It 8.54pm right now and I noticed that I have been looking at the time once in a 3 minutes.

"UGH! What the hell! Where the hell are they? Why didn't they call me?" I was going crazy. Henry left in the morning and didn't return. I haven't seen Key since last night. "What a childhood friend and best friend. Are they really they best I have got?" I mocked myself and said sarcasticly.

I knew it was a small vacation time for me and I have to relax at home but it is my ing last day and I am bored like hell.After staying silent for 1 hour straight, I lifted my head and saw my face for the first time since 1 hour ago. What was I thinking? It wasn't like I was derpressed or something. It just felt like...empty. I didn't think of anything to do. And I was sighing the whole time. It was like.. it has been a while since I felt this way. Before I deputed...The reason for my boyish side. The reason why mom only allows people to see this side of me. The reason why I haven't had any boyfriend...was because of my painfull first relationship. The pain and the bruise in my heart can not be compared to anything.I thought that by this time I would have even forgetten the face but no. I can still remember perfectly. Those dirty and bloody scenes. It's like watching a sad and terrfying movie which could make you shed unstopable tears.

"I am really pathetic." I sighed one last time before hearing my door ring. I stood up from my bed and wore a tshirt that covered half of my legs, thenn made my way to the door.

"Yah! Why didn't you answer you phone the whole hour. Seriously.!" Key stepped in with an annoying face.

"What?" I asked and looked for my phone. I found it under the bed somehow and ithe screen was filled with texts and missed calls. "Oh. Sorry." I said with an insensible voice. "Why are you here?" I asked again looking at him.

"Mwo? Soryy? Why am I here?" Key looked at me clearly mad and puzzled at the same time. "Are you ok? The alcohol still haven't taken off?"Key came closer and cupped my cheeks.

"Yah. I am ok."

"Ok." He simply said and left me in front of the door standing. When I followed him I saw him gulping the water in the bottle.

"Are you poor that you are this tirsty?" He didn't say anything.

What the hell was wrong with him? I should be the one mad at him and annoying him but what with the turn of the roles? I feel tired already and I don't feel any strenth both in m body nor in my heart. So I just gave in and made a cup of coffee then sat on the sofa which has a large scale window in the front.

I heard him sigh and his steps towards me. "I am taken aback." He said.

"What?"

"I didn't know that there could be things that I wouldn't know about you."

"Are you talking about yesterday night?"

"Yes. I just-"

"Leave it there."

"Ha?"

"The me whom you saw last night. I hesitated to show it to you at first but you are my best friend and I trust you that you won't reveal this to anyone."

"I don't understand. I mean I am confused. The people there knew you I and they were confortable with the you back then. But why don't you want anyone else to know this?"

"It's just... You won't understand Key. Just leave it be. If it was unconfortable for you, then I won't be like that again next to you."

"What? No!"

"Ha?"

" I mean..."

"Whatever. Anyway, why did you leave me behind yesterday? And with a girl? You have never done that to me before." I said with a hurtful voice. I still hold a grudge agains him.

"What do you mean? You were the one that left me there."

"Ha? I was gone for a while and when I came back you were gone too. And when I asked the other they told me that they sw you leaving with a girl hand in hand." I explained. And why do I even explain?

" No I didn't. I lookd for you everywhere. And I was also drunk and I thought the girl was you...and-"

"So you were dragging the supposed-to-be-me girl by holding her hand?" I smiled which I don't know why.

"I..You know...I was also drunk and-"

"Anyway."

"Yah. Why are you always cutting my sentences?" he changed the topic and made a somewhat reliefed face.

"Leave already. Did you make here you home or what?" I said changing to topic again and smile at his stupidity.

"Me? Yah! I know you have another man living here. Don't you dare kick me out."

And that way we kept bickering and laughed. Even finished the stocked beers in my fringe. I was happy that Key actually came. It was awkward at first and he had a different feel, but its ok since he helped me cheer up from my painfull and depressed thoughts from earlier which he didn't know about. I was very thankful to have a friend like him. Like Henry who is still not at home. But thanks to Key, I don't feel like I need him right now.

Henry knows my past and he also knows that it still haunts me. Even though he is not always with me he makes sure to contect me somehow and cheer me up with silly comment on instagram or facebook. Even talking to me on Whatsapp, and sending me pictured via Snap. He sometimes even call me. I always felt lonelt without him because I didn't had anyone to talk honestly. But today I don't feel lonely.

I don't know if I have feeling for Key. I am very confused but I am sure of one thing. I would never confess. Nor I would start a relationship. It still scares me like and even thinking about it causes me to have sleepless night because of those terrifying nightmares which wakes me up with a sweaty body and dropping tears from my face.

I was thankful to my company to allow me debut with my boyish style and somehow made it easy for me to hangout with boys without any feelings involved. I loved to dance, sing, play guitar and piano, writing songs and composing... I loved music but I was scaried of entertainment industry because of the scary rumors. Like using the trainers, uallt harresing them, and dealing with PDs by using your body and so on. But my boyish image always helped me to stay away of those things. And I was lucky to get popular within ladies, kinda popular with boys to so I never needed to do any extreme things to get roles and get jobs. I just did what I had to and that was music. That is how I came this far. But I never guessed that my past would still haunt me down.

I always pretend like a cool tomboy but...it's because I don't want anyone to know about me. About my life.So, why did I allow Key to see me like that yesterday? Do I really like him? Why all of a sudden? I wonder if he likes me back? What if he does? What would I do? I would never date but I would break his heart. How would I reject him? Would I tell him the truth?

No.

No way!

I would never tell him the truth. I would rather have him hate me.

I wonder what the future hold for me. Really. Why does this happen after 10 years. ?