like I can talk about this. Aish!

"Arasso. You won't talk right now, but don't forget that you can come to me when you want to talk about this."

"Ugh! What's wrong, really?" I am sorry Hyung. This is something I cannot share to anyone.

He sighed and not long after we were at the dorm. I was whistling happly looking at my bag which had my new jacket and my pants. I was going to change in to these when I got inside.

"Guys!! Look what we bought!!" I yelled inside, wanted to show these to others. But there were no response. "Yah!"

"Are they out?" Jonghyun Hyung said and went inside to look.

I was taking my stuff inside my room when I heard laughings coming from inside. "Are they having fun without me?" I ran inside which I wished I never did.

"Oh. Hyung you came? Look who is here." Taemin said pointing to the person next to him, which I was looking at from the first second.

"Dude!!!" Amber called me showing a high-five, which her hand hanged in the air. "YAH! Will you leave it hanging!?" She yelled at me. I got my sense back and high-fived her.

She was totally being herself. Like nothing happened. Did she not think of me? Why is she acting like nothing happened? While I can't even focus what I am doing anymore because of my thoughts of her. Like nothing happened. 

Well, It's not like much happened. We didn't touch, or..sleep or... Anyway. The Amber showed me a female Amber! That is SOMETHING!